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I'm finally home and getting back into a routine, but there's just so much paperwork I got to do. I got my new server up and running with everything copied over, i just need to try watching some shows on it to make sure it's all working good then i can switch over the dns address to it, and when everything seems fine I'll pull the 1tb SSD from the old server, stick it in this one, and move /home to it so that I can use it for large downloads and to manage the other shit better then a hdd pool would do.
 
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So my psycho ex sent me a text message this morning, though I haven't reached out or anything since. Something that supposedly disproved something I speculated she had right after we broke up, and she claimed it meant I always faked my concern for her. Awfully strange thing to say and do, to someone when the relationship supposedly wasn't serious. I didn't and never would respond, I was overjoyed I'm living in her head rent free and making a mess up there. More to the point, she's going to rant and vent to her friends and it's going to nurture those seeds of doubt I stuck in them; "why is this girl still talking about this guy and wondering how he really felt if it wasn't serious?" Maybe. Maybe I'm giving women too much credit. But she can't keep her story straight with her shifting BPD emotions, and they're all going to realize I'm right. And they'll trust everything she says a little less. I made sure the number really was blocked this time, the more she thinks I'm not either seeing or caring about what she says, the more that'll irk her.

Heh heh heh.
 
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Today I sat down, and had a long and constructive talk with my girlfriend after everything that happened, and we talked about our insecurities and our problems in our relationship. It was one of the best and most fruitful talks I've had with her since that incident that happened on her birthday and I feel like I love her more and more, our relationship is coming out of this whirlwind, stronger than ever....

Next month, I'm going to ask her to be my Alexandra. I'm going to propose to her.
 
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AnOminous said:
Quit obsessing. Never respond.
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Not at all, I blocked her immediately; I just had to laugh that she'd do something so ridiculously petty after all she's claimed to her friends. I thought I had blocked the number already. It was a relief to be done with that nut, and I have one hell of a story to tell close friends for the rest of my life. She literally hated men, like, she went into this wild-eyed rant about men, and to think of her ranting to her friends about a WHITE MAN that SHE'S TOTALLY OVER feeling totally outfoxed on her post-breakup narrative. And getting this crazy "I'm totally over him" text makes amuses me. I had a date the night after we broke up, person was really fucked up as hell but that's a whole 'nother story for another time.

Today overall was a pretty fantastic day for multiple unrelated reasons.

But cold weather is setting in and I'm going to have to contend with winter boredom soon. I guess I'm going to finish Baldur's Gate 3 soon. It's hard sitting in front of a computer too long anymore, the internet is so boring and games don't really hold my attention like they used to.
 
Nick Obre said:
Sounds to me like she's also squatting in someone's head.
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Maybe more like Freddy Kruger than what you're implying. Having dealt with women with severe BPD before, I have a feeling she's going to try to re-establish contact with a big apology once she realizes I'm the best show in town. I once had a chick mail me a letter after blocking her. Of course I either won't see it or she will get silence. I'm not worried about it, but this chick followed so much the same script as someone else I used to date that I'm curious if they're going to end it that very same way.

I sometimes honestly wish I could even feel that way about someone, but I've never found them. Actually, the last time I felt an intense feeling of romantic "love" was a very long time ago in a dream, stirred up by whatever its contents were that I no longer remember. I'm not sure if the right person just isn't out there or I'm rubbed raw from the people I've met. But I'd rather be be numb than be "vulnerable" or "weak" or "pathetic" or whatever word you'd want to use.

Then I'm reminded of the bullshit and all the one-sided expectations that go in.
 
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Harbinger of Kali Yuga said:
Maybe more like Freddy Kruger than what you're implying. Having dealt with women with severe BPD before, I have a feeling she's going to try to re-establish contact with a big apology once she realizes I'm the best show in town. I once had a chick mail me a letter after blocking her. Of course I either won't see it or she will get silence. I'm not worried about it, but this chick followed so much the same script as someone else I used to date that I'm curious if they're going to end it that very same way.

I honestly wish I could even feel that way about someone, but I've never found them. Actually, the last time I felt an intense feeling of romantic "love" was a very long time ago in a dream, stirred up by whatever its contents were that I no longer remember. I'm not sure if the right person just isn't out there or I'm rubbed raw from the people I've met. But I'd rather be be numb than be "vulnerable" or "weak" or "pathetic" or whatever word you'd want to use.
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That's funny, you really come off like you have a cluster B personality disorder.

Like if you were a woman, I'd tell you you should stop acting like such a stereotype. There are a couple times here where I've wondered if you might legitimately be an FtM.

If you're able to I'd consider meditating on the idea that you're the main problem with your relationships, romantic and otherwise.
 
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Harbinger of Kali Yuga said:
Maybe more like Freddy Kruger than what you're implying. Having dealt with women with severe BPD before, I have a feeling she's going to try to re-establish contact with a big apology once she realizes I'm the best show in town. I once had a chick mail me a letter after blocking her. Of course I either won't see it or she will get silence. I'm not worried about it, but this chick followed so much the same script as someone else I used to date that I'm curious if they're going to end it that very same way.

I sometimes honestly wish I could even feel that way about someone, but I've never found them. Actually, the last time I felt an intense feeling of romantic "love" was a very long time ago in a dream, stirred up by whatever its contents were that I no longer remember. I'm not sure if the right person just isn't out there or I'm rubbed raw from the people I've met. But I'd rather be be numb than be "vulnerable" or "weak" or "pathetic" or whatever word you'd want to use.

Then I'm reminded of the bullshit and all the one-sided expectations that go in.
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Bit of armchair psychology, yeah? But indulge me:

The more I see your posts, the more I feel you're trying to convince, primarily, yourself that you're OK, that you're so over it, so above her, that you're so not hurt, and that she's the Stalker Child who will Enjoy Prison once you do your masterful retaliation and expose her for the monster she is, with all the evidence that she did NOT fart on your vagina; and that all of it will most definitely not explode in your face.

Please calm down. I repeat myself, but please untangle yourself from her. It's good that you blocked her number, but stop running these mental scenarios.

And in the long shot that I'm right, be honest with yourself and feel the feelings from the break up. It's OK, lad.
 
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Nick Obre said:
Bit of armchair psychology, yeah? But indulge me:

The more I see your posts, the more I feel you're trying to convince, primarily, yourself that you're OK, that you're so over it, so above her, that you're so not hurt, and that she's the Stalker Child who will Enjoy Prison once you do your masterful retaliation and expose her for the monster she is, with all the evidence that she did NOT fart on your vagina; and that all of it will most definitely not explode in your face.

Please calm down. I repeat myself, but please untangle yourself from her. It's good that you blocked her number, but stop running these mental scenarios.

And in the long shot that I'm right, be honest with yourself and feel the feelings from the break up. It's OK, lad.
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I honestly do understand why you think that, but it really isn't that. It's just been one of the craziest events to happen to me this year. If I was hurt I'd never even be talking about it. I was pissed off for a day or two because she was smearing me and that is something I really do not want to abide but her sending me this is telling me she's not getting the satisfaction she was craving doing so, so apparently people aren't even buying that. I obviously know things you don't, just take it on faith that I'm not a complete idiot. If you knew the story, especially what I've seen, everything would make a hell of a lot more sense. I appreciate your advice, just realize I'm being extremely cryptic.

I think the best way to explain my attitude is having walked, inadvertently, through the fires of hell and did so unscathed. I'm not sad. I'm more relieved than you can fucking imagine, and a bit proud too. Perhaps I'm coming off as unbelievable, but the full context is even more unbelievable.

There's nothing really more to talk on about this now. It's just been a wild ride.
 
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Harbinger of Kali Yuga said:
I honestly do understand why you think that, but it really isn't that. It's just been one of the craziest events to happen to me this year. If I was hurt I'd never even be talking about it. I was pissed off for a day or two because she was smearing me and that is something I really do not want to abide but her sending me this is telling me she's not getting the satisfaction she was craving doing so. I obviously know things you don't, just take it on faith that I'm not a complete idiot. If you knew the story, especially what I've seen, everything would make a hell of a lot more sense. I appreciate your advice, just realize I'm being extremely cryptic.

I think the best way to explain my attitude is having walked, inadvertently, through the fires of hell and did so unscathed. I'm not sad. I'm more relieved than you can fucking imagine, and a bit proud too. Perhaps I'm coming off as unbelievable, but the full context is even more unbelievable.
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It's cool you grew from it.
 
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I'm pretty great overall. I'm taking the first business trip of my life in a few days, which has got me pretty pumped and proud of myself.
I quit smoking commie cabbage again a couple days ago, which has got me a little irritable but I need all of my faculties about me.
Even if business stuff doesn't work out long term there's disproportionate cash to be grabbed. Just have to get mine and keep things rolling for as long as possible.
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Harbinger of Kali Yuga said:
I honestly do understand why you think that, but it really isn't that. It's just been one of the craziest events to happen to me this year. If I was hurt I'd never even be talking about it. I was pissed off for a day or two because she was smearing me and that is something I really do not want to abide but her sending me this is telling me she's not getting the satisfaction she was craving doing so. I obviously know things you don't, just take it on faith that I'm not a complete idiot. If you knew the story, especially what I've seen, everything would make a hell of a lot more sense. I appreciate your advice, just realize I'm being extremely cryptic.

I think the best way to explain my attitude is having walked, inadvertently, through the fires of hell and did so unscathed. I'm not sad. I'm more relieved than you can fucking imagine, and a bit proud too. Perhaps I'm coming off as unbelievable, but the full context is even more unbelievable.
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Sure thing bud
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We could ask mods to pull that into a new thread so that it could be delved into deeper.

I think I still have a couple job assistance people to update about my broken leg. One of the ones I've been talking to has suggested looking into remote work scenarios which I'll like to try. Tomorrow I'm going to try to contact Motorola about my damaged screen and I'll tackle that wood puzzle thing I spent a week preparing stain for.
 
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Betonhaus said:
We could ask mods to pull that into a new thread so that it could be delved into deeper.

I think I still have a couple job assistance people to update about my broken leg. One of the ones I've been talking to has suggested looking into remote work scenarios which I'll like to try. Tomorrow I'm going to try to contact Motorola about my damaged screen and I'll tackle that wood puzzle thing I spent a week preparing stain for.
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I'm not talking about that anymore, there's nothing more to say. Everyone I know is just glad I'm out of it, and they get it.

I will caution you about remote work... it's extremely convenient, but you get noticed far less and if you want to climb up, you will (more likely than not) get passed over for people your boss sees and interacts with in person everyday, if that's applicable. Especially if they grade you on a bunch of those sliding scale factors that are barely applicable to your job description that nonetheless you get evaluated on to bring you closer to the mean... your boss will rate you more highly if you have a greater rapport with them.
 
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