ModerateRock
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2025
Set up my watch to the correct time and also set up my old drum machine.
How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check
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- Joined
- Sep 9, 2024
I like to take in-person tests for CompTIA tests to avoid that. When I took my ITIL Foundation (project management cert) I had Indians proctoring me and it was retarded.
In 2025 its merely a numbers game at this point. I job hopped to a $60k job to $65k and regretted that shit immediately; got paperwork at the end of the first week and left on the second because they were so fucking aggressive towards me I lost my shit, walked into my PMs office and told them I quit because if not I was going to hurt them because they were such faggots (lol) and I've been unemployed for the past couple months.
Even with two years of experience in IT and three years in Space (how many people do you know with literal space experience!?), barely anybodys given a shit to contact me for an interview. I've had three (2 in the past week which is very nice) but I've also been pigeonholing myself pretty hard trying to get back into federal defense to maintain my security clearance, and I'm (fortunately or unfortunately) not living in DC. Everybody also wants 5 years of experience in IT and a Bachelor's too unfortunately.
You've heard this before but you'll have to start in HELL DESK(tm) and interviews/working low level IT really is about communication/likability for better or worse. I have a kind of abrasive fratboy personality which is 50/50 on whether people like me or not but I had a interview with a 26 y/o senior helpdesk guy, and a couple of 35+ y/o IT director/sr sysadmin and we were all giggling in the interview over shitty government IT and pissed off customers so I have good faith I'm gonna get this job. I know you made a few posts about being autistic/having trouble with communicating with people but just try to make them laugh, it brings peoples guards down. Try to get a therapist who doesn't just nod and sneed at you and one that suggests solutions.
- Joined
- May 14, 2019
I'm doing a lot better. I keep meaning to post about it, but get occupied.
I mentioned before that I started to clean up my apartment, which was a big deal. That's mostly done now, in the sense that there's little things to do but it is livable. I had another big breakthrough in that I took that energy and attitude and applied it to my work. I've been carrying a lot of anger towards my advisors, who kind of fucked me over (I realized over the past Spring that they were negligent), but I had a few thoughts, frame it in terms of how I choose to think nowadays.
What virtue is served by giving up, versus working through a challenge? Does this build discipline or undermine it?
Isn't working sort of like cleaning? Can't you at least start it as a sort of "cleaning up" of this disorderly, abandoned project?
Forgiveness has multiple meanings, one of which is the restoration of the status quo ante with the person that has offended you, like speaking to someone normally instead of treating them coldly. With these people who are over you, you don't give them a cold shoulder, but wouldn't the status quo ante be working with them in good faith?
Do you sincerely believe God wants you to work on this, or on something else?
And when I finally go sit down to work on this, I feel very overwhelmed, and then I just work through it anyways and it starts to come really fast. I spent the past five days cranking out something that I had felt utterly lost on before. The thing with these dudes is that they basically give their advisees plug-and-play projects, some bullshit that they can just kind of half pay attention to and sign off on and not give a fuck. But I came to realize that it was much more difficult to work with that as, because it wasn't my own creation (which is supposed to be the point of this), I didn't really understand it fully or know how to extend it on my own, while they wouldn't give the actual fucking support to understand it. It simultaneously felt both micromanaged and completely lost.
Honestly, a huge chunk of the breakthrough came from just learning to use ChatGPT to answer questions. I fucking hate working in Stata. You have to learn all this code, read over some other motherfucker's code that's written up in whatever moon runes they use for a variable naming system executing statistical tests that have never been explained to you, and there's no goddamn documentation for any of it but these useless little sheets you find online that . ChatGPT is fucking worthless for most any question that involves actual thought, but it can explain in conversational language, piece by piece, what a line of code is doing or suggest for you what built-in function you would use to do a task.
So now I'm in a position where I actually feel comfortable working and am being very productive.
Besides that, I have a million good ideas a day on how to structure myself. Really, what it came down to was learning to be more self-aware. Like, imagine situational awareness, but applied to your own actions. I've started a getting up and going to bed routine. With getting up, I keep a new physical alarm clock, a very loud classic one with the bells and clock face, in my closet. I get up, the first thing I have to do is walk across the room and open my closet, and then that puts me in a position to get dressed right away. I forgot to set it on two nights, but I have not once "snoozed" after getting up. Next, make the bed. Brush teeth. Feed cat. Last two are things I've always done, but there's a specific sequence to do it in. At bedtime, I realized that it's the opposite that you want. It doesn't make a single difference if it is done literally right before bed as long as it's done reasonably before bed. So at the earliest reasonable convenience, I start preparing things that, if I did them at the last minute, would not be done or would get me to bed late.
Washing dishes like its my religion. It's tempting to leave them to do while cooking the next day - cooking has lots of down time - but that's a bad idea because there will never be so much down time as to actually get it all done, and it will take more effort to clean when it's set for a day. I have specific glassware for specific beverages now, as that makes it easier, at least for me, to ensure they're cleaned.
I've done tons of small repairs, some of them things I let sit for years. I sowed a bunch of buttons (I had to buy the needle and thread and learn how to do it) onto some pajamas. Sewing a pocket back onto a bathrobe. Disassembling and reassembling a bad doorknob so that it's secure now.
Behaving more moderately in general. Making myself cook.
I sort of approach it all as discipline-building. I was, up until a few years ago, on a very successful path. Now I'm kind of building up fundamentals I had neglected all along through my life, but that had totally collapsed under me lately.
I mentioned before that I started to clean up my apartment, which was a big deal. That's mostly done now, in the sense that there's little things to do but it is livable. I had another big breakthrough in that I took that energy and attitude and applied it to my work. I've been carrying a lot of anger towards my advisors, who kind of fucked me over (I realized over the past Spring that they were negligent), but I had a few thoughts, frame it in terms of how I choose to think nowadays.
What virtue is served by giving up, versus working through a challenge? Does this build discipline or undermine it?
Isn't working sort of like cleaning? Can't you at least start it as a sort of "cleaning up" of this disorderly, abandoned project?
Forgiveness has multiple meanings, one of which is the restoration of the status quo ante with the person that has offended you, like speaking to someone normally instead of treating them coldly. With these people who are over you, you don't give them a cold shoulder, but wouldn't the status quo ante be working with them in good faith?
Do you sincerely believe God wants you to work on this, or on something else?
And when I finally go sit down to work on this, I feel very overwhelmed, and then I just work through it anyways and it starts to come really fast. I spent the past five days cranking out something that I had felt utterly lost on before. The thing with these dudes is that they basically give their advisees plug-and-play projects, some bullshit that they can just kind of half pay attention to and sign off on and not give a fuck. But I came to realize that it was much more difficult to work with that as, because it wasn't my own creation (which is supposed to be the point of this), I didn't really understand it fully or know how to extend it on my own, while they wouldn't give the actual fucking support to understand it. It simultaneously felt both micromanaged and completely lost.
Honestly, a huge chunk of the breakthrough came from just learning to use ChatGPT to answer questions. I fucking hate working in Stata. You have to learn all this code, read over some other motherfucker's code that's written up in whatever moon runes they use for a variable naming system executing statistical tests that have never been explained to you, and there's no goddamn documentation for any of it but these useless little sheets you find online that . ChatGPT is fucking worthless for most any question that involves actual thought, but it can explain in conversational language, piece by piece, what a line of code is doing or suggest for you what built-in function you would use to do a task.
So now I'm in a position where I actually feel comfortable working and am being very productive.
Besides that, I have a million good ideas a day on how to structure myself. Really, what it came down to was learning to be more self-aware. Like, imagine situational awareness, but applied to your own actions. I've started a getting up and going to bed routine. With getting up, I keep a new physical alarm clock, a very loud classic one with the bells and clock face, in my closet. I get up, the first thing I have to do is walk across the room and open my closet, and then that puts me in a position to get dressed right away. I forgot to set it on two nights, but I have not once "snoozed" after getting up. Next, make the bed. Brush teeth. Feed cat. Last two are things I've always done, but there's a specific sequence to do it in. At bedtime, I realized that it's the opposite that you want. It doesn't make a single difference if it is done literally right before bed as long as it's done reasonably before bed. So at the earliest reasonable convenience, I start preparing things that, if I did them at the last minute, would not be done or would get me to bed late.
Washing dishes like its my religion. It's tempting to leave them to do while cooking the next day - cooking has lots of down time - but that's a bad idea because there will never be so much down time as to actually get it all done, and it will take more effort to clean when it's set for a day. I have specific glassware for specific beverages now, as that makes it easier, at least for me, to ensure they're cleaned.
I've done tons of small repairs, some of them things I let sit for years. I sowed a bunch of buttons (I had to buy the needle and thread and learn how to do it) onto some pajamas. Sewing a pocket back onto a bathrobe. Disassembling and reassembling a bad doorknob so that it's secure now.
Behaving more moderately in general. Making myself cook.
I sort of approach it all as discipline-building. I was, up until a few years ago, on a very successful path. Now I'm kind of building up fundamentals I had neglected all along through my life, but that had totally collapsed under me lately.
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2025
My dad gets out of the hospital today, feeling relieved.
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2022
Up and running for the day, let's get this party started again, and again, and again, and so on and so forth.
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2019
Fellow KFers, I'm going to ask for a favor of sorts from you today. If you have a sibling/siblings you're at all close with, can you please call them and tell them you love them, tell them your life would be less without them, tell them that even if they annoy the fuck out of you sometimes it's great to have them around? If there's friction between you and them and they haven't done something unforgivable, I highly recommend you reconcile with them.
Please do this for me as I can never again do this with my little brother. Believe it or not, it helps.
Please do this for me as I can never again do this with my little brother. Believe it or not, it helps.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2024
Dude how the fuck do normal people tolerate this filth.
Legit feels like I'm living in Wiemar Berlin, it's so fucking bad. California is such a fucking decaying shithole.
I need to fucking MOVE. I don't know where, preferably somewhere white in the SW with some work opportunity and I can be left the fuck alone.
I'M GOING NUTS NIGGA
Legit feels like I'm living in Wiemar Berlin, it's so fucking bad. California is such a fucking decaying shithole.
I need to fucking MOVE. I don't know where, preferably somewhere white in the SW with some work opportunity and I can be left the fuck alone.
I'M GOING NUTS NIGGA
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
I am having a cringefest of my life, thanks to myself. I'm looking through old dashcam recordings from two years ago, and I stumbled upon one where I was driving alone by an empty horse farm, I remembered the Freddy Got Fingered scene, repeated the "LOOK AT ME DADDY I'M A FARMER" quote in a scarily authentic accent and then commented on that scene to myself. I'm scared to find more "gems" like this. 
A dashcam is definitely a good thing to have, but for your own sake, never ever watch what it has recorded when you don't have to copy an important clip.
A dashcam is definitely a good thing to have, but for your own sake, never ever watch what it has recorded when you don't have to copy an important clip.
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2020
I have escaped the fires of hell. And by that I mean the hot part of California where mom lives. She's doing well, more mobile, still needs a knee replacement that she should have had well before the stroke. Brother still an idiot. Both talk too much. Glad to be home where it's just me and the squirrels. Had time to finally get my PCBs mostly designed for my retro game project. Then got home and realized I need to change some things around in the case as one may be too big.
On the way home I usually follow I-5 and then hang a right at some point to head home once the mountains are clear and not turbulent. This time I said fuck that and flew up the coast until I made my right turn. Was still too damn hot. Lots of smoke in the air in California, less so further north but the PNW tends to dry out and catch fire a bit later than California. It's likely going to suck later this summer. And, as usual, the coast was windy and I got to spend way too long in a headwind.
Here's a couple Pacific Ocean pictures. That left photo is code for "windy as fuck".
On the way home I usually follow I-5 and then hang a right at some point to head home once the mountains are clear and not turbulent. This time I said fuck that and flew up the coast until I made my right turn. Was still too damn hot. Lots of smoke in the air in California, less so further north but the PNW tends to dry out and catch fire a bit later than California. It's likely going to suck later this summer. And, as usual, the coast was windy and I got to spend way too long in a headwind.
Here's a couple Pacific Ocean pictures. That left photo is code for "windy as fuck".
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2019
I have some close friends that fled CA in the last few years. One went to ID and the other went to UT. Apparently either one is a good choice. Do some research and see what you think.
- Joined
- May 31, 2020
I hate children. Now, I'm not like some seething r/childfree loser looking for my daily excuse to bitch about them. I'm not a monster who would be unpleasant to a child. Being loud and annoying and underfoot and testing adult patience is part of the package. I accept this. It's one of several reasons I don't want them.
I have family visiting. There have been a total of four minimum, seven maximum children in my house for the last two weeks (depending on who's here). I am a dutiful uncle. I got them outdoor toys. Answer the constant questions kindly and without irritation. Got them gourmet cookies when they were good. Been stern when they're breaking rules, and patient with allowing the parents to discipline them when it's out of my hands.
It's grating on my nerves to hear my parents and siblings go, "awwwww see this is good for you, learning about taking care of kids, spending time with the family. You're not bad with kids!"
You guys are invading my space, disrupting my work, damaging my furniture, getting me sick, having loud and obnoxious child fights every ten minutes, and using my home's resources. I am *tolerating* this for family. Stop it. I don't fucking like kids. Stop talking to me like I'm some skittish cat you're trying to coax out from behind a couch. Do you seriously, on top of doing my childcare diligence, also need me to tell you it's so fun and I can't wait to do it all the time?
I have family visiting. There have been a total of four minimum, seven maximum children in my house for the last two weeks (depending on who's here). I am a dutiful uncle. I got them outdoor toys. Answer the constant questions kindly and without irritation. Got them gourmet cookies when they were good. Been stern when they're breaking rules, and patient with allowing the parents to discipline them when it's out of my hands.
It's grating on my nerves to hear my parents and siblings go, "awwwww see this is good for you, learning about taking care of kids, spending time with the family. You're not bad with kids!"
You guys are invading my space, disrupting my work, damaging my furniture, getting me sick, having loud and obnoxious child fights every ten minutes, and using my home's resources. I am *tolerating* this for family. Stop it. I don't fucking like kids. Stop talking to me like I'm some skittish cat you're trying to coax out from behind a couch. Do you seriously, on top of doing my childcare diligence, also need me to tell you it's so fun and I can't wait to do it all the time?
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2022
The writing was on the wall already, but I got let go from my job. I doubt I’ll find a new one in this economy, tbh.
And because I was too busy with work, I didn’t pass an exam (on top of another I already bombed)
also, my grandmother broke her leg (at least, the timing worked out in the sense that now I can be there to take care of her!)
I was also stuck on the train for about two hours yesterday, only to not be refunded my ticket for the delay because the place I got it from wrote the date down wrong. I also forgot my phone charger at home. I’m going through a streak of bad luck. I don’t even have it in me to cry about it, I’m just feeling numb to it all right now.
I keep thinking “well, this happened, but if that also happens, I’ll go nuts” and that keeps happening, and I haven’t gone nuts yet. I wonder what’s next.
And because I was too busy with work, I didn’t pass an exam (on top of another I already bombed)
also, my grandmother broke her leg (at least, the timing worked out in the sense that now I can be there to take care of her!)
I was also stuck on the train for about two hours yesterday, only to not be refunded my ticket for the delay because the place I got it from wrote the date down wrong. I also forgot my phone charger at home. I’m going through a streak of bad luck. I don’t even have it in me to cry about it, I’m just feeling numb to it all right now.
I keep thinking “well, this happened, but if that also happens, I’ll go nuts” and that keeps happening, and I haven’t gone nuts yet. I wonder what’s next.
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2025
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2023
Pretty good. Feeling good, went to the gym. My brother contacted me after a long while, so it was good to hear from him. Found out my cousin and her husband are pregnant.
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2024
I’ve had to many bad fucking days in a row, it’s like something out of my control that’s bad happens to me, I’m so fucking pissed every night before I go to bed. I try to keep a positive mindset in my personal life but it’s just becoming overwhelming. I just need a win and it’s like everything is just falling apart.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2024
fucking sick as a dog, i feel fucking horrid.
If I'm still feeling this way a couple days in, imma go to the hospital.
I feel nauseated as fuck, fever, head feels like Chauvin kneeled on it. I HATE BEING SICK
If I'm still feeling this way a couple days in, imma go to the hospital.
I feel nauseated as fuck, fever, head feels like Chauvin kneeled on it. I HATE BEING SICK
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2021
Paul-Denton
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2025
Dear friend passed away today out of nowhere, really hasn't hit yet. Tell your friends you love them, you don't know when it's your last talk.
Gorion
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2025
i have been feeling pretty frustrated because of how hard it is sometimes to communicate what i am thinking with other people. when i am by myself and doing nothing i can think clearly but when i talk to others all of it just goes away.
I’m somewhere in between "barely holding it together’ and ‘surprisingly okay". Depends on the hour honestly. But reading through this thread feels like group therapy in a dumpster fire and I weirdly needed it. So thanks, I guess.