Corrupt-a-Wish

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LazarusOwenhart said:
Next time you try and reload you find your file is corrupted so you're stuck for the next 60 or so years staring at your title screen.

I wish I had a well fitted Imperial Security Uniform from Anovos with a decent replica blaster.
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Wish granted, but you also get sent into the Star Wars universe where you must serve as a real Imperial officer, at the time of A New Hope. You've just been assigned to serve aboard the Death Star...

I wish I had a real spaceship.
 
FataBataRang said:
Wish granted, but you also get sent into the Star Wars universe where you must serve as a real Imperial officer, at the time of A New Hope. You've just been assigned to serve aboard the Death Star...

I wish I had a real spaceship.
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Right back at you, Star Destroyer, battle of Jakku BIATCH!

I wish Valspar stone effect spray paint dried in less than two hours.
 
LazarusOwenhart said:
Right back at you, Star Destroyer, battle of Jakku BIATCH!

I wish Valspar stone effect spray paint dried in less than two hours.
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Your wish has been granted. Now your spray paint dries in one hour and fifty nine minutes guaranteed. Its slightly better at a higher cost. The shread of faith you had left in humanity has now diminished.

I wish I could meet Snooki.
 
You get to meet her but she makes you go with her to scare travelers from under a bridge and you end up getting impaled by angry villagers.

I wish I could stand on any spot and view any point in history. The view is entirely non interactive, it can't harm me and I can't affect it. I can turn around on the spot but not move because the image vanishes if I do and if anyone/thing has to go through me it just does with no ill effects. I cannot fall, be pushed crushed or burned or anything. If I choose to go back billions of years and the place I am standing was inside a rock or something I see a view as if I was standing in a dimly lit phone booth sized cavern. I further wish that I was an incredible artist with an exceptional memory so I am able to record with extreme accuracy all the wondrous things I have seen.
 
LazarusOwenhart said:
You get to meet her but she makes you go with her to scare travelers from under a bridge and you end up getting impaled by angry villagers.

I wish I could stand on any spot and view any point in history. The view is entirely non interactive, it can't harm me and I can't affect it. I can turn around on the spot but not move because the image vanishes if I do and if anyone/thing has to go through me it just does with no ill effects. I cannot fall, be pushed crushed or burned or anything. If I choose to go back billions of years and the place I am standing was inside a rock or something I see a view as if I was standing in a dimly lit phone booth sized cavern. I further wish that I was an incredible artist with an exceptional memory so I am able to record with extreme accuracy all the wondrous things I have seen.
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You age relative to the time you travel. Go back fifty years, age fifty years as you go forward to return. Furthermore, any portraits you do make sell poorly, and you will never forget being sprayed with the organs of some poor sod who stepped on a landmine.

I wish for more spergy activity on the sites that I monitor.
 
Unhappy with the amount of sperg activity you suddenly become a sperg yourself. Pisssing and moaning about how everyone gets your gender wrong. People still call you "mr" after the fact you spent time in med school for your doctorate. And make it known your obsession with Pokemon. The sperg was in you all along.

I wish I could finish an entire book in one setting.
 
That's now the only way you can read. If you accidentally read the cover of say, Les Miserables by Victor Hugo you are forced, against all other considerations to sit and read the entire thing which is like, 5 inches thick and would take you around a fucking week. You can't put it down, you have to do everything one handed. Apples Terms and Conditions become ingrained in your memory, Facebooks blaze across your soul.

I wish I could play guitar.
 
Granted but Metal bands have transitioned to using vuvuzuelas making you uncool again.

I wish I could manipulate everyone's minds to my will
 
You can manipulate minds to your will, but... you end up with a really annoying army of sycophants who, when you get overly frustrated and think "KYS ALREADY", proceed to do so, thus dirtying all the carpet in your house.

I wish I could understand what animals talk about.
 
MistressCaridad said:
You can manipulate minds to your will, but... you end up with a really annoying army of sycophants who, when you get overly frustrated and think "KYS ALREADY", proceed to do so, thus dirtying all the carpet in your house.

I wish I could understand what animals talk about.
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Congrats you are now able to speak to animals. However you now lack the ability to understand human beings. So while you're at home having a meaningful discussion with the cat about your preferred upholstery and the best places to nap to us all we can ever understand is you down on all fours meowing at a very confused looking cat.

I wish I could go on adventures out on the road with my three stoner friends and our dog solving mysteries.
 
Meat_Puppet said:
Congrats you are now able to speak to animals. However you now lack the ability to understand human beings. So while you're at home having a meaningful discussion with the cat about your preferred upholstery and the best places to nap to us all we can ever understand is you down on all fours meowing at a very confused looking cat.

I wish I could go on adventures out on the road with my three stoner friends and our dog solving mysteries.
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You got it. Except all the monsters are real instead of guys in suits. Good luck with that buddy.

I wish I had the power to travel in and out of fictional universes.
 
You can jump to parallel fictional dimensions, but you're allergic to 85 percent of the food, except for weeks-old Arbys, which is made with skunk juice basted meat in most of them.

Wish: You can now cure other people's cancer by sharting in their mouth.
 
Morose_Obesity said:
You can jump to parallel fictional dimensions, but you're allergic to 85 percent of the food, except for weeks-old Arbys, which is made with skunk juice basted meat in most of them.

Wish: You can now cure other people's cancer by sharting in their mouth.
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Think of what you have to eat to produce those sharts. Half of it might even cause cancer.

I wish people stopped switching utensils around on the salad bar.
 
trombonista said:
Think of what you have to eat to produce those sharts. Half of it might even cause cancer.

I wish people stopped switching utensils around on the salad bar.
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In order to enforce this you now live in a vicious autocratic society in which all salad bars and guarded by Dear Leaders loyal secret police.

I wish my morning erections were easier to conceal.
 
LazarusOwenhart said:
In order to enforce this you now live in a vicious autocratic society in which all salad bars and guarded by Dear Leaders loyal secret police.

I wish my morning erections were easier to conceal.
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Your boners are now invisible, except for 10/10 virgins who are saving themselves for a 10/10 Chad.

I wish Kanye West would get proper medication and stfu with the crazy shit.
 
Morose_Obesity said:
Your boners are now invisible, except for 10/10 virgins who are saving themselves for a 10/10 Chad.

I wish Kanye West would get proper medication and stfu with the crazy shit.
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Kanye gets his meds, but goes on a killing spree at the Grammys and is gunned down by police after killing nearly every major artist in attendance.

I wish there were more lolcows.
 
ActualKiwi said:
Kanye gets his meds, but goes on a killing spree at the Grammys and is gunned down by police after killing nearly every major artist in attendance.

I wish there were more lolcows.
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You're the first and your thread is so popular it crashes the Farms.

I wish I had a plate of perfectly cooked duck eggs on white toast with no negative repercussions whatsoever.
 
LazarusOwenhart said:
You're the first and your thread is so popular it crashes the Farms.

I wish I had a plate of perfectly cooked duck eggs on white toast with no negative repercussions whatsoever.
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You have a plate of perfectly cooked duck eggs on white toast with no negative repercussions whatsoever.....behind unbreakable glass with no method of entry.

I wish more people played WoW
 
Granted, but Blizzard will spike the monthly fee per character that isn't Pandaren.

I wish for the person below me to have a long, happy, and succesful life.
 
Nah, my life sucks as it is

I̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶f̶l̶y̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶d̶r̶a̶g̶o̶n̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶p̶a̶r̶t̶ (:autism:)

I wish Donald Trump could take over the world
 
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