How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[bindar dundat]

could be worse

the wind is howling outside,

i am warm and dry; with a bellyful of
homemade soup.


35 this year


thought i'd be married, and have kids by now

didn't work out that way

(G-d's Plan)


lots of blessings to count

despite fixating on a lack thereof



the road ahead is foggy

the rearview mirror is beguiling


the car rolls forward, regardless


happy new year!

 

[JustSomeDong]

I went from having almost fixed my sleep schedule a few months ago to the worst insomnia I've had in years. I was sleeping at night, at a decent hour mostly. Sure, my dogs wake me up every night, and I usually stay awake for an hour or two, catch another hour or two of sleep, and then start my day. But I was sleeping at night. Now I need to load up on caffeine, plow through the day, and try to sleep tonight. I guess I could clean my house, since I'm awake. I haven't vacumed in a couple days, and one of my dogs is a siberian husky, so it gets a bit fuzzy 'round here when I skip a day or two. And he hates the vacuum, and he's sleeping. Vengeance is mine, so sayeth The Lord.

I'm also glad I don't have much shit to do today and plenty of provisions, as there a winter storm brewing. Time to cocoon up and get comfy, cuz we're probably not doing any work on Monday, too. A buddy called yesterday and asked me if I wanted to go with him set up a new deer stand and check the trail cams in the early am today. I openly laughed at him. Dude, you've known me for decades. I ain't getting my ass up and out in the cold unless I have to for work, and you know it. You call me up in the springtime if you want go innawoods to do shit in the wee hours of the morning, I'll pull my dirtbike out, and well get stupid. He's probably heading out his door within the hour. It's almost a 90minute drive to his hunting land. To quote Bugs Bunny, What a sucker! What a maroon!

 

[Dizzyuntildeath]

My brother's birthday was yesterday. It will likely be his last, but I can hope. He is losing his battle with addictions. Brain damage has set in, permanent psychosis and paranoid delusions now persist due to mixing ketamine with other drugs. I struggle to call this living.

It is difficult to see the ones I love so close to death and be powerless to stop it.

 

[Clitonium]

"This ship is not only shooting at mine but it's also sinking. I should board it!". Think of your future wife when you're in these situations. Imagine explaining the rationale as to why you, the light of her life, went out of your way to corrode yourself for someone else, let alone one who don't deserve it.

I've noticed it a lot myself. I ignore obvious red flags but the second I match with someone, I ignore them all cause this selfless angel accepted my attention. Shit, I too recently spoke a bunch with a chick who pushed real hard, but once I took a sober look at it, there was nothing besides the flirting. No genuine interest, no questions, just flirting. I cut it cause my life experiences should make me better than that.

Imagine yourself trauma dumping like that on a stranger. You wouldn't, and if you did, you'd belittle yourself about it. She didn't. The fact we

Jokes aside. A good rule of thumb for any good relationship is that makes you a better person. If anything this current one is making me a worse person.

 

[Cemetery Support]

Then I just decided why not just keep using this instead of smoking? I also got patches (you're totally not supposed to do this at the same time) and nicotine lollipops (these don't exist any more) but e-cigs didn't yet exist. Then I cut down to the 2 mg gum, and then slowly tapered down (cutting them in half and then in quarters), and the process was so unpleasant that by the time I was on my last piece, I was really glad just to quit.

I took the gum advice to heart and I am at this stage. I've had 2mg today and I am like 2 and a half weeks free from cigarettes.

Can't wait to get this shit over with holy hell.

 

[Alex Hogendorp]

Estoy feliz practicar Español con los lugeraños .

But seriously. If you want to be a polyglot. The best language to start if you speak English is Spanish or Italian.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I learned a lesson in humility today.
I had a long shift and started to get the beginnings of a cold last night. I slept in on my day off and could barely muster to will myself to do anything. The time change, work being difficult and just a lot of the sorts of issues that someone who thinks about the past and future too much have been hitting me hard lately.
I finally got an Uber to the store. I got a good amount of stuff (not anything frivolous, mostly cooking and sanitary supplies).
Well I spend a little too much time in there and there's no rides back, even though it's not really that late. There's ride services out but they really love to pick and choose around here. I really think for a second I'm going to have to walk home in the cold at night before I just end up settling on a taxi.
I'm home out of the cold and just thinking about how stupid I've been. How much self-sabotaging I do sometimes. Sometimes it comes out in good ways like spending money on others or creating memories I enjoy. And I get WHY I do it. I know I have this passive-suicidality where I end up just never actually moving forward in life, which compounds.
But yeah, I'm tired of being downbad and doing stupid shit. I could have done a lot by now but I've been blinded by pain. I don't want to "grow up" or "get my shit together" like most adults per se because there's a lot of people I see who "have it together" that are emotionally and mentally children. But yeah, I deserve to treat myself better and invest in the future.
Honestly don't know if I would've done everything super differently looking back. It's not like I haven't enjoyed myself. It's just that when you experience life in peaks and valleys, you go for the immediate thrill or distraction over the sometimes mundane step towards long term security and happiness.

It's really nice to not be outside right now. Remember guys, even if things are bad, and they probably are, be kind to yourself for having the basics. If you're warm tonight, you're doing good for yourself. If you're not, then I hope that subsides soon.

 

[Mysterious Girlfriend X]

Ever since Null made it impossible to check my reactions, I've found myself with too much free time.

 

[Betonhaus]

I made a horrible mistake; I browsed the local animal rescue adoption site.

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

I made a horrible mistake; I browsed the local animal rescue adoption site.

All shitbulls?

 

[Betonhaus]

All shitbulls?

no, they were all adorable

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

no, they were all adorable

Ah fuck

Here it's all shitbulls and other violent mongrel dogs. Very rarely is it normal cute cats and dogs.

 

[Clitonium]

Ah fuck

Here it's all shitbulls and other violent mongrel dogs. Very rarely is it normal cute cats and dogs.

I'm lucky I got a fantastic feline friend. She has the most exquisite coat but I think she's either autistic or schizophrenic.

 

[Pitckus]

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

God wishes for my death, it is unto him that his wish is granted.
I will be lucky if I wake up tomorrow.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I'm tired of being downbad and doing stupid shit. I could have done a lot by now but I've been blinded by pain. I don't want to "grow up" or "get my shit together" like most adults per se because there's a lot of people I see who "have it together" that are emotionally and mentally children. But yeah, I deserve to treat myself better and invest in the future.
Honestly don't know if I would've done everything super differently looking back. It's not like I haven't enjoyed myself. It's just that when you experience life in peaks and valleys, you go for the immediate thrill or distraction over the sometimes mundane step towards long term security and happiness.

I'm in the same spot. Every month in the green, got an apartment, a car and a cat. I got it good, yet this job situation gnaws at me. I don't know what I'd wanna do, so how can I complain? "Just not this" is a bad take. We're about to be put through a 16 month course that is easier than working and comes with a raise, but I'm afraid of assuming I'd find a new job before then, cause chances are I won't. Womp womp, master's degree stuck on the literal bottom.

I'd honestly change nothing about my past either except finding work earlier. It would've matured and sobered me up for a better future but alas. I've never wanted much so what am I down about? Likewise I'm bad about using money. Knock myself over the head spending an insignificant amount of money on pizza a friday after work, knowing people spend 15 times that a week on smoking.

I watched a WoW world first stream and it just dawned on me: These fulltime raiders likely only make enough for rent and the gym, but they're happy. The tesla driving ceos look up to them cause of what theyre passionate about.

 

[Clitonium]

So this girl I've been speaking with (the same one from prior posts of mine), I find her to be quiet detestable, I am filled with disdain for her.

Besides that after more conversation with her, I discovered that she has a history of people hating her.

Apparently my negative opinion of her isn't an isolated issue, it's universal. It seems everyone hates her.

At this point I'm no longer interested in her besides the schadenfreude. This trashfire has the potential of going nuclear and I want to witness this when it does.

 

[Übertroon]

How does a newborn manage to shit so much?
Also apparently this is a thing?

 

[DavidS877]

Pretty well. I finally found a local storage unit with power and 'climate control' so I have a spot for some projects. But before I moved anything moisture sensitive over there I wanted to see how controlled it was. This required stealing Internet from the local kebab shop. The storage place owner was fine with me putting an external antenna on the outside wall. So I spent half of today on a ladder, lag screwing a board to the wall, missing the studs and generally fucking up. But the antenna is up, the wire runs to the junction box and that wire runs inside. A Raspberry Pi records and reports the situation. And once it arrives I'll add a local access point too so I don't have to use my phone which barely works there.

Of course I forgot a laptop to test with, so I got home and found.... it didn't work. The graph wasn't updating. Turns out this sensor sends pressure(not that I care) as a float, not an int, and my code was just dying even though the data came in.

So, covered in strange waterproofing substances and silicone and wet but all is well. Back to work next week. Maybe if anyone wants me on a video call I'll do it from there for a change.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

So this girl I've been speaking with (the same one from prior posts of mine), I find her to be quiet detestable, I am filled with disdain for her.

Besides that after more conversation with her, I discovered that she has a history of people hating her.

Apparently my negative opinion of her isn't an isolated issue, it's universal. It seems everyone hates her.

At this point I'm no longer interested in her besides the schadenfreude. This trashfire has the potential of going nuclear and I want to witness this when it does.

Sounds like a show. But tbh, you're probably better off personally just severing things and not glancing back, even for curiosity's sake.