Cooking with Kat (and DSP) thread

  • 🐕 I am attempting to get the site runnning as fast as possible. If you are experiencing slow page load times, please report it.
I wasn't able to find an archive of the new years eve podcast on YouTube to link from another channel(didn't want to give DSP ad revenue.) but at about 24 mins in on part 1 of his podcast he talks about cooking Christmas dinner. He said Khet looked up a recipe for "home made mashed potatoes." Who needs to look up a recipe for mashed potatoes? Listening to him describe the two of them trying to cook a meal is hilarious. I guess everything will be Schwanns from here on out for these two after that clusterfuck.

I'll say this: a couple doing something together, even if it's inept, so long as they're enjoying themselves is a healthy thing. People pushing forty flailing at cooking a Christmas dinner isn't necessarily cute but it's something. That said, people who don't regularly do things together like them doing something just because it's the holiday is the most boomer thing I can think of and knowing Phil's personality he either domineered her through the whole thing or they bickered constantly until it was done and then ate in silence.
 
fucking lol
he needs instructions on how to make mashes potatoes?
i made them once by accident it's not hard.
something tells me he can't even bake a potato either
potatoes don't come with instructions, and that makes phil angry
i wonder if he knows to remove the eyes.
This is a guy who lives with bugged life mechanics. His toaster doesn't work, he needs to flush grease down the toilet, he drinks from water bottles which have been overfilled in the factory and his cold is actively trying to kill him.

He can't do anything without shit going wrong, so mashed potatoes is way to difficult to know. It's not like you just peel them, parboil them, then mash them up with warm m.ilk and tonnes of butter. That's way too fucking difficult for him.
 
This is a guy who lives with bugged life mechanics. His toaster doesn't work, he needs to flush grease down the toilet, he drinks from water bottles which have been overfilled in the factory and his cold is actively trying to kill him.

He can't do anything without shit going wrong, so mashed potatoes is way to difficult to know. It's not like you just peel them, parboil them, then mash them up with warm m.ilk and tonnes of butter. That's way too fucking difficult for him.
so i tried to use a barbeque, okay? and apparently charcoal doesn't just light up, i spend a long time looking for the switch to turn on the fire, but with a glitch called "combustion" you're supposed to add this fuel to it and use a match. THATS SO STUPID DOOD, THE MATCH IS ALREADY LIT WHY CANT THE CHARCOAL LIGHT ITSELF TOO?!

anyway, NO BODY TOLD ME I HAD TO LEVITATE THE FOOD ON A GRILL! i tossed the hamburger onto the fire, I DID NOTHING WRONG, I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT. BEGINNER'S TRAP!
 
This is a guy who lives with bugged life mechanics. His toaster doesn't work, he needs to flush grease down the toilet, he drinks from water bottles which have been overfilled in the factory and his cold is actively trying to kill him.

He can't do anything without shit going wrong, so mashed potatoes is way to difficult to know. It's not like you just peel them, parboil them, then mash them up with warm m.ilk and tonnes of butter. That's way too fucking difficult for him.
Phil unironically attracts glitches like moth to a flame. He manages to find them so abundantly in the game world he probably clips into the floor in real life too.
 
Hard as this may be to believe,.....D$P ate his 1st tuna casserole at the age of 36 thanks to the culinary skills of his gf Khet. Contrary to her having been documented having served him mashed potatoes several times before, Khet apparently looked up a recipe for how to make Mashed Potatoes that didn't work out so well which resulted in D$P having to resort to hitting the potatoes with a meat mallet as he had no other tool with which to make them....this time. One sits and wonders what new and exotic Betty Crocker/Lutheran Church Cookbook recipes his MidWesrtern SoulMaid will look up online next and how D$P will help to tackle them....
 
  • Informative
Reactions: Prince Lotor
fucking lol
he needs instructions on how to make mashes potatoes?
i made them once by accident it's not hard.
something tells me he can't even bake a potato either
potatoes don't come with instructions, and that makes phil angry
i wonder if he knows to remove the eyes.

Even if potatoes came with instructions, Phil would just ignore them. Then later after watching a video on how to make a baked potato, “Wuut? You’re supposed to put them in the oven? How was I supposed to know that?”

This is a guy who lives with bugged life mechanics. His toaster doesn't work, he needs to flush grease down the toilet, he drinks from water bottles which have been overfilled in the factory and his cold is actively trying to kill him.

He can't do anything without shit going wrong, so mashed potatoes is way to difficult to know. It's not like you just peel them, parboil them, then mash them up with warm m.ilk and tonnes of butter. That's way too fucking difficult for him.

Butter?
Pfft
Phil’s a gamer, he’s got no time for that! He’d just spray Pam into the mashed potatoes, and probably use a spoon.
 
I haven't seen anyone mention the ham yet. I wish there was a picture so I would know for sure. I have never seen black forest ham served in America in any other form other than deli meat.

I have done a quick Google search and all I saw was lunch meat and bulk food service deli hams.

Wikipedia says black forest ham is a different thing in Europe, in America I have only seen it used for sandwiches.

I hope I am wrong here. Did Phil buy a ham from Fred Meyer's deli? He said it was precooked, lunchmeat is precooked. A whole ham from the deli department is pretty damn expensive too.

Am I wrong here? Has any other American here bought a black forest ham?

DZGJA5SU8AAM4dj.jpg

Here we see an earlier Instagram post where Phil is claiming Kat made homemade mashed potatoes.

Now we are getting conflicting information that they don't know how to make mashed potatoes and Phil does not own a potato masher.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
You can buy a black forest ham in full, "fancy" places like Fred Meyer would probably have it.

But as far as I know even then its the same lunchmeat ham just not pre-sliced.

Pre-cooked ham would almost surely be sliced lunchmeat OR maybe they had a christmas/new years sort of thing in the precooked meats section.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Sparkletor
View attachment 628417
Here we see an earlier Instagram post where Phil is claiming Kat made homemade mashed potatoes.

Now we are getting conflicting information that they don't know how to make mashed potatoes and Phil does not own a potato masher.
lol he actually called them homemade mashed potatoes, same potatoes pictured here with the
homemade kings hawaiin roll.
f9c6e14ec6.png
 
You can buy a black forest ham in full, "fancy" places like Fred Meyer would probably have it.

But as far as I know even then its the same lunchmeat ham just not pre-sliced.

Pre-cooked ham would almost surely be sliced lunchmeat OR maybe they had a christmas/new years sort of thing in the precooked meats section.

You can usually buy a ham around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Generally speaking, they're precooked and (often) spiral sliced, so you basically just have to reheat, if you so choose, and cut pieces of ham off.
 
idk how a man can manage to always eat the grossest looking food. Its like he thinks this food is gourmet.

He also believes that pork is healthy and that foods that are "fresh" are better for you.
 
You can usually buy a ham around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Generally speaking, they're precooked and (often) spiral sliced, so you basically just have to reheat, if you so choose, and cut pieces of ham off.
:powerlevel:I have worked in a grocery store years ago and have some meat knowledge

A spiral sliced ham is different than a black forest ham though. If Phil bought a spiral cut ham, that would be a normal thing people do. Buying a whole deli black forest ham is not normal.
90037600322358_a3cb_en.jpg

Phil said the ham was overly salty. Deli hams and turkeys are packed in brine to preserve them.

A spiral cut ham would have cooking suggestions on the packaging. A deli ham would not since it is mainly for just slicing for lunch meat and is precooked.

Phil said the ham was enough for several meals and would last the whole week. It's possible he just bought a chunk of ham, but he specifically referenced the lack of cooking directions on the package. A hunk of ham would have been bagged in a deli bag and would just have the contents and price and a bar code.

You can buy a whole deli ham, but it is a very uncommon thing. Even then the meat is still priced by the pound and would be much more expensive than buying a ham you cook yourself. They are typically ordered 2 per case and run about $100. So a single ham would be $50 before the store markup.

Phil also said he looked for a honey glazed ham and couldn't find one. E got a black forest ham because he thought it was cooked in caramel or something when in reality it just has caramel color added which means it is brown. It has nothing to do with sweetness.

Every grocery store makes sure to stock up on hams and turkeys for Christmas. This leads to the rare occurrences I have seen people buy whole deli hams.

If you wait until the last minute to buy a Christmas ham the store could be out. I've seen dudes frantically looking for a ham or turkey the day before and not finding one. Their only option is to go somewhere else if anyplace else is open or to buy a deli ham.

If we look at how Phil procrastinated on his cereal DSP Tries it, his end of year podcast, and top ten games of the year I would safely bet he also put off shopping for his ham until the last minute. He then couldn't find a normal ham and didn't want to go to Wal-Mart because he is too classy. Instead he bought an entire slab of uncut lunchmeat for Christmas dinner and tried to cook it in the oven.
 
Where are the veggies? Can she not manage microwaving some frozen carrots? I assume steaming is too advanced for either of them.

And where's the glaze on either the chicken or the meatloaf?
 
Did Kat start chopping the oninion and gave up halfway through? Those chunks of onion are fucking massive.

Also what meatloaf doesnt have some sort of gravy or tomato sauce damn it. :(
 
Back