Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History

[Alpha Kennybody]

I learned long before I ever knew about Chris to never donate money to help someone you either don't know personally, or if their situation cannot be backed up and verified by an unbiased third party. Generosity and a desire to help your fellow man is a virtue and an admirable trait, but you also need to ensure that your generosity and helpful nature isn't being taken advantage of by greedy, shameless creeps who only care about themselves. Help out those in need who are closer to home, people you can actually look in the eye when they tell you their problems. If it's just some rando on the internet who you don't know and who has no impact on your life, then just wish them the best of luck and move on past them.

Oh without a doubt buddy. Bigger the fool me.

 

[The Dude]

Oh without a doubt buddy. Bigger the fool me.

Don't kick yourself. The whole reason we have life experiences like this is so we can learn from them. And it sounds like you did.

 

[Argh My Cigar]

He's almost that 45 year old fat guy you see working in an office who never made it into management.

That’s pretty much what Chris’s life could’ve been had Bob kept him focused on a CADD career and Barb wasn’t as much of a toxic influence. Without the presence of the early trolls he would’ve basically ended up like Kengle only with Sonichu and a toy addiction (which I think will always remain as one of Chris’s defining interests), except he’d be spending his own money on them rather than the tugboat’s. He’d still be a huge creep that would probably make his co-workers very uneasy and likely always be on thin ice with his supervisors, but he wouldn’t be a troon and constantly proselytizing about some retarded dimensional merge.

Even in a alternate reality where things didn’t end up the way they did, Chris would never be successful the way a neurotypical defines success; his autism was most likely genetic as much as it was environmental. That plus the massive age gap between him and his parents would mean that he’d always be disconnected from his peers in some form. Even so, it’d be the best possible outcome for him— he’d still be playing TCGs, working on comics, and maybe be in a subsidized apartment supplemented by part time low-level CADD work and the tugboat. But no Barb, no pets to abuse, and no trolls would’ve make him a way better person in the long term.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

That’s pretty much what Chris’s life could’ve been had Bob kept him focused on a CADD career and Barb wasn’t as much of a toxic influence. Without the presence of the early trolls he would’ve basically ended up like Kengle only with Sonichu and a toy addiction (which I think will always remain as one of Chris’s defining interests), except he’d be spending his own money on them rather than the tugboat’s. He’d still be a huge creep that would probably make his co-workers very uneasy and likely always be on thin ice with his supervisors, but he wouldn’t be a troon and constantly proselytizing about some retarded dimensional merge.

Even in a alternate reality where things didn’t end up the way they did, Chris would never be successful the way a neurotypical defines success; his autism was most likely genetic as much as it was environmental. That plus the massive age gap between him and his parents would mean that he’d always be disconnected from his peers in some form. Even so, it’d be the best possible outcome for him— he’d still be playing TCGs, working on comics, and maybe be in a subsidized apartment supplemented by part time low-level CADD work and the tugboat. But no Barb, no pets to abuse, and no trolls would’ve make him a way better person in the long term.

So many neurotypical people aren't successful in the way neurotypical people define success. I feel like Chris is completely batshit and old man nut juice was the main culprit. Chris has always been a willfully ignorant, belligerent asshole, and I don't think even the best dog trainers could keep him from pissing on the floor or shitting outside the toilet. Chris can't hold a decent job, that CADD was a terrible pipe dream since he can't even trace properly. Joe Biden has a better attention span and is more coherent.

 

[biggest big boy]

the reddit and youtube comments on this shit are always so fucking inane. yes the world's most famous retard is retarded thank you kind sir for crafting le epic rational comment explaining the exact when where and how of his folly

yes it is very strange when the thirty year old plays with toys as though he were a small child. it's very weird. i don't know if you noticed this but that christian weston chandler is kind a weird guy. someone should keep an eye on him, perhaps for like fifteen or more years, because he's weird and retarded. i just noticed this

i will continue to read them and get angry though

 

[The Dude]

the reddit and youtube comments on this shit are always so fucking inane. yes the world's most famous retard is retarded thank you kind sir for crafting le epic rational comment explaining the exact when where and how of his folly

yes it is very strange when the thirty year old plays with toys as though he were a small child. it's very weird. i don't know if you noticed this but that christian weston chandler is kind a weird guy. someone should keep an eye on him, perhaps for like fifteen or more years, because he's weird and retarded. i just noticed this

i will continue to read them and get angry though

LOL calm down. It's an internet forum.

 

[biggest big boy]

LOL calm down. It's an internet forum.

nigger

 

[The Dude]

nigger

Faggot nigger

 

[biggest big boy]

Faggot nigger

shut up and kiss me

 

[The Dude]

shut up and kiss me

You still haven't paid me for last time. No dough, no blow.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

Chris didn't mind them stimulus checks either.

Hearing the name Sorbet broke me. This is when I first properly got into Chris, felt sorry for him, and donated money to help his cats. My own cat, Tiger, had died not long before. Then when I found all those fucking toys he'd likely bought, I forever hated the dude. I know I'm sounding like a keyboard warrior who's mad at the internet, but I've always told myself that by some billion to one chance I meet christian, I'd pop him on the nose.

So this episode we saw Christian's inability to distill and verify information from the news. When the TV was making trump to be the Anti-Christ, I can see Chris feeling afraid and doing whatever pathetic gestures he could in the hopes of warding away evil. The interview with the sunglasses guy was fascinating for how many stress sighs Chris could chain together, but the kid didn't relent, and pushed Christian for answers, which was hilarious.

Chris's sore throat voice whilst trying to beg for cash was annoying as all hell. His greeting and birthday videos are so lazy he won't even get out of bed for them. Lastly, I like how he considers Trump a dictator and evil king, when what he did was rather basic and boring, aside from 1/3rd of a border wall. When you compare trump to the reign of Christian Chandler of Cwcville, with his show trials, capital execution, jail sentences for smoking, and piss poor economy with soup hotels, Christian cannot throw stones.


One quick question. Is anyone with a basic skill of photo editing able to change this image:

View attachment 1958718

and remove the long hair. I'm curious now, though he's almost there already, how chris would look like with his hair cut seriously short. He's almost that 45 year old fat guy you see working in an office who never made it into management.

This photo has always been so damn cringe. Chris trying to dress like a 15 year girl despite being a fat lumbering lummox with a beard shadow.

 

[Bogliacci]

This photo has always been so damn cringe. Chris trying to dress like a 15 year girl despite being a fat lumbering lummox with a beard shadow.

Troons always dress like teenage thots, although Chris' freakish wardrobe these days is probably more influenced by how he sees women dress in cartoons vs getting off to seeing himself in the mirror

 

[The Dude]

This photo has always been so damn cringe. Chris trying to dress like a 15 year girl despite being a fat lumbering lummox with a beard shadow.

Don't forget the male pattern baldness, the bullfrog-esque double chin, and the clearly masculine...well, everything.

 

[BeligerentBackdoor]

neurotypical

That has got to be one of the gayest words I've heard.

 

[The Dude]

That has got to be one of the gayest words I've heard.

Gayer than cum on a mustache?

 

[Argh My Cigar]

That has got to be one of the gayest words I've heard.

It’s a word used to refer to a normal person without any autistic symptoms from the perspective of an actual autist or someone who works with them. The word’s been thrown around like dozens of times here and on the CWCki. I don’t come up with the terms. Only reason it’s even used is because overly sensitive advocates threw a bitch fit whenever someone says “normal people” whenever they talk about spergs. I only used it because Chris will never fit the definition of normal no matter how many what-if scenarios you come up with.

but yes it’s also one of the gayest words in the english language

 

[Alpha Kennybody]

It’s a word used to refer to a normal person without any autistic symptoms from the perspective of an actual autist or someone who works with them. The word’s been thrown around like dozens of times here and on the CWCki. I don’t come up with the terms. Only reason it’s even used is because overly sensitive advocates threw a bitch fit whenever someone says “normal people” whenever they talk about spergs. I only used it because Chris will never fit the definition of normal no matter how many what-if scenarios you come up with.

but yes it’s also one of the gayest words in the english language

is that like when tran-beasts call you Cis, because it's some neo-marxist double speak for normal, but they're scared to use it because it means they're abnormal?

 

[Argh My Cigar]

is that like when tran-beasts call you Cis, because it's some neo-marxist double speak for normal, but they're scared to use it because it means they're abnormal?

Pretty much, yeah. It’s why the words exceptional or genderfluid exist as opposed to “I’m a genetic reject”.

 

[Alpha Kennybody]

Long time lurker first time poster, blah blah blah; here's what faceapp spit out. Honestly, it's a slight improvement over that fading turquoise mop.

Thanks Eraseee. I reduced the borders and minimised it, as if I'd be looking at him from a short distance.

He looks like a cross between a paedophile, a down syndrome cancer survivor, and a tough cockney gangster.

 

[Argh My Cigar]

Thanks Eraseee. I reduced the borders and minimised it, as if I'd be looking at him from a short distance.

View attachment 1959614

He looks like a cross between a paedophile, a down syndrome cancer survivor, and a tough cockney gangster.

He looks 50 times better. Take away 60-70lbs and he could look almost normal.