DSP Plays Balding Gate 3

[Fuckyoudad]

He clearly relishes any opportunity he can get to stomp his gout-ridden foot like a child and ensure that anyone masochistic enough to tune in to his HowWasIS'posedtoKnowThrough registers right away that he's dead set on wasting their time be they supporter or detractor. This is absolutely the portrait of the stable and successful mahdern american family man alright.. he's living the dream.

 

[Heckler1]

he's living the dream.

It's funny how it used to be his dream to just play vidya and now it's clearly a waking nightmare for him.

 

[Cherry Dude]

The only thing I can add to this is. 6 FUCKING HOURS. It has taken this mongoloid 6 hours to just reach the grove.

Every single move he makes during combat is run by chat. Even fucking shopping was too complicated for him

Lol he's going to have an actual aneurism if he ever gets to the Underdark.

Not that I'm sure what route he could even take to get there.

The Phasespiders will wreck his shit. The Goblin Camp... lol.

The Hag... ultralol.

 

[Corpun]

These streams are so fucking dented I actuall do hope he just drops the game already instead of pushing through it due to his pride and ego and need to save face. Someone in the Raw DSP restream described Phil playing this game perfectly when calling it Dents play Baulder's Gate 3. Phil is either too lazy, too stupid, too inept, too resigned, unable to think for himself, or a mixture of all the above because every single thing he goes to chat to ask about and masks it with "Dude theres 400 mechanics how am I supposed to know."

The obvious answer would be to fucking experiment and play around, but because this retard was literally used as the poster child for coddling gamers in current year, he lacks any fucking ability to test things out on his own. The saving is and will continue to be atrocious and I don't even know if we are at the point where he saves after walking down a hallway yet, but we are getting there.

He also treats dice rolls like gambling for some reason. Remember when he did the gambling stuff in whatever Yakuza game it was? He is acting the same exact way with dice rolls and trying to calculate the odds with his pickled up brain cells even though it's literally just a fucking dice roll calculating in character skills and shit. He doesn't even understand why attacks have a chance of missing even at point blank, which is something be bitched a ton about in KOTOR (Which for all intents and purposes in Baulder's Lite in terms of mechanics). Whenever dents help him out he just shuts them down, he literally refuses to learn anything.

It's clear Phil's ideal game is one that plays itself, has every door unlocked, makes him invulnerable, and has a big giant quest marker telling him what direction to go in. If he does continue playing long enough I'm sure we will get to see his terrible inventory management come into play as he hordes a ton of junk he doesn't need on his characters and camp and has no space left. He is already whining about the long rest mechanics and how many rations you need for it even though it's literally just basic inventory management.

 

[Lord_Point]

Its really amazing what a poser he has been his whole life for everything but maybe wrestling. The venn diagram of people who understand +1d8 and people who have built their own gaming PC must be a damn near perfect circle. Yet somehow mr 15 year hardcore gamer is confused by basic RPG shit.

 

[Balr0g]

It's funny how it used to be his dream to just play vidya and now it's clearly a waking nightmare for him.

Let's use a sandwich shop analogy:

Imagine you have the only sandwich shop in town and you make bite sized sandwiches. While the shop might look a little run down and the owner looks sometimes like he is fresh of a drinking binge and snorts every setence the sandwiches sell good because no one else has them. Then suddenly new competitors come into town. A nice polished shop with well dressed owner who makes a quality sandwich in all sizes. Yourt customers go there and then they ask you "Will you improve your sandwich"? and you berate them snorting wildly "Nooo, this is what makes me special!" and your customer base dwindles. Then you finally decide to mock up your shop and offer longer sandwiches that are still kind of meh and you berate your customers again "Why don't you like my improvements?" This is Phil in a nutshell

 

[Incel Death Note]

One funny moment at the end that made me laugh. Despite saying he won't savescum he's saving every 20 steps, so he opens a menu about to save but a cutscene interrupts him. He gets fake clown-angry at the NPC for beginning dialogue and then watches the scene play out. The scene is really short, not even five minutes long. The cutscene ends and Phil is given back control, and his menu is still open. Phil goes HUUUUH!??! WHY DID IT OPEN MY MENU? IT'S BUGGY DOOD, completely forgetting he opened it himself not even five minutes ago and even complained when someone interrupted. It's baffling how stupid he is and how little he pays attention. He has no short term memory.

 

[Fapcop]

It’s really amazing what a poser he has been his whole life for everything but maybe wrestling. The venn diagram of people who understand +1d8 and people who have built their own gaming PC must be a damn near perfect circle. Yet somehow mr 15 year hardcore gamer is confused by basic RPG shit.

Don’t forget that Phil got bullied in school.
(Most likely because he’s fucking dumb and was an insufferable twat even then.)

Some kids who get bullied retreat into whatever hobbies they get pleasure from. Others, like Phil, try to fake some macho persona and skin walk it instead.

Hence he never tried D&D and probably made fun of kids who played it (facking nerds!)

Remember that he used to think computer games besides SF were “kiddy shit”.

And of course D&D is no hobby for an 80ish IQ morahn like Phil. It requires imagination, something he totally lacks. So I’m hardly surprised that 1D8 is Greek to Phil. The guy thought a D20 dice is totally round.

 

[There Is Light At The End]

This is legitimately more painful than his stumblethrough of Daveinity 2. At least in that one he would pick the dialogue options himself which was hilarious since he'd end up getting into tons of pointless fights because he'd pick the most antagonistic dialogue option after an NPC barely slighted him, then he'd cry about getting into fights all the time.

In divinity os2, extra experience is always a plus, considering how much you need to squeeze the game for it in act 3

 

[Very Honest Content]

"Listen here you mouth drooling detractor morons, I pressed the same button three times in a row, ok? Some would argue that means I should win 99% or more of the time and you know what? Jasper, agrees with me!"

Its really amazing what a poser he has been his whole life for everything but maybe wrestling. The venn diagram of people who understand +1d8 and people who have built their own gaming PC must be a damn near perfect circle. Yet somehow mr 15 year hardcore gamer is confused by basic RPG shit.

He's a come lately fan of the bitter end of the Attitude era who likes Vince Russo on his tv screen (to scratch his leg at). That's a 'poser' there to the dictionary definition picture next to the word if I ever saw one described.

One funny moment at the end that made me laugh. Despite saying he won't savescum he's saving every 20 steps, so he opens a menu about to save but a cutscene interrupts him. He gets fake clown-angry at the NPC for beginning dialogue and then watches the scene play out. The scene is really short, not even five minutes long. The cutscene ends and Phil is given back control, and his menu is still open. Phil goes HUUUUH!??! WHY DID IT OPEN MY MENU? IT'S BUGGY DOOD, completely forgetting he opened it himself not even five minutes ago and even complained when someone interrupted. It's baffling how stupid he is and how little he pays attention. He has no short term memory.

His narc ego can never, ever, make a single solitary mistake, or else, it's copium huff time. Usually, we call that the level pigroach podcast and it happens six times a week.

Don't forget to enjoy that super salty bitch fest in stream 2 where his moobs started leaking lolmilk from each massive teat due to a chatter suggesting that he stop worrying about making mistakes and just play the game to learn from anything he does wrong. Right in the narc ego copium weak spot with that one!

 

[Brother Wind]

I never got this variety streamer concept anyways. Sure you have streamers who play certain genres, but a vast majority of streamers are 'variety streamers'. I could go pick out any random number of streamers and check what they have been streaming the past six months and it will be a variety of games. I don't see why Phil thinks variety streamers are rare and basically nonexistant when by default anyone can be a variety streamer, it's just called fucking streaming what you want when you want to.

Hell most of these guys don't even have a schedule they autistically follow, they just pick up a game and play it start to finish because they find it entertaining, the audience finds it entertaining, and it's something both parties can enjoy. Variety streamer is a literal buzzword I've heard no one other than Phil use, and he only ever uses it as some weird cope to justify his own ineptitude.

Fucking even the streamers I watch for actual specific shit, branch out. Maximillian has been playing every big AAA game lately it feels. And the Magic streamers even take a break to play something different. And they are usually actually practicing to win thousands and thousands of dollars.

And it gets even more dented when like the people I would call actual variety streamers like Vinesauce or Asmongold are doing all kinds of wild shit. Well mostly vinesauce, but those guys do art streams, anime streams, karoke streams, tech streams, and gaming runs the whole gamut of AAA to fucking flash games.

So in the end even his variety shield is a lie. He is just every other scrub streamer playing the algorithim hoping to get the big hit. And still doing that wrong.

On topic though, I am proud of him. In just 9 hours on my run, I have beaten the gnolls, the goblins, the hag, that undead temple, plus all kinds of other little shit I am forgetting. So, he should catch up in three hours I am sure.

 

[Cherry Dude]

the gnolls

WHAT? I'M PARALYZED? DOOOD WHAT? GAME IS BUGGY!

the hag

WHY AM I MIND CONTROLLED? WHY AM I POISONED? HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHICH ONE WAS REAL DOOD?

 

[EmpGulcasa]

Considering the hag is optional and her whole encounter is one of the hardest parts of the game I fully expect him to skip it, if he even makes it that far before wage quitting.

 

[Corpun]

Considering the hag is optional and her whole encounter is one of the hardest parts of the game I fully expect him to skip it, if he even makes it that far before wage quitting.

Don't put anything past Piggy. Remember him spending an entire stream fighting the Tree Sentinel in Elden Ring just because other people were skipping that optional boss in the early game until later, just so he could gloat about being a real gamer?

 

[Freebird]

Dave loves the dice rolls, they're close enough to a gacha fix. Even though he never understands them.

He sighed so loudly when he had to roll three dice within a few minutes, any time he has to roll he's about to have a panic attack even though he has a 30% chance of failure. Do you think he does the same when he does Hogan pulls?

---

- doesn't know what a "1d4" is, fine, he hasn't played these kind of games before. Gets told, shortly after he asks "what's a 1d8?"
- thinks of a good combo with grease and firebolt, states the plan, then waits for chat to give him permission
- saves three times within 30 seconds without the intent to save scum, sounds good?
- doesn't understand the concept of AC
- doesn't understand the concept of saves (he sees an enemy save against his effect and he is happy because he sees a blue color, and blue means good, obviously)
- his chat are honestly the biggest trolls. Instead of the game slowly teaching you things (barrel tells you that there's red barrels in this game, after the first tough fight they tell you about the camp system and that you should take a rest), he gets info dumped about every game mechanic and trick at once...while he's confused on how to open the character sheet

Unlike a Dark Souls, where he gets immediate feedback by losing HP at a boss and therefore can rage, DSP is literally too stupid to understand what he's actually doing. Kinda impressive.

 

[Lord_Point]

Don't put anything past Piggy. Remember him spending an entire stream fighting the Tree Sentinel in Elden Ring just because other people were skipping that optional boss in the early game until later, just so he could gloat about being a real gamer?

Yeah and we all were so amazed that he could beat a boss after 60 something trys and never questioned his game skills again! Detractors truly lost that day.

I do think BG3 is different, he wont associate this as a proof of skill so he will just skip it. In phil land problem solving, prediction, and planing arnt skill. So the whole fight will be chalked up to "hOw ShOulD I KnOw ThAt?!"

- doesn't know what a "1d4" is, fine, he hasn't played these kind of games before. Gets told, shortly after he asks "what's a 1d8?"

Maybe im being a sperg over this but I think its retarded for a "LiFe LoNg gAyMeR" to not understand 1d4. Im starting to think hes just pretending he doesnt know because he was busy fucking hot latina boobie models in high school so never learned nerd shit. If this sperg can memorize doki doki panic = smb2 he should have picked up what 1d4 means.

 

[Whaler]

Not that I'm sure what route he could even take to get there.

The Phasespiders will wreck his shit. The Goblin Camp... lol.

You just know he's going to roll right into the Goblin camp like a retard because every other game that has Goblins in them have them as the bitch-tier mob. The shit you kill to get your weaker characters stronger so they can contribute more to the fights.

 

[LieLieFyre]

He sighed so loudly when he had to roll three dice within a few minutes, any time he has to roll he's about to have a panic attack even though he has a 30% chance of failure. Do you think he does the same when he does Hogan pulls?

No cause he can just abuse the pay to win mechanic in Champions to keep winning.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

Considering the hag is optional and her whole encounter is one of the hardest parts of the game I fully expect him to skip it, if he even makes it that far before wage quitting.

I'm of two minds on some of the big boss fights. While they are obviously harder than standard fights, boss encounters have pretty detailed notes on exactly what to do to trivialize them, typically written in the handholdy fashion that Phil really enjoys.

However, even with specific instructions, there's still an RNG element and some assumption that you know what you are doing. Like with the hag fight, the guides will probably list a variety of options for dealing with the opening, but then say something like "after that, just do X damage to trigger the next part." Probably with a few general recommendations for how to inflict damage and general combat tips on where to position yourself and the like, but because Phil has such a limited understanding of the mechanics he might not know what to do in the more generalized parts, or he might struggle to set himself up correctly. He might also struggle with the more detailed nature of the guides since he has to account for his whole party instead of just one person, and we've seen that Phil doesn't exactly retain information well.

There's also a good chance Phil doesn't understand how to properly use support/buff based mechanics, which are a big part of breaking the game, especially in lower levels where you don't have as many build options because you're waiting for the big power boosts from levels 4 and 5. Buffing isn't as big of a deal as something like Pathfinder, but there are some pretty wild things you can do in BG3 that really swing things in your favor. Even with handholding, I don't know if Phil will utilize them because that involves a few seconds of prep, which he doesn't have patience for.

 

[Lord_Point]

I'm of two minds on some of the big boss fights. While they are obviously harder than standard fights, boss encounters have pretty detailed notes on exactly what to do to trivialize them, typically written in the handholdy fashion that Phil really enjoys.

However, even with specific instructions, there's still an RNG element and some assumption that you know what you are doing. Like with the hag fight, the guides will probably list a variety of options for dealing with the opening, but then say something like "after that, just do X damage to trigger the next part.

Even if he does use guides its pretty funny in its own way watching a this is how you dont act segment. I love it when Grug, who bashes his head though every game and refuses to learn or adapt, sees a boss for the first time and goes; "uhhh hmm. I wonder what would happen if I did the exact right stratgy to win... hmmm. OMG IT WORKED!? OMG I CANT BELEIVE IT I HAD NO IDEA!"