How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[anustart76]

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...You've hit it off with girls you're related to?

Also beware the art hoe. I married one and paid the price.

Am I misunderstanding that phrase? I thought it just meant you got along well with someone.

 

[DavidS877]

Am I misunderstanding that phrase? I thought it just meant you got along well with someone.

Usually implies romantically. Or at least many people will take it that way.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

So again, I'm working on it. Just hate the process.

Yes, there are people here rooting for you.

But most the time I kind of look at where I'm at and cringe a bit and want to die.
I feel like any real change I can do now is just catchup. I feel like any progress I could make from this point would be the equivalent of winning the special olympics.

You know what? Today I dealt with 4 - no, maybe 5? - different things I've been avoiding for YEARS because dealing with them reminded me of a very bad period and everything I let slip and all the loss and failure of that time, and the hump of just making the call or getting things together for it felt like more than I could stand (much easier to feel busy with my present and future). ...And the news wasn't great. But it's better than it would be if I continued to avoid it. And stuff is now in motion to deal with things that have been lurking every minute of every day for years, so even if painful, they're going to be off my mental load soon, and I can already taste that elevation.

And make no mistake, I've got 50 million other things that need handling, but these were all in the top 10, and even though there's a bunch of followup and as I mentioned some unpleasant outcome, I feel like I at least loosened a manacle on one hand.

Tl; dr: I love and respect the past, but there are times it's better just to move forward and silence the shouts that you screwed up xyz before.

William Morris had an aesthetic sensibility:

Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.​

I think this is a useful sentiment for our day-to-day mental life as well. In other words, harsh self-criticism, beyond digestion and unless it is successfully prodding us to better, is a net negative. Be realistic, be candid with yourself, but for a purpose. (There's only so much beauty in suffering. )

I mean, being 100% honest? Actual, but not in a unique or special way. Right now I'm high, and I can tell you I was way too serious and sad when I wrote that, and I don't think it was that serious, in retrospect.

I am horrified.

Bon chance.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Yesterday was shit. They told me there was gonna be some extra work at the job after early shift. I started at 4 in the morning and finished by 9. Then they say let's have a coffee and thinking that I had to work till mid-day, I agree. During the coffee they say "fuck it, let's do it the other day". I wanted to have a nap after that, thanks fucking much. At least I am free for the weekend, so take care and have a good one.

 

[Daddy's Little Shitbag]

Just another day in the office, really.

 

[DeutscheKatze]

i cant do this alone anymore
I need help
i dont know how to get it without money
i dont want to let people know
Its conflicting

Ill try to get at least a reliable car for a short duration from parents so i can clean up and get rid of stuff in my 2 week vacation

but i dont have money to renovate
my cleaning utensils always running out

Idk if i should do agofundme
Too public
Too shameful

the life cycle of these things could continue, then thats all for nothing

i really dont know anymore what to do
Hope i can get the humidity down here
Makes me fear for the next rain
i feel awful that my cat has to endure this with me
I dont deserve anything
Im too dumb to live, its my fault

 

[keke]

All things are pretty stressful right now but staying positive and enjoying the little things

 

[Outer Space Traveller]

I was meant to go to a birthday celebration of my uncle. Short story, I gave up at the last time, probably because of not wanting to. I always said yes to everything my family wanted me to do. Truth is, I wanted to go, but travelling 5 hours and I didn't feel like it. My mother then turned to emotionally blackmail me that life would "treat me as I deserve". Probably because I have a job now and she has no resource to use against me, so that's that.

I just want to be alone, but with some limited company if that makes sense? I don't know. Plus there'll be some unpleasant company there, and I don't feel like being there. And it will be only for one day. I need to learn how to decide things earlier rather than later, and not fall for such traps.

 

[Instant_Pot_User]

Spoiler: POWERLEVELING

Trying to set up dates, feels like progress is very slow and tenuous. I'm impatient. It feels like when I was first learning to drive: I thought I was doing worse than I actually am.
I've had 3 weekends in a row where I've gone out with a cute girl though, that's pretty positive. She’s cute, but I have to discern if I want to just stay friends or start something romantic.
There's another girl who I'd like to get to know, but she doesn’t answer texts for several days and it's really annoying. I'm not asking to co-sign a lease or buy a house, I'm asking just to go for a coffee.
I've got a stable corpo job, no debt, all in all things *are* looking up – I just have to be *patient* but that’s what’s most difficult.

tl;dr tfw no gf

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Got two female bosses. We're being told we'll be doing some of the scheduling ourselves, basically half the work of one of our bosses. Aight we're not getting a raise, so what do we gain from her having more time? Yet to be seen. Oh and she's down with depression and eye issues and shit. She makes literally twice of what we do, I just learned. The other lady is "new" and does the whole "ahaha idk what im doing!! im in my little pink car!! ahaha! i cant afford better!" act.

Realizing they both make twice what we do is nuts. Like genuinely lost all respect for them as people. They act like they're shunned by everyone else in the company and woe-is-me type shit. "Just us two and you guys". For that wage? Neck yourself. Jesus christ I hate middle manager culture however much I'm hoping to get into an office gig soon. Fucking yuck.

I think this is a useful sentiment for our day-to-day mental life as well. In other words, harsh self-criticism, beyond digestion and unless it is successfully prodding us to better, is a net negative. Be realistic, be candid with yourself, but for a purpose. (There's only so much beauty in suffering. )

Basically. I've been throwing out and donating so much shit and I hate seeing friends fail to do the same. Wannabe streamer who wants to just play games and chill but doesn't want to stop streaming. Constantly tries to entertain people who're set to invisible, as they too are set to invisible, wondering why things are going so slow. At this point I've removed so many decent folk just cause they're set to invisible and offline everywhere. I ain't signed up for a fucking penpal community, I don't want to wait 3 days for a reply. Or worse, a tweet going boohoo me sad.

At this point I'm so hooked on the idea that people are just busy 24/7. A cul-de-sac party described by my coworker? how? dont they have jobs and kids and money and shit? oh right they're not terminally online gooners.

 

[owed to joy]

My wife is pregnant. First child. Confirmed it yesterday. Wasn't planned yet but we're very happy. Very excited. Can't wait to hold my baby.

 

[56 others]

After suffering through the hell of trying to find and applying at rentals, my coworker gave me the bright idea to call the people who manage my current place. Well they had the perfect rental available and I dont even need to apply because they know me. Im even getting an extra week at my place to move out since theyre just gonna renovate after I move out.

Sometimes good things happen

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

Found a medical professional that’s willing to do more than just throw anti depressants at me for my anxiety
Doing some deep blood work
Very happy

 

[The Feline Solution]

Genuinely tired of living. I give myself 4 years more I have to "try" before I have the right to pop myself in the head.
Autism is a fucking curse and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I've been saying the "just a couple more years of this shit and i off myself" for at least 20 years, still haven't got around to it. I am convinced i would have done it ages ago if i had access to a gun, pulling the trigger on an impulse while in crisis is something i can picture much more easily than hanging myself or cutting my wrists. But, alas, i am a filthy european nogunz so i'm doomed to live. It's some bullshit, i tell you hwhat.

 

[Imp]

Knee replacement revision surgery has been done. The worst of the pain is over thank you Jesus. Two weeks of no bending but it’s not a hardship because my kitty is glued to my lap.

The surgeon who released me from hospital told me that I have POTS (temporary from dehydration). I had internal giggles thinking about our Munchy maids but I didn’t mention the farms

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I've been saying the "just a couple more years of this shit and i off myself" for at least 20 years, still haven't got around to it. I am convinced i would have done it ages ago if i had access to a gun, pulling the trigger on an impulse while in crisis is something i can picture much more easily than hanging myself or cutting my wrists. But, alas, i am a filthy european nogunz so i'm doomed to live. It's some bullshit, i tell you hwhat.

If you aren't willing to drain your accounts, max all possible loans and spend 4 months in another country, you don't truly want to off yourself. Best case you now feel fire for life but kill yourself over the debt.

 

[Larry Potterfield]

I'm somehow becoming the HR person at my job and it's starting to get annoying. People come to me to bitch about something someone else did and I'm like "Did you let them know?" and it resolves the problem 90% of the time. They walk past the HR office and come to my little rinky dink office at the back corner of the building to do this shit. I feel like people are so emotionailly stunted that me being helpful makes me a target for it.

 

[KSachiko77]

I just changed my phone wallpaper and added a new wallpaper for my main browser. It's mainly a big switch from a cool blue to a much more aggressive red color, which is something I did to complement the seasons changing. I really like the look of it and I've even posted this new wallpaper in the random pics and gifs thread. I've also begun doing some cleaning around the house to keep things orderly and I've got some mail from Geico saying that I have a check for me. Life is going well enough.

 

[The Feline Solution]

If you aren't willing to drain your accounts, max all possible loans and spend 4 months in another country, you don't truly want to off yourself. Best case you now feel fire for life but kill yourself over the debt.

While that would be the "perfect" way to do it i don't think many people who top themselves go about it in a planned-out, sorta rational manner, it's more an impulse, spur-of-the-moment thing once it all gets too much too handle. I also find it interesting how suicide survivors, failed jumpers and the like, always say that the last thing they can remember is thinking "I do not want to die!", that inherent survival instinct sure is a bitch.

 

[Eagle Bro]

Feeling traumatized like I can't focus long enough to enjoy my art hobbies anymore when I don't troll or do any stupid shit.

I'm sick of being banned over literally nothing online. This is the only site where I can say anything within reason and not have a fucking kill team of tranny jannies show up out of nowhere to ban without warning not only me, but anyone else not in their stupid cliques.