Chris's Current Match.com Profile

[Coldgrip]

He must have decided preserving his tugboat was more important than Obama supporting the homos.

I think you're giving him too much credit here and assuming he would actually know about the finer (or even the most basic) details about SSI and which political figure supports what.

Chris' views on politics are whatever Family Guy and Southpark tell him.

 

[soIregistered]

He must have decided preserving his tugboat was more important than Obama supporting the homos.

I think you're giving him too much credit here and assuming he would actually know about the finer (or even the most basic) details about SSI and which political figure supports what.

Chris' views on politics are whatever Family Guy and Southpark tell him.

Both shows are pretty pro-gay, though. South Park had a pro-gay episode in '97, way before it was commonplace.

 

[Lady Houligan]

He must have decided preserving his tugboat was more important than Obama supporting the homos.

I think you're giving him too much credit here and assuming he would actually know about the finer (or even the most basic) details about SSI and which political figure supports what.

Chris' views on politics are whatever Family Guy and Southpark tell him.

It's this completely, as far as I'm concerned. Research causes stress, so why have your own opinion when someone on the TV will tell you what to think?

 

[Coldgrip]

He must have decided preserving his tugboat was more important than Obama supporting the homos.

I think you're giving him too much credit here and assuming he would actually know about the finer (or even the most basic) details about SSI and which political figure supports what.

Chris' views on politics are whatever Family Guy and Southpark tell him.

Both shows are pretty pro-gay, though. South Park had a pro-gay episode in '97, way before it was commonplace.

And yet he thinks both those shows are anti gay. It's a good example of Chris' mental gymnastics and just how closed-minded he can be.

 

[Himawari]

Also adding "full-figured" to the type of women he's seeking is a step in the right direction.

He probably thinks "full-figured" means "big boobs and skinny waist."

 

[soIregistered]

Also adding "full-figured" to the type of women he's seeking is a step in the right direction.

He probably thinks "full-figured" means "big boobs and skinny waist."

HA, yeah, he'd be surprised by what that means, not that any girl, ever, will take him up on the offer.

 

[Overcast]

I really like how he doesn't mention any sort of occupation and demands his match to have a really high income.

Who else but Chris?

 

[MrTroll]

He actually supports gay marriage, but just for lesbians. He likes DYKES but not gay men. Bizarre, I know.

Not bizarre at all. Lots of adolescent boys have that mindset. Of course, most of them grow out of it by the time they hit 18 or so. It would only be bizarre if Chris was an otherwise functional adult.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

 

[GFYS]

I actually don't know Match.com very well, but after I made a profile, I started looking at more profiles of guys in my target range... Chris' profile is actually one of the better ones. It's depressing. A teensy part of me genuinely wanted to cry after seeing just how much "ick" there is out there. I scored Chris a 1 in that "how good looking am I©™®" thread, but I'm now reconsidering giving him a 3. The only thing that (I HOPE) is unique to Chris, is the pants pooping. Even that I sort of doubt, after seeing enough profiles.

While we know he's lying about his emotional maturity and caring, to the uninitiated Chris' profile might actually be slightly appealing. There are some women - particularly financially successful women with power trips - who actually like dating younger ne'er-do-wells, and keeping them like pets. He might have had a chance at a first date (it'd obviously all fall apart 5 minutes in), but Chris - being THE Christian Weston Stupid - kills his odds with the whole "must meet in person IMMEDIATELY" part. That's the part that evokes the image of being tied up and buried in a refrigerator in his back yard.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

He actually supports gay marriage, but just for lesbians. He likes DYKES but not gay men. Bizarre, I know.

It's not bizarre. Just ignorant.

 

[DangDirtyTrolls]

Both shows are pretty pro-gay, though. South Park had a pro-gay episode in '97, way before it was commonplace.

I don't know which episode you're referring to. Was it very blatantly out-and-out pro-gay, declaring "we are pro-gay"? If it was delivered with even the slightest element of subtlety it was lost on Chris and he completely missed the point. He thinks Family Guy is a pro-Christian, anti-gay cartoon because one scene had Stewie quoting the Bible. Even though he's a fan of the show, has no doubt seen every episode and should know Stewie's character well enough to know it was done tongue-in-cheek, he completely missed the point and took it at face value as Stewie being an anti-gay Bible basher which he then used to justify his own beliefs.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Both shows are pretty pro-gay, though. South Park had a pro-gay episode in '97, way before it was commonplace.

I don't know which episode you're referring to. Was it very blatantly out-and-out pro-gay, declaring "we are pro-gay"? If it was delivered with even the slightest element of subtlety it was lost on Chris and he completely missed the point. He thinks Family Guy is a pro-Christian, anti-gay cartoon because one scene had Stewie quoting the Bible. Even though he's a fan of the show, has no doubt seen every episode and should know Stewie's character well enough to know it was done tongue-in-cheek, he completely missed the point and took it at face value as Stewie being an anti-gay Bible basher which he then used to justify his own beliefs.

I believe the South Park episode in question was the first Big Gay Al episode. Honestly been so long since I've watched old South Park that I couldn't tell you whether the episode was or not.

 

[soIregistered]

Both shows are pretty pro-gay, though. South Park had a pro-gay episode in '97, way before it was commonplace.

I don't know which episode you're referring to. Was it very blatantly out-and-out pro-gay, declaring "we are pro-gay"? If it was delivered with even the slightest element of subtlety it was lost on Chris and he completely missed the point. He thinks Family Guy is a pro-Christian, anti-gay cartoon because one scene had Stewie quoting the Bible. Even though he's a fan of the show, has no doubt seen every episode and should know Stewie's character well enough to know it was done tongue-in-cheek, he completely missed the point and took it at face value as Stewie being an anti-gay Bible basher which he then used to justify his own beliefs.

I believe the South Park episode in question was the first Big Gay Al episode. Honestly been so long since I've watched old South Park that I couldn't tell you whether the episode was or not.

It was indeed the first season Big Gay Al episode with Sparky The Gay Dog. (George Clooney). There is a gay museum, and Stan goes to town at the end to declare "Being gay is a part of nature, and a beautiful thing." I was 18, and that was the most pro gay thing I'd seen on a show like that, at the time.

 

[Holdek]

According to the site, this profile was active as of 3 weeks ago.

In his own words

Spoiler

"Fitness is important to both of you."

Lists "Native American" before "White."

"Body type: About average."

"Emotionally mature,"

Lists "Other" under faith.

+1 for not telling people to IGNORE ALL GOOGLE RESULTS.

that makes me think it may not be true.

unless he's learning......

Which would be even further evidence that it may not be true.

Sorry, this isn't exactly true, most would mind!

ref. - being Irish

If I ever visit the UK, I'll just refer to everyone as a human. And with my luck, I'll offend an Otherkin.

I'll recommend that! It's actually GAME OVER, MAN! if you called about half of people from Northern Ireland Irish too.
I'd go with Homosapians, or Homos for short

Well, it's also game over if you called about half the people there British, so pick your poison.

He might have had a chance at a first date (it'd obviously all fall apart 5 minutes in), but Chris - being THE Christian Weston Stupid - kills his odds with the whole "must meet in person IMMEDIATELY" part. That's the part that evokes the image of being tied up and buried in a refrigerator in his back yard.

Spoiler

That and about how prospective daters can find him wandering around the Wal-Mart building. :?

 

[LordCustos3]

Hmmmmm.
I'm trying to figure out how I'd phrase a Match.com profile if I...
1) Were Chris.
2) Wanted to not be horrifyingly unwantable.
3) Without blatantly lying.

How to phrase, how to phrase....
Hmmmn. Yeah.

• 
  Chris Chandler
  31 Year Old Man|Advance Mills, Va, USA|Seeking: Women
  
  Ethnicity: American.
  Body type: Cuddly.
  Faith: Negotiable.
  Occupation: Freelance Artist/Webcomic Creator/Amateur Musician.
  Income: Withheld for security reasons.
  Education: Autodidact. Learned at the School of Hard Knocks.

Also, just realized the double meaning behind "Fitness is important to me"
He means YOUR fitness is important to him. He don't want to blubbery flubbawubba with an aircraft carrier sized badonkadonk.

 

[Venusaur]

• 
  Chris Chandler
  31 Year Old Man|Advance Mills, Va, USA|Seeking: Women
  
  Ethnicity: American.
  Body type: Cuddly.
  Faith: Negotiable.
  Occupation: Freelance Artist/Webcomic Creator/Amateur Musician.
  Income: Withheld for security reasons.
  Education: Autodidact. Learned at the School of Hard Knocks.

Hhrmm.. not bad. Props for coming up with "cuddly", and the Occupation entry. If I didn't know that was Chris, I'd say it sounds like an interesting guy.

 

[Midnight Kissy Bull]

Hmmmmm.
I'm trying to figure out how I'd phrase a Match.com profile if I...
1) Were Chris.
2) Wanted to not be horrifyingly unwantable.
3) Without blatantly lying.

How to phrase, how to phrase....
Hmmmn. Yeah.

• 
  Chris Chandler
  31 Year Old Man|Advance Mills, Va, USA|Seeking: Women
  
  Ethnicity: American.
  Body type: Cuddly.
  Faith: Negotiable.
  Occupation: Freelance Artist/Webcomic Creator/Amateur Musician.
  Income: Withheld for security reasons.
  Education: Autodidact. Learned at the School of Hard Knocks.

Also, just realized the double meaning behind "Fitness is important to me"
He means YOUR fitness is important to him. He don't want to blubbery flubbawubba with an aircraft carrier sized badonkadonk.

Oooh, cuddly! Are we talking "a handful hanging over the belt" or "full-on Santa"? Pff, either way, Mama likey.

Wait, it's Chris. Fuck it.

 

[CWCissey]

British AND English?

Which is it Chris?

 

[DangDirtyTrolls]

Where is Advance Mills? I've never heard him use that before, he's said Ruckersville countless times. Is that just an attempt to make his profile slightly harder for trolls to find by not using his expected location?