Orbiter "Flutter" / "Egg" / "Cabbage Patch" / "Meryl" / "Food Lion lady" - Modern Christory's biggest mystery

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Chrus Chundlur said:
I remember that back in the day, according to Chris, what he had told Barb about finally getting laid was some unbelievable cover story about meeting some girl while shopping who willingly porked him, logically dazzled by Chris' charm. Guess even Barb's gullibility has a limit and eventually forced Chris to spill the beans.
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Nope, he straight up said he banged a hooker.
According to him, Barb told him she would have taken it herself had he asked.
 
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Zeus Blue Thunder said:
Nope, he straight up said he banged a hooker.
According to him, Barb told him she would have taken it herself had he asked.
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Yeah, on a jail letter, I know, but (unless my memory is becoming autistic after so many years of following Chris antics) there was a previous record from back in the day when he explains how he told Barb that little story, I don't remember if it was a Facebook post or some leaked conversation. I can't be arsed to look it up right now, maybe another time.
 
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Zeus Blue Thunder said:
Nope, he straight up said he banged a hooker.
According to him, Barb told him she would have taken it herself had he asked.
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I still don't get why a cunt like Barb gets taken serious for saying that and how despite being an absolute mouthy bitch, somehow that was seen as her being genuine.

Also if she was being real, them two would have been fucking a lot earlier than the incest.
 
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I bet if you're a guy and ask your mother if she would date somebody like you, she'd say yes as every son is his mother's perfect man. Chris being Chris took it at face value.

And for the guy ITT being jealous of Chris: don't. Chris has a pretty bad case of maladapdive daydreaming, something that doesn't happen amongst happy people. He's retarded enough to be unable to function in society, but not retarded enough to not be self-aware of how much of a waste of skin he is. He lived in his own personal hell since school days. Unless you're the employee of the month in Joseph Fritzl's sex dungeon, you have no reason to envy Chris' life.
 
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demicolon said:
I bet if you're a guy and ask your mother if she would date somebody like you, she'd say yes as every son is his mother's perfect man.
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I'm sorry, but if I went up and asked my mother that, she'd tell me off and say that she is both married with a loving partner, and I am her fucking son, and therefore not attractive to her.
 
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ToroidalBoat said:
And then that fat freak thanked the hooker for taking his virginity with a gift basket.

Why would anyone want to do that thing with mother-raping "Chris Chan", even for money?
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That gift basket slays me every time.
  • Three (3) apples
  • Lavender air freshener
  • Breath mints
  • 4GB flash drive with recordings of the jazz marathon Bob hosted plus Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson songs
  • Hello Kitty Pez dispenser
Where do you think he got the idea to bring a gift basket in the first place? Do you think he just bumbled around 14BLC looking for things around the house to include? Did Mia enjoy the jazz?
 
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Acoustic Virgin said:
Lavender air freshener
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Chris apparently views air fresheners as aphrodisiacs of some kind. The hotel in the Giant Penis Comic is outfitted with FIVE of them all positioned around the befd.
SchuComicSP3P3.webp
 
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Acoustic Virgin said:
That gift basket slays me every time.
  • Three (3) apples
  • Lavender air freshener
  • Breath mints
  • 4GB flash drive with recordings of the jazz marathon Bob hosted plus Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson songs
  • Hello Kitty Pez dispenser
Where do you think he got the idea to bring a gift basket in the first place? Do you think he just bumbled around 14BLC looking for things around the house to include? Did Mia enjoy the jazz?
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She probably just left it there. :story:
 
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Alternatively, Barb could have angrily blurted out that she would have had sex with him without thinking about what she was saying. Chris is retarded enough to take everything literally regardless of the conflict between the person's word and every other means of communication that humans have at their disposal. They were going through the lawsuit with Michael Schneider when this happened, so Barb was completely justified in being angry with him.
 
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Merton J. Dingle said:
Alternatively, Barb could have angrily blurted out that she would have had sex with him without thinking about what she was saying. Chris is retarded enough to take everything literally regardless of the conflict between the person's word and every other means of communication that humans have at their disposal. They were going through the lawsuit with Michael Schneider when this happened, so Barb was completely justified in being angry with him.
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So ....you would just blurt out to your kid that you would have had sex with them instead of a hooker out of anger, would you?

Tell us more.
 
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Ser Ciappelletto said:
Chris apparently views air fresheners as aphrodisiacs of some kind. The hotel in the Giant Penis Comic is outfitted with FIVE of them all positioned around the befd.View attachment 7436985
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Does anyone else experience PTSD whenever they hear the phrase giant penis comic?
 
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Ser Ciappelletto said:
Chris apparently views air fresheners as aphrodisiacs of some kind. The hotel in the Giant Penis Comic is outfitted with FIVE of them all positioned around the befd.View attachment 7436985
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I've wondered what sort of air freshener he put in the gift basket -- whether it was the plug-in type, an aerosol can of spray, or one of those little trees that you hang from a car's rearivew mirror. None are particularly gift-worthy, but Chris has never been known to be a good gift-giver.

It would be interesting to study the way that CWC has so closely linked smells to love. Recall that he was obsessed with Axe Body Spray and thought that it had magical powers of attraction to the point that he warned gay men against using it, lest women hopelessly fall in love with them.

Considering the state of the house, it wouldn't surprise me if the Chandlers sprayed around air freshener in lieu of cleaning (the same way Chris, himself, would squirt himself with Axe instead of bathing). And I could imagine that the guy who burned his house down might be a little nervous about lighting a scented candle.
 
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