Defendant: Ethan Oliver Ralph - Ethan Ralph's Documented Legal Troubles & Other Court Docs

[TheBigTakeover]

taking grabs, will edit to add more
Edit: this is all, I think / hope they are in order. Thank you your honer for reading this joke.

Spoiler: pics

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The owner and chief editor of theralphretort.com, Ladies and Gentlemen.

 

[Hüftpriester]

View attachment 4784590
Kiwibros, we took another life

Wow, Ralph is using literal troon talking points against KF in a legal document. What a fat titted, sissyfied faggot.

His public persona: YOU CAN'T ABORT THE RETORT MOTHERFUCKER! I MOVED TO MEXICO CAUSE IT'S BETTER THAN THE US AND I HAVLED MY COST OF LIVING. KIWIFAGS DON'T HAVE SHIT ON ME, I'M A KING!

His honest private thoughts: I literally had to move to another country because Matt Vickers is mean to me online. Kiwi Farms has a whole section of their website dedicated to causing my demise. I have to take 10 mg of xanax every day to deal with the stress of being a prolific lolcow

 

[The Periodic Gamer]

wow

I can't wait to see the courts response. It's probably going to be spectacular.

 

[Pelican Bones]

Ralph, buddy, just tell the judge it's a 1st Amendment issue and Vickers is depriving you of both habeas corpus and e pluribus unum. It's basically a get-out-jail-free card at that point.

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

wow

I can't wait to see the courts response. It's probably going to be spectacular.

Modern tools has already provided it - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQCU36pkH7c

 

[Hokuriku]

taking grabs, will edit to add more
Edit: this is all, I think / hope they are in order. Thank you your honer for reading this joke.

Spoiler: pics

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I just can't get over how he's unironically using a legal document to jab at Gator. Why do these lolcows feel like they'd be amazing Tim and Eric characters? This is literally The Trial of Tim when he uses a mass murder trial to get the story straight on Star Trek IV.

 

[Pale Empress]

I wasn't expecting the "your honor" to be in that document, I spat wine all over my screen and had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard.

Ralph representing himself brings me such joy. Admitting that he fled to Mexico in fear for his life and those of his family only to admit that he chose Mexico because it's easy to cross the border, inferring his infant daughter is a whore, the slew of grammatical errors, calling the Farms a forum dedicated to his demise, it's a smorgasbord of Ralphisms.

Ethan, this is the content I come here for. The xanniberry arc is really depressing so I'm grateful for this filing. Thanks for the laughs.

 

[Spergichu]

Are we absolutely sure Ralph isn't actually Jan wearing a fat suit and wig? I refuse to believe someone who isn't a literal downie is this retarded.

 

[he who has thus come/gone]

wow

I can't wait to see the courts response. It's probably going to be spectacular.

It'll probably be a two paragraph response. His "arguments" are so unsubstantiated by fact or case law that they're not worthy of more than 30 minutes of judicial work.

If you ever ask yourself "Should I write rhetorical questions into my case filing?" the answer is always NO. They make him look at worst retarded, and at best like he dictated the writing and never read it back for editing purposes. Unironically, he should watch Josh's videos critiquing his prior court filings, because Josh is right about a lot of what he says in terms of writing things a judge will read. Keep it simple, foreground the points you're going to make in each paragraph, and cite pertinent case law for your claims. If you do that bare minimum, the judge will take your filing more seriously. How can a judge take his constitutionality argument seriously when Ralph doesn't even mention that the court has in personam jurisdiction which allows it to command parties to refrain from a broad degree of conduct? Courts can literally enjoin parties from protesting, which is much more clearly a "constitutional violation" by Ralph's terms. It's not even worth looking into the caselaw for the court's response, especially since the judge knows Ralph doesn't have the resources to effectively appeal.

I can't get over how much his writing sounds like him ranting while barred-out on stream. Were his blogs always like this? I'd pay to see him in an oral argument responding to the judge's questions.

 

[UCantCCPMe]

Putting aside all the inane, incoherent, completely superfluous ramblings that compose Ralph's legal magnum opus; the Olympic gold medalist level of mental gymnastics on display is next level.

We've hit stage three with the cope and now the running line of logic from El Gunto is I didn't release revenge porn, but even if I did it's not a criminal offense, it's just a copyright claim.

Imagine if that's how it worked? You upload your 900th shitty Dragonball Z AMV with Linkin Park music and suddenly you're facing probation or possibly jail time for claims made by Funimation and whatever music label.

I'm sure Disney, Nintendo, WMG and Studio Ghibli wishes it worked that way, but we live in the real world and Ralph is just coping and seething as hard as humanly possible.

 

[Burd Turglar]

I always knew Ralph was borderline retarded but this is incredible! It's like his gay Tumblr blogs about Jim but he's sending them to a fucking court of law. I cannot wait for this to play out.

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

It'll probably be a two paragraph response. His "arguments" are so unsubstantiated by fact or case law that they're not worthy of more than 30 minutes of judicial work.

If you ever ask yourself "Should I write rhetorical questions into my case filing?" the answer is always NO. They make him look at worst retarded, and at best like he dictated the writing and never read it back for editing purposes. Unironically, he should watch Josh's videos critiquing his prior court filings, because Josh is right about a lot of what he says in terms of writing things a judge will read. Keep it simple, foreground the points you're going to make in each paragraph, and cite pertinent case law for your claims. If you do that bare minimum, the judge will take your filing more seriously. How can a judge take his constitutionality argument seriously when Ralph doesn't even mention that the court has in personam jurisdiction which allows it to command parties to refrain from a broad degree of conduct? Courts can literally enjoin parties from protesting, which is much more clearly a "constitutional violation" by Ralph's terms. It's not even worth looking into the caselaw for the court's response, especially since the judge knows Ralph doesn't have the resources to effectively appeal.

I can't get over how much his writing sounds like him ranting while barred-out on stream. Were his blogs always like this? I'd pay to see him in an oral argument responding to the judge's questions.

I've learned some by watching various lolsuits and judges actually bend over backwards to give pro se and other idiots the benefit of the doubt, if you ACTUALLY try and aren't insane, they will work with you to interpret things as best they can. I’ve seen some on this very site where they explain what they think you should have argued, say how to argue it, mention you didn’t, deny and point out you can easily appeal. Basically doing all the work for them.

This shit, on the other hand? I feel for the poor court.

 

[zionlion1488]

This has to be my favorite part so far
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"Nobody follows Gaydah on twitter, yer honah"

I always thought Gator's name was Shannon. Did I make that up? Am I that retarded?

 

[Raiken]

i played all phoenix wright games and watched better call saul, and i i can say reading this is:

yikes

I wish ethan would live a long life but he is clearly one foot in the grave in his brain.

 

[Balldo's Gate]

It's not a lawsuit. Ethan Ralph appears to have filed a motion asking the judge to hold Matthew Vickers in contempt of court for violating a court order that applies only to Ethan Ralph. He has also confused "unconstitutional" with "I don't think it's fair".

The restraining order was stipulated to by and applies to both Ralph and Matthew Vickers. It looks Ralph also agreed to be bound by its terms with respect to the rest of the Vickers family, but they (with the exception of Matthew) are not bound by its terms.



Ralph has the right to ask the judge to issue an order to show cause, but the fact that Ralph believes Vickers may have violated the order isn't a defense for any violations that Ralph may have made.

 

[TV's Adam West]

Ethan, this is a judge, not your fucking drinking buddy

Actually, the judge is a big fan of the killstream and Ralph's drinking buddy. Ralph's very big in that sector.

 

[Empress.]

I know a guy who speaks Ralph's language that can defend him in court, probably get a good deal too.

 

[Rabbi Palpenstein]

You know, I tried to cut back on Ralph shit, but damn if this isn't a fucking wonderful source of laughs. I will never understand the more proactive Aylawgs, why bother trying to ruin this idiot when he's more than capable of doing it on his own?
I wish we could see the inside of the courtroom, I REALLY want to see how he acts towards the judge

 

[Alabaster Disaster]

Wow, Ralph is using literal troon talking points against KF in a legal document. What a fat titted, sissyfied faggot.

His public persona: YOU CAN'T ABORT THE RETORT MOTHERFUCKER! I MOVED TO MEXICO CAUSE IT'S BETTER THAN THE US AND I HAVLED MY COST OF LIVING. KIWIFAGS DON'T HAVE SHIT ON ME, I'M A KING!

His honest private thoughts: I literally had to move to another country because Matt Vickers is mean to me online. Kiwi Farms has a whole section of their website dedicated to causing my demise. I have to take 10 mg of xanax every day to deal with the stress of being a prolific lolcow

He has this ongoing habit of code-switching in response to conflict. You'll see him go from white trash belligerence to smarmy cancel culture coastal liberal voice--including passive-aggressive smileys--often within the same Twitter thread or comment chain.

 

[Obscura539]

It really drives him insane when anyone makes money while discussing his antics. Ethan referred to Cog as a “competitor” and cited Vicker’s channel as a “cash grab.” I think this provides some insight on how the RalphaFinances are going.

@Null What if you made the Ralph board available only to those who paid a monthly subscription? I have a hunch he would appreciate that.