Biggest bullshit in a video game

[Jeff Boomhauer]

I guess it's not so much bullshit as it is bad game design, but when I played the Pokemon Trading Card game for the GBC a few years ago, I was amazed at how little strategy there was other than, "Does the CPU want you to win or not?" I mean, you still have to pick decent Pokemon, but even that won't guarantee you a win if the CPU decides it wants you to lose.

"Dammit, the CPU knows every move I'm going to make. They have all the Energy Cards they need to plow through my team. When it looks like I have a chance, they have the Trainer Card they need to screw me over. Every Pokemon they have is the perfect counter to mine. Every time they have to flip a coin, they get heads."

*5 minutes later*

"Let's try this again. Wait, now the CPU is playing horribly? They're not getting any useful cards? Their Pokemon are weak to whatever I throw out? They're not getting enough Energy Cards to do decent damage? Every time they have to flip a coin, they get tails?"

I get the game is for children and was designed so that A. Children could make their own decks and play against each other, and B. Children could be happy having every card available at the time in one game (definitely a blessing for parents). But even then, I think some of them would notice that game goes to both extremes on whether it wants you to win or not.

 

[BScCollateral]

In Mass Effect 2, punching out a journalist is considered a Renegade action instead of the manifest duty of all good men.

 

[The Great Citracett]

I guess it's not so much bullshit as it is bad game design, but when I played the Pokemon Trading Card game for the GBC a few years ago, I was amazed at how little strategy there was other than, "Does the CPU want you to win or not?" I mean, you still have to pick decent Pokemon, but even that won't guarantee you a win if the CPU decides it wants you to lose.

"Dammit, the CPU knows every move I'm going to make. They have all the Energy Cards they need to plow through my team. When it looks like I have a chance, they have the Trainer Card they need to screw me over. Every Pokemon they have is the perfect counter to mine. Every time they have to flip a coin, they get heads."

*5 minutes later*

"Let's try this again. Wait, now the CPU is playing horribly? They're not getting any useful cards? Their Pokemon are weak to whatever I throw out? They're not getting enough Energy Cards to do decent damage? Every time they have to flip a coin, they get tails?"

I get the game is for children and was designed so that A. Children could make their own decks and play against each other, and B. Children could be happy having every card available at the time in one game (definitely a blessing for parents). But even then, I think some of them would notice that game goes to both extremes on whether it wants you to win or not.

Turns out all coin flips in that game are scripted and predetermined.

No amount of savescumming, redoing battles, etc will change the outcomes.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

As far as older Nintendo games go - Super Mario Sunshine was pretty bad; I think it's sometimes considered the worst in the series.

Graphics were subpar, game was full of bugs and glitches, voice acting was bad, instead of adding more levels/quests, the devs just rushed it and forced you to collect blue coins in order to collect 40-50 Shines.

Sunshine can be criticized for a lot of things but graphics isn't one, it was gorgeous, the light was really nice and the water still looks fantastic.

NES Ghosts and Goblins is a step up, you need the special weapon AND you need to beat the entire game twice.

In the thread "Games that made you cry" I posted that the only game that made me cry was Ghosts'n'Goblins when it said I had to play it again.

 

[StraightShooter2]

Sunshine can be criticized for a lot of things but graphics isn't one, it was gorgeous, the light was really nice and the water still looks fantastic.
View attachment 2023449

In the thread "Games that made you cry" I posted that the only game that made me cry was Ghosts'n'Goblins when it said I had to play it again.

Only the water graphics were good, the rest were sub-par compared to other Nintendo games released for the Gamecube around that time (e.x. Luigi's Mansion).

 

[EmpireOfTheClouds]

Also I'm a complete coward, I played Alien Isolation and it took me over an hour to finish the tutorial. The tutorial has no hazards or anything and is probably 10 minutes long if you're not a massive pussy, but every time I heard a noise I ran and hid (and weeped inside). The xenomorph doesn't appear until you dock with the ship and get on-board. One of my friends is a right dickhead, he knows I hate horror games and bought me Resident Evil 7 for Christmas and I'm so much of a wimp it's still in its cellophane wrap, lol.

Alien Isolation is fucking terrifying, and I don't scare easily. It took me forever to finish just because it scared me so much. That's exactly what I want from an Alien game.

Even if you're a coward, I highly recommend playing RE7. That it's so fucking scary is part of the fun.

 

[StraightShooter2]

The worst part of that game was the slippery physics. And I say that as someone who completed sm64 a ton of times.

Now that I think about it, the other complaints were that Mario couldn't even do basic movies (like punch / kick) - he could only use the waterpack.

And since it was a jetpack and you could just hover wherever you wanted, it basically ruined the platforming parts of the game.

 

[FaramirG]

Kai Leng in Mass Effect 3. Everything about the character feels like someone's badly-written fanfic:

>Goofy-ass character design, he's a cyborg invisible space ninja in a discount Batsuit with a samurai sword and slanted eyes on his visor in case you forgot he's asian
>On the Citadel, you and your squad just stand there and watch as he lands on your shuttle and STABS IT UNTIL IT CRASHES. You don't hit the brakes, tilt the shuttle, throw him off with biotics, you just pull out a pistol and let him stab your ship for no reason.
>When you confront him on the Citadel, you and your squad surround him and instead of, I don't know, *shooting him*, Shepard shouts "it's over pal!" and Ninja McEdgelord snaps off a "cool" one-liner: "No. Now it's fun." . And then you all stand there and watch as he and Thane have a hand-to-hand fight (despite Thane having a gun, he's decided to fight a dude with a sword hand-to-hand).
>Then on Thessia, he just drops in on you in the middle of a warzone while a whole planet is falling to the Reapers, delivers some lame monologue, and then the "fight" literally consists of you shooting him, him dropping into a ninja pose screaming "I NEED TO RECHARGE" (during which you can't touch him), and once you do this three times it triggers a cutscene where he just casually mops up your entire squad (did I mention he uses a sword?) and then after ordering his gunship to blow up the temple, which causes the floor to collapse and you to fall, just casually walks away, with another lame one liner, because gravity does not apply to Space Sasuke. It's so silly that it ruins what's supposed to otherwise be a really dark moment in the story.
>Then afterwards he sends your character an email that's basically "lol git gud"

The worst part is that the game is trying so damn hard to make him an imposing villain, but he never breaks out of a range of annoying to laughable.

 

[Mooger Meng]

In Mass Effect 2, punching out a journalist is considered a Renegade action instead of the manifest duty of all good men.

Ah, those naïve days when people thought journalists had integrity.
Still, the Paragon option of shutting her down on live feed with a few well-placed barbs about what actually happened was the sort of subtle "go fuck yourself" counterpoint to the Renegade's overt collection of overdue dental debts. It's satisfying in a different, but still enjoyably petty, way.

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

Kai Leng in Mass Effect 3. Everything about the character feels like someone's badly-written fanfic:

>Goofy-ass character design, he's a cyborg invisible space ninja in a discount Batsuit with a samurai sword and slanted eyes on his visor in case you forgot he's asian
>On the Citadel, you and your squad just stand there and watch as he lands on your shuttle and STABS IT UNTIL IT CRASHES. You don't hit the brakes, tilt the shuttle, throw him off with biotics, you just pull out a pistol and let him stab your ship for no reason.
>When you confront him on the Citadel, you and your squad surround him and instead of, I don't know, *shooting him*, Shepard shouts "it's over pal!" and Ninja McEdgelord snaps off a "cool" one-liner: "No. Now it's fun." . And then you all stand there and watch as he and Thane have a hand-to-hand fight (despite Thane having a gun, he's decided to fight a dude with a sword hand-to-hand).
>Then on Thessia, he just drops in on you in the middle of a warzone while a whole planet is falling to the Reapers, delivers some lame monologue, and then the "fight" literally consists of you shooting him, him dropping into a ninja pose screaming "I NEED TO RECHARGE" (during which you can't touch him), and once you do this three times it triggers a cutscene where he just casually mops up your entire squad (did I mention he uses a sword?) and then after ordering his gunship to blow up the temple, which causes the floor to collapse and you to fall, just casually walks away, with another lame one liner, because gravity does not apply to Space Sasuke. It's so silly that it ruins what's supposed to otherwise be a really dark moment in the story.
>Then afterwards he sends your character an email that's basically "lol git gud"

The worst part is that the game is trying so damn hard to make him an imposing villain, but he never breaks out of a range of annoying to laughable.

At least you get to stab him like a bitch near the end. Scene's still silly as hell with Shepard breaking the sword in a very un-Mass Effect fashion, but compared to literally everything that comes after it's probably the one most satisfying part about the ending to Mass Effect 3.

 

[BScCollateral]

I'm going to share my experience with Mass Effect 3. I had it preordered because I was dumb.

Early on, shit is going down and a female admiral shrieks, "What are we going to DOOOO?!"

You know, not "I am open for suggestions." Not "Let's try..."

Did I mention this is a fucking admiral?

So I put down the controller, intending to try again later, but never did. Saved a fair chunk of time doing that.

 

[The Penultimate Warrior]

Cerberus taking over the Citadel in ME3 is so stupid. They went from a mysterious organisation who operated in the shadows to one that had the power to launch a direct assault on the centre of galactic civilisation, which had fought off the Geth and a Reaper only a few years prior.

 

[User 67204]

This does not apply to only a single game but almost every big budgetted AAA game. It happens ehen a game removes every single weapon you have obtained thus far and decides that you should do an obligatory poorly implemented stealth section.

 

[byuu]

They went from a mysterious organisation who operated in the shadows

Also a very incompetent one. In ME1, all you do concerning Cerberus is cleaning up after their experiments that were all horrible failures.

I don't blame ME3 for that though, I blame ME2.
Cerberus was not only able to build their own Normandy, they made a better one.
As a reminder: The Normandy was more advanced than anything humanity alone could offer. It was a revolutionary ship only possible with Turian collaboration.
And it symbolised how important your character was as the first human spectre. Cerberus just building their own one shits all over that.

 

[The Fair Lady]

The dual boss in Code Vein. I absolutely loved this game, as I like souls-like, but not a huge fan of the non-story in Dark Souls. Then came the double boss battle.

This was the only boss fight I had to summon help for, and I tried several times to take them down on my own. It really felt like they ramped up the AI to make the Blade Bearer and Cannoneer especially aggressive. They're a massive pain regardless of your strategy.

 

[Ruin]

This was the only boss fight I had to summon help for, and I tried several times to take them down on my own. It really felt like they ramped up the AI to make the Blade Bearer and Cannoneer especially aggressive. They're a massive pain regardless of your strategy.

Kill blade dancer first. Imbue your weapon with fire and use the pillars to block the cannoneer.

Also even though the companions are beyond retarded big tiddy bandage girl actually holds on pretty well during this fight.

 

[The Fair Lady]

Kill blade dancer first. Imbue your weapon with fire and use the pillars to block the cannoneer.

Also even though the companions are beyond retarded big tiddy bandage girl actually holds on pretty well during this fight.

I tried this, trust me. They're much easier on NG+ though.

Io didn't last long for me, think I won with Yakumo as my companion.

 

[Ruin]

I tried this, trust me. They're much easier on NG+ though.

Io didn't last long for me, think I won with Yakumo as my companion.

For me the shittiest boss was the Gilded Knight. He's unbelievably aggressive, has like .5 of a second between swings, and can two shot you.

 

[Punished Magician]

There being a "permanently delete your Playstation account" button on the same menu as the "Log out of your account on this console" button on the PSP

 

[YumeNoHero]

There won't be another game like Armored Core again.