How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

i'm doing great thanks
my full-body chronic pain is so bad and it makes it hard to even want to live. it's a fight to keep my mental focus and make/achieve goals for myself when every part of my body is screaming at me. exercising hurts my mental health (when it used to be a release) because it doesn't feel good anymore, puts me out of commission for significant periods of time, and makes it explicitly clear that my body can't function properly anymore. i was always uncoordinated and clumsy but now i feel legitimately handicapped.

doctors have been a huge waste of time and money because they can find nothing wrong with me, whether through X-RAYs or inflammation tests. i refuse to seek pain meds and end up as one of the masses of fat white trash in the trailer park complaining about their fibromyalgia and popping opioids. i try not to talk about my condition much with people around me because i'm embarrassed that i am undiagnosed, it's impossible to get anyone to understand what it's like, and everything they say makes me feel worse.

i'm at the end of my rope and not sure what reason i have to keep juggling all the demands of life.
 
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My grandmother is in the process of dying, and I have also just found out about some very bad shit happening at my place of work (to the extent that I will not be surprised if this place gets shut down), which is genuinely a shame since I absolutely adore this job. I'm just trying to hold myself together for now.
 
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Foot's feeling better - I saw a physician, and I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis. Putting ice on it helps a bunch, and symptoms have gotten more rare. I learned a lesson by skipping a day, and it came back with a vengeance. I'm not going to skip a day on this until it's over. In other news, I am nearing the end of my massive reading list (can count the remaining books on one hand), and I will get to rereading lots of my books after that.
 
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Sleep schedule is super erratic. It's all over the place and hasn't been consistent. Slept for a good while but then only 4 or 5 hours after waking up, got super tired and crashed for 4 hours. Was feeling good after that, did some exercising. Then nightfall comes and my mood does a 180, and I just get really depressed again out of nowhere. On top of feeling super stressed for financial reasons and realizing I'm slowly trying to cope and shove it under the rug, which is gonna come back to bite me hardcore in the future and I'm just procrastinating like a bitch. Not only that, but I'm actively making it worse.
 
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Wenzelman said:
Sleep schedule is super erratic. It's all over the place and hasn't been consistent. Slept for a good while but then only 4 or 5 hours after waking up, got super tired and crashed for 4 hours. Was feeling good after that, did some exercising. Then nightfall comes and my mood does a 180, and I just get really depressed again out of nowhere. On top of feeling super stressed for financial reasons and realizing I'm slowly trying to cope and shove it under the rug, which is gonna come back to bite me hardcore in the future and I'm just procrastinating like a bitch. Not only that, but I'm actively making it worse.
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Maybe you should stop watching cartoons? You're always talking about those Japanese cartoons if you stopped watching cartoons all the time maybe you'd feel better
 
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Devious Dave said:
Maybe you should stop watching cartoons? You're always talking about those Japanese cartoons if you stopped watching cartoons all the time maybe you'd feel better
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Please stop shitting up threads with your fake trolling attempts
 
I'm losing track on my lucid dreaming quest again. I'm going to have to get back on that. Otherwise, I'm fine. My conditioning is slowly returning.
 
Finally slowly coming out of multiple shitshows happening all at once.
Almost nothing in my life is the same as it was say 3-6 months ago, not that change is a bad thing but there were just so many major stressful life events all happening at once.

I'm pretty used to life's knocks by now (lol old) but I've never felt so fucking close to losing it, whatever that means.

I felt like I was drowning on dry land at times, like I just couldn't breathe enough air in and couldn't do anything about it.

I had to change my coping mechanisms because they weren't healthy.
One of the ways I dealt with it was by looking outside of myself and my situation and genuinely trying to help out anyone I could around me in whatever way I could.
It helped a lot to help forget my problems for a while and made me feel good to help too - not superior but good.
That, continuing to pursue whatever interests still gave me some joy, maintaining a sense of life's absurdity, reminding myself it would all pass eventually and staying active. We're all gonna make it, boys.
 
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Came back from housesitting for someone who lives in a nicer area than I do, so kinda bummed about returning to the shit hole community I live in... but my easter cactus started blooming while I was gone and is now in full bloom.
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Things are going very well these days, really any complaint I have would be very, very minor and not worth thinking about. Relationships/career/kids are all amazing, better than I could have asked for or expected. I’m soaking in the contentedness and good fortune while I can. Whether things are good or bad, neither situation lasts forever in life. Good luck to all of the Kiwis going through far tougher times— I sincerely hope things get better soon.
 
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Getting back into lifting weights after being sick twice (!) this year, and right off the bat I pulled a muscle in my jaw, wtf
Glad to be lifting again even though my muscles have all apparently forgotten how to do their damn jobs and I'm struggling with my warm-up weights. We're having the coldest and wettest winter in decades so that doesn't help much!
 
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I'm vibin'. Broke AF but still above water by some definitions.
I'm int he middle of a career change that should hopefully allow me to eventually move to the city near my hometown, and then I can work towards gettign a job in my hometown or nearby, or landing a permanent remote-work job that lets me move to a house in the boonies with starlink internet, where I can slowly become self-sufficient and disconnect from all this
 
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It's been a hectic and shitty month. Work has been demanding due to a fag and sheboon not doing their work and passing it off to others, the girl I've been talking to is being a passive aggressive idiot that won't say what she really wants, I've been drinking a lot and I started working out again to get out of that rut, but hope things get better.
 
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