Brianna Wu / John Walker Flynt - "Biggest Victim of Gamergate," Failed Game Developer, Failed Congressional Candidate

[KE 521]

Nah, Frank is proud of his ability to provide for his freakish praying mantis of a wife (hawt) he probably encourages sloth - don’t want any pesky muscle-bumps getting in the way of that fireman’s slide down the John-pole! The idiocy is just a bonus, after all everyone knows hot chicks are dumb right?

Also, normally I hate when kiwis come up with song lyrics or cringe poetry about cows, but Mississippi John is legitimately amazing! I also hear the Dukes of Hazzard voice reading it in my head... great minds and all

 

[Mola Ram]

The idiocy is just a bonus, after all everyone knows hot chicks are dumb right?

I mean, I guess, but so were the Pinhead Twins in Freaks.

 

[Peace and Harmony]

Still not LARPing. Still a serious candidate.

 

[Mola Ram]

Still not LARPing. Still a serious candidate.

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Do you think this is all just an incredibly elaborate bit of erotic roleplaying for the Wus?

"Chair recognizes the Congressman from Massachusetts."

"Excuse me, sir." [snorting snot bubbles that is the best Brianna can get to a coquettish giggle] "I prefer a more accurate title."

"Mm, chair recognizes the Congresswoman from Massachusetts."

"And don't you forget it! Mm, open your mouth a little wider ... Senator."

"Chair -- ack -- chair recognizes a -- filibuster -- filibuster! -- from the ChairWOMAN of the Very Technical Engineering and Street Fighter Cabinet Subcommittee."

"I'd like to propose a budgetary increase ... what will it take, Mr. Prime Senator?"

"Ugggh -- Chair recognizes a motion on the floor!"

And so on.

 

[Peace and Harmony]

He said who do you main, John, not who do you masturbate to every night.

No the ad couldn't possibly be about wanting to put a stop to illegal immigration, could it? Fuck off.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

No the ad couldn't possibly be about wanting to put a stop to illegal immigration, could it? Fuck off.

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With our current political expertise we know that the thing that made the 1962 riot bad was that the mayor didn't instruct the police and national guard to fall back and let the protestors settle it. Bigoted times.

 

[Sissy Galvez]

Still not LARPing. Still a serious candidate.

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You lost in 2018, you’ll lose again in 2020.

 

[Kosher Dill]

I also hear the Dukes of Hazzard voice reading it in my head

I hear it sort of like Jimmy Dean narrating "Big Bad John"... which is a fitting title

 

[AnOminous]

I hear it sort of like Jimmy Dean narrating "Big Bad John"... which is a fitting title

I hear Johnny Cash's rendition of "Tennessee Stud" because of someone's post earlier in the thread. "Mississippi John was long and lean. . ."

 

[AprilRains]

But that was in another country (Georgia), and besides, the Dukes is dead.

you magnificent bastard

 

[Ghostse]

Still not LARPing. Still a serious candidate.
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I can't quite guarantee he'll be the freshman Rep with the least clue about what doing the job actually entails, but he'll be damned close.

Spoiler

In my head when I wrote it was a mix of Dukes of Hazzard narration, the Disney American Legends animation shorts I watched in school, with a more than a touch of Uncle Remus from Song of the South.

All blame goes to @AnOminous and @Keep Yourself Safe
They put this shit in my head.

 

[Francis York Morgan]

Still not LARPing. Still a serious candidate.

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So did anyone watch this?

 

[Peace and Harmony]

Yes please keep devoting massive resources towards the fractional percentage of mentally ill morons and their enablers, victory is imminent.

 

[Karellen]

Here’s the livestream. There’s some sort of audio issue because Brianna’s Kermit voice echoes.

 

[Winnie the Poohnani]

Here’s the livestream. There’s some sort of audio issue because Brianna’s Kermit voice echoes.

I like how the graphics say 'twitch' directly beneath John, as if it's a descriptor. I would also have accepted 'lurch'. Or 'snarl'.

 

[Very Honest Content]

That new head shot for John (not the kind that awards maximum bonus points while popping noggins like squeezed grapes sadly, the eye raping kind instead) really hi-lights the chin implant they put in his mandible as the fat jowls sag under and behind it.

I'm guessing they used a medium sized chin insert, but who knows, he's well over six feet tall so they might have had to opt for the large size just to compensate for that above average sized man brow.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

I hear Johnny Cash's rendition of "Tennessee Stud" because of someone's post earlier in the thread. "Mississippi John was long and lean. . ."

I hear Johnny Cash's "The Man Comes Around." Probably because after reading every couple of sentences I say, "When the trans comes around."

 

[Ceiling Kitten]

Here’s the livestream. There’s some sort of audio issue because Brianna’s Kermit voice echoes.

Holy shit, now she truly looks as if she's had her jaw dislocated several times in her life and it doesn't fit any longer.
Either that, or like the fat guy from the Bueno meme.

 

[AnOminous]

Holy shit, now she truly looks as if she's had her jaw dislocated several times in her life and it doesn't fit any longer.

It looks like a snake's jaw, like he could unhinge it and swallow something larger than his weird, misshapen head.

 

[Karellen]

I didn’t watch the whole thing but for someone who boasts of being an expert in street fighter she sure dies a lot.