How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Is the work hard without him or is it just loneliness?

Kinda both. If we work together then obviously we share the tasks, so it is easier. Usually it is tolerably hard when I work alone, except the times when I have double shifts, those wither me down and suck ass. Also, yes, it is more motivating to work together.
There is also another glaring problem on the horizon - if he is not back by Saturday, it is possible that I will have to work and I have a day off, which I obviously don't want to lose.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

You ain't gonna blame people for being isolated, miserable, powerless and dependent as they are right now and as they actually were at pre-COVID times.

I absolutely will.

You ought to blame yourself for having been engaged in media provided meta political bullshit and opposing yourself to people thus unwillingly and undeservingly ostracizing yourself from others.

Whose to say I don't?

I don't know if this is the usual reddit-tier "Um, actually, you're the problem!" but I'll bite.
It is completely on every single individual who makes up a culture for how that culture plays out. "The Loneliness Epidemic" doesn't have to be a thing. I understand people being tired, bitter and even hopeless. What I don't get is how we've internalized and weaponized it against our fellow man instead of directing that hate in the proper directions. It's not too hard to socialize with people and not be looking over your shoulder the whole time, because I've seen people do it before. I get not being able to do much about the economy or covid... but if everyone is lonely and isolated, there's measures they can take against that with their own hands. I think people cloistering up and giving up is just what the people at the top want us to do.

I also did waste a lot of time in my life worrying about shit outside of my control. But I didn't "engage in media provided political bullshit" or whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean. I actually have touched grass and do try to engage with people. I just notice the difficulty in forming friendships/bonds with people that wasn't as noticeable years ago. It's not that I don't put my foot out or oppose myself, I just notice the hardship in trying to make connections with people.

Both things can be true. I can engage in destructive practices because of not knowing what is and isn't in my control and people can also be making things more difficult for themselves and by proxy everyone else by openly indulging in the forms of isolationism that they all collectively agree on some level is destroying society.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Well, I talked to another manager today about the cutting of hours. I asked her if we could speak, so instead of sitting down anywhere she just held the box she was holding for a couple of minutes and basically said "We've never done overtime" and tried to tell me what my own hours have been for the last three years.
That's right. They pulled a CCP on my ass. They straight up just refused reality.
This is another manager that has basically just casually dismissed me or acted busy when I brought up a concern.
The owners took in 127 million last year by the way.
So we're cooked...

I guess I'm just going to save as much as I can and spend the spare time studying for tests and hitting the gym. Don't know if this is ever going back to normal but yeah I'm just tired of this shit. On some level I can appreciate the time I have now because the doubles do hit hard after a while. But the cash would be nice just so I could leave faster with some cushion since it has been really rough lately.
But yeah, this place is kind of a fucking nightmare anymore. I hate when women start playing power games when they have the slightest bit of power. You could fly this place to the moon if we were using the estrogen here as a fuel source. All the people doing the heavy lifting hate it and see the way they're playing us.

 

[Flavius Claudius Julianus]

Using sealant/silicone on a full shower job is easily the most satanic DIY job out there. Obscene as cancer.

But it's done. I'm in significant pain after contorting myself into various position for 3 hours and change.

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas and New Year. Everyone who celebrates non-white holidays, however, can kill themselves.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

True. A portion of me feels as though I was just a slab of meat and the other half is concerned that she killed herself. As the first time I spoke with her she made it very obvious she struggles in regards to this and general depression.

Just like me. I don't intend to be enslaved and shackled to her.

"This ship is not only shooting at mine but it's also sinking. I should board it!". Think of your future wife when you're in these situations. Imagine explaining the rationale as to why you, the light of her life, went out of your way to corrode yourself for someone else, let alone one who don't deserve it.

I've noticed it a lot myself. I ignore obvious red flags but the second I match with someone, I ignore them all cause this selfless angel accepted my attention. Shit, I too recently spoke a bunch with a chick who pushed real hard, but once I took a sober look at it, there was nothing besides the flirting. No genuine interest, no questions, just flirting. I cut it cause my life experiences should make me better than that.

Imagine yourself trauma dumping like that on a stranger. You wouldn't, and if you did, you'd belittle yourself about it. She didn't. The fact we

 

[Betonhaus]

Really the only reason to date a trauma dumper is to either just use them like a fleshlight or to plan to control and manipulate them until you make them into the image of a perfect wife you have. If you plan to do neither, avoid them.

 

[JustSomeDong]

Using sealant/silicone on a full shower job is easily the most satanic DIY job out there. Obscene as cancer.

But it's done. I'm in significant pain after contorting myself into various position for 3 hours and change.

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas and New Year. Everyone who celebrates non-white holidays, however, can kill themselves.

Yeah, I'm about done with doing certain DIY stuff, the bathroom being one of them. I got estimates last month. Come March, full new bathroom, tub, toilet, vanity, and floor. Nothing fancy, but nice.
And the only finger I need to lift is to sign a check. Also getting a new front porch and a new kitchen floor. I wanted to do a new fence this year, as storms and trees have given mine a rough time over the last several years, but its gonna be a stretch to get the above done. Its gonna make it a tight year. Manageable, but tight.

And my knees hurt and I simply don't want to do it myself. Been there, done that, got the aches and pains to prove it.

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

I had someone come back into my life. It’s someone who used to be very significant to me.

It’s all been cordial. I’m doing what I need to do with my life— but I feel so numb. I felt very positive and happy until this suddenness.

It’s like there’s a wave of emotions that needs to come out but simply won’t. I don’t really know what to do about it.

I don’t particularly like it.

Bizarre way to start the new year.

 

[Clitonium]

"This ship is not only shooting at mine but it's also sinking. I should board it!". Think of your future wife when you're in these situations. Imagine explaining the rationale as to why you, the light of her life, went out of your way to corrode yourself for someone else, let alone one who don't deserve it.

I've noticed it a lot myself. I ignore obvious red flags but the second I match with someone, I ignore them all cause this selfless angel accepted my attention. Shit, I too recently spoke a bunch with a chick who pushed real hard, but once I took a sober look at it, there was nothing besides the flirting. No genuine interest, no questions, just flirting. I cut it cause my life experiences should make me better than that.

Imagine yourself trauma dumping like that on a stranger. You wouldn't, and if you did, you'd belittle yourself about it. She didn't. The fact we

I can fix her

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

Things are a bit mixed on my end; job-wise, I had to work the entirety of last week and a chunk of this week - including coming in on my day off - because my store apparently didn't have enough workers for Christmas and New Years. Either my boss didn't schedule enough people to come in, or the people that were on schedule didn't show up; got to the point where I had to handle a chunk of the store by myself. Also, I still need to get my schedule figured out; the job I've had is supposed to be a seasonal position, but I haven't received any word yet if my contract has been officially terminated or if the company still has me on, given that it's the new year. So, I keep having to drive back to the store to see if/when they'll be getting our new schedule up.

On the personal side of things, I finally got some writing progress made; immediately got stuck on the next part, but that's the way it goes. Funnily enough, I had resolved to officially stop writing this year due to a lack of progress; now, I've managed to make just enough progress to where I'm kinda wanting to keep going. Feels like Stockholm Syndrome, almost...

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I had someone come back into my life. It’s someone who used to be very significant to me.

It’s all been cordial. I’m doing what I need to do with my life— but I feel so numb. I felt very positive and happy until this suddenness.

It’s like there’s a wave of emotions that needs to come out but simply won’t. I don’t really know what to do about it.

I don’t particularly like it.

Bizarre way to start the new year.

Just remember you don't have to let someone in/back in to your life if you don't want to or it isn't the best choice for you.

But as for the emotions or lack - I think I have experienced something like (or you the absolute opposite...which I've probably also experienced, but I'll go with this one: ) - and I found that just accepting the fact that I was having that reaction or non-reaction, and then just riding it out by letting it exist, being curious but not pushing hard, not judging it or myself, etc., was an alright approach. Being unsettled is...unsettling, but giving your discomfort the time and space to find its voice is a good idea and, imo, a good mental sign.

When that's happened, btw, I've been right every time I decided not to have them back in my world, physically or in terms of mental real estate.

And sometimes I realized that the "numb" or unsettled feeling was really just reflecting that I actually no longer cared. Not negative emotion, but true absence of it. If it was someone I'd once cared about, the absence of emotion had felt strange, until I realized that the unsettled feeling was just because a lack of emotion was such a departure from the prior experience (which had probably reached Pavlovian levels of association at some prior point). In other words, our time was done, and I was good with that. Story over, all plot points resolved. Pretty great, once I recognized it for what it was and that it was a sign of my own growth.

Ymmv.

 

[Electric Mortar & Pestle]

I'm in my 30s. I kept in touch with two people from high school.

One of those guys was everything you'd want in a friend or colleague. Kind, inquisitive, curious, intelligent, fun to be around. Great dude. Made you feel like a fucking rock star every time you talked to him. How appropriate that some beaner splattered him with his truck while he was on foot. Every time it's winter I think about him. He was 25. Miss you, buddy.

 

[Celestial Peace]

Feeling like shit and feel like killing myself. What about you guys?

 

[Clitonium]

Feel like I'm wasting my time in more ways than one

 

[The News Crews]

Going to have to put one of my dogs down soon. I do believe in life after death but there’s this feeling in the back of my head that I’m just sending him to the void and that terrifies me. I hate thought of just completely obliterating him from existence

 

[JustSomeDong]

Going to have to put one of my dogs down soon. I do believe in life after death but there’s this feeling in the back of my head that I’m just sending him to the void and that terrifies me. I hate thought of just completely obliterating him from existence

Been there, Here's the thought that got me through it. I tend to think "not being" would be better than being, if being meant pain and suffering. I mean, isn't that what Hell's for?

And I also believe, only violent dogs would be worthy of Hell.

 

[The News Crews]

Been there, Here's the thought that got me through it. I tend to think "not being" would be better than being, if being meant pain and suffering. I mean, isn't that what Hell's for?

And I also believe, only violent dogs would be worthy of Hell.

I can see your point, still though I dislike the thought of just him (or any passed family members) not existing anymore.
Perhaps it’s a show of weakness on my part

 

[Subtle Cow]

I had someone come back into my life. It’s someone who used to be very significant to me.

It’s all been cordial. I’m doing what I need to do with my life— but I feel so numb. I felt very positive and happy until this suddenness.

It’s like there’s a wave of emotions that needs to come out but simply won’t. I don’t really know what to do about it.

I don’t particularly like it.

Bizarre way to start the new year.

As long as those emotions don't burst out of you like fireworks stuffed in a Cybertruck you're doing good buddy. Not letting it affect your day to day or those around you like you seem to be consciously aware of is important. Happy strange new year!

 

[JustSomeDong]

Perhaps it’s a show of weakness on my part

No, just human. Its a bitch sometimes, ainit? I miss my last dog like crazy, I still accidentally call my two dogs I have now by her name, occasionally. And its been almost a decade since I had to make the decision you are making. Your dog with stay with you, at least until the end of you. And by then you'll have the answers to your questions, anyways.

It hurts. I was a grown ass man bawling like a little girl in the vets office. But you will remember the silly shit your dog did randomly with a wistful smile. And you might think to get another dog, or two. And the magic will be different with them, but it will still be magic.

And as a personal anecdote, I have a coworker and friend, who had a boxer, and he decided he should die naturally at home. Until the near constant seizures started. I'm not going to tell you more, because it honestly hurts and I loved his dog almost as much as my own. I'll just say, if you choose another path, be prepared and informed, on what terminal care for a dog can mean. Just like with people, its not fun, its very sad, its very messy, and it can be very expensive.

 

[Betonhaus]

I coughed up a lung and am down to just one lung working and I'm trying not to cough that one up to. Metaphorically.