Chris's Current Match.com Profile

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Holdek said:
That and about how prospective daters can find him wandering around the Wal-Mart building. :?
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He'll be the one on the floor, with three security guards shoving his face into the carpet as he cries a single tear of blood.

Chris may not be the most outlandish looking person to walk through the doors of the Charlottesville Walmart, but he's probably not that far behind them either. Still, he's one of the only people I know who has been banned from a Walmart AND Target just for being creepy. It's usually just shoplifters and people who write bad checks.
 
Je Ne Sais Quoi? Seriously? He prefers British and French women? Really? Serious?
 
Chris, you aren't "emotionally mature" if your buying toys at the beginning of the month and then moping and whining like Baby Huey at the end of it. Dammit man, spend $150 on a barbell weight, do 5x5 workouts with squats and deadlifts, and go knock out the ladies. It really is that simple. It really is that simple! :heart-full:
 
So he still thinks the Sonichu idea will get him a sweetheart..... Oh, Chris.
 
Basing any encounter on his picture alone, not one woman would ever be interested in someone who can't even look at a camera right, he's so shy and nervous. Not to mention the pimple between his eyes.
 
"Bless me with your sweetness, and I'll do what I can for you."

I love this quote. It's epitome of how much effort he puts in to everything in this life. It starts off like it's going to be a gesture of a real romantic quote and then just ends in a giant pile of "meh". It basically sounds like "Give me everything and I'll lump around.".

Truely, everything in his life ends is half assery and disappointment.
 
Chrissy said:
Bless me with your sweetness, and I'll do what I can for you.
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I'm honestly lost for words. Give me everything, your love, heart and your money and I'll give my bent duck when I feel like it and maybe draw a picture of Sonichu fir you. Be grateful.

Chris... What the fuck?
 
I'm now sorry Bob and Barb didn't have another child after Chris, probably a girl. Having a sister would have probably helped Chris so much.
 
TrippinKahlua said:
I'm now sorry Bob and Barb didn't have another child after Chris, probably a girl. Having a sister would have probably helped Chris so much.
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He does have a sister. ;/)
 
I meant full blooded, more like a little sister.
 
You know something? The world of Television talks about dating sites a lot and like how you are sure to find love this way. I guess Chris has become deluded in this way of thinking and doesn't realize that him being him will always keep the cuni away. *SIGH*

I don't buy what those commercials say, by the way. That's why I never took my Fuck Quest online.
 
Hell, if anything dating online is harder in real life. Online if you don't like the way a person looks in their profile picture you can just skip over them without a second thought. Which means Chris is basically fucked.
 
Hey, I've seen some worse profiles....I think he should try out Christian Mengle if Match doesn't produce a sweetheart.
 
TrippinKahlua said:
You know something? The world of Television talks about dating sites a lot and like how you are sure to find love this way. I guess Chris has become deluded in this way of thinking and doesn't realize that him being him will always keep the cuni away. *SIGH*

I don't buy what those commercials say, by the way. That's why I never took my Fuck Quest online.
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As he has demonstrated many, many times in his life, Chris uncritically believes anything and everything he sees and hears on TV. Ironically, his tendency to piss away every dollar he "earns" almost immediately upon receiving it has probably saved him from being taken in by one of those "cheap gold investment" TV commercial scams that target the lazy and stupid.
 
You know, I met my wife on an online dating site.
 
The Dude said:
You know, I met my wife on an online dating site.
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You, sir, are NOT married; you are making as much fabrication up as Chris would. Your post is a fraud; you will never change my mind; You Are Pathetic. Ha. Ha. Ha.
 
It shatters my heart level that you would say that, Cat Party, because I also met my fiance on an online dating site. It was sheer joy to see a man write to me (about Opeth... apparently progressive melodic death metal from Sweden is Cupid now, or something) with impeccable grammar, punctuation, and spelling. His Brute Male look (goatee, sunglasses, large-gauge earrings, shaven head) was nice too. But oh my god, the grammar.
 
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