How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I have a serious chest infection, I woke up this morning far later than I normally do with a trio of Dogs not asking for food but to go outside to take care of things, hacking cough, nasty messy stuff getting coughed up.

I thought it was just a nasty cold but nope, Mrs dragged me to the saw bones (she's a Vet, knows a infection when she sees it) doctor was borderline wanting to send me to A&E but has given me some time to try AntiBiotics as I have someone with medical training observing me.

I've managed to sleep for a few hours but sitting up so not good sleep, my dogs and the cat have not left my side all day since I got home from the doctors, Mrs is feeding me electro lights but it's took me nearly an hour to write this, if you don't see me around for a while I'm just suffering from an embuggerance and then playing catchup.
 
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eatler said:
Most of the IT guys I saw at my community college looked like they wanted to blow their brains out. So I guess it depends on which college your going to.
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That's just IT guys in general, it's why I went back to school for trades.

Talking of feels, nothing beats the shame of being 30 and telling people you cant go out to the bar because you have homework.
 
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Had better days, had worse days. Laugh, so you don't cry, and so on...
 

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Abbadon's Gate said:
Since its exactly double, I'm waiting to see if the fees they applied are just my next month's billing. If that's all it is, I'm probably just gonna let it lie and live a little tighter this month in favor of getting to skip next month till it evens out.

If it ends they hit me with double this month and still want me to pay next month as well, probably gonna do what you suggested.
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No, do it now. Payment can be seen as acknowledgment. The sooner you move on this the better.
Thread tax: I'm doing okay just now.
 
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Having legitimate body dysmorphia is pretty fucked. I'm objectively in good shape, I know this on a logical level, but thats not how I see myself and it fucking blows.

I look in the mirror and see a fat pig on minute, then think I'm too small, then think maybe I'm too big and it just goes on and on.

I have some some clothes that are well fitted and accentuate my physique in a nice way, but I'm so self conscious I almost never wear them unless I've got a baggy ass hoody to put on to hide myself away. Even when it's like 100+ outside. Most of the time though it's baggy as fuck clothes that I can shield myself in because "oh gee, what if this random person/coworker thinks I look fat" or whatever.

I know i should get help in therapy or something but what's the point? What could a shrink tell me that I don't already know? I know none of what I think about my body is true, I don't compare myself to others in terms of looks/build, I'm well aware that if anyone is looking at me they aren't thinking the negative things about me that I do and even if they are it literally doesn't matter, I know it stems from having been fat and then being very skinny when I was younger before getting "big" etc.

It's a weird little personal hell that I don't really see any actual fix or cope for. Thankfully though it doesn't result in me doing anything physically damaging/harmful. Just a lot of time in the mirror hyper analyzing and over critiquing myself.

Idk, shits weird guys.
 
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Yamamura said:
I've come to a revelation that I shouldn't associate my mental state with the way my work is going.

Sounds obvious on paper, but easier said than done. Tried to take a more carefree attitude towards things. If something is out of my control then I should just let what I can't slide.

In many ways I admire the types of people who can manage to stay positive in dire situations. It's a really rare trait to have these days it seems. I realize their lives are not any easier than mine, but they manage to hum along.
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I've been trying to do this for months now, and I can't figure out how. My job is driving me insane (mostly because my boss is a bitch) but I'm not going to stick around for long now anyway, so I shouldn't give a fuck what she does, but somehow just the thought of meeting with her later this week is making me anxious.
 
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anustart76 said:
I've been trying to do this for months now, and I can't figure out how. My job is driving me insane (mostly because my boss is a bitch) but I'm not going to stick around for long now anyway, so I shouldn't give a fuck what she does, but somehow just the thought of meeting with her later this week is making me anxious.
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Dude, when you get a new job, you will be so glad you did and wish you had looked for it sooner. I've been there. Your rage here will motivate you. Try to turn your anxiety into rage--you've done nothing wrong, you are just working for an asshole. Devalue her in your mind, look at her as if she's an angry joke. It's harder when you have a lower status than someone, but you gotta try to unplug your mind and self-worth from that system.
 
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Harbinger of Kali Yuga said:
Dude, when you get a new job, you will be so glad you did and wish you had looked for it sooner. I've been there. Your rage here will motivate you. Try to turn your anxiety into rage--you've done nothing wrong, you are just working for an asshole. Devalue her in your mind, look at her as if she's an angry joke. It's harder when you have a lower status than someone, but you gotta try to unplug your mind and self-worth from that system.
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Oh I absolutely agree, the problem is just that I don't want to do something really bad and hurt my potential chances of getting a different job inside this company I'm in (which I think I actually have a good chance at). I would love nothing more than to tell her she's an imbecile on my last day.
 
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anustart76 said:
Oh I absolutely agree, the problem is just that I don't want to do something really bad and hurt my potential chances of getting a different job inside this company I'm in (which I think I actually have a good chance at). I would love nothing more than to tell her she's an imbecile on my last day.
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Have you considered moving to another company? These days companies prefer to hire from out instead of within, because they want to "capture talent" so other companies don't.
 
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anustart76 said:
I don't want to do something really bad and hurt my potential chances of getting a different job inside this company
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I don’t remember 100% what company your working at but harbingers advice is the choice I would go with. I worked at a job till I reached my breaking point (a lot like you) I used to have a boss that would prodded and kick me when she had the chance. Long story short I was 1000% better off leaving early than accumulating the stress of worrying about if I would be reprimanded or fired. We’re unfortunately in the new world, there’s no unions, there’s no company loyalty, there’s bearly any benefits or pay for most jobs. It better that you sometimes have to move away from these companies, what you get as a starter at a new company would probably benefit you more than the “raise” (90% of the time its just inflation) that you would get from your boss when its finally given an ok. But this is Internet advice so do do what your gut tells you, but you are posting about this topic a lot (not that that’s a bad thing) it just mostly means this is really eating away at you and you should do something you can at least say “ok I can deal with this” wether it’s sticking it out or getting a new job.
 
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Harbinger of Kali Yuga said:
Have you considered moving to another company? These days companies prefer to hire from out instead of within, because they want to "capture talent" so other companies don't.
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eatler said:
harbingers advice is the choice I would go with
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Doing that too, just trying not to close off any options I have. If I move to a different part of the company, I would likely be interacting with entirely different people.
 
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I adopted a dog. This is my first one and I feel like I made a mistake. She's so friendly and nice but I can't control her at all. She tore off her collar and ran out into the snow at 2am tonight and gave me a heart attack. I was about to have a full blown panic attack luring her back to the house with food.

I also know she shit somewhere inside and I cannot find it ANYWHERE. HELP.
 
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