How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[WTBOnlineFather]

Without going into unnecessary detail, I'm fucking pissed off and tired of the way I've been living and behaving for the last 15 years. I'm probably gonna slip and slide into the same pathetic limbo soon but right now I'm having a moment of clarity and I wanna say I'm fucking over it.
Fuck, even if I continue to decay I wanna decay while putting some fucking energy into it. Don't take shit from anyone dear kiwis, especially not from yourself.

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

@(((I am NOT a jew))) The problem is that our societies are incredibly sick and we can try to escape from it all we like but the grid expands everyday and soon there may not be a cabin in the woods that isn't monitored 24 7 by the system. I also looked back at media, instead I looked back on what games I had played during the year, and it was so few that I realized I have so little time there isn't even a point to firing one up.

Perhaps a way to look at it is like this.

Normal person:
Do a task = positive feedback
Do a task = positive feedback
etc

Clinically fucked in the head:
Do a task = nothing
Do a task = nothing
etc

If nothing you do gives you any kind of positive feeling then what is the drive to do anything? Really you could some up the entire drive to live as getting some kind of positive feeling for things that you do and that encouraging you to do it more. Eating a bag of chips may be a bad temporary positive feeling, building a church over many years might be a long term positive feeling of accomplishment. If you felt nothing then it's just a pointless series of steps to get through in the day.

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

I'm beginning to think I'm too nice and agreeable, but whenever I study things like Machiavelli's works and want to try to apply them to my own life, I just feel dirty and unethical so I end up chickening out and not doing it. I feel like I'm worse off for it.

The machiavelli route can work if you're trying to swing your dick but the Dale Carnegie route will let you flit about as a free agent better.

 

[Prj4MW8iPT3vmFM2rzDc]

My father passed away a few months back and my mother a few years ago.
I'm having a particularly rough couple months lately and all I want to do is just get a hug from my mom again. feels bad man. If you guys moms are still alive, just give her a hug for no reason at all. You'll think about it alot later in life.

 

[anustart76]

The machiavelli route can work if you're trying to swing your dick but the Dale Carnegie route will let you flit about as a free agent better.

The Carnegie route sadly only works if you're working with ethical people I think. I've found that a smile, please, and thank you will go a long way in everyday interactions, but at work, most managers are some form of sociopath.

My father passed away a few months back and my mother a few years ago.
I'm having a particularly rough couple months lately and all I want to do is just get a hug from my mom again. feels bad man. If you guys moms are still alive, just give her a hug for no reason at all. You'll think about it alot later in life.

I call my parents every day just to check in on them. I'm genuinely terrified of the day I lose them.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

I got a $10 box of a lefthover hot sauce gift box from christmas, you know, a promotional Hot Ones collection you probably saw this season yourself. I only got one since those sauces usually suck, $2/sauce ain't that bad.

I made vegetable rice late last night and smothered it with some sauce for some pepper called "Apollo" pepper. I thought it would be another mild sweet hot sauce. Oops, Apollo actually has some heat to it.

Rough morning.

Should've gotten a few more boxes. $10 for five sauces when one of them is an actual higher-heat one actually is a bargain. I thought they'd all be mild.

 

[CowPox]

Smelling her perfume
Even when she's not near me
In the lethal cold

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

I've been reading this ancient online textbook on Japanese history by a Vanderbilt professor.

http://figal-sensei.org/hist157/Textbook/ch2.htm

It's fucking old but the information is still illuminating and studying it more closely after years of seeing it off and on has been an interesting experience with which to pass the time before the snow melts enough for me to commit to other business. Highly recommend reading and archiving.

 

[Sniperwoof]

I'm in IT and I can basically do whatever I want now because our entire QA division was laid off so that's fun.

They were all poojeets with snott attitudes anyways so it's not like there's a single person who misses them.

 

[Nick Obre]

I got a $10 box of a lefthover hot sauce gift box from christmas, you know, a promotional Hot Ones collection you probably saw this season yourself. I only got one since those sauces usually suck, $2/sauce ain't that bad.

I made vegetable rice late last night and smothered it with some sauce for some pepper called "Apollo" pepper. I thought it would be another mild sweet hot sauce. Oops, Apollo actually has some heat to it.

Apollo is their flagship sauce. They use it last, so it's supposed to be the hottest of the lineup, but everyone always says "The Bomb: Beyond Insanity" is the worst, most painful, most terrible sauce they use.

Anyway, point is, if they use Apollo as their flagship, makes sense that it does have some actual heat.

 

[Geddy Lee's Fee and See]

I'm beginning to think I'm too nice and agreeable, but whenever I study things like Machiavelli's works and want to try to apply them to my own life, I just feel dirty and unethical so I end up chickening out and not doing it. I feel like I'm worse off for it.

Study the Stoics like Musonius Rufus, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. I feel like people don't understand them when they call them unemotional, when they really are about finding a rational balance between the many extremes in human existence, like the wanton desire for rampant sex versus being frigid or something like that. In your case, it would be being too nice verusus being a typical social climbing sociopath. You should be nice and courteous enough to strangers and genuinely care for the well-being of good friends, however you have to be quite aloof from most people and brush them off and be a bit mean if need be because frankly most people are not worth the kindness you give. Save that for the dearest people in your life.


I think the best idea is to be blunt, honest and assert yourself. Not to the degree of being agressive, but juat be frank about how you this is work and not the center of your life. If your manager tells you to do anything that is out of your contract or otherwise inconviniences you, don't try and feign a smile and tell him/her no. I did that with my old advisor when he tried to get me to do shit that he didn't even bother to teach me or show me how to find resources to teach myself and magically expected me to know and bluntly told him (admittedly over email) that he's a terrible boss, I don't like his methods or his project and I found a better advisor who seems more sensible than him so I am resigning from my position. He tried to take my code from Github, but I deleted it all lmao and I told hin to go find someone else to help him with his project as well. Point being, do what's best for you with people you have no emotional connection too or otherwise try to take advantage of you.

Edit: Typos

 

[AnOminous]

Study the Stoics like Musonius Rufus, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. I feel like people don't understand them when they call them unemotional, when they really are about finding a rstional balance betweeb the many extremes in human existence, like the wanton desire for rampant sex versus being frigid or something like that.

It doesn't help that sites (like vocabulary.com) actually reinforce this bullshit. It's not about not having emotions, it's about not being controlled by them but mastering them.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I'm sorry to anyone if I seemed like too much of a toxic-positivity boomer the other day.
Sometimes I think that just because I recently found my own piece of sanity that the same rules can apply to everyone else.
I'm not saying life's great. People have very just reasons for being borderline suicidal right now. I just think that there's good stuff out there that you can find if you're willing to search for it.

I've been noticing the past week how much I've been holding onto the past. It's not like I'm trying to. But it's hard to let it all go, even if there's nothing good back there. I'm really awful at forgetting about women. I don't know the cure but sometimes I really wish I could have some Eternal Sunshine level procedure on me because I can't keep holding onto this shit. I'm not even living for anything, despite how I convince myself. I'm just constantly haunted by the failed opportunities from the past. I just need to let it all go somehow.
I also keep putting off this move but it's the main step to actually starting a life for myself, instead of just living in this weird limbo where things are kind of cool but mostly it's just awful.

I think the cause for a lot of the stuff we're facing is more by design. It's the feature, not a bug.
I don't know if every place is the same anymore but I just want to go someplace a little more "human", if that makes sense.
The big house and everything doesn't sound that appealing to me anymore. Or I guess I just don't know if I have it in me to pull some of the shit that would make me a "winner" here anymore.
Would anyone have any decent recommendations for countries they've been to?

 

[drfuzzyballs]

I have the stomach flu and the combination of vomit and diarrhea is approaching about 2 gallons.

 

[Jason Wynn]

Starting to feel that midlife crisis creeping up. No I don’t plan on buying some Japanese luxury car and trying to bang a 21 year old while dressing like I’m 20 years younger than I actually am, but man oh man starting to really notice how fast time keeps moving these days. Feeling that routine of work, home, sleep, rinse and repeat more so than I did in my 20s or even my early 30s. Missing those days when it still felt like the world was my oyster and I looked forward to the future instead of this unrelenting grind until death it feels like now.

 

[anustart76]

Well in good news, I talked to some people today and things might go well. I talked to my old manager (who is now a very high level version on our team of what I am) and he agreed that my boss was being unrealistic, and it seems like he has my back, which I appreciate. I talked to a woman who does a more high-level job that I work with to see if I'd like to do what she does, she was very nice and it sounds like it would be a good move for me. And then I talked to my manager who seemed happy when I told her I wanted to do that job, probably just happy she can get rid of me, but hey I'll take it.

 

[Merried Senior Comic]

Broke both of my elbows after a nasty fall tonight.

 

[Betonhaus]

Finally figured out how to hack my Wii U so that I can easily get to my GameCube and Wii collection from the Wii u screen

 

[Betonhaus]

Finally got everything tweaked and even added a few games to my Wii U I never purchased. Now to play some Paper Mario The Thousand Year Door

 

[cybertoaster]

I feel that if I get fired at this point in my life its gonna be next to impossible to get another job.

Also that as the entire west is slowly going to shit there's truly nowhere left to run. I've lived in LATAM and trust me those "expats" and "digital nomads" are lying, its not a nice place. East asia its for asians, they don't want gweilos and will never give me citizenship.

My father passed away a few months back and my mother a few years ago.
I'm having a particularly rough couple months lately and all I want to do is just get a hug from my mom again. feels bad man. If you guys moms are still alive, just give her a hug for no reason at all. You'll think about it alot later in life.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I want to know how much time I've left with my parents...