Can We All Just Admit "Van Helsing" (2004) Is a Work Of True Genius?

[glass_houses]

It's a fucking awful movie. And I love camp, I love Hammer Horror and vampires and werewolves and mummies and witches and yet another take on Dracula...

It was badly conceived, written, directed and acted, and none of this in the "so bad it's good" way either. It was just terrible. It was like four entirely different scripts were riffiled into each other like a deck of cards, and left that way.

 

[The Token Ethnic]

The only thing I remember about this movie is getting high in the parking lot with my girlfriend and liking Kate Beckinsale. Underworld came out before this movie, right?

 

[The handsome tard]

If it came out today, well, maybe during the days of the MCU hype, instead of The Mummy reboot, it would have been received way better.

It does have some of the most vicious and threatening werewolves in fiction, these mfs transformed fast with still enough gruesomeness to it and were very fast and strong.

I know that it could have been a lot better but I really think it could have been way worse as well. And this movie still has a bit of a cultural presence to this very day despite all.

 

[draggs]

i watched some clips and i forgot that frankenstein's (monster's) design is pretty fuckin cool

 

[glass_houses]

It does have some of the most vicious and threatening werewolves in fiction, these mfs transformed fast with still enough gruesomeness to it and were very fast and strong.

The best transformations I've ever seen were in the Company of Wolves, even allowing for the dated effect methods.

 

[draggs]

and Carl is FARAMIR

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

It's great, fun movie & it's a shame that there never was a part 2. There are more monsters besides the classic ones.

But I hope it doesn't get a remake or part 2 as long as current day DEI politics exist in Hollywood.

Fun fact: Van Helsing has a cameo in Fairly Oddparents

He is a monster hunting subsitute teacher and then the scene shows a bunch of Timmy's classmates who look like the Werewolf, Dracula, Frankenstein etc.

 

[Foltest]

It is a stupid stupid movie that is very fun.
Kate and the brides of Dracula were hot as shit.

 

[ChampFantana]

I love this movie and re-watch it on a regular basis. Jackman was really cool, Beckinsale has never been hotter, the monsters are top-notch, and David Wenham is decent comic relief. It gets bonus points for Frankenstein's monster being a likable character, the weaponry and gadgets being interesting, and Dracula's brides being both hot and scary in their harpy forms.

 

[Judge Holden]

Honestly I remember back in the day as a little tween retard being hyped as hell for it and then being decidedly disappointed when I actually watched it, and when looking back at it now I feel my original conclusions on why the movie failed hold up

It was quite simply overstuffed. It had about three or four times more characters, plot concepts, storylines, and muh-lore than it had time to handle, and none of this was helped by the fact two thirds the cast were hamming it the fuck up, which while something I usually enjoy just didnt suit the action flick it was trying to be. The music and crappy CGI both were crowbarred in obnoxiously, the writing and dialogue were just plain bad, and I distinctly remember by the halfway mark when I first watched it I was bored out my fucking mind despite being a little tween retard who had previously been hyped as hell.

In terms of general concept and aesthetic its fine I guess but even nostalgia and the never ending march of currentyear shit are not able to make me change my mind on it.

 

[Quarterback Rex Grossman]

No. The werewolf shit is pure garbage, and it's retarded how the finale is a cg wolf fighting a cg human, aka an Australian. Seriously, werewolves are not and never will be cool. Stop using them.

 

[Judge Holden]

Seriously, werewolves are not and never will be cool. Stop using them.

Counterpoint 1: Dog Soldiers
Counterpoint 2: erm........An American Werewolf in London maybe?
Counterpoint 3: oh fuck this is harder than I thought...

 

[The Hardest R]

It is a stupid stupid movie that is very fun.
Kate and the brides of Dracula were hot as shit.

Agreed. Josie Maran was my dream waifu at the time.

This was a stupid movie but towards the tail end of an era where women were allowed to be good looking in a movie. No way can this crap actually be redeemed but it’s more of a sign just how far things have fallen in a short time.

 

[Miriam Margoyles]

I think my one genuine complaint with Van Helsing is that Igor dies.

Igor never dies. Even in the old movies, when the mob storms Castle Frankenstein with their torches and pitchforks, out for his master's blood, Igor is always allowed to quietly slip away. Granted, Van Helsing's version of Igor is a fundamentally nastier character than he's usually depicted as being, but still, you can't kill Igor. It's tradition!

I like that he was played by the same actor who played Beni in The Mummy movies, though. That was cute.

 

[IDanceonTrannyGraves]

I watched it recently and it was as bad as I remembered.

 

[Quarterback Rex Grossman]

One thing I liked was Frankenstein was a Christian. Even in 2004 that was edgy.

 

[Miriam Margoyles]

One thing I liked was Frankenstein was a Christian. Even in 2004 that was edgy.

Frankenstein's monster having an interest in religion is true to Mary Shelley's original story.

 

[HodgePodgeRogerDodger]

No. The werewolf shit is pure garbage, and it's retarded how the finale is a cg wolf fighting a cg human, aka an Australian. Seriously, werewolves are not and never will be cool. Stop using them.

Werewolves are cool when it’s a curse that slowly turns someone deranged. The issue with Werewolves is furries turning them into some power fantasy when it’s more losing control. There’s no return to nature, it’s an unnatural split persona in an unnatural body that’s unnaturally intelligent.

 

[Kharash]

and Dracula's brides being both hot and scary in their harpy forms.

Finally someone brave enough to admit it.

 

[Maniacal Foreigner]

It's unabashedly campy and laden with Rule of Cool, and for that I respect it. Somebody said it before, but it's probably the closest thing to a Castlevania movie we're ever gonna get.