Cookbook / Recipe Sharing thread

[Dr.Research]

Fried Rice for Those who Hate Measuring Things:

Things you'll need:
Rice (brown or white)
Soy sauce (I use low sodium)
Adobo spice
garlic powder
olive oil (you can probably use butter, but I've never tried)
sesame seeds (optional)

1. Make your preferred brand of rice (boil in a bag works fine. Typically just boil it for 10 minutes or to your ideal softness).
2. Heat up a frying pan for a minute or two on medium heat, then add a bit of olive oil. How much depends on the pan. A capful or a bit less typically works for me.
3. Add your (boiled) rice. If the pan is really hot be careful. The water on the rice might pop with the oil.
4. Stir the rice around for a minute or so. Try and flatten it out and over the pan.
5. Add your preferred soy sauce. I pour a spiral from the outside of the pan in. I use Kikoman brand so the little pour bottle is perfect for this. Mix.
6. Add 2-3 shakes of Adobo spice mix. Adobo is yummy, but it's also salty as hell. If you need to be low sodium consider only 1 shake. Mix.
7. Add a shake of garlic powder. Mix.

Optional:
8. Add a shake or 2 of sesame seeds.

As you can tell, this dish is pretty salty so have a drink on hand. Feel free to add eggs or veggies.

 

[Bugaboo]

Sup bitches I'd like to share the best chocolate cake recipe I've ever tried
http://www.mybakingaddiction.com/the-best-chocolate-cake-recipe/
It calls for coffee and buttermilk (which can by made by taking 1 cup of regular milk and adding some vinegar or lemon juice and letting it sit for 5 minutes)
It does not taste like coffee, instead it's a bit darker than most chocolate cakes and it's very moist and delicious. I think icing ruins it tbh because the icing it too sweet, I've tried it with a few different icings. Maybe just drizzle a little cream cheese icing on top. It works for cupcakes too!

My first try ever at piping icing, please no laugh

 

[A Skeleton]

here's the latest incarnation of a banana bread recipe that I've been tweaking for the past year or so

You will need:
3 very ripe (like completely fucking brown ripe) bananas, peeled
1/3 cup butter, melted
1 cup brown sugar (can be reduced to 3/4 or 1/2 cup)
1 egg, beaten
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon baking soda
pinch of salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon (optional)
1/2 teaspoon cloves (optional)
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour (or slightly less whole grain flour)

Preheat oven to 350° and butter and flour a 4"x8" loaf pan. In a mixing bowl, mash bananas until smooth (or as smooth as you can get them, mine usually still have a few chunks, it really doesn't matter), then stir in melted butter. Mix in baking soda and salt, then add sugar, beaten egg, and vanilla extract. Mix in the flour and then pour the batter into the loaf pan.

(Optional: stir in half of cinnamon/cloves mixture before pouring into pan, then sprinkle remaining mix on top after pouring batter into the pan.)

Bake at 350° for about 1 hour (check around the 45 min. mark) or until tester inserted into the center comes out clean.
Let cool and serve.

 

[Francis E. Dec Esc.]

White pizza frittata

1 tbsp olive oil
4 garlic cloves, minced
12 ounce bag of frozen spinach
12 eggs
1/4 cup heavy cream
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp oregano
3/4 cup ricotta cheese
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
1/4 cup minced basil
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Preheat oven to 325.

Thaw the frozen spinach in the microwave. Put it in a colander and put a heavy bowl on top to squeeze out the water.

In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the eggs, cream, herbs, and ricotta and parmesan cheeses. I used an immersion blender with a whisk attachment.

In a 12" cast iron skillet, heat the olive oil on medium heat. Sautee the garlic until fragrant, then add the spinach. Stir up the spinach and garlic until the spinach is heated all the way through, then add the egg mixture to the skillet and reduce the heat to low. Cook for 3-4 minutes, stirring gently.

Move the skillet to the oven and bake for 25 minutes, or until the eggs are almost set. Sprinkle the mozzarella cheese on top and return to the oven for 5 minutes.

 

[SpacePanther]

Do you guys have any tortellini soup recipes or cheddar broccoli soup recipes?

 

[Guy With Shit Opinions]

Sandwich:

• 2 pieces of white bread
• Ham
• Cheese
• Butter
• Plate

Instructions:

Spread the butter evenly onto the two bread pieces. Place the ham onto one slice. Place the cheese on-top of the ham. Put the second piece of bread on-top of the ham, butter-side-down. Place the now-made sandwich onto the plate. Push the sandwich into your mouth. Chew it. Swallow it. Allow the sandwich to enter your stomach. Shit it out a couple hours later.

Optional Step (If your first name is Nickalaus):
Masturbate with the sandwich-shit.

 

[Pocket_Sand!]

So I was thinking about starting a recipe thread, but I figured I'd better look for one before I did. Lo and behold, @ActualKiwi had one, so I'll just necro it a bit to share one of my favorites. For those of us in the northern hemisphere, autumn is coming, and cold weather is on it's way, and what's a better cold weather food than soup?

Pocket Sand's! Ham and Potato soup. (This makes a lot of soup I use 16 quart pot, but you might be able to get by with a smaller one)

Ingredients

1 pound of ham, cubed (any kind will do, you can use smoked for more flavor)
1/4 cup of butter
2 cups of half and half
1/2 cup of sour cream
1/4 cup of shredded swiss cheese
3 cloves of fresh minced garlic
1 large onion finely chopped (I like smaller bits, they saute faster)
32 oz of chicken broth
1 bay leaf
1/4 teaspoon of onion powder
1/4 teaspoon of garlic powder
pinch of thyme
pinch of sage
3 tablespoons of flour or Wondra (Wondra works way better)
1/4 teaspoon of white pepper (yes this actually makes a difference)
2 large potatoes chopped up into half inch or so cubes.
10 oz bag of frozen corn
10 oz bag of frozen broccoli
salt to taste (I use Lawry's Season salt)

Saute the onions and ham in the butter til the onions are nice and soft.
Add the minced garlic, stir a bit
Add the pinches of thyme and sage (that's all you need) stir some more.
Add the 32 oz of chicken broth, potatoes and bay leaf, bring to a boil stirring regularly then simmer.
Slowly whisk in flour or Wondra (again Wondra works way better) just a little bit at a time, 1/2 a tablespoon or so
Add the garlic powder and onion powder and white pepper stir and simmer 15 minutes
Add the frozen corn and broccoli (no need to thaw, just pour them in) and cook til tender
Combine the half and half with the sour cream, whisk them together a bit, and pour them in while stirring.
Add the shredded swiss cheese. You need to keep stirring for a decent time for this, the cheese will sink to the bottom of the pot and burn if it's not melted in all the way and mixed in.
Lastly salt to taste, again I use season salt.
I will occasionally also add some more white pepper, or fresh cracked black pepper for a little more spice.

There you have it Kiwis, good soup for a cold day, and I hope you all enjoy. If I happen to find the bread bowl recipe I have, I'll tack it on here. This soup goes great with fresh bread.

 

[Sparklepants]

Grandma Sparklepants' hummus recipe so you don't waste shitloads of money on bullshit ass store hummus:

needed:
1lb dried garbanzo beans (don't use canned those are ass)
1/2 tsp baking soda
large pot or something
garlic (I use 6 cloves because garlic, most people use 4)
tahini (again to taste I usually use 1/4c)
2/3c fresh lemon juice (buy some lemons you lazy fuck its like, maybe 2 lemons)
sea salt
maybe paprika if you feel fancy
good olive oil, like REALLY good olive oil. not the single virgin olive oil, get the fancy shit

how to:
ok so put your garbanzo beans in the pot with enough water to cover them and the baking soda. soak overnight.
drain them, rinse them, then put them back in the pot with more water and then bring to a boil then simmer. forever. until they're soft. if you can crush it into a paste with your fingers you're golden. this will make your house smell like shit so open a window.
once they're soft, scoop them all out with a slotted spoon. or drain with a colander but save the cooking water. add to a food processor or blender with 1/2-1c of the water. grind until they're a little chunky, like 3-5 min
add salt and garlic, then grind for like, 30 seconds. Then slowly add the tahini as it keeps grinding.
once you did that, add the lemon juice slowly. let it grind for a couple minutes so it gets nice and blended.
taste it, see if it needs tahini or lemon or salt.
serve in a plate(hot or cold who cares) with a groove in the hummus, fill groove with olive oil and sprinkle with paprika if you're special.

 

[Sushinope]

Depression Soup (Not being edgy)
Left over pork roast bone with left over pork ,button ribs or spare ribs (cooked is better so you don't get a tinny taste from the bones)
1 can crushed tomatoes
1 can diced tomatoes
1 jar of sauerkraut
2 cans kidney beans
4 chopped carrots (or frozen bag of mixed veggies if cheaper)
1 can peas
2 diced onion
chopped baby potatoes or 2 full sized potatoes
1 tsp of sugar
1 tbsp pepper
1tbsp salt
1tsp vinegar
1 tbsp chili powder
Garlic- depending on how garlicky the sauerkraut, left over pork and preference is
Any old veggies you want to get rid of

Simmer and separate the fat and bones before eating. Makes a lot of soup and left overs are good to mix in rice or freeze.

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

I swore I would never record this recipe. It came from the bowels of my sophomore year of undergrad, and is calcified evil.
To be clear, this shit will fucking kill you. It's all the salt and fat you should eat in about a day worked into a single meal.
That said, if you're planning on getting smashed with the guys on a weekend, making these is not a terrible idea. It's the apex of what I believe is called "garbage cuisine".
Let's do this:

Chicken of Fail (aka NEET Chicken, Cheeto Chicken, "Dear God, get your life together" Chicken)

Ingredients

• 3 cups crunchy Cheetos cheese-flavored snacks (use whatever flavor tickles your gherkin, I don't give a shit, but the original cheese is best)
• 1⁄3 cup parmesan cheese, grated
• 1⁄4 cup flour
• 1⁄2 teaspoon salt
• 1 egg
• 1 tablespoon water
• 2 boneless skinless chicken breasts
• Oil suitable for frying (Peanut or something with a high smoke point)

Instructions

1. Place the horrible cheese garbage snacks in your food processor and process into small crumbs. Add the Parmesan Cheese and pour onto a plate.
2. Coat chicken breasts in flour & salt.
3. Combine egg & water. Beat until well combined. Dip floured Chicken in egg mixture.
4. Coat the chicken in the Cheeto crumb/parm mix.
5. Heat a pot of the oil to around 350 F. Check your temp often, controlling the temp of the oil is crucial to frying this right.
6. Drop in your chicken, agitating with a spider every so often so they don't stick.
7. They should cook around 6-8 minutes, depending on how big they are, but always check the inside with a probe thermometer to ensure it's reached a food safe temp.
8. Extract them with the spider and move them to a wire rack on a paper towel lined baking sheet to drain and cool properly
9. Serve with your preferred accouterments and consider getting your life together.

 

[Pumpkin spice]

I bought an espresso machine recently and I've been going ham with the damn thing. Been making my own iced mochas with dank homemade mocha syrup.

1 cup dutch process chocolate powder
1 cup white sugar
1 cup cold water
1/2 tsp coarse salt
1 tbsp vanilla extract
optional but a bit of espresso or instant coffee enhances the flavor

whisk the dry ingredients together in a medium pan, add the water and set to medium high heat. Keep whisking until bubbles form and whisk for an additional 4 minutes. Boom, that's all. Whisk in the vanilla. Store that good shit in the fridge obviously.

 

[Grumpy]

Cream Cheese Chicken

1 cube butter
1 pkg. Good Seasons Italian dressing, zesty
6 chicken breasts (boned and skinned)
1 can cream of chicken soup
6 oz. cream cheese

Melt butter and add the package of dressing and chicken in slow cooker. Simmer on low for 2-3 hours. Mix together cream of chicken soup & cream cheese. Add to the chicken & butter mixture & cook for 1 hour or so. Serve over rice.

 

[Lipitor]

I've been buying the party pack of wings and then slowly eating them through out the week. I throw them into a big tupperware and throw them in the fridge. Then I pull out like 4 of them and bake them while I goof off on KF. Then I'll make a quick side with them. Usually steamed corn, or steamed peas/carrots, or even sometimes halved baked mini potatoes. It takes forever, to bake them, but if you do it right the chicken comes out all juicy.

Ingredients:
Wings,
Wing Sauce (I use mumbo, but you use whatevz you like)
Baking Powder (not Baking Soda)
salt/pepper/paprika (or whatever you feel like)

Here's how I do it. The key to baking them is using baking powder. It does something where it locks in all the juices. So you get a bowl and put in as much baking powder as you need to cover the wings. add in some pepper/salt/paprika... whatever else you desire. Coat the wings with your baking powder mix. Throw them in t he oven at 400 F for 22 minutes on a baking sheet (i like to use baking paper over the sheet). Set a timer and then fuck around on the internet. Take the wings out, turn them, put them back in for another 22 minutes. During this time prepare whatever side or sauce you want. Then just take 'em out and sauce them in a pan. They're p good. It takes awhile to cook, but when you're watching sports or something you got time.

 

[Sushinope]

Bread Machine recipe 2lb
1 cup Lukewarm water
1/3 cup Lukewarm milk
3 Tbsp butter (coconut oil , lard or olive oil)
3 3/4 cups flour
3 Tbsp sugar
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 machine only yeast

Put ingredients in liquid first, dry then yeast. Set to basic or french for a crustier bread, when done turn off machine take pan out let cool for 5 mins then gently loosen sides of bread with a spatula, let bread cool for 20 mins, brush with melted butter. The bread should be nice and fluffy.

 

[Goofy Logic]

Bread Machine recipe 2lb
1 cup Lukewarm water
1/3 cup Lukewarm tard cum
3 Tbsp butter (coconut oil , lard or olive oil)
3 3/4 cups flour
3 Tbsp sugar
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 machine only yeast

Put ingredients in liquid first, dry then yeast. Set to basic or french for a crustier bread, when done turn off machine take pan out let cool for 5 mins then gently loosen sides of bread with a spatula, let bread cool for 20 mins, brush with melted butter. The bread should be nice and fluffy.

I find bread and muffins made with olive oil tends to go stale faster and make the bread quite heavy. Margarine has similar issues because it too uses vegetable oils.

I find the best results come from plain butter.

ETA: With my breadmaker, I use the hottest water I can get from the tap, then add the sugar, salt, and butter. that way I can use the butter straight from the fridge, and the heat will help dissolve the sugar and warm up the butter before you add the flour and yeast. This seems to result in fluffier bread.

 

[Francis E. Dec Esc.]

Shiner Bock steak sandwich:

2 bottles of Shiner Bock or any other amber beer
6-8 ounces of leftover steak
1 onion
1 chipotle pepper in adobo sauce
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
Juice of 1 lime
1 bolillo roll


1. Preheat your oven to 350.
2. Slice the steak into thin strips.
3. Chop the chipotle pepper and mix it and the lime into the mayonnaise. I just put all three in my food processor.
4. Thinly slice the onion and add it and one bottle of Shiner Bock to a frying pan. Braise the onion on medium-high heat until most of the beer has reduced and the onion is cooked through.
5. Do the same for the steak.
6. Slice the bolillo in half and scoop out most of the insides with your fingers. Toast the crust in the oven.
7. Assemble your sandwich and eat it.

 

[Smarmy]

Smarmy's Endless Supply of Gingerbread Men

This is a recipe I found and then tweaked in college. It yields an absolutely ridiculous amount of cookies. They're also a bit of a milder, more orangey gingerbread. I guess more of an orange spice cookie, then.

-1 cup unsalted butter, softened
-1.5 cups white sugar
-1 egg
-Zest of half an orange (or more depending on how much orange flavor you want)
-2 tablespoons maple syrup
-3 cups flour
-2 teaspoons baking soda
-2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
-1 teaspoon ground ginger
-.5 teaspoon ground cloves
-.5 teaspoon salt
OPTIONAL:
-Juice of half/whole orange. Depends on size of orange and if your dough is a bit dry.

Cream the butter and sugar, then add egg and mix well. Add the orange zest and maple syrup, and then mix. Add all dry ingredients, mix until dough is formed (might need to use your hands after a certain point), and then store in fridge for at least two hours.

Preheat the oven to 375. Grease or line a baking sheet (I prefer parchment paper or silicone baking mats). Lightly flour surface, and then roll cookie dough out until about .25 inches thick. Cut the cookies out (ain't no shame in freestyle cookie cutting), and place them on the baking sheet about an inch apart. Bake for 10-12 minutes. Cookies should be firm and toasted around the edges.

I strongly suggest checking on the cookies at around 9 minutes, because I've made them in an oven that needed the full 12 minutes at least, and I've made them in an oven that only needed 9. This recipe is likely to change as I experiment with ingredients. I'm gonna try a cup of sugar and .5 cup brown sugar and see how that goes.

 

[heymate]

Macaroni

1 box of Kraft macaroni (or the store brand, whatever)
A pot
A bowl
Colander
A big spoon for stirring
A little spoon for eating
Water
Butter
MiIk

1. Boil the macaroni following the directions on the box.
2. Drain and add however much miIk and butter the box wants you to.
3. Pour in cheese powder making a dusty mess all over the counter.
4. Stir thoroughly until mixed.
5. Pour in bowl.
6. Eat the whole box of macaroni and feel sorry for yourself afterwards.
7. Go take a food-induced nap instead of studying.
8. Repeat as needed.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

Kiwis, I bring you something special from the family recipe box. My great great Aunt Ruth used to make these and appropriatly they have cut up Baby Ruth candy bars in them. This recipe originally called for a couple of 2 cent candy bars which tells you how old it is. I recommend that you use parchment paper while baking cause they're sticky as hell. Go make them with your Aunty!

 

[ghostmice]

Soup base

Ingredients-
Diced Onion
Minced Garlic
Cubed Potato
Protein(I used chicken breasts I've pre-cooked)
Chicken broth(or chicken boullion I use better than boullion)
Olive oil
Butter
whatever other kitchen scraps you wanna use

Seasonings-
Mustard Powder
Italian Seasoning
Rubbed Sage
Nutmeg
Cloves
Allspice
Celery Seed
Nutritional Yeast
Bay Leaves
Salt

Get a decent sized pot and add oil and butter, after this gets hot enough add onion and garlic and sweat until translucent. Add potato(if your using carrots add them here aswell) chicken stock and seasonings. Let cook for around an hour I'd say, getting a potato masher and mash the potatoes a bit so it thickens the soup but too much so you still get potato chunks. add chicken and a few minutes after that add egg noodles, cook for 5 minutes and then serve!