Chris' thought process

[Chrisaroonie]

I've always wondered about that speech he gave to the Jerkops.

He said that in the middle of his speech they started to chase after him. So was Fatty extolling them as he waddled off or did they jump him as he was talking. It's an interesting conundrum

Picturing this makes me giggle like a school girl. I see him starting his speech all valiantly and then just getting taken out in the middle of it. It's great.

 

[knux]

Picturing this makes me giggle like a school girl. I see him starting his speech all valiantly and then just getting taken out in the middle of it. It's great.

The security guards interrupting Chris to chase him doesn't make sense to me.

I think he got louder and louder during his speech so the guards got nervous and moved to arrest him. Then Chris panicked, tried to get away and the chase started, preferably Benny Hill style.

 

[Mogambo]

Yeah. I'm sure Chris, being raised on a steady stream of overly formulaic movies and TV shows, thought that he'd be allowed to make some dramatic, stirring speech which would cause everyone to stop and listen to him. The security guards, though just saw some mumbling idiot getting louder and louder, so they tried to escort him out. For all they know he was going to do something retarded. Retardeder anyway. They don't know if he's harmless, dangerous, psychotic... they just know he's causing a scene. It's not in their job description to stop and let people make dramatic speeches.

Of course, Chris' attempts at making a dramatic speech might be slightly better if he could string together a coherent thought or two and not end every other word with "ummm." His tendency to stutter when he gets excited doesn't do him any favors either. However, I do love the idea of a Benny Hill style chase ensuing through the store, though at best Chris would simply waddle around until he soils himself or gets tackled. Whichever comes first.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

In okcupid answers, he talks about how he's confident he's had past lives.

Chris should read "Reincarnation: A Critical Examination" by Paul Edwards, or "The Case Against Reincarnation: A Rational Approach" by James Webster, or stuff by Emmanuel Swedenborg.

Back on topic, it's interesting how different his speech and writing is compared to others, and the apparent thought processes going into them.

 

[Mogambo]

Chris should read "Reincarnation: A Critical Examination" by Paul Edwards, or "The Case Against Reincarnation: A Rational Approach" by James Webster, or stuff by Emmanuel Swedenborg.

I would, however, that said authors do not seem to have an adequate grasp of the Hindu and Buddhist conception of reincarnation. Actually, I haven't read Webster, but I assume he adheres to the same Western interpretations. In the Indian tradition, reincarnation is both involuntary and indeed undesirable. More importantly, nobody believes you can "recall" what your past lives are. The sole exception would be the Buddha Shakyamuni whose past human and animal lives are recounted in the Jatakas, but the common man doesn't "remember" being a king or a slave or an ant. That's really more of a Western, New Age concept. Likewise, reincarnations are not always human, let alone of the same sex or social class, so at least in that much Chris is somewhat closer to Indian tradition. You might very well reincarnate as a god, or animal, or hungry ghost or demon depending on what you did in your previous lives.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I would, however, that said authors do not seem to have an adequate grasp of the Hindu and Buddhist conception of reincarnation.

So have you read them also? Personally, I don't believe in reincarnation, but I'd hope if it's true that there's an easy way out of it, like there is in Pure Land Buddhism.

Anyway, the Target incident apparently happened with other people around (if you read between the lines in the Sonichu comic). I'm curious how there's really no other recountings of the incident floating around the internet (that we know of) other than what's on the CWCki. Also, it would've been a sight to be in that crowd and see it happen IRL.

 

[DustygreeneNCR]

"I don't need a bath. Axe will do the trick."
"My house burned down and my mother is emotionally unstable. Might as well play video games."
"If I try to kiss this girl I just met who claims to want to do a story on me for her news article, she might decide to be my sweetheart!'
"Nintendo should pay me for Sonichu and devote all their time and effort to making what I want."

 

[PacSol]

...Likewise, reincarnations are not always human, let alone of the same sex or social class, so at least in that much Chris is somewhat closer to Indian tradition. You might very well reincarnate as a god, or animal, or hungry ghost or demon depending on what you did in your previous lives.

Which makes me wonder: what the fuck did OPL do in his past life? Or, what's going to happen in his next one, because he sure as hell isn't going to reach enlightenment in this one.

 

[Clown Doll]

"My house burned down and my mother is emotionally unstable. Might as well play video games."

Chris doesn't have any preoccupation in his life that would make playing video games essentially all day somehow a bad thing, or at least significantly worse than his other alternatives. I mean : even without his extremely special resistance toward working in an actual job, Chris is essentially unemployable. I don't know how the current state of the global economy affects Charlottesville or Virgia currently, but I'd imagine that even the most menial of jobs have a lot of competition for workers and Chris doesn't really have much in the way of degrees that would land him a good job instantly but more importantly he has absolutely none experience in any job, and him being an exceptional person he probably wouldn't get hired to even simple jobs as a cashier. He has absolutely no strength to work in construction or as a warehouse worker(although warehouse / logistics jobs are more done via a forklift than relying on simple muscle power) and dog gone it, he has ZERO people skills so even telemarketing is out of his reach. His best avenue of generating money(and therefore lifting up his life as much as he can) as of current is actually doing what he does now : exploit his reputation of being a lolcow for monetary gains and using his spare time to play vidya so he can stay sane while tending to his miserable life and his geriatric and insane mother.

Sitting on his ass just playing vidya and gathering meager profits from his Ebay dealings(well, to be fair his Ebay profits are probably the single biggest source of revenue he's ever had in such a short span of time so he's actually living the high life now) instead of going into the working life was an incredibly dumb thing to do ~7 years ago(despite it being an idea pitched by arguably the most intelligent person of the Chandler household, Robert Chandler) but now it's pretty much the only sensible thing he can do at the moment.

This is very much not true. Chris has a pulse, he can get a menial job

I might've jumped the gun a little bit. I guess even Chris isn't totally unemployable, he has worked in the past, but I wouldn't trust his capacity to hold down a job for very long,at least long enough to be a secure replacement of his tugboat. Then again, I don't know Chris personally so from my viewpoint it's a whole slew of speculation.

 

[Marvin]

I mean : even without his extremely special resistance toward working in an actual job, Chris is essentially unemployable.

This is very much not true. Chris has a pulse, he can get a menial job. If Chris can't get a job, then lots of people can't get jobs, and Chris simply can't afford to live in the Charlottesville area anymore.

But yeah, given the parameters, Chris' behavior makes sense.

 

[An Ounce of Vagina]

This is very much not true. Chris has a pulse, he can get a menial job. If Chris can't get a job, then lots of people can't get jobs, and Chris simply can't afford to live in the Charlottesville area anymore.

But yeah, given the parameters, Chris' behavior makes sense.

Maybe he could get a job. But no way in hell could he keep it for long. This is a man who is floored by stress when he isn't allowed his way in all things at all times. Can you imagine his reaction when told to do something he doesn't feel like doing? Or being told "Chris, I need you to work late tonight."? Or "Chris, stop doing that."?

It's been said before, anyone who hired Chris would have to have someone watch him all day to keep him from simply wandering off in search of legos and potential sweethearts.

 

[Marvin]

Maybe he could get a job. But no way in hell could he keep it for long. This is a man who is floored by stress when he isn't allowed his way in all things at all times. Can you imagine his reaction when told to do something he doesn't feel like doing? Or being told "Chris, I need you to work late tonight."? Or "Chris, stop doing that."?

It's been said before, anyone who hired Chris would have to have someone watch him all day to keep him from simply wandering off in search of legos and potential sweethearts.

If Chris got a job, serious shit would've happened. I would be very surprised if Chris couldn't maintain a job, if he had to get one in the first place.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Maybe he could get a job. But no way in hell could he keep it for long. This is a man who is floored by stress when he isn't allowed his way in all things at all times. Can you imagine his reaction when told to do something he doesn't feel like doing?

If Pixyteri is any indication, you can have outright meltdown-freakouts in the workplace at Home Depot and still somehow keep a job there. I'm sure Chris could find himself a similar niche if he was truly forced.

 

[Pally]

Depends actually on the job, really. If it is something easy, and he does not have any stress with it, like having to work late or too early or look at pickles, he may be able to do it.

Like a wallmart greeter who has shifts on the morning?

 

[Jaimas]

A local school for special-needs kids I work at has a work program intended to help people find work. We have kids who are completely nonverbal who go on to live rich, fulfilling lives, helping out in fields like cooking, cleaning, and washing for local hotel chains.

Every once in a while we get one like Chris though. And that brings me to one that pretty much every student I work with now knows about.

This girl was infamous for her behavior and sheer size and strength. Due to her medication, she got physically huge - and violent. By the time she was finally forcibly transferred out, she was at the point where anything less than complete and total appeasement of her every demand would cause her to react violently. The school would then act completely surprised when the bus staff was completely unwilling to take her home in such a state.

This was a child who knew exactly what she was doing - she was simply a violent brute who knew she could get what she wanted by being violent enough and forcing the issue, because giving her what she wanted was easier than dealing wtih the fallout of not giving her it. But the thing was, what she wanted wasn't always something that could be done... Like when she wanted to be brought home first when we have other kids who need to be dropped off due to a need for artificial respiration.

I was actually the straw that broke the camel's back; during one trip she had one of her outbursts, and physically attacked a teacher. I got in the way, and she reacted by taking a huge bite out of my arm. I was lucky; I was wearing a thick sweater and a jacket, so all I suffered was the mother of all bruises. She had finally gone too far, and, realizing that I might sue if the matter ever came up again, New York State pushed the issue and had her transferred to a permanent facility. You'd be amazed how many transparencies I've heard other students at the school make between Our Pet Lolcow and this one student. None of them want to be like her, or like OPL.

I don't think OPL isn't able to work; I just think he will steadfastly refuse until he has no other choice. He's had an enabler par excellence in Barbara, and the lesson Chris has learned is that he can get his way if he screams loud enough and rattles about trolls enough.

 

[timtommy]

If Chris got a job, serious shit would've happened. I would be very surprised if Chris couldn't maintain a job, if he had to get one in the first place.

I agree.

Chris isn't particularly bright, but he can understand basic instructions. He isn't particularly strong, but he is capable of walking around and carrying things. He doesn't have great people skills, but if he tries hard at it he can come across as moderately pleasant. Therefore he is capable of working.

I am not saying he would ever rise up the ranks and be a great success, but if he really felt he had to keep working at jobs like the Wendy's job he would probably have had been able to. He might have lost a few jobs, as he would have been a fairly replaceable asset, but he could have found others to replace them. He might have had periods of unemployment, but not 13 years of it. His autism could have hurt him in some cases, but in other cases if he had a sympathetic manager or placement help from a social worker it could have helped him.

Bob seemed to instill in Chris the necessity of finishing school, so he did it without much questioning. How many people would have stuck with PVCC for as long as Chris did? But Bob never succeeded in convincing Chris a job was necessary. If he had, Chris probably would have muddled through with the same confused perseverance he applied to his education. But Chris "laziness" tends to manifest itself with the thought "what is the least I can get away with doing", so as soon as work became optional, it went out the window.

I often think that Chris could have been really happy working, even if it was a shitty job. He doesn't have high standards for entertainment or intellectual stimulus, so boredom probably wouldn't be a huge issue. It would give him structure and a regular reason to get out and do something, both of which even he sometimes acknowledges are things he misses. The level of social interaction of that type of job would be about perfect for him. People to be friendly with on a regular basis without much more than that. The presence of a manager and coworkers in his life could have done a lot to keep him grounded in reality, without much effort on their part.

Given his brand loyalty and over inflation of minor achievements, can you imagine how stoked he would be if he got the occasional "Walmart employee of the week" or "McDonalds 1 year of service award"? And with some good reason too. If you met Chris and he told you he had been working at the same McDonalds for a couple years, you would have to say "considering how different you seem to be, that's not bad, good for you". He could have some stuff to be legitimately proud of.

It makes me really sad sometimes. I really believe that if whatever switch got flipped in his head from "optional" to "mandatory" about PVCC got flipped for the idea of holding a job, his life would have gone from fairly miserable to fairly idyllic (by his standards). Whenever I am feeling charitable towards Chris, it breaks my heart.

 

[Damocles_Sword]

Let's say the tugboat gets torpedoed and Barb throws a hissy fit cause she can't go to goodwill no more, so, Chris has to set out on his epic job quest. After 6 months of muddling around, some small place picks him up to fill a "special" quouta. Knowing he can't be around customers or any hazardous situation whatsoever, they stick him in the back assembling boxes with 16 year old Melissa, the boss' daughter doing her first summer job. How many minutes until he gets fired for groping her? Or with Ted, who has the distinct problem of being a man, how many minutes until he gets fired for tard raging? While Chris is physically capable of work, unless he is totally isolated from both genders he would never be able to keep a job.

 

[Queen of Tarts]

Chris could probably work as a floor sweeper or stocker or something. A repetitive job that doesn't require too much

Then again, Patti's dog house was apparently 10 tons to him, so a short trip around the store with a few cans of beans might give him a stroke.

Toilet cleaner or floor sweeper it is.

 

[Jaimas]

Chris could probably work as a floor sweeper or stocker or something. A repetitive job that doesn't require too much

Then again, Patti's dog house was apparently 10 tons to him, so a short trip around the store with a few cans of beans might give him a stroke.

Toilet cleaner or floor sweeper it is.

There's always "Lab Animal" and "Elephant Man."

 

[Queen of Tarts]

There's always "Lab Animal" and "Elephant Man."

Chris applies for one of those "test pills for side affects" ads.

Become Hulk Who Shits Himself.