- Joined
- Oct 27, 2023
Made me gain a massive amount of weight that I'm still attempting to work off, did nothing for me otherwise. Oh, they were great to mix with alcohol.
How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check
- Thread starter Milk Mage
- Start date
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2022
It's been weeks since I broke up with my girlfriend, I'm still broken for what happened. I'm still not sure how to go, my future seems very foggy and uncertain now, I don't know what to do to still carry on. I will not let myself go though... I started running on the streets in my city in the mornings. Honestly I don't care about anything anymore, dying feels like whatever to me and I feel like just running, I don't care if I die getting run over by a car or getting robbed by some toothless analphabete nigger on the streets. Just running to whatever my feet wants me to go.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2023
Was there with my ex-fiance. Fuck the platitudes people will give you; just fucking go with it. For me, it was driving. Almost slid off a mountain a couple times, but here I am.
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2023
I'm realising lately that while I might have valid reasons to be struggling in life (bad childhood, missing parent, bullying, etc.) at this point I've done enough self reflection to realise that I actually quite prefer being a victim of circumstance rather than try and possibly fail to be someone who could rise above my circumstances to be truly happy.
Being a victim, pretending I'm forever locked in this intangible and eternal mental conflict where I'm constantly subjugated by everyone around me like I was still a child has become almost comfortable. In a way it prevents me from ever really having to take adult responsibilities for my own health and wellbeing.
I can sit in my apartment playing video games all day and blame my parents for being unimpassioned drones, rather than myself for not using the almost infinite free time I have right now on something productive.
I can lament my lack of friendships and blame my parents for making it almost impossible for me to relate to other people around me, instead of admitting that I don't even begin to make the first effort speaking to people and that I'm actually quite arrogant in how I see others.
I can cry about not having relationships with women, pretend that I am forever going to be undesirable, then not take any steps to become what I see as desirable or accept that I can never really live up to the idea of the perfect man.
Now I don't even really know what to do. I thought I was doing better lately, now I feel like I'm stranded in the middle of the sea with nothing to grab onto around me, no option but drown. I don't really have much point to anything I'm saying here. Hopefully this is useful to someone else.
Being a victim, pretending I'm forever locked in this intangible and eternal mental conflict where I'm constantly subjugated by everyone around me like I was still a child has become almost comfortable. In a way it prevents me from ever really having to take adult responsibilities for my own health and wellbeing.
I can sit in my apartment playing video games all day and blame my parents for being unimpassioned drones, rather than myself for not using the almost infinite free time I have right now on something productive.
I can lament my lack of friendships and blame my parents for making it almost impossible for me to relate to other people around me, instead of admitting that I don't even begin to make the first effort speaking to people and that I'm actually quite arrogant in how I see others.
I can cry about not having relationships with women, pretend that I am forever going to be undesirable, then not take any steps to become what I see as desirable or accept that I can never really live up to the idea of the perfect man.
Now I don't even really know what to do. I thought I was doing better lately, now I feel like I'm stranded in the middle of the sea with nothing to grab onto around me, no option but drown. I don't really have much point to anything I'm saying here. Hopefully this is useful to someone else.
(((I am NOT a jew)))
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
I think that that's a mature way of looking at things. The honest truth most people don't realize is sometimes two things can be true at once.
You CAN be a victim of negligent, awful parenting/family/society... and you can also let time get away from you.
It's not an excuse in any way. Your past in many ways, if not defines your future, helps shape it a good deal. People always lean towards one or the other.
You either have boomer logic of thinking you can be the ubermensch just by wanting to, you can come up from nothing without any help, everything your parents do is justified and emotions are for faggots.
Or you have people who perpetually use their so called illnesses or their past to justify every single act of weakness on their part and blame everyone who eventually wants them to have some culpability as being haters who just doesn't have enough empathy for
Both are toxic but they're easier for most people to go with then the hard nuance of saying you can be a victim and also culpable in some of your life.
I would say you're on the right track. I just think you should practice gratitude and have realistic expectations.
You seem to be in a place where you don't have to work right now. That's a huge privilege. Try to use the time wisely.
But also when you think you're not measuring up, remember the hands you've been dealt and how you're making due with those... instead of wanting to be perfect.
You might not be great with women, but also don't go down this road that that is always a moral failing. That's an issue a lot of men are being gaslit into having now. You can work out, be kind, funny and have a decent job and still not be getting that attention. And you can be a methhead who perpetually cheats and be fine with women. But the point is regardless of everything, you're still trying to be a better person.
You shouldn't be spending all the time inside jerking off and playing vidya... But with the way the world is right now and how things are set up, I don't blame people for doing so. The economy and job market is very disheartening for a lot of people. So yeah, don't be inside all the time playing games, but a little bit of it, a couple of hours a day, is nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm in the same exact space man. But I think coming to these conclusions is best for a lot of people.
I just think you have to temper yourself with reality. You might not be the greatest most super callifragulistic guy, but you can do okay with the hand you're given. You shouldn't let the past dictate your future, but you can use it as a reminder for when you're feeling like shit of what you're dealing with.
I hope things go well for you, man.
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2020
I've had my heart broken, but believe me: I had the best day playing pickleball with the worst player yet best partner, eating tacos, and introducing her to music I used to listen to in high school. When you meet the right person, none of what's happened to you in the past matters. It makes you new. Right now, you just have to choose to move forward and become the person to get to that moment. It really is that easy and within your power.
Second Sun
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2021
I didn't leave the house all week. Really just wish I could give up on women, life would be so much more peaceful.
CowPox
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2022
Shooting compliments
At the nice tight sweater girls
As winter rolls on
At the nice tight sweater girls
As winter rolls on
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2022
So I had an appointment back in October about my mental health with my GP who referred me to a therapy service and let me know it would be till about mid-January until it would likely start.
It's now February and the most I've heard is them just getting a few questions back in December where they just straight up said that I was at higher risk of suicide due to already dealing with the loss of a family member from suicide.
No wonder guys are fucking killing themselves. You're chucked onto a 3 month waiting list and 4 months later you're still on that waiting list without any update.
NHS are actually dogshit with mental health, especially for guys.
It's now February and the most I've heard is them just getting a few questions back in December where they just straight up said that I was at higher risk of suicide due to already dealing with the loss of a family member from suicide.
No wonder guys are fucking killing themselves. You're chucked onto a 3 month waiting list and 4 months later you're still on that waiting list without any update.
NHS are actually dogshit with mental health, especially for guys.
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2021
Smart choice, SSRIs greatly increase the risk of the person taking them going full Minecraft mode IRL.
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2018
I'm fine with my job and it looks like I can achieve goals again but I'm kind of bummed out because none of the girls I work with attractive. I have this old, mousy chick and a semi-retarded fat chick interested in me and that's it for women in my space. I'm going to get fit and look for a transfer in a few months. Maybe stalk someone attractive and find out where they work to get some decent pussy.
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2022
Honestly never heard that before. I'm on SSRIs now.
The main thing really is just that they do fuck all for the first 2-3 weeks. So if you're in a desperate situation then odds are they won't act fast enough if you solely rely on em. After that, they don't do much imo past preventing some of the most obtrusive thoughts from surfacing.
Also without turning this into a gender thing, I'm pretty sure I've seen studies that SSRIs are notably less effective for men compared to women.
Fellow zoomer here (or well, I'm basically on the fence between zoomer/millenial).
Honestly sometimes it's just about finding the crowd that's into your niches and settling in while your wisdom builds and you get a more stable perspective on life and shit. As for being a handholdless virgin, welcome to the club tbh. Zoomers being shut-ins and withdrawing from society is basically a generational epidemic imo.
Careful with suicidal thoughts tho. It might seem like not a big deal right now, but people pretty regularly speedrun the steps between "I could kill myself but I won't" and "I'm throwing myself in front of a train". It's like there's this slow buildup to the initial suicidal thoughts, you'll stay there for years and then a few bad days will immediately shoot you right to the end of the line.
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2023
I've been dead tired every day this week. I was so exhausted yesterday that I barely said 3 words to noted attention whore @Catler before passing out around 7pm.
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2016
I'm doing great. Impulsively took the day off to take the dog on his first train ride, he had a blast, getting to walk around a different town pissing on some novel lamposts is a great day out if you're a dog. Now I'm wasting the afternoon, got a better than average bottle of wine on the go and the radio is playing Primus. Gonna start cooking dinner soon.
At this point a mundane day pleasing myself and doing nothing significant is something worth savouring.
At this point a mundane day pleasing myself and doing nothing significant is something worth savouring.
ThisOldHaus
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2024
Yup, was on them for a better part of two years. Got on them shortly after my CPTSD diagnosis. Still in intense therapy, but I've learned how to look after my mental health without the need for them.
Meds can be shitty, ngl. You might have to switch them out for different ones to find what's best for you. That's where talking to your doctors about it comes into play. Communicate to them about any issuess you have, but take the fucking meds, Shinji.
Refocus your bullshit. Stop trying to look for people to hang out with. Right now, you're in a wierd spot and you have to be priority. I get it, shit's lonely. Don't make the same mistake I did by chasing for that Disney ideal of having a group of friends. It's okay to be alone and focus on yourself so that you can be at your best for others. Once you know how your shit works, you'll be able to find a group of morons that you actually like being around.
And for fuck's sake, go to class, take vitamins and shower. Don't be that college kid.
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2022
Put on a new screen protector. Mood improved. Feels like tidying up my room, that feel.
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2020
Problem is, you know it; and since you know it, you know it. You can never be fully ignorant of it again.
You can lie to yourself that it's just your circumstances and there's nothing you can do, but you know that's not true.
So the real choice is:
Be content in the way you live, with the unproductive use of time, the lack of friends and romantic partners (because, whatever society may say, if you can afford and bear to live that way, there's nothing wrong with it), and let go of the blame and resentment.
OR
Change the way you live, in part or in its totality. Address the personal flaws and unwanted behaviors, and make your way towards being the way you want to be, however slow the progress.
Otherwise, you'll be superficially resenting your parents, people, women, society, etc, but underneath it, you'll be resenting yourself.
So my advice, my lad, is to be the way you are, unashamed and untroubled, or to strive to change and be better; but don't fucking pretend, because the act may fool others but it won't fool yourself.
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2023
went for a costco run with my mom and got $400 worth of groceries so we're set for some time now.
ThisOldHaus
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2024
- Joined
- May 19, 2020
<autistic need to share>
I was kind of in the same boat: sports injury when I was 20 and had no insurance, and 20+ years later I could barely walk. My case wasn't as clear-cut as yours, plus I was a minifat white woman in my mid-40s. Getting a doctor to believe it was anything other than a result of me being fat took a long time and a lot of persistence. After a lot of arm-twisting and talking to peoples' bosses they did an arthroscopy and found it it wasn't a case of 'LOLfat' at all. I ended up with a knee replacement (just one knee). </autistic need to share>
BUT, this is not about me. I'm telling YOU that you should absolutely have whatever surgery/treatment you need as soon as it can be arranged, because it's only going to get worse and more painful until it's fixed. If that means getting your knee replaced, go with it. Accept nothing less than being restored to mobility and only the *normal* aches and pains associated with age. You undoubtedly have to work a 40-hour job, look after yourself (and maybe pets), your living space, etc. So do I. And you can't do that without being able to get around.
Just do it as soon as you can. There's not going to be a 'better' time. It will suck no matter what. Just call on as many people as you can to help you out in whatever way they can - you're asking them to walk your dog or pick up groceries, not be a full time nurse. Ok? Knee replacement is no small thing, but it's the reason I've been able to walk like a normal person for the last 18 years. Good luck