DSP's scholastic journey from valedictorian to boiling ramen in a keurig and eating it with a spoon - "Look at this. It's empty. There's no brain. Did you lose it somewhere?"

[Iron Hamster]

Think the validictorian at my school went to harvard. Phil lacks any critical thinking skills at all. How the fuck could he be number one in his class? He couldn't even beat the early stages of half life. I think i beat that section when i was 10 years old and that was before the internet to look up guides.

After reading the @Sparkletor 2.0 story, and seeing how actually stupid he really is, I have no doubt the parents bought it for him.

 

[Corpun]

After reading the @Sparkletor 2.0 story, and seeing how actually stupid he really is, I have no doubt the parents bought it for him.

Can you buy a valedictorian? I know that a lot of private/Ivy League schools have not so hidden preferential treatment towards students who's parents are huge whales but unless Mr. and Mrs. Burnell were whaling the same level Phil does on gacha I find it hard to believe.

 

[LolCowCentral]

Can you buy a valedictorian? I know that a lot of private/Ivy League schools have not so hidden preferential treatment towards students who's parents are huge whales but unless Mr. and Mrs. Burnell were whaling the same level Phil does on gacha I find it hard to believe.

No. Valedictorian is nearly almost always the highest G.P.A. in that graduating class. In the case of two people with the same G.P.A. it goes to the one with the most Advanced Placement credits.

This is barring any special circumstances like someone has terminal cancer and became honorary Valedictorian.

 

[Corpun]

No. Valedictorian is nearly almost always the highest G.P.A. in that graduating class. In the case of two people with the same G.P.A. it goes to the one with the most Advanced Placement credits.

This is barring any special circumstances like someone has terminal cancer and became honorary Valedictorian.

So were all DSP's peers just Derishs and Slayers?

 

[Kosher Dill]

So were all DSP's peers just Derishs and Slayers?

They were mostly basketball-playing negroes, no joke.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

At the risk of giving Phil's parents too much credit, it's possible they pushed him to do well in high school. I don't think it's a stretch to say they were far from the greatest parents in the world, but it doesn't mean they were completely absentee and only ever spoiled him. We just have very limited knowledge of them, especially from the younger Phil years.

As others pointed out earlier in the thread, getting valedictorian in a small school isn't exactly the hardest thing in the world, especially when said school is primarily known for pumping out athletes. One of my friends graduated from a private school with a class of like, 20 something and was ranked as the 2nd or 3rd highest, despite frequently skipping classes and barely trying. As far as we know, DSP didn't have much of a social life or anything, and while his critical thinking and analytical skills have been shot for at least the last 10 or so years, I think a lot of that has to do with the way he developed his lifestyle. I'm not saying the dude was smart or anything back in the day, but a younger Phil could probably retain information better than current age Phil who let his brain atrophy.

It's basically the 4th place win all over again. Phil was playing a game barely anyone played, aka going to a small school. He memorized a few broken combos and got to the top, aka sat at home before tests and memorized the material because most high school teachers hand you everything you need to know. The difference is with SF, there were a few other people who actually cared about coming out on top. In Phil's tiny school, they were more concerned with basketball. If Phil went to a more traditionally sized school, there's probably no way he gets valedictorian.

 

[TomBradysVagina]

Hmmm. I went to a private Catholic school in CT too. Don't know about Phil but I had 7 people in my grade.

 

[Prince Lotor]

Hmmm. I went to a private Catholic school in CT too. Don't know about Phil but I had 7 people in my grade.

When I looked I think Phil's school had something like 300 students enrolled the year he graduated. I don't know if that included 7th and 8th grade or not, but that would put Phil's graduating class somewhere between 50 to 70.

This is also really funny to remember whenever Phil is talking about the 'cliques' at his highschool and him being an 'outcast' and forming his own clique with the other couple of people who didn't fit in that Phil called the "we don't give a shit" clique.

It's not like he went to a large highschool and struggled to stand out from the crowd or anything. Everyone in his grade knew him and likely had multiple classes a day with him, but even in highschool no one liked him. Even his trying to paint himself as a rebel outsider who didn't give a shit falls flat because the 3 or 4 other guys in the clique Phil invented in his head would have been like 10% of his entire grade.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

I'm pretty sure that when I was investigating, I found out that Phil's graduating class consisted of 34 students.

 

[Overdrive MASK_de_SMITH]

Because anyone can parrot some shit written in a text book. But it's another thing to apply the shit you learned. DSP may have been a valedictorian, but he lacks any and all common sense and simple application. I'd like to think that all that time as a fucking hermit, living away from any human interaction, was responsible for this.

 

[Kosher Dill]

I'm pretty sure that when I was investigating, I found out that Phil's graduating class consisted of 34 students.

Yes, but most of them only count as 3/5 of a person so it's more like 20.

 

[actually]

Yes, but most of them only count as 3/5 of a person so it's more like 20.

There's a joke Phil won't get.

 

[Freshtodeath]

Has phil ever mentioned what he scored on the SATs?

 

[Corpun]

There's a joke Phil won't get.

He could get troll tipped something about that (A waste of money) and we would get another brilliant clip of Phil's retardation on the scale of that time he said six million sounds fake.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

Has phil ever mentioned what he scored on the SATs?

4th place

 

[UncleTusky]

Has phil ever mentioned what he scored on the SATs?

According to this clip

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vVq8xl82mA&t=16s

He doesn't remember but thinks it was "around 1400" (this would have been when the maximum score was 1600, so a 1400 would be in the top ~five to ten percent). Since he phrased it as a good score despite not remembering how well he did or what the maximum was, I'm calling bullshit - there were plenty of much smarter people than him taking the SAT (it's graded on a curve so that the percentage of people getting a certain score is more or less the same but the cutoffs for a score can vary) and it just raises more questions about how an alleged valedictorian with high SAT scores wound up going to such a mediocre university.

Edit: Slight PL but I forgot my SAT scores within a few months of getting admitted to university - they weren't embarrassing or anything, they just didn't matter anymore. The same thing happened with my GRE (like the SAT but for graduate school) scores a few years after that. At least to me Phil's posturing about his valedictorian status and high SAT scores doesn't make him sound smart, it makes him sound like somebody who has nothing to be proud of from when he went to Fairfield/when he had real jobs. It's the 'Tism Vortex equivalent of bragging about having a high IQ.

 

[Corpun]

Edit: Slight PL but I forgot my SAT scores within a few months of getting admitted to university - they weren't embarrassing or anything, they just didn't matter anymore. The same thing happened with my GRE (like the SAT but for graduate school) scores a few years after that. At least to me Phil's posturing about his valedictorian status and high SAT scores doesn't make him sound smart, it makes him sound like somebody who has nothing to be proud of from when he went to Fairfield/when he had real jobs. It's the 'Tism Vortex equivalent of bragging about having a high IQ.

Honestly I don't think anyone remembers their SAT scores after a while. It's just another arbitrary number schools give out at the end of the day.

 

[Flavius Anthemius]

Honestly I don't think anyone remembers their SAT scores after a while. It's just another arbitrary number schools give out at the end of the day.

For the vast majority of people's actual mature-adult life, you really won't see a lot of people bragging about their academia to everyone all the time, only really certain people in particular fields of work and even then, it's only to boast about the exclusive elite college they went to, no one really gives a fuck after a certain age and if all you have to brag about is how good your SAT score was so many years ago, if you've got nothing else to show for it then does it really mean anything in the end?

 

[Corpun]

For the vast majority of people's actual mature-adult life, you really won't see a lot of people bragging about their academia to everyone all the time, only really certain people in particular fields of work and even then, it's only to boast about the exclusive elite college they went to, no one really gives a fuck after a certain age and if all you have to brag about is how good your SAT score was so many years ago, if you've got nothing else to show for it then does it really mean anything in the end?

Phil always brags about the weirdest shit. The 2005 EVO thing is one thing with the mental gymnastics he pulled but more stupid was that trophy he won at a local mall tournament he put up that looked like a 5 dollar trophy you get at Walmart for a T-Ball game.

 

[Iron Hamster]

a 5 dollar trophy you get at Walmart for a T-Ball game.

It looks like a simple participation trophy honestly.