Cookbook / Recipe Sharing thread

[Hypodermic Johnny]

I don't get much opportunity to cook but if there's one thing I know it's goddamn breakfast at 11 o'clock at night was how I survived college.

"Ghost of Gallbladder Past" Skillet Scramble

Ingredients:
-2 tablespoons butter
-Couple of eggs (2-3)
-Potatoes (I tend to use 2)
-Shredded cheese; mild cheddar preferably
-Couple of ounces (4-6) of cube steak; shredded/chopped
(Note: You can sub in ground beef as a higher quality alternative; I used cube steak 'cause it was cheaper but it does lend itself to a somewhat rubbery texture.)
-Half an onion
Optional/Bonus: Half a small can of sliced mushrooms (or use fresh ones, again, if you wanna go for high quality)

1. Start by greasing the bottom of your pan with one tablespoon of your butter, then add the cube steak. Let that simmer over a medium heat, stirring occasionally.
2. While that's going on, dice your potatoes and mince your onion.
3. Add potatoes and onion to pan. Let that cook, again turning/stirring occasionally, until the potatoes are starting to turn gold at the edges. (If you like your potatoes a little more 'well done', prepare and add them BEFORE the meat, but not the onion.)
4. Add cheese, eggs, and other tablespoon of butter to mixture in pan, and mix all of this so that it's pretty evenly distributed. (Mushrooms too if you included those.)
5. As soon as the eggs are properly scrambled and the cheese is nice and gooey; remove pan and turn off heat.
6. Salt lightly, pepper liberally, add ketchup if you're a heathen like me, and voila! Your scramble is hot and ready!

This should usually give you enough for a very filling dinner and leftovers for the morning; or to split between two or three people if you prefer to share it.

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

Fuck Your Mouth Delicious Motherfucking Dumplings

For the dumplings:
1/2 head of Napa cabbage
1 tablespoon salt
1 pound fresh ground turkey or other ground meat (I like ground pork, personally)
1 bunch scallion, chopped
1 bunch cilantro leaves, chopped
1/4 cup soy sauce
3 tablespoons minced ginger (You can go a little heavy on this if you love you some ginger)
2 tablespoons sesame oil
2 teaspoons freshly ground pepper (Yes, it has to be fresh)
2 eggs, beaten
2 packets round dumpling wrappers (most brands have 30-45 wrappers per package)
vegetable oil for frying

For the dipping sauce:
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup rice vinegar
1 tablespoon sesame oil
1 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon sriracha or other hot chili sauce

Cut the cabbage crosswise into thin strips. Toss in a large bowl with salt in a bowl and set aside for 5 minutes. Take handfuls and wring out the moisture. Dump out any remaining water in the bowl. Combine the cabbage with the turkey, scallion, cilantro, soy sauce, ginger, sesame oil, pepper and eggs. Mix well with a large spoon or, preferably, your clean hands.

Set yourself up in a spacious work area with the dumpling wrappers, a little bowl of water and a large cutting board or cookie sheet. Grab a helper or two. Lay out a dozen or so dumpling wrappers. Place about 1 tablespoon filling in the center of each wrapper. Dip your fingertip in the water and trace the outside edge of the wrapper with water. Fold the wrapper over to make a half circle and make a pleat at the top of the curve. Pinch in the sides then lift up the edges to meet the center, creating a pouch. Pinch the top together and bend out the sides slightly to curve.

Heat a skillet over high until very hot. Add 1 tablespoon oil (a little less if using a non-stick pan) and coat the sides. Place enough dumplings in a single layer to line the pan, then stand back and carefully pour in a 1/2 cup of water (enough to immerse the dumplings by 1/2-inch.) Cover and cook until the water is absorbed.

Holding the pan with a hot pad, place a large plate or platter as a cover on the pan and invert. Scrape the dumpling out with a spatula (careful of non-stick surfaces.)

Repeat with the remaining dumplings.

To make the dipping sauce, combine all ingredients in a small bowl.

Serve dumplings hot with the dipping sauce.

Spoiler: Yum

 

[skaytec]

I made Gazpacho last night.
_2 kg of tomatoes
_Red pepper
_Green pepper
_Cucumber
_2 garlic cloves
_Sweet paprika
_1,5 l of water
_1 l of olive oil
_A tiny spirt of wine vinegar.
_Salt (a lot of it)

First you need a casserole, you throw the garlic cloves without peeling them into it.

You chop off the tomatoes (peeling the skin is optional) and dump them into the casserole; then you do the same with the peppers, but only you cut off the half of the peppers because if you don't the gazpacho will taste of pepper and not of tomatoes, peel the cucumber and cut it.

After this, you mix it with the hand blender until it's like a juice. Then you throw the water, oil , vinegar and a little of paprika (don't forget the salt, you need at least 5 handfuls of it) and mix it.

Finally, you let cool it in the fridge for 3 hours.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

Spaghetti con Gamberetti e Rucola:

200g king prawns, cooked and peeled
Tomato purée
Two (2) habanero peppers
150g spaghetti
2 cloves garlic
Some oil
Large glass red wine
Rocket leaves or other leaves of your choice.

Slice the habanero peppers and dice them nice and small. Same with the garlic. Heat oil in frying pan and throw in garlic and chillies so the flavour and heat percolates throughout. Insert prawns, fry for a couple of minutes, then pour in red wine and squirt in roughly 1/2 a tube of tomato purée. Stir everything together until the sauce comes to a nice, semi-thick red paste. You may need to filter off excessive oil before inserting the wine though.

Meanwhile, boil up spaghetti in the usual manner.

When it's all done, drain the spaghetti and mix everything together in the pan the spaghetti was in.

Lay a bed of leaves on the bottom of the place, then schlop everything on top of it. This is enough for one person, so double or triple the proportions of everything if you've guests.

 

[DN 420]

The Balcolm Cheese

...Okay this is essentially just a grilled cheese sandwich I made when I was out of butter and high, but with two key variations:

1. Instead of buttering the outsides of the bread, coat the pan with oil and dip them in raw egg, flipping can be a bit tricky, it's going to be a delicious mess.

2. Fill the insides with minced green onion.

Optional: Lather up with ketchup after cooked to well-done.

 

[IHeardThatCurtis]

The recipe for Caldo Verde.

Ingredients -

• 4 tablespoons olive oil, divided
• 1 onion, minced
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 6 potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced
• 2 quarts cold water

• 6 ounces linguica sausage, thinly sliced
• 2 1/2 teaspoons salt
• ground black pepper to taste
• 1 pound kale, rinsed and julienned

Directions-

1. In a large saucepan over medium heat, cook onion and garlic in 3 tablespoons olive oil for 3 minutes. Stir in potatoes and cook, stirring constantly, 3 minutes more. Pour in water, bring to a boil, and let boil gently for 20 minutes, until potatoes are mushy.
2. Meanwhile, in a large skillet over medium-low heat, cook sausage until it has released most of its fat, 10 minutes. Drain.
3. Mash potatoes or puree the potato mixture with a blender or food processor. Stir the sausage, salt and pepper into the soup and return to medium heat. Cover and simmer 5 minutes.
4. Just before serving, stir kale into soup and simmer, 5 minutes, until kale is tender and jade green. Stir in the remaining tablespoon of olive oil and serve at once.

Shouldn't take too long to prep and prepare should take a hour and a half tops.Also red wine is a plus and give it's a bit more flavor.

 

[AnimuGinger]

I made hot sauce yesterday.
1/2 cup of distilled white vinegar. Apple cider vinegar would work was well
1 cup of water.
1/4 cup of lime juice.
5 pinches of salt.
3 thai peppers. Those cute, tiny ones.
2 anaheim chilis.

Cut those peppers up. Keep the seeds.
Mix all your shit together in a pan on the stove, vent on. Or over a heat source outside. Probably better, but violates Geneva Convention.
Reduce by 75%
Strain.
Cornstarch to thicken. May want to add some kind of red coloring so it doesn't look like semen.

 

[melty]

I want to revive this to pimp out this recipe: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/baked-meatballs-recipe.html
I make meatballs a lot, and I was skeptical of this because it used garlic powder (not fresh garlic) and usually I make meatballs with chopped onions and don't roll them in crumbs. Using a muffin tin seems unusual, too.
It was a BIG hit. I followed the directions precisely (including weighing the meatballs on my kitchen scale to be exactly 1.5oz) except I just used ground beef instead of the three different meats it suggests. I'm not really sure why it requires 3 different fancy meats but then wants you to use dried herbs instead of fresh, but whatever I'm not a chef.
Anyway they was some of the best meatballs I've ever had! Perhaps even the best. High recommend

I've also been using canned fish more lately, in an effort to be cheap lol. If anyone has some good canned tuna or salmon recipes I'd be much obliged.

 

[AnimuGinger]

I made a better hot sauce. It's far more balanced, and doesn't look as much like semen. Unless your semen has blood in it. Call a doctor if it does.

3/4 cup apple cider vinegar
1 cup water
1/8 cup key lime rum
1/8 cup lime juice.
1 jalapeno pepper. Fuck tildes
3 anaheim chilis
2 cayenne
5 pinches of salt.
1 tbsp dark brown sugar.

Mix, reduce, strain as before. Cornstarch yada yada yada. Brown sugar and ACV do a good job at countering the intense lime flavors. If you don't have key lime rum, use any generic white rum. Don't do spiced. Or if you do, do 1/16th of a cup.

 

[Handsome Pete]

I've also been using canned fish more lately, in an effort to be cheap lol. If anyone has some good canned tuna or salmon recipes I'd be much obliged.

You see that mayo in your fridge? Throw it out. We're making tuna salad for adults here.

Get yourself some apple cider vinegar and some decent olive oil. Mix together equal amounts of each, then add some salt, pepper, and a teaspoon or so of honey. Put it in a container with a tight lid and shake vigorously. Pour some of that over your tuna, maybe stir in some chopped scallions or finely diced shallot, mix it up to get everything coated, and make a sandwich. Boom. Tuna salad that will impress the hell out of your friends.

 

[Oh Long Johnson]

Tortilla Patata that totally isn't authentic but tastes better

As with most Spanish food, their tortillas are simple as shit.

6 eggs, mixed up well with salt, pepper and hot sauce
2-3 large potatoes, peeled and diced about 1/2" - depends on how big your pan is. if you have a shitload of potatoes, add a couple extra eggs.
3 cloves of garlic, peeled and smashed/chopped
5 tbsp olive oil

In a hot pan over medium heat, add olive oil and potatoes. Once the heat normalizes, you want to set it so the potatoes are barely simmering. The idea is to almost boil them in oil instead of frying the shit out of them. Give them a stir every five minutes or so.

After about 20 minutes or once the potatoes start to flake around the corners, add the garlic and cook an additional 5 minutes, stirring once a minute.

Once the garlic give it up a bit, add your eggs. You can move the potatoes around to get everything looking symmetrical at this point.

Cook for about 10 minutes over medium heat.

Once the eggs start to dry up around the edges and the mixture firms up in the middle, you've got a choice to make:

• Bitchmade: Turn on your broiler and cook the top of the tortilla for about five minutes, until everything is cooked.
• Pimp: Flip that heavy motherfucker somehow. I cheat and slide it onto a plate, then turn the thing back into the pan.

If you don't know whether it's done or not, use a toothpick. If it comes out wet, keep cooking.

Once cooked, it can be eaten hot or cold. I cut mine into squares and growl at anyone attempting to touch it.

** For the purists, leave out the hot sauce and the garlic, though only a crazy Spanish grandmother would ever do so.

 

[Club Sandwich]

salmon over rice, i use this after bringing home fish from the river.

1 tbsp Italian seasoning (crushed basil, oregano, rosemary, and thyme)
1 lb or so of salmon, deboned
4 oz sesame oil or canola oil for cooking
2 cups white or brown rice
1 tsp dry cilantro
1 tbsp butter
optional black pepper
optional 1 tbl lime juice
optional 1 oz crushed red chili peppers
optional 1 lemon wedge
optional 1 oz butter
optional 1 dozen asparagus spears

1. steam the rice with water and mix in butter and cilantro thoroughly. butter adds a creamy texture, and the cilantro will flavor the rice and butter together with aroma.
2. cut the salmon into 1/2lb pieces. prefer to leave the skin on. each piece should be approx 4" square and no thicker than 1/2".
3. prepare the salmon by using a small amount of oil and rub on gently the Italian seasoning, optional black pepper, and crushed red chili peppers.
4. prepare a skillet to searing hot with a bit of water - when the water steams off, add your cooking oil.
5. once the water steams, add canola or sesame oil for pan frying, and lay the salmon skin-up and let sear, reducing
6. after about 4 minutes, check that the color has changed from dull orange to a lighter, more solid shade of orange and if so, flip the salmon over. the texture should be more orange, less pink and firm to the touch with the seasoning's seared into the top.
7. the skin should be near crispy after 4 minutes of additional cooking. prepare your plating.
8. remove the rice, adding lime juice and fluffing with a fork. allow to cool.
9. serve salmon over rice with a cool drink. salmon should be served whole and the drippings used as a sauce. a lemon wedge or lemon juice as garnish with fresh parsley is advised.

variation:

1. add chopped, pan fried red onion or shallots prior to serving
2. add buttered asparagus that has been pan fried in oil and allowed to blacken to a slight crisp at the tips. serve with melted butter.

--//--

cheap and easy cooking / serving butter

1. acquire 4 sticks of unsalted butter of choice and allow to soften overnight
2. in a bowl, mix softened butter with crushed garlic cloves (1 whole bulb), 2 oz cilantro or dill (not both), 1/2 cup finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley, 2 tbsp minced shallots, 2 tbsp fresh lemon juice. add crushed black pepper if desired.
3. mix thoroughly - do not fluff or whip, avoid foam.
4. spoon into the center of a plastic wrap square of appropriate size and place this into either a bowl or jar in such a way that the wrap can be closed together at the mouth of the jar with a twist tie. refrigerate for 1 day or longer until firm.
5. when needed, open the jar and remove the cylinder of butter. cut portions as need and put away again.
6. works good on salmon, cod, steak, venison, boar, and other things.

 

[Judge Holden]

After months of babbling about it in chat, I have decided to finally put to paper my Jambalaya recipe so that you too can eat like an english pig farmer making crude attempts at creole cuisine while drunk on cheap bourbon. This recipe is the "cauliflower rice" version of the recipe, and is effectively identical in taste to the normal rice, and can easily be adapted to long grain white rice (use a lot more stock for that)

PIGRAPER'S FULLY FUCKED JUMBALOWER

Ingredients

VEGETABLES
4 Green Bell Peppers chopped into thin strips
4 Onions minced fairly finely
5 Stalks Celery chopped into small pieces
1 bunch spring onions chopped into small pieces
(dis is the holy trinity)
4 Cloves Garlic: Crushed and minced
1 Tin Plum Tomatoes
Cauliflower Rice: 1kg

CONDIMENTS, SEASONINGS, HERBS AND SPICES
Thyme: 1.5 Tablespoon
Paprika: 1.5 Tablespoon
Cumin: 1 Tablespoon
Oregano: 1.5 Tablespoon
Cayanne: 1 Tablspoon
Salt: 2 Teaspoon
White pepper: 1 Teaspoon
Garlic Powder: 1 Teaspoon
Allspice: 1 sprinkle

(All of the above should be mixed well in a bowl.)

Worcestershire sauce: One large glug
Tobasco: One Large Glug plus extra for the bowl
Psycho sauce (or any extreme hot sauce) one bottle for table use
Bay Leaves: 2
Lard: 1 block
Chicken Stock: 300ml
Fresh Parsley: enough to sprinkle on individual bowls to taste

MEATS
Sausage (since we dont get Andouille here I use a blend of Smoked Sausage and polish Kabanos and Garlic Sausage. Used to use Chorizo): 800g chopped into small pieces
Bacon Lardons/Panchetta: 300g
Raw King Prawns: 300g
Chicken: 3 Breasts
Crayfish tails: 200g

BEVERAGES
3-4 Decent quality beers. Something that can be chilled is preferable. I use doombar
1 bottle of good quality bourbon (dont worry, you wont have to drink it all)

STEP 1: Chop up the veg and sausage as specified. This will be the most annoying and boring part of the recipe. Its all uphill from here. Crush and mince the cloves of garlic and mix with the spice bowl. Drink a cold beer.

STEP 2: Lightly season (pref with thyme and salt) and roast the chicken breasts till tender (you can also brown them like you do the sausage in the next step) and put the panchetta/lardons in a bigass (srsly. you need a very big pot) heavy bottomed pot and then put on the hob at a medium heat. dont bother preheating. Cook down the bacon bits till they are all crispy (but not too crispy) and then spoon them into a paper towel covered bowl in order to drain and crisp up. Leave the fat in the pan. Finish first beer and crack open another.

STEP 3: put the sausage in the pan with a chunk of lard in order to brown. this will take about 5-7 mins. keep it moving slowly, try to give every lil chunk a chance to brown up. if it gets too dry add a bit more lard. Once browned remove and put in a large bowl covered in paper towels to drain. Pause in drinking for a moment. Chicken should be done in the oven (if you cook it this way) so take it out and cut into small pieces. Continue drinking

STEP4: put in mixed vegetables (if you like, you can wait till the last 5 mins to add the spring onions, but I prefer it all together at this step). In the steps before this the bottom of the pan should have turned a rich brown with all the fat and meat juices and semen so use this opportunity to deglaze the pot using both a glug of the chicken stock and the moisture in the veg. While stirring the veg scrape the bottom of the pot with a spoon until it is smooth. add more lard (you heard me right. this is a fatty ass recipe and given it lacks any carbs it deserves to be). Cook till rendered down and all soft (about 5-8 minutes). Crack open nuther beer.

STEP 5: Errybody back in the pool. Throw in the sausage and the bacon bits as well as the spice/garlic mix. stir through till completely jumbled together. at this point you might want to add the worchester sauce and tobasco sauce. Mix through and lower the heat a tad to cook together for 5 mins. take a swig.

STEP 6: Add the tinned tomatoes. may wanna cut em up a bit with a knife in the can so you get a better spread of tomato bits in the end result. mix through. now take off the heat and add the cauliflower rice. it will smell potently of cauliflower but i promise you, this vanishes fast once it meets the flavours of the jambalaya. mix completely off the heat and then put back on. Add juuust enough stock to make it wet (about 200ml or so...probably less). put heat to max until it starts bubbling, add bay leaves, lower heat to low, give one final big stir. Cook for 20 mins total, and every 4 mins re-stirr it and scrape the bottom to make sure nothing gets stuck. Finish off beer. Prepare a generous glass of good quality bourbon.

STEP 7: 5 mins before the 20 minute timer ends, throw in the chicken and raw prawns (and if you use raw crayfish throw it in aswell now). Mix through. Remove bay leaves if you can. Have a single small sip of bourbon.

STEP 8: When the timer ends take off the heat, add in the crayfish tails (if they are cooked crayfish tails) and remove from the pot into a very big bowl. If you deglazed right there should be no burnty bits on the bottom of the pot. resist temptation to have more bourbon.

SERVING

This dish can be served in bowls or can be turned into burritos. In each bowl/burrito add 1-3 drops of Psycho Sauce hot sauce (to your taste, and if necessary more) and tabasco to taste (personally I like to add a drop or two on every spoonful before I eat it), mix well so the sauces get evenly distributed. Sprinkle parsley to taste.

Eat.

Revel in the flavours, the spices, the fat, the heat, and the fact that the lack of any carbs makes this dish legitimately healthy.

For beverages, a glass of bourbon, a full bodied Sauvignon Blanc, or just cheap but nice(ish) beer are all enjoyable with the dish, my personal preference being Woodford Reserve Bourbon which goes well with the spices.

 

[Smarmy]

@melty you were looking for some tuna-related recipes? I like to use this recipe for some pretty good tuna burgers.
I don't like celery, so I omit that. I also use dried chives in place of onions when I happen to be out of onion. The amount I use depends on how many servings I'm making, so I just sorta eyeball it.

 

[melty]

Thank you for the suggestions, @Handsome Pete and @Smarmy ! I plan on trying both

 

[Hypodermic Johnny]

I found my grandmother's recipe for what she calls taco soup. It's hearty, great during the cooler months, and will feed you and your family/friends for days. Especially because it keeps so well.

"Taco Soup"

Ingredients:
-1 pound ground beef
-1 can pinto beans (or kidney, if you don't like pinto; my grandmother prefers kidney)
-1 can whole corn
-1 can green beans
-1 can ranch style beans
-1 can diced tomatoes (if you like it spicy; get the kind with the green chilies mixed in)
-1 can stewed tomatoes
-1 can beer (any kind, use your favorite brand, hell, use a lite brand if you want)
-1 pouch/envelope of taco seasoning
-1 pouch/envelope of ranch dressing mix

Note: This is a LOT of soup, so you're gonna want a BIG pot to hold it all. Preferably something like a stockpot.

1. Brown beef in said stockpot, stirring until it crumbles and is no longer pink.
2. Drain beef and return it to pot.
3. Rinse and drain pinto beans, corn, and green beans.
4. Stir beans, corn, and the rest of the ingredients in with the beef, bringing the mixture up to a boil.
5. Once you get it up to boiling, reduce heat to a simmer for 30 minutes.

Serve up in your favorite soup crock/mug and enjoy.

 

[Shuckle]

I've been told that I make great bolognese sauce, so I'll just post the recipe here.

Ingredients:
-500g ground beef or beef and pork
-2 medium sized onions
-2-3 gloves of garlic
-500g tomato puree
-1 medium to large carrot
-1-2 medium sized tomatos
-1 tsp salt, sugar, marjoram
-olive oil
-pepper
-half a ladle full of pasta water

1.Chop the onions and the peeled carrots into small pieces. Heat some olive oil in a pot and put the onions and carrots in there, stir until the onions have become glassy.
2. Put the vegetables around the sides of the pot and brown your ground beef (or beef/pork) a bit. Make sure it becomes nice and crumbled.
3. Dump the tomato puree into the pot and mix everything up nicely. Turn down the heat a bit.
4.Chop the tomatos and garlic and put both in the pot, add salt and the spices.
5.Let it simmer on low-medium heat for at least 30 minutes, but stir from time to time.
6. Add the starchy water you got from boiling the pasta, and if desired, add some finishing touches. (More salt, more pepper, etc)
7. Serve with pasta or make lasagna with it and enjoy!

 

[Dr. Joel Fleischman]

Masao's Super Sausages

Ingredients
- Hot Dogs/Sausages
- Yellow Mustard
- Dry Garlic or something
- Sambuca

1) Remove the sausages from the package and stick a drinking straw through the length of the sausage until it comes out the other side. Milk the contents of the straw into the toilet next to your kitchen.
2) Insert the nozzle of the mustard container into the hole made in the sausage and fill with mustard.
3) Put sausage directly on your electric stove top and cook until burnt.
4) Apply Dry Garlic liberally.
5) Serve
6) Drink your weight in Sambuca.

Here's a handy step-by-step guide:

Spoiler

 

[Womacker]

Incredibly Simple Peanut Butter Pie

3 oz. of softened cream cheese

1 cup powdered (confectionery) sugar

1/2 cup of peanut butter

2/3 of a standard container of cool whip (about 6 oz.)

1 standard graham cracker pie crust


Mix all of these ingredients (besides the pie crust you speds) until you can no longer make out flecks of cream cheese in the mix. Once finished, cool for one hour.

 

[neverendingmidi]

Since we're heading into the cooler season, I'll toss this out

Hot Buttered Rum

1 stick (1/4 lb) unsalted butter
2 cups light brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon grated nutmeg
Pinch ground cloves
Pinch salt
Bottle dark rum
Boiling water

In a bowl, cream together butter, sugar, and spices (I found a warm bowl makes this easier). Refrigerate until firm. Spoon two tablespoons of the mixture into a mug. Pour 3oz of rum into the mug & top with the boiling water. Mix well & serve.

This is awesome after you've shovelled the driveway/sidewalk. Or if it's just cold as fuck out. You can store the mix for damn near forever in the fridge.