Clerks 3 - Starring DSPs not so retarded cousin and Rosario Dawson

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I'm glad I didn't see it. It sounds fucking awful. Kevin Smith is a fucking hack who sold his soul to more devils than just Weinstein.

Top comment of this review says it best

"To all those who said I failed with Tusk, thank you. I failed right into Clerks III". Yes, you did. Thank you for taking the optimistic endings of one great film and one passable sequel and completely pulling the rug out from all of it so you could throw some cheap sentimentality into a movie that's otherwise nothing more than a celebration of yourself.
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I can't believe *this* was the script that Jeff Anderson came back for. Hearing his original ideas for the ending is even more baffling

Dante (and Randal?) dying in a mass theater shooting, which he scrapped cause he thought it would be in poor taste of Aurora, and Dante dying of Covid which he thought would date the film too much (as if Clerks and Clerks II aren't a fucking time capsule of the time they were made)
 
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I really loved it, and thought it was more than a fitting finish for the Clerks trilogy. Not as good as the first two, the dialogue isn't anywhere near as quotable, but it's a more mature movie that's about two guys about to be 50 years old and went nowhere in life, and how they deal with that shit and all of the bad choices they made.

It's not subverting expectations, the Clerks trilogy is just kinda like the Midnight trilogy, every movie is its own thing and you shouldn't go in expecting it to be like the one before.
 
Internet War Criminal said:
I really loved it, and thought it was more than a fitting finish for the Clerks trilogy. Not as good as the first two, the dialogue isn't anywhere near as quotable, but it's a more mature movie that's about two guys about to be 50 years old and went nowhere in life, and how they deal with that shit and all of the bad choices they made.

It's not subverting expectations, the Clerks trilogy is just kinda like the Midnight trilogy, every movie is its own thing and you shouldn't go in expecting it to be like the one before.
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So you're saying you can relate to it.
 
So, I'm a massive faggot that just watched it. (Was waiting for a not-garbage quality stream to come out)

It's not total shit.. and on the right kind of night, I can enjoy it. Everything surrounding Randal and Dante is garbage, but the memberberries got me, and they both are gold through the movie. Jay and Bob were annoying as fuck and I wish they would have been toned down. Elias can't act to save his ass. I won't spoil it all, but I won't praise it as high art either. But in a strange way I'm glad for parts of it (though it could have used some severe editing and less reboot era Smithisms. Far better than JSB-Reboot.
 
Nyah_nyah_boo_boo said:
So, I'm a massive faggot that just watched it. (Was waiting for a not-garbage quality stream to come out)

It's not total shit.. and on the right kind of night, I can enjoy it. Everything surrounding Randal and Dante is garbage, but the memberberries got me, and they both are gold through the movie. Jay and Bob were annoying as fuck and I wish they would have been toned down. Elias can't act to save his ass. I won't spoil it all, but I won't praise it as high art either. But in a strange way I'm glad for parts of it (though it could have used some severe editing and less reboot era Smithisms. Far better than JSB-Reboot.
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Elias acted like an autistic sperg and that's pretty much all you can ask of him.
 
Just watched it- I've hated almost everything KS has put out since clerks II. Jay and silent bob reboot was garbage, didn't even feel like a real movie.

This, however, was a real movie. It had integrity, and the trademark flaws of recent kevin smith movies were toned down significantly -his daughter was barley in it, the cameos were annoying but pretty well contained. The middle of the movie was the weakest, but it has a strong first 1/3 and ending 1/3. Solid acting from the main characters

This is probably as good as clerks II, but not as funny by design
 
Alright since I started the thread I thought I'd give my own two cents.
First off, the positives:
Everyone who is not Kevin Smith or the prick who played Elias did what they could with the material, some were serviceable, some were actually pretty decent.
Dante gives a great "fuck you" speech towards the end of the second act, and his actor does a great job bringing emotion and passion to the speech. It's the one time in the film I felt genuine emotion and was close to being moved.
There were two jokes that I thought worked well, one of which is a funny call back to the originals "I assure you we're open", when Dante dies, the sign is replaced with "I assure you, we're mourning", which I legit chuckled at.
Everyone who worked on this seems like they had a good time. I hope they did.


This is the most self indulgent, insincere piece of shit I've seen in years. Clerks 1 and 2, for all their cynicism, had moments of complete sincerity which gave the films heart. Take for example, the 1979 scene from Clerks 2. This film doesn't have that; It's Kevin Smith fellating himself for 1:40:00. Almost all the jokes are "LOL IM META." "IF I DID THAT I'D BE A HACK" "STAR WARS" "DUDE NERD CULTURE XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD" Like even more so than his other films. It's goddamn annoying. Fuck Seth Rogan for introducing him to weed.
They did the near impossible and somehow made Amy Sedaris not funny. The film, for the most part, is not funny. Not because it's trying to be dramatic (which it also fails at for the most part), but because it isn't fucking funny.
The writing, when it isn't dating itself with references to shit from a few years ago to now, is just so goddamn downer. While Randal was always a prick, he was a prick that was relatable and one you'd still hang out with. He's flanderized beyond recognition to the point that he's a complete jackass. Dante gets this upgrade too but at the very least he's coming from a hard place where his wife and his expected kid are dead. Which btw, nice going. I felt miserable for Dante the entire fucking film and not in the way smith intended it.
Everyone in this movie looks way too old to be in this. Even Elias is pushing his late 30s. The film shows scenes from the first film and you can tell it was a fucking life time ago. The difference is staggering.
Music choice is weird. My Chemical Romance's Welcome to the Black Parade opens the film and another song by Gerard Way plays towards the end. Then we have a weird modern rap song with Kate Micucci from Garfunkel and Oats in a Moobys cow costume breakdancing. Ends with a Pearl Jam song. What the fuck is this shit
The film itself looks boring. Its shot very basic, the absolute bare minimum is put into the film visually. The first was in black and white for budget reasons, but the second film actually had its color palette messed with on purpose for it to stand out. This looks like something a first year film student could make with the RED Camera from the rec center.
The ending has the worst use of checkhov's gun I've seen in a film. It wasn't subtle, it was so obvious to set up the fact Elias now owns the quick stop with Randal.

I did not want to hate this movie at all. Clerks 1 was a fine movie, Clerks 2 was both funny and had some moving scenes. This was just dreck and just vindicates the idea that Smith either should have died in the heart attack or just stick to his smodcast shit. I'm done with him

3/10
After seeing this and Halloween Ends nearly back to back (another finale to a series that was fucking horrible), I'm drained and I'm going to sleep for like 12 hours. Please pray for me to die in my sleep, my soul to take, etc. Fuck everything
 
On other thing I need to add is that it's such a lazy film. It's badly written where the dialog consists mostly of references and call backs. But the 2nd act of the movie (and that's roughly 40 minutes) is just made of up of recreations of scenes from Clerks 1 and one or two from Clerks 2. That is it. There's no jokes. Nothing new is being done. It's just scenes from Clerks 1 and cameos from Smith's friends and family.
 
I guess I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would. It was funnier than I expected. But, way too simultaneously sappy and dour. All the quotes and callbacks to the previous Clerks stuff just made me wanna watch those instead. Glad to see some gags from the animated series get some play here at least.
 
As somebody who hasn’t seen any of the Clerks films yet, all this discussion isn’t convincing me to see these “comedies” even if there is a historical cultural significance (especially knowing Kevin Smith’s behavior over the years).

Maybe I’m fundamentally the wrong audience for these films…
 
Loved it and it was an absolute trip. But i've also loved Clerks for most of my life and have somehow completely ignored anything else Kevin Smith related. I don't know anything about him, will keep it that way.
 
Clerks was a decent amateur comedy, and while nobody in the movie was a particularly good actor, Smith did find enough talent to avoid making a total botch of his first effort. Clerks is still an uneven film that hasn't aged well and tends to drift unless Anderson and O'Halloran are onscreen together. Stil it was a promising first film. Except, well, what has all that promise come to in the years since.

His later movies are more "polished" only because Smith had a small army of professionals helping him as well as vastly larger budgets, but Smith has really learned nothing about directing in over twenty years and if he hadn't gotten lucky during the indie film boom back in the 1990s he would still be a nobody.

Instead, as a film maker he's become lazy and self-referential, and also channeled all of his terrible instincts into other media, like comics and more recently, animation.
 
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