How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
I cleaned at a hospital for a while. There was an almost literal "wait for them to die" room in the back where they sent people with no visitors. Imagine a bunch of strangers using tax money to keep you alive for 2 months just to shit yourself and die. "Well it wasn't alcoholi-" it probably was. That shit ruins everything around you, and last xmas my dad just randomly dropped "oh yeah my parents drove drunk to and from work; cousin died of drugs, brother threatened me about alcohol, and I quit before I killed myself". Nice! Glad to see I was not only groomed into alcohol by 'friends' but also got it in my genes.

The sheer idea of never NOT being in charge of all my decisions sounds like a superpower. Imagine being in control of your mind and actions til you hit the grave. Yet, why not just drink a beer at xmas and new year's? Why go full tryhard sober? What if you end up spending every day fighting the urge, meaning even if you're sober, alcohol rules your life? It's scary and why I want to keep it off the table I guess.
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same, dude. just about everyone in my family has been some stripe of alcoholic at some point and almost all of them died from either alcohol-related causes or cancers caused by being a lifelong drinker and smoker. I was always terrified of letting the shit touch my lips cause it runs so hard in my genes I thought I would instantly be dominated by it. but at some point I decided to confront that fear and as it turns out, I'm far enough down the road in my life that getting drunk doesn't even appeal to me. I already have plenty of joys and pleasures in my life and drinking just doesn't really solve any problems or fill any kind of niche for me. I don't really enjoy the stuff to begin with, and it's also pretty hard for me to get drunk due to my size and metabolism. so now it's just a thing that's out there in the world that I don't really think about or engage with, like skydiving or homeless people.

⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
TF2 for me. And WoW to some extent. Both of them I'd run home and log on regardless of having other shit to do, just to socialize. If people were home, they were on one of those. My steam friends list was 90% TF2 or about to be. I always felt part of something organic and alive, an invite away from stacking with a bunch of italians or whatever. Bored? Try a new class (also goes for TF2). Hell yeah, now my goal is to heal in a raid! Retail wow has gotten so dogshit and MMR-dominated that it's short of a gacha, so when classic re-launched I was like "aight, time to finally fucking hit lv 60!", only to see twitch being dominated by hardcore streamers minmaxing every drop of that game, further normalizing sweat behavior in what used to be a "the journey is the fun" kind of game.

Oh yeah I hit lv 60, now to follow the exact same route as everyone else cause we're all using the same guide. Amazing. And yet, I saw a comment the other day of a chick saying "I met my husband waiting for a rare to spawn". That shit sounds magical, if such things still happen. "Oh, we're the only two ones in this zone", but who the fuck plays classic 2.0? Of all games available? Marvel rivals, apex, dota, rust. Nah bro I wanna play.. wow, for the 8th time.
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yeah, as an aging gamer, this happens. scenes pop up, thrive, wither, and die. WoW is definitely one of them. that said, the thing about meeting partners in online games is real, and still alive. sheeit, I met two of the women I dated in FFXIV. like any social activity, it puts you in contact with other people, sometimes you vibe with those people hard enough that it goes past friendship (especially if you're making poor life decisions like dating people you met in a video game). vanilla WoW, and also WoW Classic to some extent, produce those stories specifically because the design of the game forces you together with other people. that's it. there's no magic to it. WoW Classic is gay as fuck and certainly not the only place to meet people. that said, most modern online games are very antisocial and individualistic, with things like quick matchmaking systems and other shit designed to reduce your interaction with others to just a 5 minute test of how well you can press buttons next to each other, no socializing required.
 
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Did ok for christmas. Got candy and now I feel a bit better.

Scream Aim Fire said:
More minor than the last couple of posts, but; got back into an old online game that I used to play when I was younger, and it was honestly as good as I remember. Unfortunately, I got into a conversation with several members of the community, including several people who claimed to be former devs, and... it really didn't go well. It was basically just constant doomposting about how the game was dead/dying, about how annoying the rest of the community apparently was, about every mistake the devs made (some were quite big, admittedly), etc. Needless to say, it was pretty depressing; the game was unironically a HUGE part of my childhood and was still genuinely fun, but seeing all this shit genuinely left a bad taste in my mouth. Ruined some of the magic, you know?

Doesn't help that I still haven't tried the sequel yet, which is apparently a LOT different from the game I knew and loved. Given the negativity, it... makes me hesitant.
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Lemme Guess... either OSRS or EvE Online?
 
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Me on the leg injury

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Rekeita's Kidneys said:
NIGGA I'M GOING NUTS!

For real, I am fucking tired of the migraines. As if things aren't fucking shitty enough I have to fucking be in crippling goddamned pain as well.

At least being in pain distracts me from life being total shit lol
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Man, I was plagued by these for several decades until I figured out a bunch of diet/environmental shit was setting it off. Now, after a few years of figuring them out, I'm down from minimum 1 a week to basically zero. Lets call it one a year if I screw up on something and pretend I'm gonna get away with it. I hope you can find the source. There's an element of admitting you're a weak bitch that's, like, upset by lillies and perfume. Sad! That's a hard gulf to cross from soldiering through it to taking it seriously and working to avoid whatever sets you off. Assuming what you have is environmental/situational and not inherent, although I think the rate at which that's true is really high. most of whats considered inherent migranes is really undiscovered causes (idiopathic).

Lemme give you a list of what fucks me up just to illustrate how ridiculous it can be:
Wheat
Perfumes, almost anything - If you can smell it, it's bad for you
Gluten
Eggs (whites specifically, and i have the exercise-modified version of this which extra sucks).
E-numbers 120-160. Almost any of them with varying fun effects. There's a red one that sends me into a baseless hulk rage for an hour if I have even a little bit.
Crustaceans
Molluscs
Wheat (beer, cereals)
Brown distilled alcohols (these at least will just give me a headache, not a full-blown sit-in-the-dark migrane)
Refined sugars
Bananas (specifically, the gas they give off when they ripen)
Milk (afaik, whey is the specific problem)
Sunlight (ridiculous but not even meming, if I spend more than 2h a day in direct sunlight all the other stuff becomes a ton more sensitive, it's like it wears me down)

For what it's worth when I do screw up and something gets through the filter a combination of 2xibuprofen and 2xparacetamol is the magic formula for me. As long as I back off and sleep, and take this magic combination, I can be back to feeling alright in about an hour and then cruise through it. Also I can just ignore the list and staunch through everything above and I probably won't die. But now I've figured them out it's easy to choose the path where I just don't touch that shit and feel great almost all the time.

Abstaining from alcohol and the better sleep that comes from it has been enourmously helpful in all regards.

Hope this helps.
 
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Cougar Pump said:
Abstaining from alcohol and the better sleep that comes from it has been enourmously helpful in all regards.

Hope this helps.
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That does help, I've been basically not drinking anymore as is. Seeing people devolve into alcoholism is sobering to say the least. (I fucking *tried* to make a joke lol)

It's just stress + autism/over-stimulation, I am incredibly stressed and every day I feel the rope beckoning. Not enjoying my time on earth to put it bluntly.
 
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We had snow for christmas, we had a blast with family and friends, and most important, Trudeau is getting the shaft on january 7th)

It truly was a white (power) Christmas this year!

I guess having a bit of time off work is good too, that means I won't have to deal with CHIRPS or vapid, rude, stupid personalities on the phone, which by itself makes my week 78% better.
 
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Rekeita's Kidneys said:
NIGGA I'M GOING NUTS!

For real, I am fucking tired of the migraines. As if things aren't fucking shitty enough I have to fucking be in crippling goddamned pain as well.

At least being in pain distracts me from life being total shit lol
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I used to to get them every week and still occasionally do.

What works for me:
I go to the gym three times a week and use pre-workout. My testosterone was low and getting on TRT helped decrease episodes. Excedrin works for me. Fioricet might or might not work for you as well. Make sure you eat enough food and try to reduce stress.
 
Theres always something to worry about- in this case its having enough emergency savings in case the worst happens. I have my military pension that covers most of my expenses except food and stupid shit, and I have 11k in savings so surely that would be enough to cover myself for atleast a 3 month stint of unemployment but my little retard brain wants me to have $50k in emergency savings in a HYSA before I can feel comfortable with myself- at a rate of $1000 a month it seems I will be worrying about this for a while.

I remember 2 years ago walking around on base, $5k in CC debt and I went to pull $20 out of an ATM on base and I saw a receipt on top of the ATM. I grabbed it and it was this guy who had $13k in savings and all I could do was cope and seethe. I'm at that point I was so jealous of but theres always more to strive for, I guess.
 
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So my younger stepsister who is in Utah is having a pretty rough time since her husband died. Turns out they were on some sort of farmbuilding thing where they were living out of a single room shack while they build their farm and permanent home, but since he died it seems that her green card status is up in the air. Plus she has been a little bit of a gold digger and has a high level of debt with a brand new Honda Pilot in her in-law's names. I don't have a means to help her out, but I kinda would want to try to hook her up with someone willing to restart life building a farm in Utah with a German/Greek wife that will likely be the bane of their existence.

I'm looking forward to the new year when I'll be working again. A few months of steady work would do wonders on getting my life back on track. Once I have a consistent schedule and my finances are in order I'll try to lose weight again - something i found impossible when my finances and sleep cycle were so erratic. And it sounds like Ozempic is now cheaper then i thought so... once I get meal plans going I might talk to my doctor about that. Maybe after I get some dental work, my upper jaw is slightly narrower then my lower jaw so my back teeth don't line up right and have basically ground each other sharp and they hurt a little, so in a few years I may be looking at some extreme dental work like full replacement and caps or something.
 
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i'm so excited about the future, and i'm also intimidated by it.

things are going well. i go overseas next year - and i'll be seeing the guy i've been talking to in real life. i'm a little worried i won't meet any of his expectations. we've obviously video called, but its one thing seeing someone over a phone, and another in person, right?

i wish my friend and her fiance would fucking finalise a date for this sodding wedding. all this waiting around is taking the piss, especially since a bunch of yanks have to come over for it. all plans, including my holiday, have essentially screeched to a halt because they can't plan, frankly, for shit.

laundry is endless and is the bane of my existence. my mom is also finally giving up smoking weed after 30+ years and i feel like i'm getting grey hairs from how erratic she is.

in conclusion, its aight
 
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Had to work in the morning and by the end of it I felt like someone cursed me. Half of the things that could go wrong went wrong, sending me into Guts rage by the end of the shift. I am surprised I was able to finish in a reasonable time albeit angry and sore as fuck. God, I hope the next week is going to be better. At least it's New Year even though I have no plans and everyone I know are busy. And I have work also, yeah.
Take care, people and have a happy New Year.
 
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