Goreans - Pulp Fantasy Sex Cult for Unwashed Fatties

I was reading some thread on Bullshido.net a few years ago, and came across a Gorean-inspired group called "Tuchux." Basically, they're a LARP group obsessed with "warrior spirit" and fighting over every grievance (with proper padding and I assume boffer weapons, because that's what true warriors are all about). Despite taking part in massive SCA events, they claim they're not SCA.
They say they only take names for the Gor novels and that they're not Goreans. While they don't appear to have the formal master/slave dynamic of Goreans, they still are apparently okay requiring women to have sex with whomever wants them as an initiation rite. Granted, that's only if their "THE RUMORS ARE ALL TRUE!!!" comments can be taken at face value.

Basically, they're a bunch of socially inept, emotionally stunted try-hards, and I would not have sex with them.

http://pennsicwar.tribe.net/thread/2fb8f977-424c-4637-9874-68278177b96b
http://tribes.tribe.net/askwildcat/thread/48c593e6-3dae-48d0-8688-655fc65aab47
 
  • Informative
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: Red Mask, BigTubboWithLittleChina, Syaoran Li and 8 others
There was a Gorean who tried to join me and my friends in online RPGs. It was a little odd from the beginning since he was really in to creaky old RPGs with too many rules, and then he just flat-out came out as a "slave-owning Gorean" when I joked that he was a hipster. He got himself banned from the chatroom when he went off on me when I made fun of him being a Gorean.

Apparently he's still around in that part of the internet. A friend of mine from a different gaming circle saw him show up one day and get himself banned after he called women objects.
 
  • Informative
  • Like
  • Feels
Reactions: Red Mask, Orkeosaurus, Rumpled Foreskin and 12 others
Ruin said:
I'm seriously starting to think there's a correlation between being kinky and being fat as fuck.
Click to expand...

I don't subscribe to this theory myself, but someone once commented to me that if you wanted to do something really messed up sexually, get a fat girl, the fatter the better. The logic was that they got kinky to make up for the fact that they weren't a size 2, whereas thin girls would be picky because they had plenty of guys interested in them and even if they wouldn't do that thing, you'd probably still screw them anyway.

I imagine the same line of thinking would apply to fat men, since men aren't known for saying "no" to anything once the other party has their clothes off.
 
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: Eureka, Enoby Way, Transvaalan and 4 others
http://www.okcupid.com/interests?i=gorean

13066237318.png
 
  • Feels
  • Informative
Reactions: Red Mask, Transvaalan, Sailor_Jupiter and 14 others
Oh, hell. No wonder I never found this thread; so far, I just hang out in lolcows.

As I mentioned in a different thread, I read many of the Gor books in the Seventies. They were light, fun reads, for the most part, but eventually I just could not bear the author's fucked up misogynistic worldview. I laughed it off at first, but ultimately it was like having someone's distasteful fetish rub itself up your leg.

Not really on topic, but it's worth noting that one of the Gor books was made into a terrible film in the Eighties, and it got the MST3K treatment (full movie at the link). It's the episode that gave us this:

It's breastakaboobical, chestakamammical,
pendular globular fun!
Mike: Fleshical orbulal, moundula, scoopula?
Tom: Right-o! That's the one!
Crow: Is it gluteal maximal, tushital crackular, bunular morning 'til night?
Tom: Well you're absotiglandular, fanny-fantastical, mastokafleshular right!
All: It's an arealogical autoerotical tubular boobular joy!
An exposular regional, batchical pouchular fun for girl and boy!
A litisimal dorsical, hung like a horsical, caliphyligical ball!
Crow: The most bunular funular!
Mike: Fruit of the loomular!
Crow: Frenchical tongular!
Tom: Wabitaboobular!
Mike: Movie of them alllllllllll!!!!!
Tom: Funular bunular, fruit of the loomular, frenchical tongular, wabitaboobular! Fleshical orbicle, smorgasti-boobular, tushobutt cheekular ball!
All: Hey!!!
Click to expand...
 
  • Winner
  • Informative
  • TMI
Reactions: Red Mask, Enoby Way, Syaoran Li and 20 others
Netflix had the first movie a while back, not sure if it's still there now. The movie was unintentionally hilarious. There's a scene where everyone's looting after a battle, and as far as I can tell, the extras were told something like, "Pick stuff up, carry it whatever, and do your best to look busy."
Then there's the protagonist (I refuse to call him "hero"), who I can only assume is getting off on watching women be hurt. Whenever there's a line of women that are clearly about to be branded or sacrificed, he always stops to watch what's going to happen to the first.

Then Jack Palance shows up. How they got him in both films, I'll never know. At least the MST3K guys had fun with him.
 
  • Informative
  • Like
Reactions: Red Mask, Kaker Cake, ConSluttant and 6 others
Truly, I'm stunned. I've read plenty of sci-fi/fantasy pulp like this and I'm stunned that this series has such a weird cult following.
I wouldn't necessarily mind the content , because this kind of masturbatory fantasy was all the rage with pulp novels, and they're usually fun to read. But I read that passage about the house plants of Gor and...wow...what terrible writing. Are the rest of the books that shitty?

The only other book series I know that has a similar cult following (although not to this extent of weirdness) are the fans of Piers Anthony's Xanth series

By the way, To any Goreans reading this: This "wonderful" book series you love so much, at my first glance, appears to be a ripoff of Edgar Rice Burroughs "At Earth's Core" just on another planet. Just like At Earth's Core, which was written LONG before the Gor books, you have primitive humans beings (cavemen-like) being enslaved to a superior reptilian race called the Mahars, which are like intelligent pterodactyls.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: Red Mask and Sailor_Jupiter
House Plants of Gor is a parody, but it captures the tone nicely. It's been a long time, but as I recall the books weren't terribly written. The author was a classics professor, I think, and lots of his plotlines (battles and so on) were modeled real historical events.

But it was cheesy as hell, and you could see how the whole thing could get its hooks into someone with...low self-esteem, let us say.
 
  • Agree
  • Informative
  • Like
Reactions: Red Mask, Syaoran Li, VLAD and 1 other person
Bless @VLAD for making this thread. Goreans have been pissing me off since the '90s.

(Boris Vallejo is a saint, though.)

Galvatron said:
Truly, I'm stunned. I've read plenty of sci-fi/fantasy pulp like this and I'm stunned that this series has such a weird cult following.
Click to expand...
They don't follow the books, that's a common misunderstanding. They're a following of a BDSM lifestyle that replicates the one depicted in the books. I'm under the impression most of them don't really even read the books necessarily.
 
  • Like
  • Informative
  • Feels
Reactions: Red Mask, Syaoran Li, Sailor_Jupiter and 2 others
MysteriousStranger said:
The author was a classics professor, I think, and lots of his plotlines (battles and so on) were modeled real historical events.
Click to expand...

Does this mean I can fantasize about the place being smacked down by ancient Carthaginians, 'Battle of Cannae' style? Fuck, somebody please write me that fanfic, then send it to some goreans to mess with them.
 
  • Winner
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: Eureka, Red Mask, Syaoran Li and 7 others
ScrewTheRules said:
I'll see your Boudicca and raise you one Eleanor of Aquitaine. Writer Kiwis, make this happen.
Click to expand...

Why stop there? Assemble an Avengers-style team of badass historical women. Joan of Arc and Lakshmibai of Jhansi to raise legions of believers for the cause, Grace O'Malley to captain the navy, and Elizabeth Bathory can handle interrogation of captured enemies.

Bonus if written in Gorean style. Should be easy; drive five or six nails into your skull and then sacrifice a thesaurus to Azathoth.
 
  • Winner
  • Agree
  • Like
Reactions: Red Mask, Syaoran Li, Raptor-chan and 9 others
Slowboat to China said:
Why stop there? Assemble an Avengers-style team of badass historical women. Joan of Arc and Lakshmibai of Jhansi to raise legions of believers for the cause, Grace O'Malley to captain the navy, and Elizabeth Bathory can handle interrogation of captured enemies.

Bonus if written in Gorean style. Should be easy; drive five or six nails into your skull and then sacrifice a thesaurus to Azathoth.
Click to expand...

Olga Of Kiev needs to be involved in this. Bitch was awesome!
 
  • Agree
  • Like
Reactions: Red Mask, Syaoran Li, Raptor-chan and 2 others
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back