How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[obsdj]

and made rape jokes in dms with friends on Twitter

How did your school get access to your Twitter DMs?

 

[Asda Smartprice Sausage]

I am full of self loathing and I wish I didn’t exist!

 

[AssadsTopGuy]

How did your school get access to your Twitter DMs?

No idea man, they somehow pulled out stuff from deactivated accounts too. One thing I noticed though was that they couldn't recover stuff from suspended accounts, and as long as you don't log into any social media on your school/job site's wifi you should be fine.

 

[LonesomeDud]

I am full of self loathing and I wish I didn’t exist!

I'm glad you're here, and I'm not alone in that.

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

Well, I have a wall of text to share;

I was doom scrolling Twitter during class in high school like a month ago (I am 18 btw don't ban my shit pls jannies) and a classmate saw my username and asked me what my twitter was. I was dismissive and made it pretty clear I didn't want to be friends with him and I guess that ticked him off because he reported my account to school staff.

A lot of what I said was compiled by my school and I got digitalfootprinted. What they were most mad about was that I posted a picture of student watching porn during class and made rape jokes in dms with friends on Twitter. What followed was me getting pulled out of class and handcuffed while taking a quiz and sent to a psychiatric ward for 3 days. I was evaluated a lot during this time and they found nothing wrong with me so I was released. The school then decided to expel me as punishment for making edgy jokes on an anonymous twitter account on the grounds that I was a "threat" to the school despite having no behavioral complications at all before this happened. Despite the administration deliberately saying this matter was supposed to be confidential they later went back on that and "warned" students about me, which included namedropping me to them, for making a rape joke in a dm. What annoyed me the most was the school administration repeatedly trying to gaslight my parents into thinking I was a rapist, nazi, threat, etc..

So I get expelled 4 weeks before graduating, get accused of planning to rape other people, have my story shared by teachers without my consent, falsely labeled a nazi, and lose all of my university acceptances.

I didn't know where to post this, but I think KF was a good place to as it is a website that in its nature revolves around freedom of speech. I'm not sure what will be the full effect of this towards my life, but I think it's best to remain hopeful for the future.

Something similar happened to a friend of mine, not in high school but in his trade school. I'll say the same thing I told him: I'm not sure your account is 100% earnest, but it doesn't really matter from the POV of trying to help.

Even if it's totally not your fault you should still deeply consider what factors of your behavior led to this. For instance my friend was big into MDE and other edge humor and it wasn't uncommon for him to drop a joke about killing or rape etc, "heated gamer moments" as the meme goes. Not like "I am going to rape my teacher", more like "These women think they're so free, but wait until after society collapses, they'll be lining up for men to protect them" He had pretty obvious ADHD and was overly phone addicted/too deep into social media and social media politics.

He had a "gamer moment" in an minor arguement in class, they took it serious and called the cops, same thing happened to you happened to him.

He got reaccepted into the same school, but ended up a semester behind and definitely was not socially favored.

I can't guarentee anything, but if you write to those universities with a big ol' sob story about how you've changed, you've gotten medical treatment/counseling, it was impulsive and doesn't represent your views, etc, you might still get accepted.

Otherwise, try saving some money and go to a community college for a few years, then transfer. I know when I was in high school I thought this route was lame, but now that I'm older, let me tell you- avoiding thousands of dollars of debt is very cool, and the community college still has a "party" scene and all the social events you can think of, you won't be missing out.

Otherwise, just get a job for a year and go to college later. Preferably a job that looks good on paper and will be a cool experience.

With my friend, maybe it wasn't really his fault- he said whatever gamer words but he didn't mean it, whatever- at the end of the day, he failed socially. Why were you looking at your degenerate, socially unacceptable Twitter in class? You can have whatever extreme views, but be an adult and protect your OPSEC. I would bet anything that, like my friend, you're already thought of as a social danger or "school shooter type" which will make people take any "jokes" quite seriously, and when police or school admin ask about you, people will be saying "I think he's a real threat", and they have the right to their opinions.

Final note: If your Twitterposting caused you this much strife, I hope to God you fucking DELETED YOUR TWITTER WHICH HAS BEEN DOXED. DELETE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA.

You don't have to be a "normie" or agree with "normie" things to be normal socially. For example I refuse to participate in any and all Pride-themed events, and I just tell people politely, "It's against my religion." Only VERY rarely does anyone push back, but if they do, I just say "I'm not open to debate/discuss it, sorry." Do people talk behind my back or spread a reputation that I'm anti-LGBT? Yeah, and it's true. But I have never got in trouble for it. In contrast, my friend has openly told people "I hate fags" which led to him having to complete a mandatory anti-hate training.... even though his trade employer is pretty much all conservative men who hate fags. Doesn't matter to HR. You just can't run around saying shit impulsively. And it doesn't make you a rebel or an activist, it makes you socially retarded.

I stopped hanging out with this friend, because I worried that he'd get in trouble with the damn glowies one of these days, and I did NOT want to get a visit myself or be involved in his life when/if that happened.
After a few years of work he's sorta mellowed out and we stayed in touch but I won't lie- the whole thing pretty much destroyed our friendship. I'm a kinda esoteric guy, but that doesn't mean I can listen to stupid MDE edgy jokes all day long.

 

[Betonhaus]

I don't really appreciate this trend of super edgy language, especially on the internet it's normal to wish for the death of someone or delight in terrible misfortune - when if this was a real person and even you experienced first hand you would be horrified and traumatized. People say all those things but don't really mean it, and some people take those statements seriously or think they condone those actions.

It's sort of our failure of a society that we aren't teaching kids and adults that "hey, this isn't okay" because without that lesson they won't know.

 

[LonesomeDud]

I don't really appreciate this trend of super edgy language, especially on the internet it's normal to wish for the death of someone or delight in terrible misfortune - when if this was a real person and even you experienced first hand you would be horrified and traumatized. People say all those things but don't really mean it, and some people take those statements seriously or think they condone those actions.

It's sort of our failure of a society that we aren't teaching kids and adults that "hey, this isn't okay" because without that lesson they won't know.

Death is so final and cruel to wish on someone. All you can do is try to live righteously, guide others to do better, and lift others up.

 

[gorgoroth7134]

In a lot of pain for the first time since I got off my medication. Handling it probably 7/10 well enough. Just poor timing since I stopped drinking caffeine again.

 

[Outer Space Traveller]

It won't let me directly reply for some reason but to answer your question @Outer Space Traveller I've been thinking about doing community college now. My family is well off and my parents probably wouldn't mind me living with them for more time, and My gpa was perfect for most of my time in high school. Hopefully it shouldn't be too hard to transfer to an actual, good university in the next few years.

I see. Good luck!

 

[Derrick]

I don't really appreciate this trend of super edgy language, especially on the internet it's normal to wish for the death of someone or delight in terrible misfortune - when if this was a real person and even you experienced first hand you would be horrified and traumatized. People say all those things but don't really mean it, and some people take those statements seriously or think they condone those actions.

It's sort of our failure of a society that we aren't teaching kids and adults that "hey, this isn't okay" because without that lesson they won't know.

This is something I see often in Youtube comment sections, I very rarely post (precisely for this reason) but I do look at them some and it seems that if a comment thread is more than 4 or 5 replies long it will devolve into a shouting match of two people trying to insult the other. Whenever I see this I think, 'you don't know this person', for all you know you could have been friends had you met under different circumstances. I almost want to step into their back and forth and say 'stop, theres no need for senseless taunting. It isn't productive, it doesn't make you feel any better. It just makes everyone feel worse'.

 

[rel=alternate]

Wired, that's how I am feeling. And it's unexpected.

I found myself out of filters and managed to get some out of a summer jacket pocket I did not use for maybe two years.

Come to find out I also had speed in that pocket and I've been clenching my jaws like crazy for hours without realizing.

My next meeting is in about 6 hours, and I don't think I am going to be able to sleep...

Pro tip; if you give up drugs, make sure you don't have any lying around in clothing you don't wear often.

I was never addicted, so that's fine. But it's going to be fucking with me for at least 24 hours, I know it.

 

[doomocract]

work on unemploy claim. gov is dickless & retarded

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

When they say no good deed goes unpunished they weren't fucking kidding. Having a real "tried to do something good and altruistic and now there's a knife in my back" moment, can't really elaborate without powerleveling but it's making me debate how much goodwill I have left in me.
On the other hand the same good deed has lead me to a very positive opportunity that I'm looking forward to starting.

 

[GAY DEAD MUPPET GANGBANG]

I need to get something off my chest. If only for me.

I feel like a bit of an asshat. I have an amazing girlfriend, one I'm extremely committed to, talked to every single day for years now, been together with in person and there's really nothing bad I can ever say about her; any guy would love to have someone in their life so committed, understanding, and genuine. The way we met too was right out of a romance novel, deus ex machina, you name it. We both turned a tragedy regarding a favorite series we both shared and wound up meeting because of it. I have no complaints.

So then WHY am I still thinking about a girl I met online even longer ago, pushing almost 5 years now, and only talked with for a few months, at best, on a forum? We chatted in depth all the time about our interests, but did I ever KNOW a thing about her? No. Her name? Not even that.
Thing is, I'm not in love with her; maybe I was back then, but it never got that point. Thing is, it wasn't for a lack of trying, she flat out abandoned me right when we had decided to move forward. And I never heard back from her again. She left me when I needed her most.
This person came into my life right when I needed her, as a friend or whatever; I think we all needed somebody at the time, but that's it. Maybe I came on too strong, maybe she just couldn't grasp how I felt beyond just being friends. (Autism perhaps?)
I've had to move past missing her, it's been years now, but I won't deny this person, whoever she was, will always remain special to me. Even now, I start tearing up when I remember her.

The sweetest and meekest person, who just wanted a friendly conversation and connection with somebody exactly like I did.... I'll never forget that. Is it closure? Is it just that I don't want to forget this person, whom without I never even would've managed to meet my current girlfriend?

I don't want to hate her. I don't want to forget her. I like that I still tear up because she was special to me. And I hope, wherever she is, at least she has that memory regarding me as well. That was definitively something special too.

Life moves on though. I won't dwell on her beyond that; a very special friend with a lot of potential who helped me through a truly rough time. Even now, I do still care about her. I just hope she knows that.

But my real girlfriend has done the same things too, only she never left and is still here. I need to always remember that. The past is the past. It's fun to look back, maybe even reminisce, but what can never be will forever remain as such. And sometimes you really need to jot down your thoughts like this to really get that perspective you've been lacking and that's been bothering you for awhile.
I love my old friend, but I love my girlfriend more, and I never want her to feel I'm still harboring feelings for a "could've been"; it's a lot more nuanced than that. I value every person who's contributed to my life in whatever way, the good or the bad. I wouldn't be here or who I am without them, and that is always deserving of a memory; even more-so when they really impacted my life, no matter how brief their time was.

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

I never want her to feel I'm still harboring feelings for a "could've been"; it's a lot more nuanced than that.

Spoiler: Blilllliii's mom keeps art from a past flame

My mother's high school boyfriend, long before she met my father, was an artist. My mother has kept the drawings he made her her entire life. When I first saw them as a kid, I was pretty confused and wondered if this was some form of cheating even. Why keep mementos like that?

Now that I'm older, I understand that it's natural and probably even healthy in most cases. Thinking that your current partner is literally the only person who could ever love you is clearly not right.... Obviously my mother had no intention of getting back together with the boy she dated for a few months at age 16 -she literally forget his name- but I remember her telling me, "Your father has never given me gifts like this", and it wasn't something said from anger- my dad just wasn't a gifted artist lol. It meant something in the story of her life.

That's just what I was reminded of, sorry if it's not relevant. Also I think the sincerity of your post is funny with your, uh, creative username, Mr. GAY DEAD MUPPET GANGBANG.

I am finally getting medical stuff taken care of now that I've got the time. I got pretty bad news- not sure what I expected, I guess I just still was not prepared to hear it.

I feel like I need the support of one of my more mature friends but I'm not actually sure of how to go about that. I worry that I'll drain him or he'll grow distant from me if he learns the reality of my medical issues. Anyone will say "I'm here for you" but reality is more complicated. Like, I kinda need a ride home from the hospital after a procedure, and the person has to come in and sign, it can't be an Uber. He's the first person I can think of that could do it. But he's got his own life. I don't know how to ask those types of things from him.

 

[GAY DEAD MUPPET GANGBANG]

I think the worst part is when I even shared with my girlfriend, she understood and all that, but also said I really owed her nothing, probably imagined a lot of it, and that she didn't much care for her, given that her vanishing almost flat out destroyed me for a good year thereafter. I had literally nothing after that rug pull.

And honestly.... I know she's completely right. You literally don't say to people "Everything about you is special to me" or "I won't ghost on you. That's a promise" or even "You're the best thing I ever got from there" and not have someone read deeper into it. I didn't imagine it, but it clearly wasn't true. That much IS fact. She did all those things and honestly, she's probably not even sorry anymore or probably is just posting about more of her shows without any regard to how it impacted me. Even though she also mentioned it was never her intent to hurt me. Well, you did.

And here you have me, who definitely holds grudges all the time over stupid things, who'll still probably break down in tears if she ever did pop back just to be friends with her again.

It's kinda sad. What am I clinging to? Yes, that was a good time, but the past several years with my current girlfriend were way better and it wasn't all just a blip in the wind.

I think I wrote all this just to really get my thoughts out and remind myself of this. Don't cling to the bullshit of the past.

That's a good lesson for anyone.

 

[Spruce Supremacist]

Not having any loved ones - be it relatives, a special someone or whatever - with each passing year is getting harder to deal with. You keep going through the same motions every day, but the intrusive, defeatist thoughts of "why am I even doing any of this" keep popping up. How I miss my younger years when you'd know that there's always someone waiting for you back home.

 

[obsdj]

Not having any loved ones - be it relatives, a special someone or whatever - with each passing year is getting harder to deal with. You keep going through the same motions every day, but the intrusive, defeatist thoughts of "why am I even doing any of this" keep popping up. How I miss my younger years when you'd know that there's always someone waiting for you back home.

I feel this. I have alienated pretty much everyone local who used to be friends or even friendly with me. My only remaining friends are people I only know online, people in other states, etc.

My current struggle to find a place to live has really put it in sharp relief for me, because I have no "networking" available to me. No word of mouth, no local friends to tell their friends to tell their friends my situation, much less friends to let me crash if I can't find a place in time. Things are getting pretty dark for me.

 

[Betonhaus]

I might've made a mistake in choosing the bus position over the lab assistant one, but granted there was no guarantee that I would get the lab assistant position. But the lab one would've had be guaranteed work that started Monday for a couple months - while the bus position turns out to be three days of trainings then a voucher to write the class 2 written test, then eventually I might get scheduled for proper class 2 drivers training.

I'll see how this goes, but income support is already suspicious after the last job I had that didn't last a month.

 

[deermeat]

lately Ive been purposely sleep depriving myself for whatever faggot reason, rn my brain isnt working lol its like I have zero long term thoughts.
I hate it but I'm also curious, kinda wanna keep going.