THE MORALS OF LOLPIP
1. When confronted with cannibalistic evil bastards who intend to murder you, it is wrong to use deadly attacks.
2. Taking the possessions from the dead bodies of said cannibalistic evil bastards to survive is immoral.
3. It is okay to kill people (fuck that pony-shit) as long as you declare them to be inhuman and not real people based on your own outrage and arbitrary criteria.
4. As soon as you made the above declaration, it is also okay to snark about your killing-spree and crack one-liners about the people you kill.
5. Women are superior to men, thus only they are entitled to leadership roles.
6. If something goes against tradition, it must be wrong. (See above.)
7. Doing trade with evil people is also evil.
8. Doing things that will have bad consequences is alright as long as you do it because acting like a "hero" makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
9. Saving the lives of footsoldiers of the Nigg ZEBRAS is bad because they're evil.
10. It is okay to destroy entire towns if they have slavers in them.
11. If you want a recipe for drugs you could easily get later right now, it's alright to steal from children.
12. Traditions are awesome as stated at 6, unless they're traditions from other people you think are stupid, in which case feel free to insult and belittle them.
13. If an evil person did something bad to a person you know instead of a person you don't know, that changes everything and makes it acceptable to kill them.
14. Stealing is also okay as long as you do it out of spite.
15. If someone is definitely going to die, killing them quickly and painlessly is evil. Instead, you should let them die slowly in horrible agony.
16. Molesting people with your eyes is perfectly cool as long as you do it in a "respectful" way.
17. It's okay to start masturbating while lying in bed with a friend.
18. It's completely okay to shoot rapists in the face and generally play fucktarded vigilante, UNLESS the rapist happens to be below an arbitrary age limit. Then it is horrible and wrong.
19. Drugs are the best thing ever.
20. Lying is bad, unless Lolpip says it isn't.
21. If your friends try to free you from your crippling drug addiction and save you from a sucidal stunt, they're assholes. Feel free to resent them. In fact, swear to murder them.
22. If your friend hits on you, it's EVIL.
23. It's okay to destroy irreplacable historical artifacts and documents if you don't like what they contain.
24. Feel free to do things against someone's will because you think it's "better for them". But if someone does the same thing to you? Never forgive them.
25. If somebody dies out of their dedication to honesty, it's clearly because he wanted to kill himself just to spite you. After all, you are the center of the universe. You may freely hate him for that and wish to kill him a second time.
26. If someone claims they have reasons for staying hidden, get pissy and chastize them for all the potential good you assume they could have done. You may also get as insulting as you want.
27. As long as a few traitors get caught because of it, turning your government into a 1984-copy is the right thing to do.
28. Mass murder is okay as long as you tell yourself you're doing it for the greater good.
29. Whoever doesn't live the way you like has forfeited his right to life and must die.
30. Ponies are inherently worth more and their suffering is automatically worse than that of non-ponies.
31. It's fine to want to hurt the people you're supposed to rescue.
32. The only purpose Gods serve is to give you what you want, no matter how little you pray, how much you doubt their existence or how big of an asshole you are. If they don't, feel free to scream and curse at them.
33. You are a good person as long as you bring up moral problems with your actions occasionally, even if you have directly violated them repeadedly in past, present and future. Actions do not matter, words do.
34. Using a weapon that is designed to burn people from the inside is perfectly fine, unless they wear armor. Then it's possibly wrong (but you're gonna use it anyway).
35. When you know there is a slaughter of innocent people going on right now, it's okay to waste fifteen minutes just to get a few more weapons. In fact, feel free to waste even more time by actively helping the people who are killing innocents by defeating a creature they have chosen to fight.
36. It's okay to slaughter people in ways that let them die in horrible agony and not feel any remorse or doubts about it as long as you say it's "justice".
37. If someone gives you free ice-cream, break open his liquor cabinet and steal from him.
38. Mass murder is okay unless someone from another race does it.
39. Mercenaries who let you do all the heavy lifting, swoop in at the last second to claim the credit and then extort you are great people.
40. If you're angry, butcher people with buzzsaws while hunting them down like animals to make yourself feel better.
41. People who are addicted to alcohol are worse than Hitler. Never mind if you were addicted to drugs, that's different. Somehow.
42. It is not wrong to deceive and lie to people as long as you are their leader, because youhave to do it in order to control them.
43. It's perfectly fine to destroy the only copy of a recipe for a beneficial drug just because you have massive substance abuse issues.
44. If you have almost no time to save innocent lives, it's perfectly fine to waste even more of it by burying corpses and looting distant shacks.
