- Joined
- Nov 4, 2021
How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check
- Thread starter Milk Mage
- Start date
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2022
I spent the last hour driving on gravel roads to get to a trailhead and I still have cell signal for some reason. I'm kind of uneasy about this, I really don't want people to be able to bother me this weekend.
Oh well, maybe I'll sneed in the wilderness.
Oh well, maybe I'll sneed in the wilderness.
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2018
Putting in more hours at work really paid off and I've gotten some extra money to play with thanks to a stroke of good luck. It looks like the next two months are going to be a lot better and my life is really looking up after the 2022-2023 shitfest my life was. It's actually making me go manic at times and I feel genuinely gluttonous too. I'm going to eat myself into a food coma and I'll absolutely drink myself into the biggest hangover I can when work is done for the week.
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2019
I'm feeling a lot better. Doing some stupid walks for my stupid mental health, and buying stupid snacks (I just love Korean cheese crackers, they're sweet, not savoury at all) from the stupid store while the stupid sun was out really made the depression a lot more bearable.
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2022
I'm not doing very good. My 13 year old family dog was injured when he jumped from my sister's bed two weeks ago. He sustained a slipped disc in his hip and the painkillers the vet prescribed weren't working deapite being quite strong for a dog his size (Methadone), in addition to the fact that he is incapable of standing on his own (we have to hold his hips so he can use the bathroom but even that is very difficult for him, and he has only been able to move his bowels twice in two weeks, and only when given medication for it).
After a lot of agonizing it was decided that the three months of bed rest that the emergency vet we took him to prescribed was too much since the painkillers we gave him aren't working and with my sister and I moved out of the house and my parents both working, he spends almost 10 hours a day in his cage. Alone. In pain. With nobody there to comfort him.
He's loved us unconditionally for his entire life, and pet owner has one duty - to do what is the best for their pet, regardless of how we feel about it. And right now... what is best for our buddy is that he be taken to the vet so that he can cross the rainbow bridge to heaven. My sister and I are both going to be driving out to be with him today so that when he passes he will be surrounded by his people who love him.
I'm going to miss him dearly. More than I can express.
I am not doing very good right now.
After a lot of agonizing it was decided that the three months of bed rest that the emergency vet we took him to prescribed was too much since the painkillers we gave him aren't working and with my sister and I moved out of the house and my parents both working, he spends almost 10 hours a day in his cage. Alone. In pain. With nobody there to comfort him.
He's loved us unconditionally for his entire life, and pet owner has one duty - to do what is the best for their pet, regardless of how we feel about it. And right now... what is best for our buddy is that he be taken to the vet so that he can cross the rainbow bridge to heaven. My sister and I are both going to be driving out to be with him today so that when he passes he will be surrounded by his people who love him.
I'm going to miss him dearly. More than I can express.
I am not doing very good right now.
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2022
I decided to leave my apartment and be social for the first time in months today. Now I have a date with a cute nerdy asian girl tomorrow. Wish me luck Kiwi Bros!
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2023
I got paid today which is sooner then i expected. paid some bills and orderd a few neccesities and will be buying groceries this weekend
- Joined
- Jun 7, 2021
An idyllic Friday. My mouth kinda fucked up, though, so had a hard time eating my lunch.
August can't come any quicker.
August can't come any quicker.
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2021
Today I had a random message from someone within my organization at work today. I just saw a message pop up in my notifications
Now at this point as I see the dots indicating they're typing I'm thinking to myself, "Oh boy what the fuck did I do this time. Here it comes."
Huh, that actually went better than I expected. Hold out hope maybe good things can happen once in a while
.
Now at this point as I see the dots indicating they're typing I'm thinking to myself, "Oh boy what the fuck did I do this time. Here it comes."
Huh, that actually went better than I expected. Hold out hope maybe good things can happen once in a while
.
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2024
I feel bad for my roommate, today they just got bitched out by management and I got to hear the story about it. My problem with hearing this story is I used to work there and I know how annoying these assholes are. I want to be supportive but I get annoyed by three things
1. remembering how much I wanted to throttle the necks of everyone in that building
2. they're not asking to get it fixed or are willing to change their circumstances so it will just keep happening (even though its bad enough for most people to want to change whats going on)
3. I don't want that (for a lack of a better term) vibe or energy in my life.
It was irritating enough to have this person work there with me (yes it was my problem to worry about them because they're closer to me than I'm letting on) but its really irritating having it return to me after I left. It was bad enough that I would rather be broke helping my mom running her business than to get cash working for my old work place. I just wish I could hear out those stories without wanting to chimp out, its harder to get me to hate something than you would think. I do hope that the world will get to a point that most young people don't have to do terrible wagie jobs where your bosses can just kick and verbally berate you because they never left high school.
1. remembering how much I wanted to throttle the necks of everyone in that building
2. they're not asking to get it fixed or are willing to change their circumstances so it will just keep happening (even though its bad enough for most people to want to change whats going on)
3. I don't want that (for a lack of a better term) vibe or energy in my life.
It was irritating enough to have this person work there with me (yes it was my problem to worry about them because they're closer to me than I'm letting on) but its really irritating having it return to me after I left. It was bad enough that I would rather be broke helping my mom running her business than to get cash working for my old work place. I just wish I could hear out those stories without wanting to chimp out, its harder to get me to hate something than you would think. I do hope that the world will get to a point that most young people don't have to do terrible wagie jobs where your bosses can just kick and verbally berate you because they never left high school.
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2023
so the worst of my work audio issues turned to technically be my fault. I had my usb headset plugged into a usb hub that was plugged into a usb/hdmi adaptor for the iMac's Type-c port and it did not like that.
However, today I lost my internet connection twice so that's a reoccurring issue. Hopefully I can last another week or so before flunking out of the program so i get more money
However, today I lost my internet connection twice so that's a reoccurring issue. Hopefully I can last another week or so before flunking out of the program so i get more money
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2022
Wrote up and finished a major project for work tonight in Word. Very well done, I was happy with it. Due tonight. Saved and closed word to submit it and it was gone. Spent an hour looking and googling for it. Had to hastily rewrite it from memory. It's shit. I fucking hate John Microsoft. I hate John Onedrive, and I fucking hate John Word.
Actively trying not to break my laptop over my knee.
Actively trying not to break my laptop over my knee.
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
Before I seek therapy, I was feeling fatigued and very out-of-focus, blank and blinking from stress. But I managed to take extra afternoon sleeps to compensate my sleeping deprivation, especially that last time I have to sleep for 5 hours, which was shit for myself and other people who requires standard amount of sleep time. But when I got to work, my laptop BSOD'd, and I sighed in anguish and stress building up. But the good thing was that PS and CSP managed to backup my artworks nicely, in spite of I fucking forgot to save my works before it BSOD'd.
After some stress are gone, I have to do an sfc/ scannow and repair my Windows image, as well as backupping it, which was a good~mild stress start for both morning and early afternoon.
I went to the therapist to recheck my mentality, and giving out solutions and confide about my unstable emotions and depression. After all of the confiding, I go out and purchase the intended meds and take doses based from their instructions. After all of this, I did feel a bit of relief and some motivation again to continue my works, but still feeling like absolute garbage mentally; so I decided to practice on how to find something more entertaining, procrastinate tenfold lesser, reduce far lesser amount of drawing time and laziness after work, and sleep more, as well as other shit to improve my bad mentality. I hope I can keep on going a positive path so that my depression would not whoop my ass cheeks to the point I question myself any longer.
The world is a rotting shithole, we all know, but we just kept on living in it, so is my thoughts to it. If I pointlessly An Heroed myself, then I am a dumb nigger, and hell if I even try to kill myself over inexcusable shit, or unable to endure the spiraling depression that got your mind. Even in a bad mood, I would still continue to amusingly mock lolcows, continue living and do other shit to make myself feeling better overtime, in spite of how fucking serious depression was.
For the meds, there were zero antidepressants included, because it has a mental-threatening side effect that makes your life more fucked up and causing you to isolate yourself from society to cope. I am not a faggot, or even a dumb nigger, so I would still moving forward and continue living and enjoy the positive side of reality, much to my chagrin over political bullshit and rampant amount of batshit retarded debating, happenings and shit revolving around me.
After some stress are gone, I have to do an sfc/ scannow and repair my Windows image, as well as backupping it, which was a good~mild stress start for both morning and early afternoon.
I went to the therapist to recheck my mentality, and giving out solutions and confide about my unstable emotions and depression. After all of the confiding, I go out and purchase the intended meds and take doses based from their instructions. After all of this, I did feel a bit of relief and some motivation again to continue my works, but still feeling like absolute garbage mentally; so I decided to practice on how to find something more entertaining, procrastinate tenfold lesser, reduce far lesser amount of drawing time and laziness after work, and sleep more, as well as other shit to improve my bad mentality. I hope I can keep on going a positive path so that my depression would not whoop my ass cheeks to the point I question myself any longer.
The world is a rotting shithole, we all know, but we just kept on living in it, so is my thoughts to it. If I pointlessly An Heroed myself, then I am a dumb nigger, and hell if I even try to kill myself over inexcusable shit, or unable to endure the spiraling depression that got your mind. Even in a bad mood, I would still continue to amusingly mock lolcows, continue living and do other shit to make myself feeling better overtime, in spite of how fucking serious depression was.
For the meds, there were zero antidepressants included, because it has a mental-threatening side effect that makes your life more fucked up and causing you to isolate yourself from society to cope. I am not a faggot, or even a dumb nigger, so I would still moving forward and continue living and enjoy the positive side of reality, much to my chagrin over political bullshit and rampant amount of batshit retarded debating, happenings and shit revolving around me.
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2022
I haven’t really slept well since January.
There are good things on the horizon, I just have to remember that.
There are good things on the horizon, I just have to remember that.
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2023
Today I spent $700 on groceries with my first paycheck, mostly just essentials and pork and some chicken and ground beef. I'd love to get real beef but it's so expensive. i haven't had stuff like roasts or brisket in a very long time. I got pretty much everything I desperately needed to get, all that's left is my meds that i meant to pick up today, I need to pay my dad back for an ambulance bill the government insurance never covered, and a haircut as i'm getting due (but that could problably wait until next weekend when i see how this job goes and if I havbe to find another. I still have a few things on my long term shopping list but aside from teeth cleanign and new winter tires none of them are essential, especially not the new tattoo I want to get (basically a serial number derived from my initials and date/place of birth that will be hidden behind my ear)
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2023
(((I am NOT a jew)))
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
Literally had a day where I got a LOT done and it's not even over.
Still on the ride back from a nice outing as it started getting dark everything set in on me. The thoughts, wants, failed relationships.
Watched Gone with the Wind for the first time (phenomenal) and one of the main takeaways is people ruining their life by trying to achieve what they "want" instead of settling or having peace with what they have. And that's something that rings with me and that I struggle with a lot.
So all in all, today was a good day. Maybe that should be enough.
Still on the ride back from a nice outing as it started getting dark everything set in on me. The thoughts, wants, failed relationships.
Watched Gone with the Wind for the first time (phenomenal) and one of the main takeaways is people ruining their life by trying to achieve what they "want" instead of settling or having peace with what they have. And that's something that rings with me and that I struggle with a lot.
Going through a spat right now with someone in another thread about the financial crisis and boomers having it easy.
Part of me gets it. Things suck. Things aren't fair. Things are bleak. People have a right to want more out of life.
But is it shitty to actually compare your surroundings to just your surroundings and not everything else from every other time or place? Is it that cowardly to appreciate the things you have in life even if you know you were given a bad hand?
I see how it can create people who are weak and just eat out of whatever troth their handed. But I can see how miserable someone can become pining for things they might never get.
I always think about where I should be or who I should have around. I think about the girls I wish I had a better chance with, the community I wanted, the family I desperately wish I could have, the career I want to be in.
It's my greatest blessing and curse. I don't feel comfortable "wasting time" so I get a good amount accomplished, but I don't allow myself leeway to enjoy basic things because they're not the grand "be all end all" I should be satisfied with. I push myself hard but I hit a wall where I feel like a loser comparing myself to others and the things I lack that come easy to people, stuff that seems impossible to me, that I don't feel any will or purpose to keep going.
Which is weird, because I get annoyed by that in others. I've seen people with houses, families and decent jobs who are miserable and I hate them because I would feel privileged to have that. But when I look at the good things in my life or the good changes I make, they feel like nothing. Probably because they're not the things I primarily desire that I feel others take for granted (the house, career, families, large friend groups).
I know there's way worse issues than lack of gratitude out there. I feel for the losses and instability I see on here all the time. I haven't lost any loved ones. I'm not living paycheck to paycheck. I have a healthy body, gainful employment, I have some supportive friends and I have the chance to change things. But I just feel this dread at the end of the day, desperately hoping I'll wake up and things will be all different. Wanting to be someone else.
I can't just love myself or be happy with solitude, because all I see when I stop for a second is a world where I feel like an unwanted loser, which is only compounded by a shitload of bad circumstances I've had to get out of.
I know that's unhealthy though. I know wishing for a past that will never change and being anxious and weary about a future that hasn't happened yet is stealing the one thing I have, which is now.
Part of me gets it. Things suck. Things aren't fair. Things are bleak. People have a right to want more out of life.
But is it shitty to actually compare your surroundings to just your surroundings and not everything else from every other time or place? Is it that cowardly to appreciate the things you have in life even if you know you were given a bad hand?
I see how it can create people who are weak and just eat out of whatever troth their handed. But I can see how miserable someone can become pining for things they might never get.
I always think about where I should be or who I should have around. I think about the girls I wish I had a better chance with, the community I wanted, the family I desperately wish I could have, the career I want to be in.
It's my greatest blessing and curse. I don't feel comfortable "wasting time" so I get a good amount accomplished, but I don't allow myself leeway to enjoy basic things because they're not the grand "be all end all" I should be satisfied with. I push myself hard but I hit a wall where I feel like a loser comparing myself to others and the things I lack that come easy to people, stuff that seems impossible to me, that I don't feel any will or purpose to keep going.
Which is weird, because I get annoyed by that in others. I've seen people with houses, families and decent jobs who are miserable and I hate them because I would feel privileged to have that. But when I look at the good things in my life or the good changes I make, they feel like nothing. Probably because they're not the things I primarily desire that I feel others take for granted (the house, career, families, large friend groups).
I know there's way worse issues than lack of gratitude out there. I feel for the losses and instability I see on here all the time. I haven't lost any loved ones. I'm not living paycheck to paycheck. I have a healthy body, gainful employment, I have some supportive friends and I have the chance to change things. But I just feel this dread at the end of the day, desperately hoping I'll wake up and things will be all different. Wanting to be someone else.
I can't just love myself or be happy with solitude, because all I see when I stop for a second is a world where I feel like an unwanted loser, which is only compounded by a shitload of bad circumstances I've had to get out of.
I know that's unhealthy though. I know wishing for a past that will never change and being anxious and weary about a future that hasn't happened yet is stealing the one thing I have, which is now.
So all in all, today was a good day. Maybe that should be enough.
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2023
Today I got caught up on most of my anime
Flavius Claudius Julianus
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2020
As I write this, 21 days off the cigarettes, cold turkey. No patches, no gums, no vapes, nothing.
I feel much, much better in many ways. Still waiting for that 'could use a cig' feeling to disappear, but I'm enjoying the savings above all else.
I feel much, much better in many ways. Still waiting for that 'could use a cig' feeling to disappear, but I'm enjoying the savings above all else.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2023
I wonder if it's an individual thing. My dad quit cold turkey 40+ years ago, and he says cig smell makes him sick. To a point he has had to move hotel rooms if you could smell it.
Meanwhile, I don't smoke, I've had maybe 10 cigs in my entire life, and I've never smoked them properly (inhale into lungs), yet I'll get the "man, I could use a cig" feeling time to time either from stress or drinking, or my weird craving of wanting a steak, potato, dark beer and a cigar.