Sorry to double post, but I just wanted to add that I have been thinking this stuff over and just realized how blessed I truly am. I am young, I am smart, and I have been able to be pretty competent socially and knowledgeable of things like politics with basically no schooling. I am also fairly healthy; besides being overweight, I have a house, and my mom is nice most of the time. Instead of dwelling on the past and setting unrealistic goals, I am coming back down to earth and setting realistic goals like getting a job and getting in shape. I'm also going to do the things I missed out on, like riding a bike or playing sports. I realize now that I can play sports like basketball until I am in a wheelchair or nursing home.
not to mention I don't have to worry much about money or other forms of stress. I have been dealt a pretty good hand, all things considered. Even if it was kind of crappy that my mom never taught me anything, even compared to other unschoolers, I had it pretty damn good. I could be like the lolcow mentioned in the thread called Blessed Little Homestead, growing up in a rat-infested shed, but I grew up in a decent house. I had a pretty good childhood. All things considered, I didn't suffer the things many kids did. I was never molested or bullied growing up. I had a few friends, even if they were fellow weirdo homeschoolers. Looking at modern trends, men having no friends is the new norm, not the exception. Come to think of it, I was basically an early prototype of modern living trends like unschooling kids, not playing sports, not having friends, etc.
On the bright side, I can easily turn the bad stuff around. My lack of socialization can easily be fixed by working a job; my lack of sports experience can easily be fixed by playing in a rec league or a small school, not to mention the many camps people attend for sports. Lots of the high schools I could have gone to were small anyway, and I most likely would not have been a top recruit on top of that with recent lawsuits. Junior college may become more important than high school in sports anyway, along with other things like covid screwing over kids who play in public school. We may also see another lockdown for bird flu or some other virus, meaning those kids most likely won't be recruited either. The only people playing D1 out of high school will be the literal percent. While most colleges will opt for experienced junior college or current D1 players, along with this and a nationwide trend of youth sports participation declining, I really didn't miss much anyway. Most of the kids I knew that got to play sports didn't give two craps about playing anyway, not to mention with homeschooling becoming more popular since covid and laws like the Tim Tebow bill being passed nationwide, we may see a decline in the need to be in public school for sports anyway, and not to mention high school recruiting may see a massive decline in the coming years.
All of this is to say it's not over; my life has just begun. I have my whole life ahead of me to achieve my goals, and I am going to dedicate the rest of this year to achieving those goals. I am going to use tools like Khan Academy to learn the things I didn't get to learn in school, and I am going to get in shape so I can even have a chance to play rec league or other forms of local sports. I am excited for my future, and I am sorry I had this meltdown; also recently, on the topic of sports, I watched a show about Aaron Rodgers, and even though he's kind of a weird hippie, he was spot on when he mentioned the importance of ego death. I think that is what I have experienced. I was so worried and thinking I had to be this hotshot, and I could have easily been a superstar getting chicks by the dozen if my mom had just gotten out of the way, but this most likely would not have been the case. Who knows if the grass was greener on the other side or not, but what I do know is the grass in front of me is green enough, and it will only get greener in the future. The more I water it by achieving my goals, my life is not over; it has just begun. I am grateful for the opportunities I have been given. I love my mom despite our past issues, and I forgive her for the wrong she has done to me. I am looking forward to the rest of my life, and I am looking forward to making this year my year and living my dreams.
Thank you, Kiwifarms, for listening to my TED talk TLDR. My life is good. I was being overdramatic. It can only get better.
