How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[JanuaryViolet]

I just want to check if this is normal

Yes, it is. Especially if it's a work thing that you can't possibly afford to walk out on. If you can, get some kind of help with that, and don't let it go on for too long - it just gets harder to get out of.

 

[CashMoney!]

Do you ever get so stressed that you kind of just stop feeling anything? Like at the end of the day, you don't even want to do the usual stuff to relax like watching TV, play vidya, whatever. It's not depression exactly, where you feel miserable and down on yourself, but you just kind of shut down mentally and can't bring yourself to do much else besides going to sleep so you can deal with another day.

I've felt this for years. Sometimes I have a few good days or maybe even 2 weeks. Eventually the psychological noise turns up with the ringing ears and the staring into space, my body is heavy and I'm far away from it, and the only remedy seems to be the cocoon of my bed with the curtains closed and headphones on. For me I think it is psychological AND sensory overload as I just have very low stress tolerance these days. It's one stressful thing or person to the next with no breaks, nothing to break the monotony of exhaustion and tension, and difficulty mapping these stressors to some greater purpose that makes persistence viable in these conditions.

No advice but confirmation that I feel it and so do others I know. Quality of life is difficult to obtain in the modern world with its demands on our spirit, health, time, and resources.

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

I feel like none of the churches I've been to understand my struggles with church as someone raised actively atheist. Pretty much every pastor I know is like second or third generation and I think they simply can't understand what it's like to feel uncomfortable around preaching. My pastor is really good about not being political and being biblical instead, but they had a guest preacher who went on a big old tirade.
I wanted to come back but I was too intimidated to return for a solid year. I'd drive to the parking lot and then sit there and turn around. But since I've actually gone back now, the pastor really wants to know why and talk to me, but I don't know how to explain this all to him.

 

[McMitch]

I feel like none of the churches I've been to understand my struggles with church as someone raised actively atheist. Pretty much every pastor I know is like second or third generation and I think they simply can't understand what it's like to feel uncomfortable around preaching. My pastor is really good about not being political and being biblical instead, but they had a guest preacher who went on a big old tirade.
I wanted to come back but I was too intimidated to return for a solid year. I'd drive to the parking lot and then sit there and turn around. But since I've actually gone back now, the pastor really wants to know why and talk to me, but I don't know how to explain this all to him.

Take him up on the offer to hear you out, and just read this post out verbatim.

 

[Brett DeLawyer]

I gave a squirrel a little piece of bread and once it was finished it ate through my Christmas lights.

 

[Blamo2000]

I gave a squirrel a little piece of bread and once it was finished it ate through my Christmas lights.

That's just nuts.

 

[mannic]

I've fucked up.

alright massive tmi but i cant chill my ass to people i have crush with. there is this one cute dude who i used to hate because he's using my friend to his advantage. we chatted and days later i didn't realize i created a drama between these two guys because i said something forbbiden. i apologized to them. they didn't reply back yet, i know i really fucked up bad,.. but what is done is done.

 

[Blamo2000]

I am conflicted.

I want to try having an internet presence, but I am basically too afraid to have one.

 

[Betonhaus]

I am conflicted.

I want to try having an internet presence, but I am basically too afraid to have one.

I get that. I put a lot of work into ensuring that I'm nearly impossible to dox, but that generally means I've had to give up anything that would give me an online following. Maybe see if there's an offline local community you could become a part of?

 

[Blamo2000]

I get that. I put a lot of work into ensuring that I'm nearly impossible to dox, but that generally means I've had to give up anything that would give me an online following. Maybe see if there's an offline local community you could become a part of?

It's not really about the community aspects, I just have a lot of things that I always wanted to do, but never got to do. But they involve being on social media, like being an artist or making youtube videos. This normalfag life is a dead end for me, maybe I would be able to get one more promotion, but meh. I simply can't generate enough money with normal means to get out of this slow decline.

Like sure, I don't think it's possible to do e-celeb shit, and Art is pretty much dead due to AI and Twitter toxicity. lol But I'll just be unhappy if I never tried.

I don't have anything edgy in mind. I just have a limited social battery and anxiety issues that hit like a truck.

 

[Kalsarikännit]

It's just a roundabout version of hating white people.

Always has been.

I doubt I'm the only atheist here that finds they tend to get along with Christians in real life. I have very different values, but I also value maturity, discipline, and tolerance, and if I can publicly argue that religion is bunk I can patiently listen to someone talk about their beliefs without getting pissy--even if that person wants to persuade me. Because y'know, that's what exchanging ideas is, and that requires you to listen to Christians too.

Yeah, I’m Christian, but not a particularly evangelical one.

I think there’s no point in calling yourself Christian if you don’t fully understand it, so pushing someone to convert without them really understanding what the point of Christianity is (hint: it’s not wealth or even favor from God while on Earth) then you’re harming Christianity and wasting everyone’s time.

Conversely, this leads to more interesting discussions with people such as Atheists, who are generally more interested in hearing the actual reasoning for belief as opposed to a sales pitch.

Which works in Christian’s favor as well, as you end up reaffirming your own belief by reminding yourself specifically why it’s important, instead of becoming lazy about it.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Always has been.

Yeah, I’m Christian, but not a particularly evangelical one.

I think there’s no point in calling yourself Christian if you don’t fully understand it, so pushing someone to convert without them really understanding what the point of Christianity is (hint: it’s not wealth or even favor from God while on Earth) then you’re harming Christianity and wasting everyone’s time.

Conversely, this leads to more interesting discussions with people such as Atheists, who are generally more interested in hearing the actual reasoning for belief as opposed to a sales pitch.

Which works in Christian’s favor as well, as you end up reaffirming your own belief by reminding yourself specifically why it’s important, instead of becoming lazy about it.

Most atheists are fags that huff their own farts and think they're rational merely for the conclusion they've reached at and not how they reach it. They'll come at Christians with retarded gotchas like "ThE bIbLe SaYs Do NoT kIlL" when the Hebrew more accurately translates to, for example, "Do not murder."

Nowadays most atheists don't even have a consistent metaphysics, rejecting Christianity and laughing about it but then believing in weird shamanistic crap, spirituality, and seeming to believe that personal identity is separate from the corporeal body or that there's life after death.

The atheist movement (don't call it "New Atheists," that was Wired magazine being faggots and making up a term) of the early-mid 00s is completely fucking dead and buried. Most atheists just reject Christianity, but they're not materialists.

Most polls that say atheism is rising really just ask limited questions that don't flesh out what's really going on. People are rejecting organized religion but spirituality and associated mumbo-jumbo is at an all-time high.

I am conflicted.

I want to try having an internet presence, but I am basically too afraid to have one.

Basically just don't be a faggot and own your quirks. If you're worried about being canceled, well, I think there's finally a little bit of pushback against the SJW stuff. You can live in fear of being canceled or you can chose to live in a way where if people tried, it wouldn't do much. People need to step back, devalue social media, devalue this lust for fame, celebrity, and notoriety social media and tiktok have caused, and stop thinking they need universal appeal and that they need to be liked by people. You'll find yourself a lot happier if you just care about the opinions of people who share your values and perspective instead of worrying about pleasing everyone.

 

[Kalsarikännit]

Most atheists are fags that huff their own farts and think they're rational merely for the conclusion they've reached at and not how they reach it. They'll come at Christians with retarded gotchas like "ThE bIbLe SaYs Do NoT kIlL" when the Hebrew more accurately translates to, for example, "Do not murder."

Yup, and those people are as easy to tear down as Christians who haven’t opened a Bible. Believing in something without really thinking why is the mark of a retard.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Yup, and those people are as easy to tear down as Christians who haven’t opened a Bible. Believing in something without really thinking why is the mark of a retard.

The best advice I can give with company is not even worry about what they believe so much by how they got there. If they got there because they were implicitly influenced by their peer group, they have nothing worthwhile to say. You can always tell by whether they're spewing a slogan or not. If they quietly read or studied to get where they are at, did careful introspection, then you can have a conversation. Most people are just soulless replicants that sort of go along with the crowd they're in, and since they're motivated by other people's approval or opinions you'll never get anywhere with them or even really learn anything.

 

[Kalsarikännit]

I am conflicted.

I want to try having an internet presence, but I am basically too afraid to have one.

I’m in a similar situation. I want to do art stuff but I don’t want to make a trail of internet breadcrumbs that leads to my demise or something. Idk what I’m afraid about really, but I know there’s some vengeful mfs online.

 

[WTBOnlineFather]

Kinda struggling to spend my free time well. I've always had trouble figuring out what I want to be doing at any given moment. Trying to hang out with my friends as much as possible at least but their schedules are a lot busier than mine. I live in a large city so the world is my oyster but what the hell do I do with an oyster?
I end up spending a lot of time at home just browsing but I feel like it's literally killing me.

 

[Blamo2000]

I’m in a similar situation. I want to do art stuff but I don’t want to make a trail of internet breadcrumbs that leads to my demise or something. Idk what I’m afraid about really, but I know there’s some vengeful mfs online.

They can be nasty, and the online art community has become very toxic. I am full of regret that I have wasted the 2010s. I could have made it.

 

[Monika H.]

Well, just got back on the Farms and I'm trying to remember my way around.
Also got confirmation that cancer ist kaput!

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Also got confirmation that cancer ist kaput!

Congratulations!!!

I’m in a similar situation. I want to do art stuff but I don’t want to make a trail of internet breadcrumbs that leads to my demise or something. Idk what I’m afraid about really, but I know there’s some vengeful mfs online.

They can be nasty, and the online art community has become very toxic. I am full of regret that I have wasted the 2010s. I could have made it.

Kinda struggling to spend my free time well. I've always had trouble figuring out what I want to be doing at any given moment. Trying to hang out with my friends as much as possible at least but their schedules are a lot busier than mine. I live in a large city so the world is my oyster but what the hell do I do with an oyster?
I end up spending a lot of time at home just browsing but I feel like it's literally killing me.

Jesus christ this is some "Literally Me" shit right here. At least I know I'm not alone at being a complete failure of a human who should just invite the sweet release of dea-
I mean... I'm happy to be around such like-minded individuals.
As for spending your free time... I completely get that. That said however, I think we're different though in that I have limited mobility and live in a town right now. Dude honestly just go around the city and do whatever sounds fun to you. If I was in a city, I would literally just drive around at night listening to music just because. Go see if there's any rereleases or indie theaters there. I know the first thing I do when I move is going to see classic rereleases every week. Go to a record shop. Try go-carting. Hot air-ballooning. Just do shit you've always wanted to do. There's so much to do if you have the transportation.

I'm scared of having an online presence too. Not only because of the possible ramifications but I often think if I'd even have the chance to become controversial or cancelled. The Youtube algorithm is such dogshit that it's insanely difficult to get your shit even seen. Not to mention if you say any dirty words it might flag you or just bury your videos. I wouldn't mind some backlash but I'd at least want my stuff to have a chance to get it.
I get the idea of wasting a significant portion of your life. It's my greatest regret. But also try to look towards the future. I've been giving this some serious thought lately. Everyone is thinking how hopeless everything is and how much of a stranglehold the authoritarians have. But really think about it.
Do you really think this is going to last forever? Look at every single other time something like this happened in history. It sucked yeah, and sometimes it lasted a long while. But eventually shit just becomes too lame and gay and a bunch of interesting people come along and change shit up. It's been every single wave in comics, every single film movement, every art or literature style. It all came from people looking at what was around them and thinking it wasn't speaking to enough people, or just not to them and they went out and did something kick ass that became the new "normal".
Xwitter is dying a slow death, streaming services are crumbling, people are reading self-publishing more than ever, Hollywood is raping itself, even normiefags are starting to watch/read nip shit because it's got better balue. Most people are not into this shit that they're selling. People want something new.
Maybe I'm just coping. It does seem extremely bleak. I think about the falling economy and the dirth of entertainment out there and the corporations literally cannibalizing eachother in some weird technocratic Highlander. But I think about even six/seven years ago how much cool shit there actually was out there. And how shit never stays the same. It's idealistic thinking to some but I really doubt people actually are going to want to deal with all this gay shit ten years from now if they're getting tired of it now.
Because things are so ass right now is precisely why you should be trying to make things less ass. Because the communities are so toxic, that's why you should be trying to be the one people actually see as a sign of hope. Don't feed these faggots with your despair. If they try to dox you or tattle on you, tell them to kill themselves. Show them how fucking little they are. If anything, your martrydom might help you in a long run. There's plenty of artists and/or journalists right now who have large fanbases just because they've pissed the right people off. Don't bend the knee. Don't give up. If everyone does that than of course everythings' going to stay lame and gay.
There will always be censorship and pearlclutchers. That's why there should always be people around to fuck with them and make things that spit in their face. Even if you have to tone some of it down, do it in ways to show how many holes you can poke in their logic (kind of like what filmmakers did in the years of the Hays Code). Hell by the time you get established, you might just have people screeching at you about how you didn't have enough Aryans in your story or how that sexy drawing you made is problematic because it doesn't represent the tradcon ideals it's supposed to have in the newest current year.
I know I'm being overly optimistic but really, we don't know how the future will turn out. But you'll never know how bad things will get for you unless you try. But if you want to do cool shit, especially in art, you're going to have to deal with the fact that faggots are going to hate you for having more balls than them. That has never not been the case and it will never not be the case. But if you're pissing the right people off, consider yourself having progressed as a real artist.
Sorry for the long rant but it's something I'm passionate about.
TL;DR
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot. Nothing is going to get better, so kill yourself."

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

The only reason canceling works is because society is fucked up and most people are cowards. These weak-willed people deserve to be bullied. When someone gets offended by what you say and reacts, you have identified your target. That's when you get under their skin. Will they damage your reputation? Naturally, but all the people that come out of the wordwork are just more targets to trigger for your trollish nourishment. Believe me though, seriously--the admiration and love of the common man, society, celebrity, whatever, it's a prideful fool's game. Worry about the opinions of people who matter. The mainstream world is really fucking fake. Most celebrities, actors, etc are nothing but people that knew the right people or were at the right time and place. History is distorted by the propaganda of the past. All the good stuff in media seems to exist below public consciousness.

tl;dr Don't worry about widespread appeal, dude, appeal to your niche, and fuck everyone else.