How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[bliblblblbbllb]

Quite a turn from the last time I posted here…I was feeling hopeful and happy. Started on a weight loss medication and anti anxiety medication, the voices in my head finally shut up and allowed me to leave me house without being scared.
Well since then…2 medications turned into 4, and 4 is turning into 6. Fuck me, how did I get here?
But I guess it’s for the best…
Maybe one day soon when I get certain symptoms under control I won’t need to take all of them anymore and I can stop feeling like a walking pill factory

This last week has just not been kind to me in the slightest. On top of all these new meds I have…
Broken one of my front teeth
Broken my glasses
And possibly broken one of my toes

Just give me a damn break already.

If, like many people, you are getting different drugs prescribed by different doctors, it is probably worth seeing your GP/primary care about medication management. And if you don't have one you definitely should get one.

Sometimes the pain clinic gives you X med, the surgeon gives you Y, and the psychiatrist gives you Z, and then you're taking whatever OTC stuff, when there's really one pill that would have all of those effects and many fewer side effects. Like, instead of taking a non-drowsy anxiety pill and a sleeping pill, maybe you can just take an anxiety pill that causes sleepiness- before bed.

Got my local old person down to 4 meds from 12, with the help of a new primary doctor. A lot of the stuff didn't make much sense and a few of the things were totally unneeded, like thyroid pills when his thyroid only tested badly when he had sepsis. And he kept getting prescribed more and more anti-inflammatories and was taking way too many of them: he got switched to just Lyrica, a gaba drug instead for the nerve pain/general numbing and feel-goody effects, vs. 4 different pain meds that there was no way he took properly.

It is my experience that doctors will basically never ask if you want to take fewer meds or come off of things you're taking, so if you have the goal to discontinue meds as your symptoms improve, you should bring it up because it probably will impact what your doctors want to do.

---

I wish it could be like this every day. The less I see my mother, the better I feel.

Very relatable. A lot things I was told I had or was, as a child, I didn't truly have- it was just all pretty directly induced by my surroundings. The second I got away from it, I didn't act that way. Making friends who also had similar experiences helped a lot because they were understanding.

---

Lately I've been kinda sick to my stomach and I don't know why. I feel like something I'm being exposed to is making me sick but I can't tell. I'm still losing weight and I don't have much weight to lose anymore, but I'm not sure if that's related to being sick or just the natural effect of the weather has been nice so I've been more active. I am one of those people that will lose too much weight if I don't keep track of it, and it's hard because people pretty much are compulsed to make odd comments if you bring up that you're trying to gain/ trying not to lose. They wouldn't really want dysphagia and I promise it hasn't made me any more attractive.

 

[666NASTYFUCKINGFREAK666]

I'm going to the gym in 5 hours; work in 7. I woke up 10 hours ago, spent 2 of those hours napping and here I am, cock in hand, not tired. God save me. Thankfully the building I work in is a fucked ass megacenter that has its own cafeteria so I can subsist on $4 rockstar energy drinks, then finally be on track for my schedule.

On the bright side; first day back on day shift. I was graciously given the 0630-1430L shift, which'll prob turn into 0615-1415 accounting for early arrival.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Very relatable. A lot things I was told I had or was, as a child, I didn't truly have- it was just all pretty directly induced by my surroundings. The second I got away from it, I didn't act that way. Making friends who also had similar experiences helped a lot because they were understanding.

Bro this is something I'm dealing with.
I realized the other day that while I'm not really "happy" where I'm at in life, by all means, it's a damn sight better than the preceeding 20+ years by a mile. On one half, I'm upset that the best I've been is still incredibly low by most peoples' metrics but also I keep forgetting to be proud of myself for even getting here.
I think a lot of the time the depressing/anger I feel isn't really too much going on around me but just residue from the fucking hellhole that has been my life forever. I just have this overwhelming anger of wondering "How could you do that shit to someone, let alone your family?" mixed with the somber pain of just wanting things to have been better.
I really wanted a stable normal environment with the people around me, even with all their ticks. But when those very ticks are them wanting to sabotage you and taking a delight in your pain, knowing you were a kid with no help. Yeah, you get a little bitter.

So I try to remind myself on the rough days anymore that I'm actually doing okay, which is way better than any other time. I have expendable income, at least one friend I really cherish and most importantly... quiet. That's saying something when those things damn near seemed impossible less than three years ago.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I just think the hardest part is the lack of finality around everything. It's a weird spot where I feel sometimes like the favorite person of the favorite people I'm around but absolutely nothing to the rest. [...]
So I'm kind of just left with my thoughts of wondering where I fall as a person.

Hey, do you know what comes with time? It's the fraying of those threads tied to concerns about where you land or rate and an increasing sense of self as self.

It's this feeling where I'm either extremely respected, disrespected or completely in the background.

Curious: what do you see or think other people experience?

I'm shallow, arrogant, empty and I want to be normal.

Try dropping the arrogance.

That's a sincere comment (to the extent yours was).

I keep forgetting to be proud of myself for even getting here.

Keep reminding yourself to do that. You've done amazing things. Put aside what other people are, where they are, what they have done or appear to have done. You are on your own path.
(Sorry for the woo-woo-sounding cheerleading. As trite as some of the current-day phrasing has become, if understood in the original sense, the concepts/ phrases have substance and are very good.)

But when those very ticks are them wanting to sabotage you and taking a delight in your pain, knowing you were a kid with no help. Yeah, you get a little bitter.

I think what you've learned is that there are tics...and then there are incorrigibly cruel people. The first bunch might (not necessarily) be OK, but the last bunch don't deserve you.

 

[IKOL]

Another busy Monday. Cash is nearly empty lol and loan payment is in the end of the month. I'm not feeling well about asking my relatives help with this shit, it's my responsibility. As well as the job hunt which I continue but now without any optimism left.

 

[DenseDeerFather]

My neighbor harassed me yet again and she ignored it when I told her to leave me alone. I had to close my windows and pull the curtains before she left me alone. It was a bright sunny day. Sent another complaint to the leasing company because I'm allowed to have my windows open without some bog hag hitting them for sport.

I guess I was too polite. Next time I guess I'll tell her in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

Also I gotta go full Karen until something is done.

 

[Zemblan Physics]

As an oldfag, I worry about some of you in this thread, and I just want to say this: don't convince yourselves you're helpless.
And @Rekeita's Kidneys - get a dog. If you already have one, get one more.

 

[YHWH's Strongest Soldier]

I believe most autistics lack self awareness.

I do nothing to harm them but I believe they can just sense something is fundamentally wrong with my brain.
I attempt conversations with people but I have zero clue how to "play along". I've had "friends" but I've cut them all of since I cannot stand faking emotion and playing pretend for their amusement

I've attempting joining groups with other autistic people and quite frankly I cannot fucking stand them.

I am incapable of being loved or showing it, I cannot have friendships.
I'm just not human. I don't know what I am, maybe just a collection of ideas, an abstract.

You basically quote from American Psycho and expect me to take this seriously? Jesus dude, pick up a team sport or something instead of lifting weights at a gym or shitposting. Even individual sports like archery, fencing, rock climbing or surfing are good for socialization at clubs and competitions. Ballet usually has no autists and the women are nice, but I strongly doubt you have the body or confidence for it.

The best advice I can give is that you have severe mental issues and every single post on this forum only worsens them. Leave.

Edit: Just to be clear, I don't think your actual problem is the lack of opportunity to socialize, but unwillingness to play ball with anyone. That's unrelated to whatever mental illness you have as plenty of people with issues are capable of socializing like mostly normal people if they are willing to adjust to their behavior.

 

[Core Theorist]

I just completed another phase of my modelling project! I'm about 3/4ths of the way done by my initial estimations, but really it's more like 3/5ths in practice. It's still a very amateur level of fidelity... Yet, progress is progress and I'm really happy with how my things are turning out. FeelsGoodMan.

 

[Crunkle]

My work laptop broke on Wednesday and the IT team have been away setting up some network or some shit so I won't get sent one before the end of the week, which guarantees I can sit and do nothing until then and get paid for it. Which is great and all, but I feel like I could be doing something better with my life.

When I think about it, I get the same sensation when a game or movie fades to black and you see your own reflection and feel like you're wasting your life.

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

As an oldfag, I worry about some of you in this thread, and I just want to say this: don't convince yourselves you're helpless.
And @Rekeita's Kidneys - get a dog. If you already have one, get one more.

I have both a cat and a dog. Had two dogs but he croaked in his sleep. Miss him sometimes, but he did live a long ass life.

 

[leveroll]

Nothing good happens. Every day I go to school where I sit on my phone and don't talk to anyone, at home I play games and sometimes I go to work at my shitty job. I basically have no friends after moving 2 years ago. During these 2 years I became fixated on Looxmaxing and so far I have not been able to change anything significantly. And my country also sucks

 

[Zemblan Physics]

I have both a cat and a dog. Had two dogs but he croaked in his sleep. Miss him sometimes, but he did live a long ass life.

Good. Now I worry less about you.

 

[Loris Yeltsin]

It's that time of the year again where hearing the neighbor's annoying kids screech their lungs out right outside my window and walking past park benches occupied by (fellow) failures day-drinking their problems away actually fills my heart with joy because it means this absolute asshole of a winter is finally over.

Here's to a few months of not having to dress like an artic explorer just to get the damn mail.

 

[2025 A.D.]

I think my sense-making machine might be broken.
I just can't make any sense of it.

 

[Justice Tony]

Not too good, don't want to talk about it. But trying to stay positive.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Keep reminding yourself to do that. You've done amazing things. Put aside what other people are, where they are, what they have done or appear to have done. You are on your own path.
(Sorry for the woo-woo-sounding cheerleading. As trite as some of the current-day phrasing has become, if understood in the original sense, the concepts/ phrases have substance and are very good.)

You are a very beautiful soul.

Also I spelled tics wrong as ticks LMFAO

 

[Foxymophandlemama]

Well. Health insurance raised their prices and I can no longer afford it.
Fuck my life man.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Well. Health insurance raised their prices and I can no longer afford it.
Fuck my life man.

Please see if there's any way possible to keep it. One of my kids ended up in the emergency room this weekend, and I am so "grateful" I have (pay a ton for) insurance instead of sweating bullets for an unexpected couple thousand or whatever bill.

 

[Foxymophandlemama]

Please see if there's any way possible to keep it. One of my kids ended up in the emergency room this weekend, and I am so "grateful" I have (pay a ton for) insurance instead of sweating bullets for an unexpected couple thousand or whatever bill.

I am seeking cheaper ones right now, but it is a big headache because I'm still doing physical therapy for my injury.
Luckily there's free healthcare in my country, the downside is that it can take a month or even more to make an appointment, and I would have to start all over again with the doctors and therapists.
I hope your kid is well and recovered.