How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

wow. I thought I was doing bad before, but this feeling right now is indescribable.
I just suddenly snapped last night. Maybe it was stress, maybe it was the heat, idk. But you combine that with my previously mentioned boyfriend suddenly not responding to me, and you get me barely hanging on to my last threads of sanity. this was how it was last night, mind you.
now, moving to today, my bf had messaged me around 2 AM apologizing for not responding the day before. I responded telling him it was fine, thinking that it was going to be okay. we ended up talking for a little bit about random stuff and I asked if he wanted to call me which we had never done before. he said yes, but he didn't end up calling me until over an hour later which made me very distressed. I answered the phone and I think I was either having connection issues or my brain shut down because I couldn't really discern what he was saying to me. this sent me into a state of panic, and I ended up hanging up on him after I sat in silence having a panic attack for a few minutes. immediately after I hung up, I messaged him on discord to apologize and explain what happened. that was six hours ago and he still hasn't responded to me. I don't know why he would do this, because he literally told me that he loved me more than anything and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I don't know if I did something wrong or if he just suddenly stopped liking me.
in summary, I'm going insane and I want out of this existence.
pic of how I feel rn:
1622448169010.jpg
 
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Madre Muerte said:
I ate a bag of dog treats from the store thinking it was candy.
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Well at least you are not a cheap fuck as one of my friends... the asshole buys those peperoni dog treats for himself... the reason is its cheaper.

This is where you cross the line from being frugal to being fucked up in the head. Since then I have backed off a bit on dealing with him. I've known the guy for 35 years so it kind of upset me because he has money.

He's not poor. Even while I was homeless,... I never stooped so low as eating animal food.
 
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TheRedChair said:
Well at least you are not a cheap fuck as one of my friends... the asshole buys those peperoni dog treats for himself... the reason is its cheaper.

This is where you cross the line from being frugal to being fucked up in the head. Since then I have backed off a bit on dealing with him. I've known the guy for 35 years so it kind of upset me because he has money.

He's not poor. Even while I was homeless,... I never stooped so low as eating animal food.
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If it's good, I don't see why not. But its hit or miss, as dog food isn't designed to be good for humans.

Last time I ate dog food, was one time I was a child. Because kids are curious.
 
TheRedChair said:
Well at least you are not a cheap fuck as one of my friends... the asshole buys those peperoni dog treats for himself... the reason is its cheaper.

This is where you cross the line from being frugal to being fucked up in the head. Since then I have backed off a bit on dealing with him. I've known the guy for 35 years so it kind of upset me because he has money.

He's not poor. Even while I was homeless,... I never stooped so low as eating animal food.
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When dog treats feature "human" prepared foods like "pepperoni" or "cheddar," they often really are made from those ingredients.

Made from those ingredients when they've been declared unfit for human consumption and the company doesn't want to write them off entirely. . .
 
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BingBong said:
wow. I thought I was doing bad before, but this feeling right now is indescribable.
I just suddenly snapped last night. Maybe it was stress, maybe it was the heat, idk. But you combine that with my previously mentioned boyfriend suddenly not responding to me, and you get me barely hanging on to my last threads of sanity. this was how it was last night, mind you.
now, moving to today, my bf had messaged me around 2 AM apologizing for not responding the day before. I responded telling him it was fine, thinking that it was going to be okay. we ended up talking for a little bit about random stuff and I asked if he wanted to call me which we had never done before. he said yes, but he didn't end up calling me until over an hour later which made me very distressed. I answered the phone and I think I was either having connection issues or my brain shut down because I couldn't really discern what he was saying to me. this sent me into a state of panic, and I ended up hanging up on him after I sat in silence having a panic attack for a few minutes. immediately after I hung up, I messaged him on discord to apologize and explain what happened. that was six hours ago and he still hasn't responded to me. I don't know why he would do this, because he literally told me that he loved me more than anything and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I don't know if I did something wrong or if he just suddenly stopped liking me.
in summary, I'm going insane and I want out of this existence.
pic of how I feel rn:
View attachment 2235265
Click to expand...
update:
apparently, he didn't have discord on his phone and he wasn't responding cause he was playing video games all day and didn't see my messages until now.
god I'm such a fucking retard. I was definitely right in saying that I'm insane, though.
 
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BingBong said:
update:
apparently, he didn't have discord on his phone and he wasn't responding cause he was playing video games all day and didn't see my messages until now.
god I'm such a fucking retard. I was definitely right in saying that I'm insane, though.
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You should change your pfp description to "Had a panic attack while BF gamed all day."... you know, for therapeutic purposes.
Edit: sorry, I dont mean to sound as mean, but your plot twist had me giggling. gg. hope you get better.
 
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Justtocheck said:
You should change your pfp description to "Had a panic attack while BF gamed all day."... you know, for therapeutic purposes.
Edit: sorry, I dont mean to sound as mean, but your plot twist had me giggling. gg. hope you get better.
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lol, you're fine man. it was pretty absurd. I'm actually doing a lot better now. We ended up calling on discord and we talked for an hour straight. this has definitely been a good learning experience for me, and I think our relationship will be a lot stronger now.
 
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Shitted Scaredless said:
I am slowly realizing I may need to go back to therapy but I really don't want to be diagnosed anything, nor do I want to find out why I have all these sudden onset depression or panic swings. Fuck.
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Depends on if you want to be a NEET and live on social security. Then a few diagnosis is a requirement. If you're in Murica, I would do it. The money is going to some niggers otherwise, if you don't take them. And that's always worse. But don't shit up the legal system, otherwise Null is okay with it, I think.
 
I've been feeling pretty down this week. It's a long-term malaise that took root during the lockdowns when everything I enjoyed and wanted became illegal.

I haven't shaken it off and I don't know how I will as I have permanently lost friendships and opportunities and my physical health has been significantly worsened by a year of isolation.

However, one bright point - I was just posting a pic and found this on my desktop. It's the present I got from the KF Secret Santa last Christmas. I said I liked bugs and sexy ladies and someone drew this for me. I've been looking at it, the shading on the eggsack, the torn Bob Marley poster (I hate reggae) etc. etc. and realising someone took a lot of time on this just for me.

It made me feel a little better just knowing that. :)

1623001882105.png
 
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The woman I'd been casually seeing for a bit over a year now just broke things off with me. I've been kind of expecting this for a while now since she'd been distant of late, but honestly even knowing it was coming I still feel really hurt. Things just kind of suck in my life as a whole right now even without this happening, and I'm really not sure what I need to do to move on and hold everything together.
 
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This is petty but its only a few days into PRRIIIIIIDE and I'm already feeling worn thin by seeing all the people seal clapping the very moment a corporation slaps rainbow stickers on anything. I'm still trying not to sit around being a grouchy-ass spoil sport but hearing people unironically say 'Ohh I have to buy this they support pride!' is just.. guh. They don't support a damn thing other than milking money out of you.

Even worse is already hearing rumblings of the factional infighting in the gayer communities I'm a part of, they're out to make sure everyone bends knee to their LGBTQ2IAPKANGZ folks or else.
 
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s0mbra said:
One of my good online friends came out to me as trans
(:_(
He even has a wife
I'm so tired
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Don't have enough context to know if it would be a good idea or not but have you considered giving the wife a bit of warning? Its a massive risk for certain, could blowback onto you, and its not your damn job.. but damn. There's a king queen sized bullet sailing that poor soul's way.
 
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