Best Zero Effort Food?

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I shelled out $40 for Real Powdered Cheddar Cheese

Boil some pasta, toss in some butter and milk plus as much powder as you like and BLAMO! decent tasting Mac & Cheese without all the crap Kraft adds.

If I'm feeling fancy I'll tosss in some Cajun chicken strips and bacon and that's some fine eats.

Edit: As a sidenote this one is only good at the time of cooking. Cuz you didn't make a bechamel it will turn to cement once it cools. But just make the right amount so you don't have leftovers
 
I can get whole chickens for less than a dollar a pound at Aldi, and they usually average around 5-7 pounds.

It only takes about three or four minutes to open the packaging, pull out the chicken guts (my cat loves them) slather on some spices and oil and shove them in the oven for an hour and a half, while occasionally pouring off the juice accumulating in the pan to save for gravy. As I can fit two of them in the pan at a time I make them in pairs so I have meat for the entire week.

It may take an hour and a half but roasting whole chickens is easy as shit as they do not need to be babysat while they cook.

Sadly, the fucking chicken shortage from bird flu has caused Aldi to be completely sold out of chickens and chicken parts for the past month.
 
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UnsufficentBoobage said:
To not leave post empty: black bread, onion and enough mayo to balance the onion. Idk if any american breads will fit if you do not have black.
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Wait. I haven't been to the states for ages and didn't have occassion to go to bakeries when I did - is black bread not common / a thing there? Or am I reading this like a dumbdumb?
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Carbonara just takes pasta boiling time + 2 minutes and a minimum of ingredients

start boiling pasta in well salted water.

2 eggs, little bit of pancetta or bacon if you can afford it. Briefly fry thiny sliced garlic in olive oil or fry bacon first, then fry garlic in the leftover fat.

Add eggs, garlic, bacon and pepper (no salt) to a bowl that fits on your pasta boiling pot and mix. When pasta is a minute from being done, add to bowl with some pasta water (ideally half the weight of the amount of pasta. so say 6 ounces of pasta, 3 ounces of pasta water) and stir while placed it on top of the steaming pot. This will provide enough heat to turn the sauce creamy. Remove when it looks close to being perfect but not quite, as residual heat will continue to cook it a tad further as you plate up.
Add parmeggiano or grana padano and parsley if its in the budget
 
I'm not a fan of the new health food/vegan wave of snacks coming out these days but something I adore is almond butter. Its so much better than peanut butter in my eyes; less greasy and stodgy, much more light and cleaner on the palette. I have been trying almost every almond butter out there - most are garbage with extra oils added and the separation makes half the jar unusable - but I've found a locally-made brand that is just perfect. I eat it with crackers or a banana or just on its own, its that good.
 
Bloitzhole said:
Wait. I haven't been to the states for ages and didn't have occassion to go to bakeries when I did - is black bread not common / a thing there? Or am I reading this like a dumbdumb?
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I have never been able to find black bread in a bakery here, but I imagine it could possibly be found in an area with a large Russian/Eastern European diaspora.
 
I sometimes melt cheese with tomato ketchup and a slice of pepperoni on top. The melted result tastes just like a pepperoni pizza. My nigga Chef John did this in an oven, but you can get the same result in a microwave if you do it long enough and are willing to sacrifice some crispiness.

 
Slight powerlevel, but it is related to the food in question...

In Europe, there is a cheese spread that people make in many Central and Eastern European countries. It goes by many different names depending on the country such as liptauer (Austria), körözolt (Hungary). As my grandparents were Serbian immigrants, they called it urnebes salata, or "chaos salad". Anyway, there are many different variants, but the basic idea is the same. Here is the recipe, it only takes about five minutes to throw together.

8 oz. (227 g.) of any mild spreadable cheese, such as mascarpone, cream cheese, soft goat cheese, etc.

4 oz. (113 g.) of unsalted, room temperature or melted butter

1 tsp. (5 ml.) caraway seeds

1 tblsp. (15 ml.) paprika

1 tblsp. (15 ml.) diced chives

Salt to taste (optional)

Mix all ingredients together until uniformly pale orange in color with the ingredients evenly blended. Keep chilled, and serve slightly warmed in the microwave.
 
Pasta and chicken, just boil the pasta, throw chicken (dino nuggets or some sort of precooked chicken) in oven or pan (pan tastes better but another dish to clean) pasta add whatever sauce and bam, dinner in 10 minutes, go extra mile add some basil, parmesan or parsley on top if you feel like it

Alternatively what I prefer doing when I have zero time:
Throw canned white beans, canned corn, and pickles I diced into a salad bowl and dress with olive oil and vinegar, very very tasty with absolutely zero prep time except dicing the pickles into chickpea sized cubes/bits
 
Black bread + salami (or ham) + cheese + microwave. You can also use toast but black bread tastes better. You can also use tomatos, fried eggs etc.

The result looks similar to this:
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I like store bought tortelloni, the filling means you dont have to mess around with sauces much. Boil till they float then just add a drizzle of oil and a little seasoning.

dilettante said:
I'm not a fan of the new health food/vegan wave of snacks coming out these days but something I adore is almond butter. Its so much better than peanut butter in my eyes; less greasy and stodgy, much more light and cleaner on the palette. I have been trying almost every almond butter out there - most are garbage with extra oils added and the separation makes half the jar unusable - but I've found a locally-made brand that is just perfect. I eat it with crackers or a banana or just on its own, its that good.
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Have you ever tried making your own? Just roast some on a baking tray for a little bit then blend them until they're the same consistency as peanut butter. I made pistachio butter this way it was decent.
 
Mandu or any asian-y type frozen dumpling. Arrange them in a pan so that they form a little starburst sort of pattern. Make sure there is plenty of oil in the pan and arrange your dumplings making sure they have oil under them. Put on heat and let fry for a minute or two. When they start thawing and all that good stuff, throw in a slurry of flour and water and pour it around the dumplings, not on. Then put a lid on the pan. Once it stops being loud, take the lid off and let the slurry crisp to your liking. By that time the dumplings are cooked and you have a lovely little lace around them that kind of attaches them all together. Just slide that bad boy on a plate and enjoy with your choice of dipping sauce. For this I prefer soy sauce and vinegar with a little gochugaru. Takes 10 minutes max and it practically cooks itself.
 
Hello fellow autists. Your depression will get better if you set aside time to prepare a nice meal. Eating shit makes you feel sad inside. Clean your kitchen. Thanks
 
Cloaca Rimjob said:
Have you ever tried making your own? Just roast some on a baking tray for a little bit then blend them until they're the same consistency as peanut butter. I made pistachio butter this way it was decent.
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I have not because my food processor sucks, but I would love to. Pistachio butter sounds amazing. Do you really not need any liquid, even with pistachios?
 
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