Dumb things you did as a kid. - From bodily harm to embarrassment or anything that stood out as exceptional

[Frosty Fetus]

I snorted hand sanitizer when I was 11. I still do it to this day. Its surprisingly addictive! Although it burns like hell.

 

[Nondescript Autist]

I rode my little Fisher Price tricycle off the porch trying to get some air. I hit the ground before my back wheels left the porch.

 

[Damien Thorne]

Tried to open a package of pepperoni with a sharp knife when I was three and my mother (she usually was a great mother, I can't exactly fault her for this) had her back turned for a few seconds. Still have a nice scar on my hand to this very day reminding me that I should have waited for my mother to open it.

 

[Chan Fan]

A quick but of history - my parents didn't like spooky movies/stories AT ALL so as a kid I didn't grow up around any of that kind of stuff. So when I was like 8-9 I went to a surprise birthday party for one of my parent's friends and the kids all went to their own area and someone suggested telling ghost stories. They told a story about a woman who was kidnapped by the devil, skinned alive, taken to Hell and was only allowed to eat pieces of her skin and I was terrified. Not being around this stuff mean I had zero desensitization to it and also no one ever told me that these stories weren't real so by the time I found my dad I was crying hysterically, in the middle of this party, and he tried to brush it off and act like it wasn't a big deal but it messed me up for literally months afterward

 

[FuckedUp]

Already mentioned this in another thread, but one time when I was eight, I was playing on my DS at a fancy restaurant and wondered if there was an easter egg if you yelled into the microphone loud enough. I both overestimated my control over my vocal cords and underestimated other peoples' awareness of their surroundings, and thought I could yell really loud for ~1/10th of a second and immediately shut up without anyone noticing.

I ended up screeching at the top of my lungs like a literal retard for about a full second, got kicked out of the restaurant, and had my DS taken from me for a month.

 

[Bunny Tracks]

>be me
>be like 6
>go to fancy dinner party because my dad has a gig there
>fancy dinner party has chocolate fountain
>have never seen one in my entire life up until that point
>OMFG.jpg
>mom and dad make it very apparent that they will kill me if anything happens to it
>warn me not to stick my fingers in it, or else they'll break them, and to use the wooden skewers provided
>parents and adults suddenly fuck off for some reason and leave me alone with chocolate fountain
>I FOLLOW THE RULES
>use skewers to dip marshmallows, strawberries, and other shit into fountain like i'm supposed to
>notice they have also have almonds
>fucking love almonds.jpg
>almonds are a bitch to get on skewer
>want to use fingers but remember the rules and don't
>no broken fingers for me thank you
>eventually manage to stab skewer through almond without it breaking
>dip it into fountain without any issue
>repeat process a few times with nothing happening
>suddenly almond #8 falls off skewer and into the fountain
>tiny almond somehow jams the spinny part of fountain
>spinny part of fountain shoots up like a tornado, sprays chocolate everywhere, and knocks everything over before falling onto the expensive ass tile floor
>chocolate is literally fucking everywhere
>kitchen is now a complete fucking mess
>6 year old self looks like fat kid from Willy Wonka when his obese German ass fell into the chocolate river
>don't understand wtf just happened
>only know i'm going to die and start crying
>rip me and my fingers
>am saved only because the party owner's wife walked in the moment it happened, and knew it wasn't my fault
>wasn't even mad at me tbh but instead my stupid ass parents who left me alone with it
>parents naturally embarrassed and furious and demand to know what happened
>try to explain what happened while having a panic attack
>parents suddenly realize it's their fault but don't wanna admit it
>both storm off leaving chocolate-covered Bunny crying, and not knowing what to do with party owner's wife
>party owner's wife's is pissed and doesn't know what to do with crying chocolate-covered child
>suddenly big bro walks in after just arriving
>big bro is obviously very confused about what the fuck is going on
>party owner's wife explains situation and big bro naturally becomes pissed, and gets into fight with parents when he finds them
>things escalate from there
>screaming fight erupts
>everyone is staring
>everyone now knows about what happened
>cry even harder
>big bro walks back into kitchen and says he's taking me back to his place
>party owner's wife is nice enough to give me new clothes before leaving
>still crying.jpg
>stay at big bro's place for like a month because parents were that pissed
>wanted to stay even longer tbh
>parents still don't talk to me for like another month even when i get back
>stays away from chocolate fountains even to this day

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

When me and my cousin were kids we would fool around. She'd suck my dick and I'd lick her pussy and stuff like that.

Pretty weird in retrospect.

 

[Vlinny-kun]

When I was in the third grade I called my teacher by her first name as soon as I found out. I then preceded to debate her on why it wasn't ok because I genuinely had no clue. I think I got written up for that.

I had a very short lived satanism phase at the tail end of middle school. I found a satanist blog that was very wordy and kinda blew my young mind that someone could """prove""" that the bible is wrong, so I started to take this dude's words as gospel. The very next day I let it slip that I was now a devout satanist to my Christian mother. She started to yell at me something to the effect of "what the hell is wrong with you?" But this was ok because I came prepared with the ultimate counter-argument of freedom of religion. The next day was nothing but chores and my equally Christian dad screaming at the top of his lungs at me. Grounded for two weeks with no tv, internet, games, or going outside. I was so pissed that it didn't work out that I never touched anything to do with satanism until I turned 18.

 

[Niggernerd]

When I was in the third grade I called my teacher by her first name as soon as I found out. I then preceded to debate her on why it wasn't ok because I genuinely had no clue. I think I got written up for that.

I had a very short lived satanism phase at the tail end of middle school. I found a satanist blog that was very wordy and kinda blew my young mind that someone could """prove""" that the bible is wrong, so I started to take this dude's words as gospel. The very next day I let it slip that I was now a devout satanist to my Christian mother. She started to yell at me something to the effect of "what the hell is wrong with you?" But this was ok because I came prepared with the ultimate counter-argument of freedom of religion. The next day was nothing but chores and my equally Christian dad screaming at the top of his lungs at me. Grounded for two weeks with no tv, internet, games, or going outside. I was so pissed that it didn't work out that I never touched anything to do with satanism until I turned 18.

Remember kids, Satan causes you to get grounded.

I remember when ed edd n eddy was on its 5th or 6th episode. And my aunt used to get mad all the young boys in the family for watching it because it'll rot yoir brain blah blah blah. She forbade us during the episode with the ed boys getting wedgies and said to never copy that shit. ever. Lo and behold i do it to my cousin 5 minutes after and get the R belt (her belt with a custom gold R as the buckle)

 

[Desparagus]

My friend and I tried to make a parachute out of bed sheets and duct tape. We then decided we needed to test it by jumping off the roof with it. I was too pussy so I convinced him to do it. He got up on his roof and jumped and shattered both his ankles on impact and just laid their screaming his head off. So I ran. All the way home. Where I got in trouble for it after his mom called mine.

Same friend and I also had the brilliant idea to explore these big sewer tunnels by our houses. It was very dark in them obviously and we couldn't find flashlights. So we decided to wrap towels and t-shirts around plastic mop and broom sticks, soak them in lighter fluid and light them for the authentic torch adventurer feel. We barely got into the tunnel before the smoke and the fumes from the melting plastic had us nearly dying.

 

[A Thick Piece of Meat]

Use to roll down hills not realizing I'd get some scratches.

 

[Sumdood]

I had one of those classic ‘Thought this girl was waving at me so I waved back but she was waving at someone behind me’ scenarios, in a crowded room no less. Still want to kill myself over that one.

When I was like 12 I would do cringy larp shit like wearing a dozen pouches and tool holsters on my belt whenever we went places. I wish my parents had beaten me more as a child.

One time in my teens I showed up to a party alone and on time, and the chick who was having the party made a point of double-checking who invited me. If I ever an hero it’s probably gonna be over that.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

When I was in 8th grade chemistry class we were learning about hydrogen. I remember we were doing an experiment making it ourselves with our lab partners. Basically we were supposed to fill an upside down test tube with the stuff and light it using a Bunsen burner. The gas would ignite and make a loud whistling sound. I got the bright idea to use a larger Pyrex measuring cup so I could catch more of it because what's the worst that could happen? I turned the measuring cup upside down on the lab table with the edge of the glass hanging off the table so I could light the gas. That sumbitch took off like a rocket and went through the drop ceiling. It was so freaking loud the kid in front of me fell off his stool and got a bloody nose. I had to explain to the principal what I had done and he just kind of chuckled and told me to stop destroying his school. My science teacher watched me like a fucking hawk after that.

We're you doing the fractionating column by any chance? I literally came here to tell my own experiences with that exact experiment. Our Chemistry lab was pretty well equipped and we realised that our particular setup was producing a LOT of hydrogen we swapped the test tube for a bell jar and took out a 6x4 laboratory window.

 

[Tingle]

Used to play this game with some friends in grade school where two people would be on a swingset together and the goal was to spit on the other person without getting hit by their spit. I also had fantasies of digging an underground mine in my backyard so I took a bunch of garden equipment with me underneath a wooden fort and got about two inches into the ground before giving up.

 

[Molester Stallone]

We're you doing the fractionating column by any chance? I literally came here to tell my own experiences with that exact experiment. Our Chemistry lab was pretty well equipped and we realised that our particular setup was producing a LOT of hydrogen we swapped the test tube for a bell jar and took out a 6x4 laboratory window.

I don't recall the exact experiment we were conducting as it was quite awhile ago. I'll never forget how loud that sumbitch was when it took off though. It made up for the anticlimactic volcano we built in first grade science class.

 

[Botchy Galoop]

I used to roll my raisins in dirt and eat them if you paid me a nickel. *shrugs*

 

[big ups liquid richard]

The house I grew up in had a 2nd floor bedroom balcony but it never had a gate built around it. One day, a friend and I decided to take our squirt guns and go out onto the balcony to shoot birds in the nearby tree. The balcony floor was seemingly waterproof, but it was hot and we were barefoot. I decided to squirt the floor to cool it off, and I remember it seemed to work. Later, I slipped and almost fell off.

 

[Niggernerd]

I had one of those classic ‘Thought this girl was waving at me so I waved back but she was waving at someone behind me’ scenarios, in a crowded room no less. Still want to kill myself over that one.

Even worse when someone says hi, and you do as well only for them to walk past you talking to someone else.
Man it makes me want kms just remembering that

 

[Broseph]

When I was around 5 or 6 years old I was walking around the mall with my dad and like most kids I was just absent mindlessly spacing out and day dreaming when I turned my gaze towards my dad to tell him something only to realize that I had been walking alongside some old lady. I looked up and saw my dad walking like 10 feet in front of me...I must've been walking next to that old lady for at least a minute before I realized what I was doing...don't know how my dad didn't notice...

I also use to think it was normal to dip my potato chips in ketchup until I learned otherwise.

 

[Jason Wynn]

When I was around 7 or so, this neighborhood kid I was friends with was hanging with me and we decided we’d epically prank our neighbors....by smooshing gummy bears onto a Ritz cracker, ringing their doorbell and asking if they ordered a weird pizza. We did this at like 6:30 in the morning. Our parents were not happy with us.

A friend of mine from school and I were at my dad’s softball game one summer and we were hanging out in the playground and found an old lighter that still had some butane in it. We started setting random shit on fire before one of my dad’s work buddies caught us.