Fear and Loathing in Casa de Chandler

  • 🔧 At about Midnight EST I am going to completely fuck up the site trying to fix something.
Status
Not open for further replies.
IwegalBadnik said:
Is there any information on when the first acquisitions for the hoard (and only the hoard) were made?
Click to expand...

The pics of 14BC and the rental house in Midlothian from Chris' high school documentary project show that both were messy, but not totally hoarded-to-the-ceiling yet.
 
chimpchan said:
This is what will happen if Chris becomes a prostitute. Randy, Julian and Bubbles are CWCKI.

Click to expand...

Ahh Smokey. "Mr. lahey, a mans gotta eat." Fucking cheeseburger eating walrus mustard tiger.

Xarpho said:
Either the police will come and haul Chris away, that or the house caves in, trapping/killing OPL. That will be the last time the local C-Ville news would ever give him a mention...

Back on subject, I'm not sure if the Chandler clan ever really respected or loved each other. Maybe Barb and Chris in the past, but that has been corrupted into a bizarre parasitic/Oedipal complex. I don't think Borb cared that much for each other (they didn't just sleep in different rooms, they did practically nothing together later), and Chris and Bob seem to have a strained relationship too.
Click to expand...

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the reason why Borb never slept in the same bed/room is due to the fact that she is extremely lazy, selfish, rude, fat, and an embarrassment to be around (remember when OPL's first ban from the game place happened? Snorlax more than likely forced Bob's ass to go with her and OPL, either that, or he went because he knew that Snorlax and OPL would do something immensely stupid that Bob wanted to prevent. Per Mimms and Lucas, Bob barely said anything during the argument) I wonder what he would have done during the October 11th incident. He would probably pack whatever shit he could so he would be able to live out whatever remaining year of his life he had left, away from OPL's and Barb's drama, stress, and stupidity. As for OPL's relationship with his father, OPL once said that even though he "loved" his father, he didn't like him. Bob was attempting to get Chris to be more reliant and independent so he would do something in his life; last time I checked, jacking off and playing video games does not help you in life, in Chris's case, it just produced the broken duck he has to this day. It seemed as if Bob truly cared about OPL's well being, but once Bob noticed that his son was not learning anything, he gave up. Then there's the whole Tomgirl/coming out of the closet ordeal. Chris picked up the same traits as mommy dearest.
 
  • Like
Reactions: cahoots, Marvin and Ariel
Francis E. Dec Esc. said:
The pics of 14BC and the rental house in Midlothian from Chris' high school documentary project show that both were messy, but not totally hoarded-to-the-ceiling yet.
Click to expand...

Well, hoards take time to accumulate, and (going purely from anecdotal evidence) tend to get really bad around middle age. Bob was many things, but I'm sure he had some hand in at least mitigating the hoard. At least while he was still alive. I suspect Barb will probably get a sizable second hoard before she kicks the bucket.

scxthursday said:
OPL once said that even though he "loved" his father, he didn't like him. Bob was attempting to get Chris to be more reliant and independent so he would do something in his life; last time I checked, jacking off and playing video games does not help you in life, in Chris's case, it just produced the broken duck he has to this day. It seemed as if Bob truly cared about OPL's well being, but once Bob noticed that his son was not learning anything, he gave up. Then there's the whole Tomgirl/coming out of the closet ordeal. Chris picked up the same traits as mommy dearest.
Click to expand...

Hard to say what was going through Bob's head. I don't think he was a saint. He didn't seem all that happy to be stuck with Barb or to have an autistic manchild for a son, but he at least tried to reign in the worst of Chris' excesses. It was probably too little, too late, after a lifetime of letting OPL get away with whatever he wanted and never having any responsibility. I'm pretty sure Bob had given up on Chris long ago, but like I said, its hard to say.

chimpchan said:
He would not invest or save one single cent. All of it would be spent on Lego, vidya and prostitutes.
Click to expand...

Not so sure about the last one. Hell, I've said before I was skeptical about Chris' encounter with a prostitute, though that's a discussion for another thread. What I will say is that he doesn't seem to have any interest in sex since then. His "lovequest" has all but ground to a halt, and we haven't heard anything about women or virgins with rage since then. It seems like he's content just letting people think he's had sex. But then, as I said before, he doesn't really seem all that interested in having a girlfriend, wife, whatever... its just about proving he's straight, because Chris really is that fucked up.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Anonimo
Chikinballs said:
i bet he plowed a hooker
Click to expand...

Well, like I said, this isn't the best thread for that since I don't want to divert this any more off topic than it already is.

and i bet with a pile of money he would do it again.
Click to expand...

See, I gotta disagree there, if only because he doesn't seem to mention sex or women or even his bloody lovequest anymore. It's like he's just sort of given up, much as he has with Sonichu and even life itself. It's almost like he cares more about people thinking he had sex than actually accomplishing it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: BOLDYSPICY! and milkshark
If, purely hypothetically, Chris ended up with, as you say, $500k, he'd make it very public knowledge and I guarantee someone would suddenly realize they've been in love with him all along and were just waiting for the perfect moment to tell him. It would just be a super weird coincidence that it happened at the same time as his great windfall.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LOLlolcow, BALLZ-BROKEN, Picklechu and 5 others
If chris got 500k he would attract a smart golddigger quicker than you can say "shat himself and did nothing".
3 weeks later he would be broke and back to shitting himself and doing nothing.
 
  • Like
Reactions: XYZpdq, Picklechu, BOLDYSPICY! and 3 others
Bob and Barb had a lot of problems as a couple. Either they got hitched because of the pregnancy or Barb set out to have a baby because she was fearing Bob would leave her. It's unclear where Barb lived before she got with Bob, but I think she was living with a family member or in a small space where her hoarding wasn't really extreme yet. I can totally imagine Barb walking into 14BC back in the early 80's and seeing a beautiful palace that was all hers. I'm assuming Bob owned and lived there alone, having possibly raised his adult children there years prior. It's big enough for a whole family, yet Bob creatively designated specific purposes for the extra rooms. I don't think it took long for Barb to start filling rooms up with Barbage, and of course Bob went along at first thinking he was allowing her to settle in and make the space hers and his as well. I think it took a few years for Bob's optimism and hope to completely dissipate. He probably woke up one morning to see a teenage Chris dancing in front of the TV like a girl while watching Sailor Moon among piles of Goodwill junk on all sides of him, and Barb belching from the orange chair that she appears melted into, using her Atkins diet book as a plate for a McDonald's burger. It was at this time that Bob imagined the bachelor pad he once occupied at 14BC, the clean house with a large music collection neatly stored in its own special room, and how he traded it for a woman who would take it all from him in exchange for a couple of screws in the early 80's and a retarded gay son. Bob was a simple man from the South, and I don't think he was a particularly hateful person, but he didn't want his son to turn out gay. He already had to deal with a pretty serious disability, and in his dying days Chris' choice to go Tomgirl only said one thing to Bob, and that was that all of Bob's suspicions were correct (even if they weren't, Bob wasn't about to just "accept" his straight son's feminine tendencies). To Bob, he raised a flamer who can't support himself, he enabled a hoarder he grew out of love with, he trashed his house by being ineffectual to his wife, and he died in pain and discomfort in a garbage pile. Seriously, if Bob became a ghost, he's haunting the remaining Chandlers out of revenge.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LOLlolcow, Tragi-Chan, BALLZ-BROKEN and 12 others
Butta Face Lopez said:
If, purely hypothetically, Chris ended up with, as you say, $500k, he'd make it very public knowledge and I guarantee someone would suddenly realize they've been in love with him all along and were just waiting for the perfect moment to tell him. It would just be a super weird coincidence that it happened at the same time as his great windfall.
Click to expand...
If he doesn't get swindled out of his money or piss it away on LEGOs first...
 
  • Like
Reactions: Goddessoftheshire
milkshark said:
Bob and Barb had a lot of problems as a couple. Either they got hitched because of the pregnancy or Barb set out to have a baby because she was fearing Bob would leave her. It's unclear where Barb lived before she got with Bob, but I think she was living with a family member or in a small space where her hoarding wasn't really extreme yet. I can totally imagine Barb walking into 14BC back in the early 80's and seeing a beautiful palace that was all hers. I'm assuming Bob owned and lived there alone, having possibly raised his adult children there years prior. It's big enough for a whole family, yet Bob creatively designated specific purposes for the extra rooms. I don't think it took long for Barb to start filling rooms up with Barbage, and of course Bob went along at first thinking he was allowing her to settle in and make the space hers and his as well. I think it took a few years for Bob's optimism and hope to completely dissipate. He probably woke up one morning to see a teenage Chris dancing in front of the TV like a girl while watching Sailor Moon among piles of Goodwill junk on all sides of him, and Barb belching from the orange chair that she appears melted into, using her Atkins diet book as a plate for a McDonald's burger. It was at this time that Bob imagined the bachelor pad he once occupied at 14BC, the clean house with a large music collection neatly stored in its own special room, and how he traded it for a woman who would take it all from him in exchange for a couple of screws in the early 80's and a retarded gay son. Bob was a simple man from the South, and I don't think he was a particularly hateful person, but he didn't want his son to turn out gay. He already had to deal with a pretty serious disability, and in his dying days Chris' choice to go Tomgirl only said one thing to Bob, and that was that all of Bob's suspicions were correct (even if they weren't, Bob wasn't about to just "accept" his straight son's feminine tendencies). To Bob, he raised a flamer who can't support himself, he enabled a hoarder he grew out of love with, he trashed his house by being ineffectual to his wife, and he died in pain and discomfort in a garbage pile. Seriously, if Bob became a ghost, he's haunting the remaining Chandlers out of revenge.
Click to expand...
There are a lot of "ifs" and "buts" in there, even if it is a delicious coconut of an idea.
I think they way people are so polarized about Bob is neglecting that he was just a person. He wasn't in the KKK, he didn't run around with guns or lynched gay people or threatened to shut down Chris' high school because his son wasn't getting ass-kissed enough, but he also made some bad choices in his life and while it's easy to sympathize, because we know how dearly he paid for those mistakes, but mistakes they are. He could have taken a greater interest in his son, he could have taken better care of his house (we don't know for sure he wasn't complicent in the hoard - we can't say either way), he could have been grounded enough to stop himself from feeding his son ideas of vast gay conspiracies (again, we don't know how much of that was his doing) and he sure as all could have chosen not to marry Barb.

I think Bob always seemed like a person that under better circumstances would have been an interesting and maybe even kind old man to know and just talk with about stuff, but he made some bad choices and much like everyone else (except for, of course, Chris) he had to own up to that. I salute him, but he was not a martyr.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LOLlolcow, BALLZ-BROKEN, scxthursday and 5 others
Mogambo said:
Not so sure about the last one. Hell, I've said before I was skeptical about Chris' encounter with a prostitute, though that's a discussion for another thread. What I will say is that he doesn't seem to have any interest in sex since then. His "lovequest" has all but ground to a halt, and we haven't heard anything about women or virgins with rage since then. It seems like he's content just letting people think he's had sex. But then, as I said before, he doesn't really seem all that interested in having a girlfriend, wife, whatever... its just about proving he's straight, because Chris really is that fucked up.
Click to expand...

Actually there was that time where he complained to Cole that he needed to take care of Barb so that he can have more time for his sweetheart search. Also he once complained in a comment that the girl has to "make the first move and everything". Because he's too much of a pussy to approach women.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Alec Benson Leary
cosmos1092 said:
Actually there was that time where he complained to Cole that he needed to take care of Barb so that he can have more time for his sweetheart search. Also he once complained in a comment that the girl has to "make the first move and everything". Because he's too much of a pussy to approach women.
Click to expand...
No one has alerted him to the fact he smells like a dumpster negates what little effort he exerts.
 
Last edited:
Chris hired a hooker out of desperation because he was afraid of going to jail for the rest of his life (which was never a real threat, but Chris didn't bother to educate himself about his criminal charges or what punishment was actually possible). He just didn't want to die in prison a virgin. But ultimately, he's always wanted a fuckmommy, not just sex. Sex is nice, sure, he definitely wants it to be part of the paradigm. But mainly he wants a sweet woman who will be his caretaker.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Anonimo, DrChristianTroy, Marvin and 1 other person
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back