E3 2018 - A year of Mobile Games, Dancing Pandas, and Homeless Banjo Players - Did E3 2018 make all your dreams/nightmares come true?

What will happen at E3 2018

  • Ubisoft sacrifices a baby on stage to the tune of Earth, Wind and Fire's "September"

    Votes: 70 30.6%

  • EA conference is a 30-minute montage of sports games followed by 20 minutes of bald-faced lies.

    Votes: 149 65.1%

  • Bethesda announces their own console just so they can release Skyrim for the fifteenth time.

    Votes: 91 39.7%

  • Sony announces PS5 and half a dozen third-person adventure games with a grubby looking protagonist.

    Votes: 70 30.6%

  • Microsoft announces they bought Steam. WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW.

    Votes: 48 21.0%

  • Nintendo's shows a jpg of the title of the next Earthbound game, internet implodes.

    Votes: 93 40.6%
  • Total voters
    229
I'm just waiting for the autistic saltfest from gamers mad that the game they want was never shown.
 
Oh, E3 prediction time already? Yeah sure:

What's are you looking forward to the most? EA announcing how they're going to fuck up the Sims this year? Ubisoft introducing another game about sad people with guns that can be bought with 2000 bucks of micropayments? Konami not showing up, because they don't make games that aren't overseen by a casino manager anymore?

Oooo maybe Nintendo is going to release the same lineup they do every year, plus a 5 second teaser about a beloved retired property that will be adulterated beyond recognition? Yeah, Metroid Prime is a mobile dating sim now. Plus an all new handheld that's exactly like the last 3, but with a slightly wider screen, motion controls, and an expansive library of 12 games, 3 of which may be worth playing.

No, they don't have a new Elder Scrolls, play ESO! It's like the Elder Scrolls, but shit.

New Super Smash Bros with the addition of Splatoon, literally the only new IP they've made in years, plus 98 side characters from Fire Emblem! Didn't play every Fire Emblem? Fuck you, they're all going in. Enjoy battling as Senno, the merchant from Fire Emblem Fates so obscure I had to fucking google "Merchant from Fire Emblem" for this joke.

Do you like remasters and ports? Well, shave your scrotums in joy, there's gonna be a whole fucking lot of those. Nothing you'd want, mind you, but enjoy a graphically updated version of Rainbow Six Vegas!

And oh shit, what's that around the corner? Is that a new Assassins Creed, a game that hasn't been worth the 15 buck bargain bin since Black Flag? I think it is!

But wait, here comes Call of Gears Battlefield Super Black Ops Frontline Edition! And it's carrying 30 separate Battle Royale clones along with Watchdogs 3, a series that has a lauded distinction of even the first game being shit. Usually, at least the original is good, but heyo, we're breaking new ground! And there goes Bungie, a studio that made its last good game before I grew my first pube.

E3: Gaming was your first love, and now you're in a bitter marriage with it.

Edit: You can hate the truth all you like, but it won't make me less right.
 
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Know anyone good that's gonna be streaming this stuff? I'd usually watch BroTeam but I don't think he's doing it this year...
 
Dr. Boe Jangles Esq. said:
Oh, E3 prediction time already? Yeah sure:

What's are you looking forward to the most? EA announcing how they're going to fuck up the Sims this year? Ubisoft introducing another game about sad people with guns that can be bought with 2000 bucks of micropayments? Konami not showing up, because they don't make games that aren't overseen by a casino manager anymore?

Oooo maybe Nintendo is going to release the same lineup they do every year, plus a 5 second teaser about a beloved retired property that will be adulterated beyond recognition? Yeah, Metroid Prime is a mobile dating sim now. Plus an all new handheld that's exactly like the last 3, but with a slightly wider screen, motion controls, and an expansive library of 12 games, 3 of which may be worth playing.

No, they don't have a new Elder Scrolls, play ESO! It's like the Elder Scrolls, but shit.

New Super Smash Bros with the addition of Splatoon, literally the only new IP they've made in years, plus 98 side characters from Fire Emblem! Didn't play every Fire Emblem? Fuck you, they're all going in. Enjoy battling as Senno, the merchant from Fire Emblem Fates so obscure I had to fucking google "Merchant from Fire Emblem" for this joke.

Do you like remasters and ports? Well, shave your scrotums in joy, there's gonna be a whole fucking lot of those. Nothing you'd want, mind you, but enjoy a graphically updated version of Rainbow Six Vegas!

And oh shit, what's that around the corner? Is that a new Assassins Creed, a game that hasn't been worth the 15 buck bargain bin since Black Flag? I think it is!

But wait, here comes Call of Gears Battlefield Super Black Ops Frontline Edition! And it's carrying 30 separate Battle Royale clones along with Watchdogs 3, a series that has a lauded distinction of even the first game being shit. Usually, at least the original is good, but heyo, we're breaking new ground! And there goes Bungie, a studio that made its last good game before I grew my first pube.

E3: Gaming was your first love, and now you're in a bitter marriage with it.
Click to expand...

I hope Kojima Productions goes on directly after Konami and cucks them. That would be funny.
 
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Ruin said:
I hope Kojima Productions goes on directly after Konami and cucks them. That would be funny.
Click to expand...
We can only dream, but given that Kojima is actually legit crazy, my money is on him standing up and playing a ukelele while slowly repeating "video game" for 20 minutes, then disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

I do hope they do well. He deserves it.
 
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Fuck, them not having a clueless football player has nuked my bingo card. So much for free space.

Also a "pre-alpha" (read late beta) demo of a mobile game, what a great use of conference time, EA.

edit: AND NOW THEY ARE CORP CUCKS.
 
The sports and Star Wars parts of the presentation were a lot better than I would have guessed. I guess Anthem is going well for them too? I would never play a game that just focuses on team multiplayer shooting for gameplay, but it looks like an acceptable product for that audience.
 
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