Biggest bullshit in a video game

[SIGSEGV]

This motherfucker right here.

 

[Violence Jack]

This motherfucker right here.
View attachment 1274604

I could live a thousand lives and in every rose-coloured quintessence there would never be any aspect of myself that could see this gameplay contrivance as anything other than a malicious way to get an easy death off the player. If there were a moment in any computer game more artificially concocted, more deliberately engineered to make the player fail, let me know.

The only way you could get past this unscathed your first time is knowing it's coming and preparing ahead of time. Either countering with a game of sniper chicken, a volley of spells, or retreating thereby showing your back agape for an arrow. There is no possible way anyone could ever overcome this interaction on their first go, it's a litmus test for pathological liars on the internet. Anybody who tells you they did are more likely than not organic portals connected to the eternal dimension of fetid faecal ass amalgamates.

There is nothing to learn here, what skill (that the game was supposed to teach you) are you supposed to use in order to defeat the anti-air howitzers that decimated the European countryside? Maybe run up to him with a big stick like good old fucking Roosevelt would've done? The collision boxes on your weapons brushing the wall knock you off, fall to your death. Hmm, maybe cast magic missile straight into the dark heart of man? Wrong, you warped mess of reject cum and blood, get impaled with an arrow the size of my alimony payment. Fall to your death. MAYBE IT'S A STATEMENT ON THE SYSTEM STACKED AGAINST US MAN? HOW THERE'S ALWAYS A DARM AN WITH AN ARROW READY TO KILL US DEAD IF WE DONT THROW OURSELVES INTO THE THRESHER. Uhh... okay fall to your death idiot.

Let's deconstruct this particular moment because i dusted off my thesaurus today and not because im stumbling through Tomb of the Giants fighting fuck-off nephilim skeletons. This singular moment serves as ammo for every singular bad thing people say about Dark Souls. Its almost beautiful in its absolute disregard, the pure childlike callousness of "No. Fuck you I still win."

 

[SIGSEGV]

I could live a thousand lives and in every rose-coloured quintessence there would never be any aspect of myself that could see this gameplay contrivance as anything other than a malicious way to get an easy death off the player. If there were a moment in any computer game more artificially concocted, more deliberately engineered to make the player fail, let me know.

The only way you could get past this unscathed your first time is knowing it's coming and preparing ahead of time. Either countering with a game of sniper chicken, a volley of spells, or retreating thereby showing your back agape for an arrow. There is no possible way anyone could ever overcome this interaction on their first go, it's a litmus test for pathological liars on the internet. Anybody who tells you they did are more likely than not organic portals connected to the eternal dimension of fetid faecal ass amalgamates.

There is nothing to learn here, what skill (that the game was supposed to teach you) are you supposed to use in order to defeat the anti-air howitzers that decimated the European countryside? Maybe run up to him with a big stick like good old fucking Roosevelt would've done? The collision boxes on your weapons brushing the wall knock you off, fall to your death. Hmm, maybe cast magic missile straight into the dark heart of man? Wrong, you warped mess of reject cum and blood, get impaled with an arrow the size of my alimony payment. Fall to your death. MAYBE IT'S A STATEMENT ON THE SYSTEM STACKED AGAINST US MAN? HOW THERE'S ALWAYS A DARM AN WITH AN ARROW READY TO KILL US DEAD IF WE DONT THROW OURSELVES INTO THE THRESHER. Uhh... okay fall to your death idiot.

Let's deconstruct this particular moment because i dusted off my thesaurus today and not because im stumbling through Tomb of the Giants fighting fuck-off nephilim skeletons. This singular moment serves as ammo for every singular bad thing people say about Dark Souls. Its almost beautiful in its absolute disregard, the pure childlike callousness of "No. Fuck you I still win."

During my first playthrough, I somehow managed to make it up and kill both of the archers after a couple of attempts. Naturally, I went to grab the Soul of a Hero on the left, then fell to my death while trying to get off of the archway and onto the ledge. It must have taken me at least fifty more attempts to get past them again.

 

[Vic Viper T301]

I could live a thousand lives and in every rose-coloured quintessence there would never be any aspect of myself that could see this gameplay contrivance as anything other than a malicious way to get an easy death off the player. If there were a moment in any computer game more artificially concocted, more deliberately engineered to make the player fail, let me know.

The only way you could get past this unscathed your first time is knowing it's coming and preparing ahead of time. Either countering with a game of sniper chicken, a volley of spells, or retreating thereby showing your back agape for an arrow. There is no possible way anyone could ever overcome this interaction on their first go, it's a litmus test for pathological liars on the internet. Anybody who tells you they did are more likely than not organic portals connected to the eternal dimension of fetid faecal ass amalgamates.

There is nothing to learn here, what skill (that the game was supposed to teach you) are you supposed to use in order to defeat the anti-air howitzers that decimated the European countryside? Maybe run up to him with a big stick like good old fucking Roosevelt would've done? The collision boxes on your weapons brushing the wall knock you off, fall to your death. Hmm, maybe cast magic missile straight into the dark heart of man? Wrong, you warped mess of reject cum and blood, get impaled with an arrow the size of my alimony payment. Fall to your death. MAYBE IT'S A STATEMENT ON THE SYSTEM STACKED AGAINST US MAN? HOW THERE'S ALWAYS A DARM AN WITH AN ARROW READY TO KILL US DEAD IF WE DONT THROW OURSELVES INTO THE THRESHER. Uhh... okay fall to your death idiot.

Let's deconstruct this particular moment because i dusted off my thesaurus today and not because im stumbling through Tomb of the Giants fighting fuck-off nephilim skeletons. This singular moment serves as ammo for every singular bad thing people say about Dark Souls. Its almost beautiful in its absolute disregard, the pure childlike callousness of "No. Fuck you I still win."

Dude I feel your pain I've died many times on this spot. But you just dodge roll through the arrow. On the all-time scale of video game unfairness this isn't that high.

 

[Slimy Time]

Previously I bitched about some bullshit in Total War: Warhammer 2, mainly the Ordertide (where the Empire, Dwarfs and Brettonia confederate quickly, ally and steamroll) and the Statue of Sigmar map (which was filled with forest area, a big fuck off statue your army had to path around and would appear 50% of the time in Empire territory - enough that modders patched it out). Looks like the Devs have decided to implement changes to un-bullshit this in the upcoming new DLC and patch.
Sigmar went from this:

To having a penis size reduction and forest trim to look like this:

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

Planescape Torment is awesome. What isn't awesome is having run through giant mobs of enemies that you have no chance of fighting.

 

[Bread Fetishist]

When you’re playing Castle Crashers in single player, and the enemies all just gang up on you without giving you much of a chance to fight back, killing you within a few seconds.

 

[Sug Benis]

Since I'm quickly becoming the Farm's resident Armored Core sperg, I'll say this guy.

Nine-ball. See that barrel on his shoulder? One of the two strongest weapons in the game, and unlike you who have to stop and kneel to fire it (unless you do a labrynthine secret most didn't know about), he can rapid-fire it while flying. Most newbies to the game died in literal seconds. There's a second him a little past the first one (turns out he's an AI, not a human pilot), and if you dodged past the first there's a chance the first will manage to follow behind you when you get stopped by the second one.
And worse


Fromsoft have been dicks since way before Dark Souls. It isn't just because he's hard. Nine-ball Seraph destroys the balance the game uses. Brought a fast AC that relies on dodging over armor? Lol, he's faster than you before he transforms into his flight mode and has two energy swords (dual moonlights, for anyone who's played any fromsoft game) that will kill you in seconds. Get rushdowned, bitch. Use laser/plasma/pulse weaponry? Maxed energy defense. Missiles? Better time them well, because otherwise he outruns them.

Your best bet is a mid-heavyweight with heavy solid weapons, tuned for turning speed. Rarely does the series pigeonhole the viability of builds like that.

He's a bonus boss in the expansion to the second game, too. Except ACs in the second generation have weaker weaponry and are on the average slower, for some reason. He's got all the stats he did that were extreme for the first generation. 2nd Gen ACs do have some extra abilities to compensate their lower overall stats, though.

For a non-boss example, the weakest disorder units in Armored Core 2, the Ameise are actually some of the deadliest due to the fact that they swarm in such numbers that they require you to make sure your build won't run out of ammo, and some of them are too small to hit with your blade.

00-ARETHA from AC4 is the opposite of NBS, with lower-mobility units at a severe disadvantage, as it's a super-heavyweight that can fucking flash step with mostly heavy weaponry. It does have vulnerabilites, though you wouldn't be aware of most of those first time around.

 

[Twitter Hate Mob]

Sigmar went from this:
View attachment 1282024
To having a penis size reduction and forest trim to look like this:
View attachment 1282025

This is somehow even worse. Creative Assembly, you've done it again, you mad bastards.

 

[Psyduck]

I remember playing Final Fantasy Brave Exvius a couple years ago, was fighting an Event boss and the only strategy that worked with the party i had was to tank the guy while chipping his health away little by little.

Spent almost an hour chipping away until i hit like 30% hp left, and figured that since all the party had their buffs up, and my tank was in good shape, i could prepare a nuke attack for my next turn to finish the fight off.

The jaw dropped to the floor when i saw the boss hitting over eight AoE attacks one after another, all of them ignoring my party's DEF, by the third sweep my party was already wiped out, and i was left wondering just how the fuck was i supposed to survive that.

Had to look up a guide from other players, and then i read about how this particular boss has a hidden mechanic where he wipes you out if his health reached a certain threshold. That was the only time i remember loudly exclaiming "That's bullshit!" over a videogame.

Seriously, how the fuck was i supposed to know that!?

 

[Balr0g]

Has anyone played Koudelka? It's a RPG for the PS1. And in this game you have to actually loose the final boss fight to get the good ending. And to top it of if you don't pick up a certain item you don't evenget to the boss fight as far as I remember.

 

[Slimy Time]

I remember playing Final Fantasy Brave Exvius a couple years ago, was fighting an Event boss and the only strategy that worked with the party i had was to tank the guy while chipping his health away little by little.

Spent almost an hour chipping away until i hit like 30% hp left, and figured that since all the party had their buffs up, and my tank was in good shape, i could prepare a nuke attack for my next turn to finish the fight off.

The jaw dropped to the floor when i saw the boss hitting over eight AoE attacks one after another, all of them ignoring my party's DEF, by the third sweep my party was already wiped out, and i was left wondering just how the fuck was i supposed to survive that.

Had to look up a guide from other players, and then i read about how this particular boss has a hidden mechanic where he wipes you out if his health reached a certain threshold. That was the only time i remember loudly exclaiming "That's bullshit!" over a videogame.

Seriously, how the fuck was i supposed to know that!?

Non FF/JRPG player. How are you meant to beat that? Get boss to slightly above the threshold and kill in one turn before boss wipes the party? Were there any hints that a wipe would come past a threshold? If not, that is some bullshit.

 

[Notgoodwithusernames]

This

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gNnkz6lm7Q

 

[Psyduck]

Non FF/JRPG player. How are you meant to beat that? Get boss to slightly above the threshold and kill in one turn before boss wipes the party? Were there any hints that a wipe would come past a threshold? If not, that is some bullshit.

You got it all right, to beat the boss you had to wear it down to a certain point and then finish it on the next turn.
As far as i remember there was no hint to the whole gimmick for the fight, it was a first timer's trap. They now have these hint buttons that give you an overview of the enemy you're facing before taking on a quest, but i think that hadn't been implemented at the time of that event. I would've noticed.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

I remember playing Final Fantasy Brave Exvius a couple years ago, was fighting an Event boss and the only strategy that worked with the party i had was to tank the guy while chipping his health away little by little.

Spent almost an hour chipping away until i hit like 30% hp left, and figured that since all the party had their buffs up, and my tank was in good shape, i could prepare a nuke attack for my next turn to finish the fight off.

The jaw dropped to the floor when i saw the boss hitting over eight AoE attacks one after another, all of them ignoring my party's DEF, by the third sweep my party was already wiped out, and i was left wondering just how the fuck was i supposed to survive that.

Had to look up a guide from other players, and then i read about how this particular boss has a hidden mechanic where he wipes you out if his health reached a certain threshold. That was the only time i remember loudly exclaiming "That's bullshit!" over a videogame.

Seriously, how the fuck was i supposed to know that!?

That's shades of the boss on top of Fantatic's Tower in FF3/6 when he dies he casts Ultima, 9999 damage that goes through all defenses, 9999 is the max HP for player characters as well. It was a fun boss to figure out actually even though the first time was a real wtf moment.

 

[Trashfire Garbagefuck]

This motherfucker right here.
View attachment 1274604

first time I fought that guy I rolled off the edge like an idiot thinking I could get behind him. second time I knocked HIM off. he wasn't that hard but the path to actually get to him was the hardest thing for me in that game (besides ng+ four kings wtf they were easy the first time). basically this happened to me the first time in anor londo:

you can't easily cheese those first two archers with your own arrows and I must have died ten times trying to deal with the bastards and find that item to the left of them (which was just some fucking souls asdfasdfsd).

 

[Son of Sparda 84]

Playing Persona 5. The game hypes up Shido as being the final boss then when you beat him the game tells you that Fake Igor was the true final boss and you had to go through mementos to get to him.

 

[BrunoMattei]

Playing against SWF (Survive With Friends) in Dead by Daylight. A coordinated group of players that aren't braindead is a huge problem in all of these asymetric games and easily highlight balance issues. DbD is one of the worst offenders over that and the community is massively autistic if you've ever seen my thread.

Anyway, I play against a 4 man SWF and I know it is because I recognize the usernames. I load an Ebony Mori that allows me to kill all of them after hooking them once. I pick Hillbilly (chainsaw killer with map control who can down in one hit BUT it's hard to get that one hit down, it takes other killers 2 hits to down) and right as the match starts there's an Object of Obsession (massively gay perk that allows survivors to see you wherever in the map and when they're playing with their butt-buddies they're going to tell each other exactly where you as the killer are at all times). But I luck out and chainsaw over and this guy has nothing to get away, no pallets and no windows. I get the down in maybe 30 seconds into the match and hook him in a good spot. I'm also running Enduring/Spirit Fury to counter pallets. Another guy tries to bait me to leave and I get another down but I'm watching the Object user that I have hooked. I wait a bit, hook the 2nd guy and as soon as I go for it the Object cocksucker gets rescued. But I get another hook.

Give chase for the Object faggot, breaking some crucial pallets, gens are getting done, I have Spirit Fury loaded up, I down and kill the Object of Obsession cocksucker. I then look for the others, find another faggot trying to bait me to go through this elaborate jungle gym in their favor I ignore him and look elsewhere. Find another asshole with less to work with. Mindgaming him, still taking too long BTW, but eventually get a down and hook him. I look for the last two in the group and find one trying to bait me, get a down and I know the rescue is about to happen and come right back. Find the last guy and down and as I'm mori'ing him the other faggot of course had Unbreakable (a perk that lets them pick themselves up) and the other cocksuckers ragequits so the final guy gets hatch and of course he knew exactly where it was and bee-lines right for it.

TLDR: Dead by Daylight is bullshit and you could play to your utmost perfection as killer and still, still, STILL, the assholes can still win using every BS thing they can even outside of the game's mechanics.

 

[Shield Breaker]

I remember playing Final Fantasy Brave Exvius a couple years ago, was fighting an Event boss and the only strategy that worked with the party i had was to tank the guy while chipping his health away little by little.

Spent almost an hour chipping away until i hit like 30% hp left, and figured that since all the party had their buffs up, and my tank was in good shape, i could prepare a nuke attack for my next turn to finish the fight off.

The jaw dropped to the floor when i saw the boss hitting over eight AoE attacks one after another, all of them ignoring my party's DEF, by the third sweep my party was already wiped out, and i was left wondering just how the fuck was i supposed to survive that.

Had to look up a guide from other players, and then i read about how this particular boss has a hidden mechanic where he wipes you out if his health reached a certain threshold. That was the only time i remember loudly exclaiming "That's bullshit!" over a videogame.

Seriously, how the fuck was i supposed to know that!?

I was thinking it was similar to a mechanic in FFRK, where if you take too long on the most difficult bosses, it will start nuking you. I don't mind that because you get better rewards the closer to beating tjem you get.

 

[Ruin]

It was patched but Dancer of The Boreal Valley used to have a one hit kill grab move with a hilariously bugged hitbox. She could grab you backwards, from 10 feet away ect. You'd see her grab thin air and then teleport into her hand and die instantly.