Clerks 3 - Starring DSPs not so retarded cousin and Rosario Dawson

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I love that Kevin Smith looks about 20 years older and many times more horrible than his former heroin addict pal. Being a fat, lazy slob who drinks beer and eats fried chicken constantly is worse than injecting heroin for many years, it seems.
 
I am really surprised at even beyond this thread how many people draw the line for "askew more like a shit lolololo" _after_ Clerks 2 rather than after JSBSB
 
He should be eternally embarrassed he went after Bruce Willis for the crime of correctly pointing out that 15 years into his career as a “director” Smith should know which lenses do what.
 
FatMebius said:
I want this to be good, but I'm doubtful. Smith's early films are all thoroughly enjoyable and were big deals to me growing up. Clerks II was the last thing he did that was watchable though. I didn't even sit through all of Tusk. Didn't bother with Yoga Girls or whatever it was called. Jay and Silent Bob Reboot was crap. Kevin is proof that weed and Marvel movies are flat-out bad for your brain.
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Tusk was a strange experiment for Smith. The movie as a whole was dumb, but the process of seeing it go to draft on a podcast then actually get made with a budget more than 3 pieces of lint and a rail of coke was fascinating. Also for such a mediocre movie, most of the actors weren't bad in it given what they had to work with.
 
Dollar Store Sentai said:
Tusk was a strange experiment for Smith. The movie as a whole was dumb, but the process of seeing it go to draft on a podcast then actually get made with a budget more than 3 pieces of lint and a rail of coke was fascinating. Also for such a mediocre movie, most of the actors weren't bad in it given what they had to work with.
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I did have a good time with them conceptualizing it on the podcast. I think that's what kinda made that one sting a bit more for me though. Was that the finished result was just not particularly enjoyable.
 
winterfag said:
It was fucked over really badly on its initial release on air. The whole joke of the episode is that it's a flashback clipshow, except it's just the second episode of the series. And then they decided to air it first which killed the whole point
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it did't kill the entire point. and while i can't find it i have a hard time believing that was the first parody clip show episode. still can't believe that faggot Harmon straight up stole most of the plot for a shitty episode of community
Chocolate Wombat said:
Is it just me or has Rosario Dawson aged horribly? She looks like someone gave a bunch of growth hormones to a goblin.
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people forget Rosario was like 12 in Kids, despite how mature she looked she was starring in films at 22, of course Rosario looks worse at 40 than when she was 25. you can't name me a single adult person that doesn't look worse with 15 years of age added on.
Honka Honka Burning Love said:
That...actually might make the joke of the episode even funnier seeing as it was a parody of clip shows.
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not to be mean but it truely is the best episode of the short series,
XYZpdq said:
long long ago back when people were crazy and thought Mallrats was going to make money they did a back-of-the-napkin sketch of a sequel
Mallrats 2 Die Hard In A Mall

but yeah Jerseyverse ended with Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back
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it would have been dogshit, Kevin can't do action to save his life, honestly he can't do much of anything. there's a reason he's mainly known for his monologues.
UnKillShredDur said:
I mean, I don't disagree, but she always looked like that.
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its called being puerto rican, look up her nude scene to see why guys still fuck them.
BrunoMattei said:
I don't like Kevin Smith. I think he missed his calling doing stand up/being a story teller because that was some funny shit. But yeah, as a filmmaker he's mostly really bad. I liked Clerks 2 and thought the first one was just okay. Clerks 3 looks awful. Whatever funny that Smith possessed was drained out of him by the time he made Tusk and Yoga Hosers.
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100%, if clerks never got picked up for distribution or was never more than a cult classic and Kevin just toughed it out working some shitty job until 2010 when he started a podcast he'd be much more well liked and respected. at least until Tusk & Yoga hosers came out, but even then they'd be compared to other e-celeb films and be considered amazing instead of being compared to Dogma.
RumblyTumbly said:
The guy that plays Elias looks ROUGH

Christ almighty, he looks older than Dante and Randall now!
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15 years dude, no one over 40 looks good outside of those insanely into fitness.
Internet War Criminal said:
So I just rewatched Clerks II and, uh...

Dante is a scumbag, straight up. Like, for real. He's going out with a girl who loves him, offers him upward mobility, gets him a better job, believes in him and how does he thank her? Just straight up cheats on her. Yeah, sure, he says he loves Becca, but at the end of the day he cheated on his fiancee, was blissfully moving to Florida and was gonna spend the rest of his life with her. It's not like he's so in love with Becca that he wanted to stay in NJ, the only reason why he decided to stay behind in the first place is because he wants to raise the child now that he's presented the opportunity. Even after he's caught he goes 'Nah fuck all of you I'm still moving to Florida'.

We literally have no reason to hate Emma and there are no signs that she's a bitch except for the fact she chose a date for the wedding without consulting him, but we know Dante is an indecisive loser. At the end of the day, he's replacing a woman who is gonna make all of his decisions for another woman who is clearly gonna make his decisions for him.

"She likes you who for you who are" isn't a positive thing when you're an aimless loser who's 32 and fucking works flipping burgers.

Emma didn't do anything wrong.


I don't know if it's just getting older, or the whole 'throw your life away for ~love~' has lost its charm to me, but it seems like fucking bullshit. I still enjoyed the movie, but yeah now my feeling afterwards is fuck Dante he doesn't deserve that happy ending at all.
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even then, if you had to summarize it, the manager at a fast food restaurant is fucking the mocha colored chick a decade younger than him and breaks off an engagement to fuck her, if this was real she would have grown up and moved on.

Beyond that how did they afford to buy the strip mall that clerks takes place in?
Stygian Evil said:
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jesus... he's like a mix between the "robogadget" from the 99' shitty live action and val kilmer with cancer
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its incredible how the dental industry tricked people into believing dentures weren't stupid by just calling them veneers.
escapegoat said:
He should be eternally embarrassed he went after Bruce Willis for the crime of correctly pointing out that 15 years into his career as a “director” Smith should know which lenses do what.
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it tells you how dogshit culture is that everyone sided with Smith over that, especially redditors.
 
SteelPlatedHeart said:
Well then.
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Smith is what would have happened to The Raimi Brothers, if they'd got their start while the internet is available, and I'm thankful they started 20+ years earlier.
Caesare said:
I love that Kevin Smith looks about 20 years older and many times more horrible than his former heroin addict pal. Being a fat, lazy slob who drinks beer and eats fried chicken constantly is worse than injecting heroin for many years, it seems.
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He didn't look that bad until he went on his crash diet, and lost 100lbs through keto. Isn't he a quasi-vegan, now?
 
15 years dude, no one over 40 looks good outside of those insanely into fitness
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@Kramer on the phone that's ridiculous dude. Plenty people look great over 40 and not just exercise fanatics. Alcohol, cigarettes, and being a fat pig, however, ages people and will cause many to look like shit as they get older.
 
Caesare said:
@Kramer on the phone that's ridiculous dude. Plenty people look great over 40 and not just exercise fanatics. Alcohol, cigarettes, and being a fat pig, however, ages people and will cause many to look like shit as they get older.
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they may "look great" but they never look better than they did 15 years ago. even if they stop the shit food, cigs, or booze at 26, they looked better as a 25 year old degen then as a 40 year old.
 
Internet War Criminal said:
I loved Clerks 2, in some ways I thought it was better than Clerks 1 even if nowhere near iconic,
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I remember watching both like over 10 years ago for the first time and thinking at the time that 1 was better than 2. After rewatching both recently back-to-back, my opinion is the opposite.

A big part of it is the mid-2000s offensive grossout comedy of 2, which was a very oversaturated market when I watched it first but is pretty much extinct these days, so it was actually quite refreshing to watch a mainstream comedy film with the balls to shock the audience. Narratively, the movie is also paced quite well and the main characters have decent arcs. The film is a lot more competently-made than I gave it credit for back in the day.

Clerks 1 is just a lot more messy, which is understandable up to a point. Obviously the acting and camera work are a lot more slapdash, but a lot of the stylistic choices and writing haven't aged well either. The pretentious scene transitions and nihilistic dialogue make the film feel very dated, and not in a fun way like 2 is. A lot of the banter and jokes are still really funny, but they're punctuated by insufferable half-profound, half-whimsical monologues. Nearly every character has one at some point, regardless of whether it really fits with their established personality, and it's obvious that Smith is using them as a mouthpiece by awkwardly shoehorning his musings into the dialogue by making every character periodically transform into Randall, i.e. himself.

There's a reason Clerks 1 is praised mostly for it capturing the Gen X zeitgeist than anything else these days; it's because a lot of the meat and potatoes of the film don't really hold up all that well. There's a lot of his ego and personality that was poured into the first film and that's easily the weakest part of it, whereas with 2 he set out to make a more conventional comedy flick that worked out pretty well.
 
people forget Rosario was like 12 in Kids, despite how mature she looked she was starring in films at 22, of course Rosario looks worse at 40 than when she was 25. you can't name me a single adult person that doesn't look worse with 15 years of age added on.
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@Kramer on the phone I was comparing her current appearance to how she looked in Clerks 2. That should have been obvious since, you know, this is a thread about Clerks 3.

It's also very telling that you would immediately jump to a role she played while still a minor as a basis for comparison instead of the TWENTY FOUR films she did after turning eighteen and between Clerks 2. Two of those films, Alexander and Sin City, would have made much more sense to use as comparison in reference to my comment about her attractiveness but you reference a film when she was clearly a minor.

Got something you want to confess? Big Cuties fan perhaps?
 
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