Chris in 20 years?

[brooklynbailiff]

Letting men take shits in his mouth for $20 a pop, behind Goodwill. No male taint will go unlicked, so long as Christian Weston Chandler walks this earth.



Pshh, c'mon... That unhealthy fat fuck will be dead before he sees 40.

Brilliant post.

Don't do it again.

Thank you.

 

[GFYS]

Brilliant post.

Don't do it again.

Thank you.

Sorry, I was joking some of the outlandish predictions and opinion of Chris being a closeted homosexual.

I genuinely don't believe he'll live to see 40. Look at how badly Chris has tumbled in just the last few years. Bob and Barb might have been kicking for many years, but they only just became filthy lock-in hoarders in the past few decades. That's Chris' entire adult life.

 

[Smokedaddy]

I genuinely don't believe he'll live to see 40. Look at how badly Chris has tumbled in just the last few years. Bob and Barb might have been kicking for many years, but they only just became filthy lock-in hoarders in the past few decades. That's Chris' entire adult life.

Yeah but that don't kill ya. Granted, he's not exactly living a healthy lifestyle (to what degree is uncertain) but he doesn't smoke, drink (much), or indulge in harmful recreational substances. He's out of shape, of course -- I didn't buy his "216 pounds" thing for a nanosecond, but he's not morbidly obese, either. A lot of people his age are fatter than him and the vast majority easily make 40 or 50, if not more.

You get some perspective on it after you turn 30. You don't feel any different than you did at 20, but eventually you notice time has accelerated. The years begin to pass as the flapping of a great black wing.

 

[bradsternum]

Yeah, guys. Short of him being murdered, he won't be dead. You've been indoctrinated into the cult of Health Obsession.
I knew a guy, for example, who was in his mid forties. Health obsessed. Fit, built, positive, exercise freak. Always happy. Always eating
good food. And then POW - Dead. Heart gave out. A random turn of events.

Meanwhile, this other man I know is a cynical fat asshole. He lives on a steady diet of Fox News and doughnuts. And guess what? He just turned 83. Hallelujah.

 

[theobservdr]

only thing will be his family or neighbors staging a major intervention but we all know they probably won't want anything to do with him, but seeing that he has Aspergers it would sway decisions in addition to something like that would be one of those light hearted good news stories media outlets do.

'Neighbors save high functioning autistic man from condemned building he was living in'

 

[exball]

 

[Donald Duck]

http://sonichu.com/w/images/thumb/2/26/DecayOfManChild.jpg/180x184x180px-DecayOfManChild.jpg.pagespeed.ic.FLs7lnKvEK.jpg

I swear that drawing probably looks much, much better than how he'll actually look at age 50. I keep imagining that Chris will eventually need to carry around an oxygen tank to breathe later in life.

 

[deeman]

I put money on that he will be too naive and scammed pretty much on the first "pay day"...

 

[DangDirtyTrolls]

I genuinely don't believe he'll live to see 40. Look at how badly Chris has tumbled in just the last few years. Bob and Barb might have been kicking for many years, but they only just became filthy lock-in hoarders in the past few decades. That's Chris' entire adult life.

Yeah but that don't kill ya. Granted, he's not exactly living a healthy lifestyle (to what degree is uncertain) but he doesn't smoke, drink (much), or indulge in harmful recreational substances. He's out of shape, of course -- I didn't buy his "216 pounds" thing for a nanosecond, but he's not morbidly obese, either. A lot of people his age are fatter than him and the vast majority easily make 40 or 50, if not more.

You get some perspective on it after you turn 30. You don't feel any different than you did at 20, but eventually you notice time has accelerated. The years begin to pass as the flapping of a great black wing.

As something of a coincidence just today one of the crappy tabloid papers in my country had an article on the UK's ex-fattest man. When he was in his 20s at his heaviest he weighed ~900lb and would regularly down 40 pints of lager a night in addition to binge eating. Now he is in his 40s and has been housebound for the last 3 years, desperately trying to lose weight although he still weighs over 600lb. He is in very real danger of his weight killing him, but he's still alive.

Chris is not a model of health by any means but the human body is more resilient than a lot of people tend to give it credit for and there are far fatter, less active people than even Chris that are still around. Realistically unless Chris picks up some bug or infection from his living conditions I don't see why he wouldn't be alive at 40 even with no major lifestyle changes. Neither Bob nor Barb were the picture of health and they both made it to 70+

 

[GFYS]

If his crappy living conditions and health were his worst problems, I'd agree he could live longer. Chris or Barb are going to do something that's going to greatly diminish Chris' survivability, or outright kill them. I'm going on record to say that I think whatever kills Chris, will be somehow linked - by two degrees of association, or less - to improper maintenance of the roof or structure of their house. It'll be something that wouldn't have been fatal to someone of average intelligence or physical fitness. It will be tragically hilarious, but we won't find out about it for weeks.

 

[Smokedaddy]

only thing will be his family or neighbors staging a major intervention but we all know they probably won't want anything to do with him, but seeing that he has Aspergers it would sway decisions in addition to something like that would be one of those light hearted good news stories media outlets do.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, CHRIS DOES NOT HAVE ASPERGER'S.

After the babysitter, what happened? Look up Asperger Syndrome then THINK ABOUT IT.

L&K,
=S

 

[theobservdr]

High Functioning Autistic then, because we know Chris would lose his shit if he was lumped in with Aspergers.

 

[Burning Love]

If his crappy living conditions and health were his worst problems, I'd agree he could live longer. Chris or Barb are going to do something that's going to greatly diminish Chris' survivability, or outright kill them. I'm going on record to say that I think whatever kills Chris, will be somehow linked - by two degrees of association, or less - to improper maintenance of the roof or structure of their house. It'll be something that wouldn't have been fatal to someone of average intelligence or physical fitness. It will be tragically hilarious, but we won't find out about it for weeks.

Your ideas are bad and you should feel bad.

I just wonder if he's going to be like Devin Townsend during the SYL days in a few years. If you don't know what I'm talking about...

Spoiler

Though unlike Chris's future, he did at least end up reasonably attractive!

Spoiler

Honestly Chris isn't that far off from having a skullet. I'm just wondering if his autist powers of perception and magic will make it so that when he looks in the mirror his hair looks more like... Waterhead's. lol.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

I always figured Chris would shuffle off of this mortal coil via trebuchet. Not by being hit with a projectile, mind, but rather from being accidentally launched from one that he'd inadvertently built during some wacky scheme to launder his clothes after Barb had passed on. It would be with no small sense of irony that Barb herself would have unwittingly left this world in the exact same fashion just a few years prior.

Oh, and in both cases, the deceased would have been as naked and covered in goo as the day they were born. Moving the annual Ruckersville bean dinner to another venue would do nothing to prevent the younger Chandler's corpse from landing directly into Granma Cuthbert's green bean casserole, ever the high point of the event, as his mother had done before him.

 

[Donald Duck]

If his crappy living conditions and health were his worst problems, I'd agree he could live longer. Chris or Barb are going to do something that's going to greatly diminish Chris' survivability, or outright kill them. I'm going on record to say that I think whatever kills Chris, will be somehow linked - by two degrees of association, or less - to improper maintenance of the roof or structure of their house. It'll be something that wouldn't have been fatal to someone of average intelligence or physical fitness. It will be tragically hilarious, but we won't find out about it for weeks.

Good point, even if his health problems won't do him in, he'll likely be killed by an act of stupidity or negligence. You just reminded me and I think it's been mentioned before whenever speculation of how Chris will meet his end comes up, but depending on how severe their hoarding is, the two of them might share the same fate as the Collyer brothers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers

 

[exball]

If his crappy living conditions and health were his worst problems, I'd agree he could live longer. Chris or Barb are going to do something that's going to greatly diminish Chris' survivability, or outright kill them. I'm going on record to say that I think whatever kills Chris, will be somehow linked - by two degrees of association, or less - to improper maintenance of the roof or structure of their house. It'll be something that wouldn't have been fatal to someone of average intelligence or physical fitness. It will be tragically hilarious, but we won't find out about it for weeks.

Good point, even if his health problems won't do him in, he'll likely be killed by an act of stupidity or negligence. You just reminded me and I think it's been mentioned before whenever speculation of how Chris will meet his end comes up, but depending on how severe their hoarding is, the two of them might share the same fate as the Collyer brothers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers

Chris would never take care of someone else.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

If his crappy living conditions and health were his worst problems, I'd agree he could live longer. Chris or Barb are going to do something that's going to greatly diminish Chris' survivability, or outright kill them. I'm going on record to say that I think whatever kills Chris, will be somehow linked - by two degrees of association, or less - to improper maintenance of the roof or structure of their house. It'll be something that wouldn't have been fatal to someone of average intelligence or physical fitness. It will be tragically hilarious, but we won't find out about it for weeks.

Good point, even if his health problems won't do him in, he'll likely be killed by an act of stupidity or negligence. You just reminded me and I think it's been mentioned before whenever speculation of how Chris will meet his end comes up, but depending on how severe their hoarding is, the two of them might share the same fate as the Collyer brothers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers

Chris would never take care of someone else.

He's hardly doing it now .

 

[CatParty]

yeah, he recently resigned as a "caretaker" according to facebook

 

[Meeko]

I imagine that Barb will pass on and Chris will just let the house remain as it is, adding things to it to the point that he can't actually sleep in the house anymore. He'll splurge to get a camper or just sleep in his car (while spending his days in warmer locations such as the library or McDonalds), occasionally trying to persuade someone (church member, etc) else to let him stay at their house for the night/ He will refuse any and all attempts to get him out of the house, as the offers will all center around putting him into some sort of group home. Eventually he'll get sent to the hospital because he made himself sick and didn't want to spend the money or use his medicaid/medicare to go see a doctor. He'll die shortly thereafter. Coleslaw will probably inherit the house as the next of kin, only to hand the entire thing over to the bank to pay Chris's medical bills. Nothing will be salvageable, which will slightly upset Coleslaw since he'll realize that he did want at least some small things of his childhood that Barb inevitably kept. The house will either continue to sit and rot for a few more years or it'll just be torn down immediately due to various violations of this or that.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

High Functioning Autistic then, because we know Chris would lose his shit if he was lumped in with Aspergers.

He would just adopt it as his own and immediately turn on those high-functioning autistics. Chris judges everything by its immediate value to him, nothing else.