DSP Plays Balding Gate 3

[Very Honest Content]

Narc ego mission fail rage. The wagequit is on the clock racing against ragequit to the finish line now. Phil will be a giant pussy about it and never finish the 2023 game of the year because he's a fake gamer and a real beggar but will say the game is on "hiatus" which will evolve into one that never ends is my prediction, but only because that's what he said he was going to do before ever booting up the game.

Big ups to Jimmi doing these recaps from accelerated playback speed, not an easy thing to do, but I do watch his street fighter videos at 1.5X to review his salty tears about getting bodied constantly so if you feel up to it you may be able to save 50% of your watch time if you can ramp up the playback to the next setting from there if at all possible.

 

[Lady Adjani]

Watched a recap video of him fighting Grym (which is admittedly a shitty fight) and I can't for the life of me understand how someone could stomach watching this in real-time, it's just as bad as his DoS2 playthrough, every single thing gets spoiled by chat, extreme pausing before every action, cycling through all of his abilities and looking at chat like a complete retard.

 

[Corpun]

In real life there are no dice rolls dude, every attack shold be an instant hit that is also a crit, because in real life you should easily fuck people up with exploding fireballs.

No way he even gets to Part 2 with how angry he is getting at BG3.

 

[marlintan]

In real life there are no dice rolls dude, every attack shold be an instant hit that is also a crit, because in real life you should easily fuck people up with exploding fireballs.

No way he even gets to Part 2 with how angry he is getting at BG3.

He never made it to act 2 in DOS:2 either, and that was as or more profitable than BG3.

 

[JimiHendrix]

time to catch up on some chill style bald gate vibes.

Spoiler: bald gate January 15th

the word "belies" really fucked phil up. he had to try like 3 times to get it correctly.

phil finally realized in a D&D game he should probably talk to NPCs and has befriended Brithvar, who wants Nere dead.

"dude this game, I'm sorry, this is stupid. the game is so dumb. what are you fucking? you just literally told me to do this, so that's why I did it, and now the guy attacks me?"

he told you to kill it where no one could see. instead you turned around and immediately stabbed it in broad daylight, so for he attacks you so people don't know he's a traitor.

"this game gives me such a headache, its stupid as shit. there's no reason the person who gave you the quest should be upset you finished the quest. sorry, the games design is very flawed, terrible writing."

man is so stupid he thinks an NPCs reaction to game mechanics is "writing"

"no justifying that, sorry, don't care what you guys say, you're wrong."

"black and white in this case, you can't justify it, sorry. bad game design"

phil button mashed through some dialogue and didn't get the outcome he wanted because he was button-mashing

"oh my god, this game is pissing me off, so now I missed the dialogue trying to get back to it. "

"I know he said use stealth, I DON'T CARE. I'm standing in front of him, ENOUGH, enough trying to defend bad game design. you guys need to stop with your fanboyism."

phil is fixated on the idea that it was Brithvar who aggrod to him specifically, which isn't necessarily true. he joined the battle, but that doesn't mean he's the one triggered the fight.

"how the fuck would someone know what I'm doing when they're in the other room? there's no way they would. that's bad game design"

you have a tadpole inside your brain that gives you psychic powers, but someone knowing what's happening 1 room over is where we draw the line? ok.

he is still tardraging out over this when again, there's no evidence brithvar is the one who specifically caught him.

"DUDE, the orb won't stop, it's following me!"

see, an intelligent person would realize if the orb is following you, you could lead it somewhere, and then you could use 1 party member to kill it while it looks at the other party member.

phil managed to kill the orb without anyone seeing it after doing what I described above. you see how easy the game is and how you don't have to baby tantrum for 10 minutes when you actually think?

"what's funny is these guys totally saw it"

they're fucking animals, retard? like what the fuck? i don't think the roche will be sounding the alarm?

phil is doing the Nere fight again and this time he has allies because he remembered he's playing an RPG and should talk to people.

phil just used fireball to hit a total of 2 people. not exactly cost efficient I feel. he actually just did it twice in a row, that's wild.

"they just really don't want me to hit anyone. once again it's happening"

it's been about 30 minutes after the Nere fight and he's just wandering around Grymforge. been a lot of "wow...look at this...where does this take us...let's check it out"

absolutely nothing of note. just one step above literal dead air.

"why am I in turn based mode? what the fuck is going on? i didn't do this, what happened? how do I get out of this? what is this shit?"

you activated a trap so the game put you in turn based mode so you have time to react to it. now phil can't figure out how to get out of it, despite playing the game for 43 hours.

phil is now fighting the Magma Mephits in the Grymforge, aside from him getting dogpiled, not much interesting is happening.

kat has arrived home so phil got up and left mid-fight. he was gone for 6 minutes of dead air which was included in the video. fantastic content creator.

phil spent 25 minutes of a video leveling up and long resting, so I am skipping the rest of this and going to the final vid.

phil is struggling to figure out how to use the Grymforge because he is mentally unwell.

Grymforge Boss Fight Starts Here

"wow, I have no idea what to do, at all."

"I have no clue what to do here. none"

it's a boss fight? fight it? like what the fuck?

"can she bludgeon damage him?"

not with an axe, no.

phil using "goading attack" amuses me because he slurs his words so he's constantly yelling "OH HE'S GOATED" like some zoomer.

"oh, thankfully the lava is gone"

that is NOT a good thing, phil.

phil just OBLITERATED lae'zel with the forge hammer. absolutely smashed her, hit the boss too, but the boss is a lot more durable than lae'zil is.

"what the fuck? WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?"

the magma mephits have arrived.

"why are there minions coming now? i don't like this at all. this is nonsensical bullshit."

"it didn't work! it did nothing."

yeah because the lava is gone, so he's not superheated anymore.

"turn on the lava again? oh, SHIT. it would've superheated him again? i fucked up. fuck."

"there's too much going on, it's frustrating me"

you ask phil to keep track of 2-3 things and he melts down.

"how do you get him superheated? i don't know, it's dumb, yet again, another hour long fight with new mechanics and it's fucking dumb. just like the whole game. every fight is just an insane time waster, I really want to do this fight for an hour today, right?"

phil has rage reloaded his game.

"I don't understand this at all. it's stupid."

how is it stupid if YOU'RE the one who doesn't understand it?

"how do you lure him to the center? I'm so confused"

and he's just mad dogging chat.

"I really don't wanna do this fight, I just don't. it's dumb, it's pissing me off. the control scheme of the game is SO bad."

he reloaded again. that attempt didn't even last 5 minutes.

someone told phil to play the game on easy mode and he snorted at them.

"maybe they should just make the game fun and playable and not cryptic and stupid, you think about that? that the game should be fun? straight up, what do I do?"

"how am I supposed to do all of these things and not lose my mind and have fun?"

like I said, you make him keep track of 2-3 things at once and he has a breakdown.

"the game is getting more tedious the further in you get and people are saying act 3 is like this and I think I'll just stop then. i'd like to have fun and I'm not having fun with this."

"they made this boss so elusive and evasive and the chance to hit is so pathetically low"

it's 50%?

phil attacked the boss 4 times, he missed 3 of them.

"I'm supposed to like this? this is supposed to be fun? right."

boss tried to attack phil and he missed. phil is dead silent about this.

phil got the boss to 12hp and has made ah ard save, so much for no save scumming, right?

the boss has 12hp but isn't superheated, so phil can't figure out how to hurt him.

"if I end the turn and he goes to walk away, she's going to use attack of opportunity and stop him. do you see the problem?"

I do see the problem. you don't know how to turn off attack of opportunity, so it's your fault.

"I want to finish this fucking fight and end the stream."

phil managed to defeat Grymforge.

"jesus fucking christ, thank god."

the fight is over. phil did not enjoy it.

"ok. that was incredibly fucking annoying."

phil has defeated Nere and the Grymforge, next up is the Creche or Act 2.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

phil has defeated Nere and the Grymforge, next up is the Creche or Act 2

Now that he's beaten the boss, I'll fill in the blanks on how simple it is for anyone who hasn't played the game.

Grym is one of the first intimidating bosses because it looks super tough and has a huge chunk of HP compared to anything else you've fought before, but it's hard to even call it a "fight" because it's so easy to defeat and largely exists for a cool cinematic moment.

The basic mechanic is Grym has an auto target thing, where it will automatically target the last person to damage it. IIRC, it gives some sort of indicator that it's changing target, but it might be something you have to examine to see. Either way, it's not exactly a hidden mechanic. In order to get the boss to show up at all, you have to hit a valve that opens up a bunch of lava. The only other interactive thing on the field is a massive hammer, which you've also previously activated less than a minute ago, so again, no hidden mechanics. And I'm guessing by this point, even people who haven't played the game have solved the mechanic of this fight. Superheat the boss by opening the lava, have someone attack who is next to the hammer so the boss lumbers over to the hammer, then active the hammer. Do that two (maybe three?) times and the fight is over.

Feel like being cheeky? The giant mechanical robot is also vulnerable to bludgeoning and thunder attacks so you can just brute force it if it really comes down to it. To be fair, this is more build/gear dependent so it's not unreasonable you don't have these damage types on hand, but it sounds like someone told Phil this since he mentions not having bludgeoning and since he was save scumming there was nothing stopping him from swapping his gear. IMO this is actually the faster route and you avoid any minion spawns, and you can reliably control the boss because of the auto targeting thing.

 

[Soylent Dora]

Now that he's beaten the boss, I'll fill in the blanks on how simple it is for anyone who hasn't played the game.

Grym is one of the first intimidating bosses because it looks super tough and has a huge chunk of HP compared to anything else you've fought before, but it's hard to even call it a "fight" because it's so easy to defeat and largely exists for a cool cinematic moment.

The basic mechanic is Grym has an auto target thing, where it will automatically target the last person to damage it. IIRC, it gives some sort of indicator that it's changing target, but it might be something you have to examine to see. Either way, it's not exactly a hidden mechanic. In order to get the boss to show up at all, you have to hit a valve that opens up a bunch of lava. The only other interactive thing on the field is a massive hammer, which you've also previously activated less than a minute ago, so again, no hidden mechanics. And I'm guessing by this point, even people who haven't played the game have solved the mechanic of this fight. Superheat the boss by opening the lava, have someone attack who is next to the hammer so the boss lumbers over to the hammer, then active the hammer. Do that two (maybe three?) times and the fight is over.

Feel like being cheeky? The giant mechanical robot is also vulnerable to bludgeoning and thunder attacks so you can just brute force it if it really comes down to it. To be fair, this is more build/gear dependent so it's not unreasonable you don't have these damage types on hand, but it sounds like someone told Phil this since he mentions not having bludgeoning and since he was save scumming there was nothing stopping him from swapping his gear. IMO this is actually the faster route and you avoid any minion spawns, and you can reliably control the boss because of the auto targeting thing.

I've largely tuned out from Phil playing BG3 since it's just him leaning left to wait for chat to give him the answer to literally everything. But I did watch a video of him doing this fight. Him walking through the lava multiple times when it shows you the path your character is going to take is mind boggling to me. He also lacks some core fundamental understanding of the game.

The Grym fight is less of a boss fight and more of a puzzle fight if you do the hammer (intended) method. Meaning this fight was particularly hard for professional gamer Phil

 

[JimiHendrix]

Spoiler: chill bald-style vibes

phil has been playing for 5 minutes and is struggling to use the Grymforge, despite already making some armor.

"im being told there are other molds and I missed them. i don't know where they were and I cant seem to use it again anyway."

"if people are trolling derich in the chat they should stop or I'll ban all of them"

wish I had a protective father like that. derich is so lucky.

someone is advising phil to not run into the Lich Knights, shame because that would've been a funny fight. phil is just beelining to the creche.

"it's not just about survival, it's about looking good"

phil has gotten into dying his armors different colors.

"maybe we'll beat act 1 before next week where this game gets demoted for new releases"

yeah, "demoted" that's what we're calling it huh...

"am I liking the dice rolls? i don't know man, sometimes I think they're fun, sometimes I think they're stupid"

I wonder what makes him think they're fun and what makes them stupid?

the dream visitor is telling Phil to stay away from the Githyanki and phil is freaking out

"UH, WHO IS SAYING THAT? WHO THE FUCK IS SAYING THAT? UH? MYSTERIOUS DISEMBODIED VOICE? WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT? I HAVE NO IDEA."

he literally forgets the dream visitor in between every stream, it's so funny.

phil has his character in stealth, but his party members aren't, so phil is just creeper walking around while his party members follow him like a group of tard wranglers.

"noooo, that's bullshit, I am not trying to aggro them so I am going to reload, I obviously didn't want to do that. i didn't attack them, I don't know why they aggro'd, that was really dumb"

giant eagle tells phil not to go near its next, phil says ok, then phil tramples all over its nest, eagle attacks phil, phil is surprised.

"dude, this is so dumb. NO, I don't want to fight them. it's my idiotic team mate, not me."

"what the fuck? it wore off? really fast?"

phil is trying to use invisibility to steal something, but he never learned how turn based mode works, so he's just popping invis stuff and then it runs out in 20 seconds.

"that was so shitty, it wasn't even worth it. do we have an invisibility potion that lasts longer?"

"oh my god, I have too many items. every potion looks exactly the same"

earlier in the stream a fan told phil he can use pouches and backpacks to sort his inventory, phil said he didn't care to do that.

"this is where the game becomes tedium because I have too many items, I can't tell whats what, do I really want to stare at this menu for the next hour?"

I mean, yeah? you didn't clean out or organize your inventory, now your inventory is messy and unorganized. how is this the games fault?

he is now using a 10 turn scroll of invis on Astarion without turn based mode, because he is again, retarded.

the eagle detected astarion regardless. phil is displeased.

"I just don't get it. i don't know what they were thinking with this fucking game, I don't get it at all."

he is now just running around the ruins going "WHAT'S IN HERE? WHAT IS THAT? WHAT IS GLOWING IN HERE? HUH?"

door has holy energy radiating off it

"why does the door look like it's farting?"

phil sees something called the "Guardian of Faith" and thinks it might be a curse.

"I have to pee really bad. i don't know what happened, but I have to really bad"

diabetes.

phil doesn't lae'zel because "she's a jerk who thinks she's better than everyone else."

"I don't think im ever going back to divinity at this point, I think baldur's gate is far superior"

phil is just shopping for the past 15 minutes.

phil is debating on whether or not he should try and get lae'zel to NOT be in the giant rape murder machine.

"ok, if I say endure, and she comes out of this as a zombie, I'm definitely going to reload, because if she comes out lobotomized then what was the point?"

so much for not save scumming. literally no defence for this, he's save scummed in gameplay and in story now.

"ok, im going to tell her to endure, but if she dies or becomes a zombie then we're going to reload, fuck it."

phil, after much debating, saved lae'zel and she did not die, not that it mattered, since he would've reloaded a save.

phil is again confused by the dream visitor talking to him.

stream is over. in 3 hours, yes, it was a 3 hour gameplay stream, phil went through the ruins, he did not find the blood of lothiandr, and he entered the creche and almost got lae'zel killed. the end.

after Friday the game is likely going to be dropped after a few token streams.

 

[JimiHendrix]

it's time bald

Spoiler: baldur's gate 3 githyanki creche

"you know what's weird? aside from lae'zel literally everyone's character story has been on hold. it's kinda weird that their plots are not advancing."

my man you have spent 54 hours in act 1.

"EW they're eating bodies, EW, why are they eating the bodies?"

they're giant wolves phil, what do you think they eat?

"guys im being told by my chat that I should do the gith quest first, they know better than me, so."

handholding is hype.

phil is now talking to all of his team mates because he forgot all of their stories.

phil has handed the artifact over to Vlaakith.

phil pissed off Vlaakith and she killed him instantly. instant game over.

"oh. well now I know I can't do that. there you go."

"just because you SAY something doesn't mean it's true. it doesn't PROVE it"

phil is sperging out on his dream visitor for the same reason people sperg out on him.

"all three choices are bad. everyone is bad. you know? i think these are all stupid. i want the answer. i would say right to her, tell me right now what Vlaakith secret is, and if it's something great and I think it's true, I'll spare your life. if not i think you're a deceptive bitch. none of these are the right options from an intelligent perspective."

he has equipped a pair of gloves but doesn't seem to understand what they actually do.

we are back to spending four or five minutes per combat turn because phil has "too many abilities" now and can't decide what to use.

"it's too complex and it's too many options"

you're the one who chose the options?

it has been eight minutes on this single turn.

"there's too much going on."

it is a turn based game?

in phils tactical genius he has used fireball on 1 enemy.

someone donated phil 50 gifted memberships, so now we're having an inquisition where phil is demanding the gifter to reveal themselves and talk.

phil has realized the tips are from Argentina and has banned the gifter, because fuck those filthy fucking pocs.

"yeah, he literally said it's from Argentina in chat, so go fuck yourself. enjoy your permanent ban and never being in chat again."

Phils stream is for WHITES only.

phil has once again hit the save limit, so we get to spend 3 minutes manually deleting some.

"sorry, im not accepting that, I'm just not. that's trash, i disabled the trap and it still killed two people? fuck you. bullshit."

that no save scumming thing is really going well.

phils controller has died, so now we have to stop the stream so his fans can explain to him how charging a controller works, i am not joking.

"what does the green thing mean? look, does that mean the controller is charging? i love how you guys contradict each other. it's charging now? ok, there you go."

"this game is so slow moving, like, i get it, but it takes so long, we've been in this creche all stream."

you literally took 9 minutes to do 1 turn in combat, you stopped the stream to get up to blow your nose twice, stopped the stream to banned a FILTHY Argentinean from this whites only stream, and you stopped the stream so chat could help you charge your PS5 controller.

that is the end of the stream. after 55 hours phil will be entering Act 2 after next stream. see you on tuesday.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

Huh, surprised he made it all the way into Act 2. There's a good chance he won't be able to figure out the very basic shadow curse mechanics and ends up dying, especially since it seems like he's quick to exit out of turn based mode whenever it pops up, then just stand there as he gets damaged over and over trying to react to what's happening. I have a feeling with the new Yakuza right around the corner, he'll use that as an excuse to drop BG3, insisting he can't play two lengthy RPGs at once.

 

[Corpun]

Guess I lost the bet that he wouldn't even get out of act one. At this rate the TIHYDP will be split into at least 3 parts.

 

[Very Honest Content]

Huh, surprised he made it all the way into Act 2. There's a good chance he won't be able to figure out the very basic shadow curse mechanics and ends up dying, especially since it seems like he's quick to exit out of turn based mode whenever it pops up, then just stand there as he gets damaged over and over trying to react to what's happening. I have a feeling with the new Yakuza right around the corner, he'll use that as an excuse to drop BG3, insisting he can't play two lengthy RPGs at once.

He said this would happen on the copecast before the first stream of the game, the question is will it return from banrealm due to tips not being as freely flowing with the other boring rpg's instead of 2023's game of the year?

Chat got out of act 1, Phil tried to sandbag them, don't despair if you called a different outcome, Phil didn't beat you, he got chat to do it for him so it doesn't count, like SF6 losses he takes online due to top tier pattern play lag excuse string fill goes here with lots of pigsweat.

 

[Eekum Bokum]

I don't understand why he thinks it's a good idea to drop BG3 for LAD. No one wants to see him play Yakuza games, they never have. Even the first one he played no one showed up for it. He just plays them because they are "chill" which means he can be a lazy shit and put zero effort into it.

If he had any sense he would continue to play BG3 then start LAD when he's finished, but i guess if he had sense this board wouldn't exist.

 

[JimiHendrix]

i just rolled out of bed and remembered he was playing it so lets get to it boisen girls.

Spoiler: possible final bald gate stream

phil sees lae'zel drinking and thinks she's "happy and partying" his stream chat has to tell him that she's getting drunk to cope with the fact she's just been betrayed by her god and people.

"oh, that really sucks."

"honestly, I think wyll is one of the weaker characters because he's had no real plot development. he got turned into a demon and his dad was kidnapped and then nothing happened. i feel like there should be more."

phil is offended you can see characters underwear in inventory.

phil is now making his fans tell him how to respec shadowheart to be a healer.

phil has spent 10 minutes on respeccing lae'zel. he is over 50 hours in the game and doesn't understand what he should be getting.

"shall we try pale pink?"

how about you try playing the game? holy shit. been 20 minutes of menus.

phil has encountered the Death Shepherd.

"oh jesus, what are these? a death spepherd? oh god"

"why does it say six? why the hell does it say six?"

because it's a level 6 spell.

it's been six minutes on the first turn of combat. phil has yet to make a move.

phil tried to summon the ogres he met back in the blight village, they didn't come.

ok, after an hour and a half full of shopping, menus, and 1 fight, phil is now heading to act 2.

nevermind, he got distracted by Elminster.

ok, after two hours, phil is now in camp before going into Act 2.

"you always camp between acts? is that true?"

"i thought we'd get into act 2 really fast but we've been playing for 2 hours now. that's just how this game is man."

you spent 20 minutes in a level up screen.

after 54 hours phil has officially reached Act 2.

"alright, heading into our third and final hour-"

he really does just play games for 3 hours on main stream now, huh?

"i just realized every character has exactly the same plot because they're all in service to something else. they basically wrote the same character five times. that is kinda lame, they just wrote the same story for everyone."

"how do you equip a torch? i have no idea. I've never used one before"

55 hours into the game, dude.

"i have rules on my stream, no insults to myself or anyone, like other chatters."

phil you spend half your stream insulting literally everyone you can because you're a low IQ mongrel and your family should've died out decades ago.

"we'll see if they man up and go "oh, sorry i publicly insulted you on your stream in front of everyone"

I don't think this tipper is the one who needs to man up, phil. you're literally crying someone insulted you online, anyone here can give me 100$ and call me a vicious child fucking fat fuck. i don't care? thanks for the money.

"i don't want to dick around for another 30 minutes for something they didn't explain, so if you guys can just tell me so we can play the game, that'd be great."

for those who care, Phil is taking the evil route into Act 2, which is meeting the Goblins who take you to Moonrise Towers. The other option is meeting the rangers who take you to Lights Rest.

phil has apparently never seen a drider before and is v upset over it.

phil has decided to "stay undercover" and sided with the goblins against the harpers.

"i hate this, you can tell this was designed for keyboard and mouse man"

ya, it was. stop being a console peasant?

"what is this? FIRE?"

phil gives us his best caveman impression.

"what is going on? guys, this is bullshit? this is fucked up? i don't even understand what is happening right now. why are we in turn based mode right now? why is it doing this to me? this is dumb."

your character is out of range of light, so the shadow curse is coming, the game put you in turn based mode to deal with this before the rape begins.

"i don't know what im doing. i can't get out of this now. i hate this. what do i do guys? im stuck, im completely stuck, i don't know what to do guys, i can't figure this out."

54 hours in the game doesn't know how to leave turn based mode.

"do you see exist turn based anywhere?"

lot of shaking his head, doing that "tshhh" noise and slapping his hand in his lap.

"L2 is exit turn based? NO. NO IT'S NOT. i hate this shit."

"stupid thing. it literally enters turn based for no reason, what advantage did that give me? zero, literally none, not the first time its done that either."

"at least we got to act 2, it sure took almost all of today's stream, but im having fun and i hope you guys are too"

ok, stream is over. his PS5 says he's been playing for 57 hours. in a 3 hour stream he did 2% of act 2, which he did not begin until 2 hours into the stream. he should've gotten to act 2 in 40 minutes max.

tomorrow is apparently more bald gate, I'll see you there.

 

[Fapcop]

For anyone enjoying @JimiHendrix very chill and pahsitive recaps, I’d encourage you to check out 20 minutes of Phil’s BG3 streams.

It’s hard to put in writing just HOW MUCH he lets chat tell him what to do. It’s constant “so what do we do now guise?” And “Chat says to do X! I need to do X, right chat?”

He’s like a useless, ghoul meat puppet when he’s playing BG3, and not really playing the game. He’s clicking buttons, with little idea of what and why.

 

[JimiHendrix]

i just woke up because im a fat piece of shit. let's go.

Spoiler: moonrise belly

phil has arrived at Moonrise towers after around 58 hours.

"spend a superiority die to add it to the result to an attack roll, what does that mean? does anyone know? what would that mean and how would that benefit me?"

it means you add the die, retard? if you roll one dice, you get to roll a second one with the superiority die and add it's result ontop of the first result. like, what the fuck do you think it means?

"wait a minute, he hit rogue level 5 and ranger level 1, but you have to choose? what is this? uh-oh."

phils learning how multi-class works.

"so now he'll have spells? this is so weird."

someone contemplates phils tiara and he starts making homosexual noises at them.

phil encounters a hairless cat, and bizarrely, says "it's a furless cat, I've heard about these." I thought he was reading out a dialogue option, but no, he just said that for real.

the stream has mostly just been phil leveling up and walking around talking to NPCs in Moonrise, not much to talk about.

phil has found the insane vampire bitch, Araj, who wants Astarion to suck her off.

unsurprising to everyone, phil was completely blind to Astarion's trauma and has pimped him out to suck Araj's blood. because he's a moron who is literally too stupid to understand empathy. great job essentially using a rape victim as a prostitute phil!

i just got a message from my boss so I'm a lil distracted but phil is in his inventory and I just caught him saying "ok, no one is helping me." while mad dogging chat. not sure what he's upset about now.

"scroll of feign death? sounds stupid."

if it had been scroll of feign distress he would've bought it instantly.

past 12 minutes has just been him in a menu selling shit.

phil spent all this time selling shit to build up gold just so he could buy armor dyes. that's it. he's now playing dress up with his dolls.

"isn't azure a color of blue?"

phil has finally met General Ketheric.

"you fucking stupid game, it pisses me off when it does this, NO, lae'zel was not in charge of the party and shouldn't be in the cutscene. I'm going to reload it and it better fucking work this time."

"OH, they're talking about minthara? minthara was that drow who I killed, correct?"

phil some how completely forgot who Minthara was. at this point I won't be surprised if he forgets he has a tadpole in his head or forgets he was kidnapped by mindflayers.

someone tells phil he switched to lae'zel before the cutscene happened and that's why she was the leader in the cutscene.

"no, I didn't. that's wrong. let's not defend the game unfairly, they definitely need to fix this."

I went back and checked the footage, phil did in fact switch to lae'zel before the cutscene started.

phil has sentenced the goblins to death. rip.

"ok, it did it again guys. it fucking did it again. the guard is triggering shadowheart instead of me, the party leader, ok, fuck this. stop doing this over and over. if you engage with my party you engage with the party leader. your coding is bad, fuck you."

he's save scumming like a mother fucker rn. every time the guard captures him he just reloads.

"no, I shouldn't have to turn turn based on for these parts, the game should just not be annoying but it is, they made it annoying as shit."

the game has an option to let you do what you want, and phil is screaming that he doesn't want to do that, he just wants to succeed with minimal effort.

"this isn't fun roleplaying at this point it's just tedium and annoying and you're going to piss me off."

phil jumped down a hole and is now in the Absolute hive mind area.

"well lost our action for no reason? how the fuck did we all lost our actions? what the fuck is going on? none of this makes any fucking sense at all of any kind. we all have no actions now."

he's save scumming like a mother fucker.

"fuck this game man, this is so stupid. fuck this game man, this is trash man. this just pisses me off so bad, this nonsensical shit this game does"

phil is mad he spent a turn breaking down a wall and now can't attack or switch weapons.

"oh, she has no turn now? how about you kiss my fucking ass?"

"this is stupid and im pissed at this game. this game needs more polish, it does. this is shit gameplay and it's pissing me off."

phil is trying to free gnomes and the gnomes are attacking the prison guards, phil now can't find out where the gnomes are because he can't read a map.

"the game has these fucked up parts, you know? i don't even know what to do. anyone have a recommendation of what I should be doing right now?"

"load a quick save? there's no quick save. i won the fight and started looting and immediately the game fucked up."

"she can't attack for some reason, even thought it says she has a turn, the game won't give her a turn. it's all glitched"

it's not lae'zels turn. he's been playing for 58 hours and doesn't know how turns work in a turn based game.

"what is happening, WHAT IS HAPPENING, WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING? YOU PISS OF SHIT GAME, THE GAMES COMPLETELY FUCKED UP, LOOK."

he is losing his mind rn.

"you tell me what just happened, this game is FUCKED up, people keep kissing this games butt and it's fucked up."

the gnome phil was trying to save is dead.

"FUCK THIS. FUCK THIS SHIT. what a piece of shit. I'm sorry, poorly done, poorly executed, poorly designed combat, it's stupid. this is what happens when everything is so turn based. you fucked it up. now i fail the quest?"

"i worked my ass off for the last hour and now i have to reload and do it all over even though i did absolutely nothing wrong. i did nothing wrong, zero. this isn't a table top game, it's a video game, so make it play like a video game and make it fun."

"it's dumb shit and the more that i play the more i see the cracks forming on this game. people probably played this for 20 hours and were just oh it's great, but the further in you get the more you see the cracks. this combat system is NOT good man, it's not. the game assumes you want to do 40 minute fights. fuck this shit, fuck this dumb shit, this is trash."

phil has reloaded to an hour old save.

phil reads out a comment being "has this guy ever admitted anything is his fault?" phils witty comeback is "yeah, you're BANNED and it's my fault."

"invisible? what? how are they invisible?"

they drank a potion.

phil is going over time for this fight, pretty hype.

phil is now making up jokes about beating up the Dungeon Master in a D&D game because he's frustrated. it's pretty mature stuff.

stream is over. in 3 hours phil talked to people in Moonrise, met Ketheric, and saved the gnomes. he claims BG3 is not game of the year and has too many problems.

 

[DiabeticSydePhil]

I wonder how long it would have taken Phil to get to Moonrise if he'd gone through the inn and other side content. Surely another 20-30 hours.

 

[Guinan's hats]

With the release of Like a Dragon Infinite Wealth, Baldur's Gate 3 is now officially out of the regular rotation. Phil mentioned he will play it one time next week, then it's moving to the night stream, mercifully ending Larian Studio's absolute domination of the pigroach's 7 combined brain cells in the 2023 game of the year.

 

[Brother Wind]

Here is hoping Like A Dragon makes absolutely no money past the daily tithe.

 

[DiabeticSydePhil]

Here is hoping Like A Dragon makes absolutely no money past the daily tithe.

Here's hoping his Like A Dragon playthrough features his even more degraded than last time brain cells and it takes him 100+ hours to beat the campaign while spending hours of combined dead air looking at equipment and level ups.