Careercow Brandon "Bam" Margera - From Jackass to Lolcow

[MirnaMinkoff]

Shit, that is an uncanny resemblance. Especially when you look at pics of him smiling.

Spoiler: Genetic Sperging

A quick scroll through Nikki’s Instagram pulls up a wedding photo of her parents: both brunettes. We know that Phil was brunette and April blonde, While hereditary hair coloring isn’t 100% understood, it seems to be the general/popular belief that in order for two brunette parents to produce a blonde child, they must both carry a recessive gene for blondeness. That means that both the brunette parents would have to have one blonde parent to pass on the gene, making the odds of pumping out a blonde baby around one in four. Nikki has no blonde parents, so those odds would be much, much lower. On the other hand, one blonde parent and one brunette parent has 50/50 odds of producing a blonde child. TL;DR Bam’s wife probably got dicked down elsewhere when she got pregnant.

Yeah, but blonde kids become brunette adults more often than not.

Spoiler

blonde babies/kids are really common, usually their hair goes darker when they get a little older. All kinds of brunette adults in my family were blonde when they were five years old and under. Now someone remaining blonde past adolescence- that is when you could say something weird with the genetics is afoot if the family has no blonde parent/grandparents.

I’d still be curious if Nicole and Jacopo crossed paths, just because that resemblance is uncanny.

I always thought it was weird with what a supposedly drunken man whore Bam was that he never ended up with some bastard kids. You know there were a lot of trashy gold diggers floating around Bam that would be eager get knocked up and he is not a condom kind of guy. In fact, he’s so irresponsible and dumb I thought him making it to 40 with no kids sort of pointed to being sterile...or having sex with dudes not women.

Just makes me wonder if in Nicole was getting desperate to keep their unstable marriage going she decided a band-aid baby was needed by any means necessary.

Then again Bam went nuts when the kid was almost a year old and started accusing Nicole of all kinds of shit and told her she could keep the kid because he wasn’t going to be blackmailed by her using Phoenix against him. I figure Bam would have gotten a DNA test just to humiliate her.

He’s a giant narcissist so the fact Phoenix looks nothing like him irks the fuck out of him. He the type of guy who’s only interested in a kid if they are a carbon copy. Bam also greatly resents having to share Nicole’s attention with a small dependent child, it’s a running theme in his rants. He likes to regularly complain about Phoenix ruining his sex life and it’s gross af.

Bam is a angry, unstable whacko that probably terrifies Phoenix more often than not. Nicole is a codependent mess who treats the kid like an emotional support pet and uses him as shield from Bam’s abuse and temper tantrums. I just hope Phoenix doesn’t end up becoming a serial killer being raised by these selfish shitbags. I keep hoping the grandparents get custody of the poor little guy.

 

[marfusha]

I wonder if the mom didn’t notice she was pregnant until four or five months along.

Most likely. It doesn't look like the pregnancy was planned. Nikki got knocked up during their stay in Spain.

 

[Yeeted Teet]

I dont think the kid is unlike Bam, if you look at pics of him at around the same age.

It's mostly the huge mouth that makes Phoenix look odd, but Nicole kind of has a big mouth too so he might grow into it as he gets older. Could be FAS, could just be an unfortunate combination of features that haven't settled yet.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

This description of Novak’s former lifestyle with Bam and co is interesting, a junkie’s dream job that came with a sense of credibility and direction from getting fucked up constantly. But he said at the end of the night he was still unhappy because he knew the party had to end someday with him either being dead or off drugs. I noticed how Novak’s successful recovery seems to leave a bad taste in Bam’s mouth. I think it irks him that recovered addicts he used to party and work with have come around to realizing that the party is over and Bam is resentful that he knows this also on some level but won’t accept it.

 

[Karl der Grosse]

Drug addicts and especially alcoholics are never happier than when they drag everyone around them down to that same level. Lots of them see someone in their social circle sobering up as a personal betrayal or as a judgment against themselves. And, of course, they're happy when someone gets sober and relapses. That really hits their "You're no better than me!" button hard. I'm quite sure Bam hasn't done a single bit of honest introspection as to just why it cheeses him off so much to see Novak get sober and stay sober.

 

[Green Man]

This is supposedly something Bam posted last night and deleted after a few minutes, not sure what the fuck he might be talking about here since he's batshit but here you go:

People have inferred that it seems to indicate Bam has some form of "dirt" on Johnny Knoxville, who was supposedly the recipient of this tirade, but I'm not sure what to make of it. If I'm late and gay give me clocks.

 

[drtoboggan]

The best parts of Jackass were the parts where Bam was crying.

 

[Barbarus]

This is supposedly something Bam posted last night and deleted after a few minutes, not sure what the fuck he might be talking about here since he's batshit but here you go:

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People have inferred that it seems to indicate Bam has some form of "dirt" on Johnny Knoxville, who was supposedly the recipient of this tirade, but I'm not sure what to make of it. If I'm late and gay give me clocks.

He's blowing in the wind, if kiwifarms teaches you anything, the people that spam about this shit 9/10 times have fuck all and use it as a point to make themselves look better.

What can be said though, is that it comes under blackmail and or threatening behaviour which could potentially be used by the parties on the receiving end against Bam

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

This is supposedly something Bam posted last night and deleted after a few minutes, not sure what the fuck he might be talking about here since he's batshit but here you go:

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People have inferred that it seems to indicate Bam has some form of "dirt" on Johnny Knoxville, who was supposedly the recipient of this tirade, but I'm not sure what to make of it. If I'm late and gay give me clocks.

I’m not sure what “dirt” Bam could have on Johnny that he’d give two shits about. Seriously, look at Bam, look at Johnny. Lol. Nobody takes anything Bam “I’m totally sober” “one adderall” Magera seriously. He’s a fucking clown show.

But he’s definitely got sex tapes that will destroy Knoxville for sure! (I’m guessing he’s trying to convince Knoxville he’s got proof he’s cheated on his wife or GF and Johnny will be begging for mercy and giving him a producer credit now.)

 

[Fannyscum]

Bam sighting on r/trashy:
Met one of the “Jackasses” the other night. He kicked down my bedroom door, grabbed my friend inappropriately, and called me a “fucking bitch”.

Met one of the “Jackasses” the other night. He kicked down my bedroom…

archived 28 May 2021 09:46:02 UTC

archive.is

 

[Tootsie Bear]

Bam sighting on r/trashy:
Met one of the “Jackasses” the other night. He kicked down my bedroom door, grabbed my friend inappropriately, and called me a “fucking bitch”.

https://archive.md/RhQjO

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Damn son! I heard of rock bottom but this is something. If Bam wasn't famous and had any money no one would give him their time because he'd be no different from other addicts on the streets. But since he's famous people kiss his ass and welcome him into their homes with open arms. Bam is washed up to say the least. I don't blame his old friends from CKY like Dico cutting him out of their lives.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Bam sighting on r/trashy:
Met one of the “Jackasses” the other night. He kicked down my bedroom door, grabbed my friend inappropriately, and called me a “fucking bitch”.

https://archive.md/RhQjO

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Any idea if this was in California or Florida?

 

[break these cuffs]

Any idea if this was in California or Florida?

She also posts in some Florida related subreddits. That sculpture is outside of the St. Petersburg Police Department HQ. The city has a bunch of rehabs. I'll see if any of them fit the bill as a place a B-list has been would get sent to dry out.

 

[VisceraNexus]

Any idea if this was in California or Florida?

It's Florida

 

[SquishyFreedomLoaf]

Any idea if this was in California or Florida?

That reddit poster lives in Florida. Maybe he got a day pass from rehab.

 

[break these cuffs]

There are several rehabs in the area that bill themselves as luxury, boutique, or for executives. A couple even boast being on the beach in the name.

 

[buttvomit]

thats pretty fucking trashy wow

 

[Jack Awful]

There are several rehabs in the area that bill themselves as luxury, boutique, or for executives. A couple even boast being on the beach in the name.

I assume Bam either quit rehab immediately or never went and is now partying and vacationing in Florida.

 

[Karl der Grosse]

You'd think Florida would be far enough away from Bam's house that you'd never have to worry about waking up to witness a wasted Bam Margera tussling on your front yard in the wee hours of the morning.

 

[Kulee Baba]

So Bam goes to Rock Star rehab for four days and then Reddit busts his ass.

The only way he might ever get clean is if he's facing jail time & can get a slap on the wrist by completing rehab and then having to go thru drug court. But he couldn't even do the film studio's drug court for Jackass 4 so yeah.

Here's the Redditor's longer recap she made an hour ago. I believe her because her account has been active for 2 years.

Update: PunkPixi666 says it happened Tuesday night. So Bam went to Florida for rehab and then immediately fucked off to party. Way to go Earthrocker.