Biggest bullshit in a video game

Yes, so many times that Shepard should have just been like "nah, fuck you" to TIM, starting with: at the beginning of the game when you find out fucking Cerberus of all organizations brought you back.
There's a single Paragon line where Shepard goes, "I won't work with terrorists!" but then proceeds to just go along with everything. It's kinda ridiculous how Shepard completely lacks agency in the main story, and you can't do anything about it until the very end. Fuck, that scene where it's revealed the Illusive Man set you up in the Collector ship would have been a great sequence where the story diverged and allowed you to break off from Cerberus, but the worst you can do is yell at the Illusive Man.

What ME2 desperately needed was some sort of faction system like Witcher 2 or Fallout: New Vegas, where you could either stay with Cerberus or go back to the Alliance. At the very least, there should have been some player choice involved.

If you need a shotgun badly enough, there was always that heavy pistol that Cerberus used that was pretty OP.
The N7 Crusader shotgun from one of the DLC packs was so stupidly overpowered I literally never used anything else. Sure you had to be more accurate, but since I was using mouse and keyboard it didn't matter.
 
Repair costs in rpg games and the hyper unrealistic rate if degradation. Oh no I hit 10 bandits my sword is now broken. Exponentially scaling repair costs in mmos also generally make no sense.

Oh no, your axe broke after 3 trees, well you can repair it for 50% price!

Perhaps if it is made in China...
 
Repair costs in rpg games and the hyper unrealistic rate if degradation. Oh no I hit 10 bandits my sword is now broken. Exponentially scaling repair costs in mmos also generally make no sense.

Oh no, your axe broke after 3 trees, well you can repair it for 50% price!

Perhaps if it is made in China...
This is especially fucking terrible in dark souls 2 sotfs edition. Base game, youd be able to clear an area and fight the boss without needing to worry unless an enemy can break your gear. In sotfs, they decided to fucking double/triple enemies in every fuckig area, so by the time you get to the boss, your weapons are early broken.

Game is incentivizing you to just run through areas ignoring enemies, but then you hit weebs iron fortress, shrine of amana or a dlc area, and the devs have made the areas fucking impossible to skip past enemies.
 
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This is especially fucking terrible in dark souls 2 sotfs edition. Base game, youd be able to clear an area and fight the boss without needing to worry unless an enemy can break your gear. In sotfs, they decided to fucking double/triple enemies in every fuckig area, so by the time you get to the boss, your weapons are early broken.

Game is incentivizing you to just run through areas ignoring enemies, but then you hit weebs iron fortress, shrine of amana or a dlc area, and the devs have made the areas fucking impossible to skip past enemies.
Only played the original DS2, but I'm guessing they didn't change the feature where bonfires replenish weapons' durability, right? Backtracking to blacksmiths before fast travel was the absolute worst fucking part of Dark Souls 1.
 
Only played the original DS2, but I'm guessing they didn't change the feature where bonfires replenish weapons' durability, right? Backtracking to blacksmiths before fast travel was the absolute worst fucking part of Dark Souls 1.
Dark souls 2 had bonfires that would repair weapons, but only if durability wasn't reduced to 0.
 
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Is this where I come to bitch about Phoenix Point? Because I'm going to bitch about Phoenix Point. A game where you have to dig through an Olympic swimming pool of bullshit to find the occasional nugget of gold.

Never heard of it? Well, it was worked on by a bunch of guys who worked on the original, oldschool XCOM. Now I'm a huge XCOM fan, both old and new, so I had moderately high hopes for this one. Oh, how foolish I was.

The first bad sign was when it was announced as an Epic exclusive, AFTER people had paid into a Kickstarter for it. But whatever, I'm a man of the world. I'll pirate it and then buy it on Steam if it's any good. Fine. Pirated it a while after it game out with some of the DLC. Surely they've had time to get the kinks ironed out.

HAHAHA FUCK NO

First, let's talk about enemy design. Hey Julian, what's a good idea for some enemies? Well... grenades are pretty powerful in this game. So let's make sure basic enemy grunts have a grenade launcher with no ammo limit, that can fire twice per turn compared to the player's limited ammo once per turn! That's a fair challenge!

Also, let's make giant walking artillery that's insanely fast, insanely durable, spawns on the other side of the map, and fires at you every turn as soon as any enemy spots you, Let's also give it a pretty good chance of one shotting/stun locking you, and no defense against it except hoping you can break through enemy lines and kill it before it's too late!

Gee Julian! That's a great idea! Oh, but what if the players spread their soldiers out to avoid the splash damage? No problem, Julian says! Just make it so every level has multiple tight corridors you have to squeeze through to get to the main part of the map. Then they'll all get hit at once! Awesome, our hypothetical yes-man says. But won't that make it harder for the other enemies to get to the players? No problem, we can fix that too! Just make sure to design the levels so enemies have easy access to high elevation and the player doesn't! Trebles all around!

And now let's talk about lairs. Lairs are enemy bases that pop up fairly frequently. They gain in level over time, so it makes sense to blow them up as soon as you find them, right?

HAHAHA FUCK NO AGAIN

Level 1 lairs are a tolerable but extremely tedious slog through tight tunnels to blow up a few objectives. They're survivable if you're careful, but still dangerous, and can go wrong VERY fast if you get sloppy or just unlucky. Level 2 lairs are the most dangerous missions in the entire game by several orders of magnitude. They're the most common places to meet artillery + tight corridors as mentioned above. It's not uncommon to get a soldier one shotted with LITERALLY NOTHING you can do about it, because you CANNOT reach the enemy fast enough. And even if you do, you're usually putting yourself in a very vulnerable position to do so. You're looking for a semi-hidden alien nest at the end of what's usually a series of, yes, long narrow corridors. Blow it up and the mission is over. The least-awful strategy is to just rush the nest as fast as possible and hope your heavy survives long enough to finish it off and end the mission. Level 3 lairs... are hilariously easy. Rush the alien queen over open ground with your heavy, unload your LMG into her face. Can be finished on the same turn you spot the queen, which won't take long.

Now, I'm trusting patch notes for this next part, as I haven't played since it was updated, but... In response to players complaints about the rampant, unchecked retardation of lair missions, the developers proved quite responsive. They updated level 1 and 2 to be less tedious, but made level 3 harder to encourage you to take them out early.

HAHAHA FUCK NO THEY DIDN'T, THEY LEFT LEVEL 1 UNCHANGED AND MADE LEVEL 2 AND 3 EVEN HARDER WITHOUT ADDRESSING ANY OF THE ACTUAL PROBLEMS

Now assuming you survive/save scum your way through that, what can we do for a finale? I know! Let's make it require 3 times as much ammo as any other mission, while providing absolutely no indication that will be the case! Take THAT, people who packed extra medkits! Fucking nerds! Hope you like running out of bullets and having to start over on the longest mission in the game!

It's pretty telling that there's no actual Iron Man option in this game the way there is in XCOM.

The only way to counter all this cheese is with EVEN MORE CHEESE. We're talking fancy French cheese here. All those hard earned special faction soldiers you've been building up over dozens of missions? Pointless. There are literally only two actions that matter in the late game: Dash + Rapid Clearance (run in and murder large numbers of small enemies with a shotgun at point blank range) and Dash + Rage Burst (run in and murder a small number of large enemies with an LMG at point blank range). And maybe toss a medkit when you inevitably get tagged by unavoidable damage because every single enemy in the game is a bullet sponge. Literally ANYTHING else is a waste of a turn. No, snipers are not a good class. Yes, taking out enemy weapons is useful early on, but it doesn't matter when an assault with a shotgun can just one shot the same enemy.

There's much, MUCH more bullshit, but this is way too long already.

The worst thing is, the game had some LEGITIMATELY GOOD FEATURES. Fighting other human factions is awesome. Multiclassing, although more interesting in theory than in practice, was still pretty cool. The tactical layer was much better and more engaging than nu-COM, forcing you to use actual strategy and make hard choices rather than being branching but basically linear paths. The research system that allows you to either befriend or raid NPC factions for new toys is fucking brilliant. The action point system is quite good and I much prefer it over either old-COM's convoluted point system or nu-COM's inflexible "move, then shoot".

In summation, Phoenix Point is the Hitler of turn based tactical games: Some good ideas, but a total clusterfuck in practice.
 
You should be using multiple weapons in DS2 anyway.
It's all fun and games until you play a build that uses sorceries/miracles/hexes/pyromancies, then you're either not casting spells because you want to be able to hurt bosses or you wore out your catalyst and herb supply only to get donkey punched by some aggro-chained cocksucker you didn't see.
 
OH HELL YEAH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR A THREAD LIKE THIS.

FUCK UNSKIPABLE TEXT GOOD FUCKING LORD ITS SO INFURIATING TO HAVE TO REPLAY SOMETHING WITH UNSKIPABLE TEXT LIKE HOLY FUCK IF I READ IT ONCE IN A PREVIOUS PLAYTHROUGH LET ME FUCKING SKIP IT GOD DAMN.

Ah that felt good.
 
Also, FUCK the invasion mechanic in Dark Souls 2. Compounded with the despawning enemies, every time I got invaded when I had yet to retrieve >10k souls I just got up off the couch and yanked the AC cord out of my PS3. No remorse to this day.
 
Is this where I come to bitch about Phoenix Point? Because I'm going to bitch about Phoenix Point. A game where you have to dig through an Olympic swimming pool of bullshit to find the occasional nugget of gold.

Never heard of it? Well, it was worked on by a bunch of guys who worked on the original, oldschool XCOM. Now I'm a huge XCOM fan, both old and new, so I had moderately high hopes for this one. Oh, how foolish I was.

The first bad sign was when it was announced as an Epic exclusive, AFTER people had paid into a Kickstarter for it. But whatever, I'm a man of the world. I'll pirate it and then buy it on Steam if it's any good. Fine. Pirated it a while after it game out with some of the DLC. Surely they've had time to get the kinks ironed out.

HAHAHA FUCK NO

First, let's talk about enemy design. Hey Julian, what's a good idea for some enemies? Well... grenades are pretty powerful in this game. So let's make sure basic enemy grunts have a grenade launcher with no ammo limit, that can fire twice per turn compared to the player's limited ammo once per turn! That's a fair challenge!

Also, let's make giant walking artillery that's insanely fast, insanely durable, spawns on the other side of the map, and fires at you every turn as soon as any enemy spots you, Let's also give it a pretty good chance of one shotting/stun locking you, and no defense against it except hoping you can break through enemy lines and kill it before it's too late!

Gee Julian! That's a great idea! Oh, but what if the players spread their soldiers out to avoid the splash damage? No problem, Julian says! Just make it so every level has multiple tight corridors you have to squeeze through to get to the main part of the map. Then they'll all get hit at once! Awesome, our hypothetical yes-man says. But won't that make it harder for the other enemies to get to the players? No problem, we can fix that too! Just make sure to design the levels so enemies have easy access to high elevation and the player doesn't! Trebles all around!

And now let's talk about lairs. Lairs are enemy bases that pop up fairly frequently. They gain in level over time, so it makes sense to blow them up as soon as you find them, right?

HAHAHA FUCK NO AGAIN

Level 1 lairs are a tolerable but extremely tedious slog through tight tunnels to blow up a few objectives. They're survivable if you're careful, but still dangerous, and can go wrong VERY fast if you get sloppy or just unlucky. Level 2 lairs are the most dangerous missions in the entire game by several orders of magnitude. They're the most common places to meet artillery + tight corridors as mentioned above. It's not uncommon to get a soldier one shotted with LITERALLY NOTHING you can do about it, because you CANNOT reach the enemy fast enough. And even if you do, you're usually putting yourself in a very vulnerable position to do so. You're looking for a semi-hidden alien nest at the end of what's usually a series of, yes, long narrow corridors. Blow it up and the mission is over. The least-awful strategy is to just rush the nest as fast as possible and hope your heavy survives long enough to finish it off and end the mission. Level 3 lairs... are hilariously easy. Rush the alien queen over open ground with your heavy, unload your LMG into her face. Can be finished on the same turn you spot the queen, which won't take long.

Now, I'm trusting patch notes for this next part, as I haven't played since it was updated, but... In response to players complaints about the rampant, unchecked retardation of lair missions, the developers proved quite responsive. They updated level 1 and 2 to be less tedious, but made level 3 harder to encourage you to take them out early.

HAHAHA FUCK NO THEY DIDN'T, THEY LEFT LEVEL 1 UNCHANGED AND MADE LEVEL 2 AND 3 EVEN HARDER WITHOUT ADDRESSING ANY OF THE ACTUAL PROBLEMS

Now assuming you survive/save scum your way through that, what can we do for a finale? I know! Let's make it require 3 times as much ammo as any other mission, while providing absolutely no indication that will be the case! Take THAT, people who packed extra medkits! Fucking nerds! Hope you like running out of bullets and having to start over on the longest mission in the game!

It's pretty telling that there's no actual Iron Man option in this game the way there is in XCOM.

The only way to counter all this cheese is with EVEN MORE CHEESE. We're talking fancy French cheese here. All those hard earned special faction soldiers you've been building up over dozens of missions? Pointless. There are literally only two actions that matter in the late game: Dash + Rapid Clearance (run in and murder large numbers of small enemies with a shotgun at point blank range) and Dash + Rage Burst (run in and murder a small number of large enemies with an LMG at point blank range). And maybe toss a medkit when you inevitably get tagged by unavoidable damage because every single enemy in the game is a bullet sponge. Literally ANYTHING else is a waste of a turn. No, snipers are not a good class. Yes, taking out enemy weapons is useful early on, but it doesn't matter when an assault with a shotgun can just one shot the same enemy.

There's much, MUCH more bullshit, but this is way too long already.

The worst thing is, the game had some LEGITIMATELY GOOD FEATURES. Fighting other human factions is awesome. Multiclassing, although more interesting in theory than in practice, was still pretty cool. The tactical layer was much better and more engaging than nu-COM, forcing you to use actual strategy and make hard choices rather than being branching but basically linear paths. The research system that allows you to either befriend or raid NPC factions for new toys is fucking brilliant. The action point system is quite good and I much prefer it over either old-COM's convoluted point system or nu-COM's inflexible "move, then shoot".

In summation, Phoenix Point is the Hitler of turn based tactical games: Some good ideas, but a total clusterfuck in practice.

I got the full backer package for that game. 100-odd dollars wasted

I played it for about an hour and I gave up on it. the combat is fucking bone-crunchingly shitty.
 
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It's all fun and games until you play a build that uses sorceries/miracles/hexes/pyromancies, then you're either not casting spells because you want to be able to hurt bosses or you wore out your catalyst and herb supply only to get donkey punched by some aggro-chained cocksucker you didn't see.
I don't recall catalysts suffering noticeable durability loss from casting spells.
 
I don't recall catalysts suffering noticeable durability loss from casting spells.
Base game it was unnoticeable, but in SOTFS I had to have a side hand dagger just to kill lower tier mooks. To be fair, Dark Souls 2 seems to a fucking knack for pissing me off.
 
Bloodstained : Curse of the Moon 2 has a really awful one if you go in not knowing about it.

The game has four 'episodes' which are basically new game plus with other changes that make the game much harder each loop. In each you have a party of varying characters you can swap between at any time and run through a linear set of stages in standard Castlevania fashion, but the last episode distributes all the characters to different stages and lets you play them in any order, collecting the characters like Megaman powers.

The problem here is the character distribution is random and character-tied abilities are required to get the game's permanent damage/defense/hp upgrades. Two characters in specific are required for most of the really good upgrades and if the game puts either of them in one of the last stages it means you're going to be forced to kill an absolutely brutal damage sponge of a boss with unupgraded damage and defense. This is made even worse by the difficulty scaling removing most of the checkpoints and forcing you through half a dozen tricky rooms before every attempt at said boss.

The truly bullshit part is that there's no indication whatsoever the distribution is randomized. It's just a 1/4 chance on file creation that you're going to be stuck without damage/def upgrades for the worst boss in the game.

Mega Man 2 is a great game until you get to the Wily stages. Those levels are pure bullshit.

It doesn't even take long to get bad. There's this awful section in the first Wily stage (stole it from StrategyWiki, which is why that E is there).

That room isn't that bad once you realize you can place item-1s sideways off the ladder as soon as the screen scrolls. The boobeam trap is high-tier awful though because you have exactly enough shots to kill it with a full bar plus the game intentionally tries to screw you over by making you use a shot to blow up a wall you can climb over with items. Blow up the wall and you're one shot short and have to suicide and farm a full bar of weapon drops to get another chance.
 
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