Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History

[naught]

Well now, I wouldn’t be a proper Christorian if I didnt correct the slight mistake in your post...

The Autobot Chris pulled out wasn’t for himself. It was a present for Barb and Bob (lol! Generosity, kindness and consideration of others have always been hallmarks of Chris!)

One might have tolerated it if a six year old tried to pull that crap, and given him a kind rebuke afterwards.

But the fact that Barb and Bob put up with Chris “gifting them” an autobot that was obviously only for himself, seems to indicate that they had given up on him a looong time ago, and were happy as long as he was capable of wiping his own ass and not set shit on fire.

This part makes me LOL every time btw:

”And a Christmas present that was supposed to be for the girlfriend that Santa brought, but unfortunately... she didn't show.

Wonder what was in the present? And more importantly, how did Chris expect Santa to bring him a GF? A tied up, unconscious teenager lying under his tree?

Magical thinking.

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

Wonder what was in the present? And more importantly, how did Chris expect Santa to bring him a GF? A tied up, unconscious teenager lying under his tree?

I always wondered that too. As if halfway through him opening presents, the doorbell could ring, and with a twinkle in his eye, Bob says "I wonder who THAT could be..." and in walks some Britney Spears lookalike in a sexy Santa outfit with a big bow.

 

[Fapcop]

I always wondered that too. As if halfway through him opening presents, the doorbell could ring, and with a twinkle in his eye, Bob says "I wonder who THAT could be..." and in walks some Britney Spears lookalike in a sexy Santa outfit with a big bow.

Bob would manage to make both father of the year and Chris-Chan troll of the year, if he had pulled a stunt like that.

Hire a hooker for 8 hours, have her enter like you described, and then drive her home when Chris exhausted with excitement hit the sack.

The next day Chris would be disappointed but still super smug: ”See father?! I to-I TOLD you Santa would bring me a girlfriend!”

The ol’ lumberjack would smile and wink and say: “Well Chris, I guess it was a Christmas miracle!”

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

Either that, or, like some redneck version of Cleopatra's presentation to Caesar, have a mall Father Christmas knock on the door, enter, and empty his enormous sack (stop sniggering) onto the Chandlers' floor, releasing a doped-up Britney lookalike, shivering slightly despite her dazed smile and with a slight look of terror in her glazed eyes, at the very feet of The Most Exalted Potentate Of Fanta...

 

[Spergichu]

Part 42 is up.

 

[Alex Krycek]

Part 42 is up.

In never forgot about the Bras for males thing, I just chose to not think about it because the premise was fucking absurd. And oh fuck the fixation on men’s bulges....

 

[A Grey Cat]

In never forgot about the Bras for males thing, I just chose to not think about it because the premise was fucking absurd. And oh fuck the fixation on men’s bulges....

The autism in the thumbnail..I swear his shirt is one actually for little girls he either squeezed his bulbous gut into one or found a blown up version for fat guys like him

 

[Argh My Cigar]

Part 42 is up.

My uncle was looking over my shoulder when that thumbnail popped up in my recommended feed and asked “Is that Ronnie James Dio?

 

[Yamcha's Only Fan]

lol. 34:55 Chris literally says that learning about the concept of canon ruined his comics, and he hates it.
I believe him since 'canon' means you have to stay consistent and not put in the minimal amount of effort.

 

[CwChalk]

The Mr. Smith incident is one my favourite Chris-Chan moments, the fact that he dox'd him over it is one of those times where you're reminded by Chris himself that he deserves little to no sympathy.

I forgot about the Shovel Mech, must've been imported from Japan.

 

[Psychic Espeon]

Geno is streaming:

 

[troon patrol]

Barb threatens an imaginary black man, loving it. "blinded by poo light!"

 

[deadson]

Part 42 is up.

Oooh we're getting close to the "DON'T CALL ANYBODY" moment, possibly my fave moments of the entire thing.

 

[The Dude]

My uncle was looking over my shoulder when that thumbnail popped up in my recommended feed and asked “Is that Ronnie James Dio?

Dio doesn't deserve to be done dirty like that. You tell your uncle to have some respect for the dead.

 

[Tiger Tanaka]

On the subject of that classical Chris Chan Christmas, what always stands out for me, beyond the Fraggle Rock VHS shenanigans, is the star on the top of the tree being of Sonichu. The 1970s movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers. For those who haven't seen that amazing film, gradually, over the course of the movie, the city gets overtaken by aliens. There's less and less ambient noise like birds singing, dogs barking, or people talking. The paranoia mounts up as you don't realize who is who, and who's on your side. I mention it because by that Christmas, the invasive autism has won over its environment. Barb and Bob give up. They don't care about their shit presents, the state of the tree, or the fact they're having the same kind of Christmas they should be having with a six year old. How many Christmases before this one did they try to fight the onslaught, and tell Chris to get his shit off the tree, that his gifts were selfish, and that he was too old for toys? Then he no doubt gave them the autistic treatment of crying, going silent, sulking, not eating his dinner, wrapping his head in a duvet, or misbehaving in church. That Sonichu Star is the raising of the Autism flag over the burning Reichstag in 1945.

As for the latest video:

Chris Chan learning the sting of Ebay fees is something I can relate to, but unlike Chris, I seemed able to handle them alone.
What will go lower? Chris's decency or the value of Barb's BMW?
Chris yelling at the man in the earth-mover mecha is akin to uncontacted amazon pigmys shaking their spears at an overhead aircraft.
I'm excited to see the Spray incident, because it means Geno has caught up with when I first learned about Christian.
His belief Sega cared about his opinions might explain somewhat how his God-complex is tethered to other dimensions. Just like how he couldn't find the perfect girl so he became one, Christian couldn't find a congregation so he imagined one.

EDIT: Fuck, I’m really curious to see an artist impression of USSR Chris-Chan now!

He'd have been shot or used for food due to his inefficency. What might make for a more compelling story than the autist trying to find a boyfriend-free potato, would be the tale of the poor KGB/NKVD/Militia Man who has to wire tap the Chandlerkov Residence and record all the autistic screeching. Does he make the report to his superior, or keep quiet for fear he'd be shot for inventing something as absurd as The Pickle Comrade, Clyde Ruble, or the Borscht-fart video?

EDIT

Dio doesn't deserve to be done dirty like that. You tell your uncle to have some respect for the dead.

HOLY BARBARA, You've sat too long and you stink of pee.
Oh what's becoming of me

 

[RustyNail(her)]

Chris’s brand loyalty is probably a mix of shitty parenting and his autism: Chris is good, Chris uses Axe, therefore Axe is good.

Chris uses Axe solely because when axe first hit the market in the early 2000s, their marketing was an endless supply of commercials where a guy used it, and women would come out of the woodwork to practically rape him. Chris assumed the same would happen to him

 

[Hogar Grupal]

Like every episode, there's so much to unpack here. In his conversations with Colin, when backed against the corner, Chris will still comment with delusion that he achieved Honor Roll. Damn, if he went off on blue arms, imagine how Chris would react if Barb remarried.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

Geno is streaming:

Barely 4.5 k views? What makes him think he's so interesting outside of a fat male idiot with autogynephelia?!

 

[Uncle Meat]

We see a sample of Barbara's handwriting and it looks nothing like the "autographs" that Chris sold. He forged those autographs himself. Barb probably can't even spell her name any more.

 

[Jeff Gazetti]

Barely 4.5 k views? What makes him think he's so interesting outside of a fat male idiot with autogynephelia?!

I dunno why he has these segments. Straight up unbiased honesty:

Pretty boring

A short one time “about me” segment would be ok but not this monthly release shit.

There are bigger retards whose content consists (mainly) of reaction vids and they get way more views/subs. So I’ll give Geno some sympathy in that regard.