How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Scream Aim Fire]

There's been a few issues on my end; the current biggest one is the matter of finding a job. I've applied for a few, but there just doesn't seem to be any decent positions open, and the jobs I have applied to haven't been getting back to me for whatever reason. Decidedly not helping matters is having to deal with people who really don't understand how crap the market is these days; whether it's younger retards who insist that the government will pay for everything, or older people who think that we could just walk in and get a job but don't because "the younger generations are lazy and don't deserve the right to think for themselves" or some shit.

Physically, I'm not 100 percent, either; dealing with some chest pains, sickness, plenty of crap going on. Fortunately, I've already got my blood work into a doctor, and my health has been improving somewhat, so... I think things are improving on that front. Granted, I'll have to wait for my next doctor's visit to really confirm, so I'm not out of the woods just yet.

Unfortunately, physical and financial issues aren't my biggest problem; a relative of mine has gotten themselves into some... let's just say "severe legal trouble" these days, and it's been stressing me and my family out severely. Particularly my parents, as they were pretty close to this guy, and... let's just say that it's been messy.

On a more personal/awkward note, I was doing a writing challenge, and I was asked to write something self-indulgent, i.e., writing whatever I want, however I want. Problem is, I have no idea what to write; I've got some idea on some macro (setting, plot) and micro (character design) details, but nothing cohesive.

 

[Catman from cat town]

Got my yearly flu shot today. I’m afraid of needles so I look away and grab something with the arm that’s not getting the shot. This time I barely felt the needle and was able to look at the needle after injection. Either the pharmacist is a true pro at giving vaccines or the needles are so small that they don’t hurt as much.

 

[Outer Space Traveller]

I'm having a horrible damn migraine, and I don't know what can it be. I think it's a little bit of everything, and it's pissing me off. Plus, my body is tired, since between at least 1 month - 2 weeks. I've been taking medication (200 mg Topiramate; 150 mg Pregbalin; 450 mg Venlafaxin Chrolidrahyte; 2* 2.5 mg Minoxidil oral; 0.5 mg Dastene), yet none of these had adverse effects. So it's probably a few options below:

• Body detoxifying;
• Lowering of carbohydrate intake;
• Tired eyesight;
• Needing to use glasses again;
• Something else entirely.

Update: I had a good night's of sleep, but I still feel tired. Something tells me it could be carbohydrate, eyesight and maybe a detoxifying. Who knows?

 

[The Feline Solution]

Railed the last half gram i had stashed and am off to the Jobcenter in half an hour. They haven't invited me in close to a year so i'm curious about what they want. Probably got assigned a new case worker so i have to go through the "Look, i can't go to that prestigious and no doubt future-proof 1€ job you're offering because i'm a hardcore fucking drug addict" spiel again. I'm thrilled.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

In one month the trial period at my job ends and something tells me it's gonna be it. The boss scolds me at every opportunity, even for the shit that we resolved before. Can't say I am going to miss this place, but I really don't know what to do afterwards, especially when I have a cat on my hands now. Rarely anyone allows to have pets in the apartment and it breaks my heart if I will have to give her away to someone else. I caught myself thinking that I don't want happiness anymore, I just want peace. Knowing that there is some stability in my life, when I haven't had that in a long time.
Take care and have a nice weekend. Mine is going to suck ass, since I am working.

 

[LonesomeDud]

In one month the trial period at my job ends and something tells me it's gonna be it. The boss scolds me at every opportunity, even for the shit that we resolved before. Can't say I am going to miss this place, but I really don't know what to do afterwards, especially when I have a cat on my hands now. Rarely anyone allows to have pets in the apartment and it breaks my heart if I will have to give her away to someone else. I caught myself thinking that I don't want happiness anymore, I just want peace. Knowing that there is some stability in my life, when I haven't had that in a long time.
Take care and have a nice weekend. Mine is going to suck ass, since I am working.

You have nothing left to lose. Tell your boss how badly you need the job. Ask him what you need to do to keep it. Sometimes people just need to know what's up so they will want to help you.

 

[Grundlejungle]

I'm so fucking tired, and everything hurts all the time. Every time life starts to let up, it turns out that life is just put renting another NFL kicker to punt me in the balls. My health is on a steady decline, while responsiblys are continuously heaped upon me. I don't know how much longer I can take it before someone breaks in a serious way.

 

[The Feline Solution]

Bah, caught the fucking flu today after i went to visit a friend after my appointment (which went as expected). I hate being sick. Had to cut the evening short because i started to feel worse and worse and my nose getting more runny and runny. Bought a bottle of white wine in the, most likely vain, hope of torturing the virus out of my system, already had a glass before i left my friend's place. For whatever fucking reason i asked the very pretty Lidl cashier her name and with a beaming smile she told me "It's Sophia!", apparently i still got it despite looking and feeling like shit.

 

[Dragged Into Sunlight]

I keep having horrible nightmares about my ex from a few years ago. Just woke from another where all that happened was we sat and hugged but it felt so real. I haven't felt that same feeling with any of the girls I've dated since then so it's quite distressing to feel it in a dream and then wake up to the sad reality.

 

[DeutscheKatze]

dont think im gonna recover from that heartbreak

it‘s so over for me

 

[Anti Alien Alarm]

doing amazing today. got a dog im been fostering for a few weeks now adopted. hes a really social and kind pupper, loves everybody.

 

[Ibanez RG 350EX]

How do people deal with step-family stuff? My brother is dating this woman who has three kids that are like 14, 12, and 11 or somewhere around there.

They come to all of our family gatherings now and I have virtually nothing to say to them. They're not BAD kids, but I'm not related to them, I didn't know them as they grew up, and they're all heading toward that moody, awkward adolescent phase. They're a bunch of strangers that I'm expected to suddenly treat with familial warmth and it's extremely uncomfortable.

 

[DeutscheKatze]

maybe not all is lost, but this all is so hard
Idk, i hope for the best, for a little faith left for me

i ramble a lot but im really thankful for all the responses from the kiwis
cannot articulate it well, but it means so much and never will be forgotten

Spoiler: update on stuff lately

had 2 weeks vacation when i deepcleaned the apartment and mold, then one week work

now the two weeks vacation after that are almost over, monday back to work
most of the ppl i used to know are in hamburg having the time of their life
its not fomo, it‘s something else
its just a door closing, i mourned it all long enough, wish them the best on their ways


last vacation this year will be october for my birthday

So far the mold hasnt come back
i got 2 airfilters from ikea, aswell as some furniture over the last weeks

money i didn‘t have but i pay it off over the months

i basicly never got furniture after i moved in from a tricky situation, everything was in boxes n bulky

now stuff is properly tucked away, everything is more open, more airy, easier to keep clean n check for mold

Every room has now this digital thingy for humidity
I air out all the time, kinda a bit hyper aware now
i got those silica gel stuff for boxes, clothes etc, basicly threw away a lot of stuff i don‘t need, cleaned further
everything i put away now i try to seal and put these lil packets in, in kitchen kabinets in everything
going kinda psycho with it, but whatever
and lavendel packets, make this a home
not just somewhere i have to be till i work again
even if this all could be just temporary
if i one day get the chance to leave germany, leave this all behind
ill have to let go anyway

i finally decided i want to use the livingroom, instead of a kartonbunker
Make it my gym space, and maybe later art idk yet

gonna paint it this weekend, one wall will get a big ass diy mirror
most stuff arrived now

besides that, i havent worked out in like 3 months
im at my lowest weight so far, starting cooking myself and eating healthier
still i feel fat
I still need to get rid of like 10-15KG n then bulk with muscles

I love this one person, but im also a very broken person myself
And just now with unfolding all my hurt after i left the old alcoholic friend space, n lost weight, i still have to much to fix

i cause this person hurt, when its not needed
Yet i see this person as my only future

it gives working towards my goals, an endgoal
its complicated
they have helped me a lot, they didnt give up on me
and helped me to navigate this, everyone else left me when it came to that, so i left them behind

i just really hope ill make it all work
even went to the tooth doc a week ago, they estimate like a 700+€ bill but i haven‘t signed that yet n gonna discuss that first with them

i neglected myself a lot the last 5-6 years, im gonna turn 29 and i feel i only now start to take care of me, unfold me
all of what i lost along the way
i want to regain drawing too, i havent created since 3 years, i need it as an outlet besides gym stuff

family is barely to nothing looking after me
but its ok tho
i hope i can fix myself
So i can live my own life, know what it means to be happy again
for at least the next 20-30 years or what we have left
life is so sacred

need to do better
im not so hard with myself anymore,
a lot of ppl are financially fucked, its not my fault in all
i can make better what i can each day each week, but i cant keep living like im punishing myself all the time

all i can do is try and try
hopefully i have good updates in the future
328 days sober
almost did self harm again, was so fed up with myself, i keep hurting who i love ans making dumb mistakes
but i pulled myself together

i still need to get in touch with some kind of therapy form, for now the tooth doc and apartment stuff kept me busy

they want 2 wisdom teeth pulled, n then to drillings n fillings multiple tooths

i dont have any diseases, but i prolly should hit up the pflaumendoc, gyno aswell
maybe my hormones are all fucked up?
maybe im just an undiagnosed add bipolar whatever helicopter, autism chic
emotionally fucked from alcoholic sex furs and lifelong emotional neglect from parents
Idk man
gonna fix it, and lift iron
and art bugs n insects n cats

Sorry for my rambling
a lot of stuff unfolding upon me
i pushed problems away when i was living alone, i drowned them in alc and bad company back then

need to do this myself, for myself
everything else is bonus

 

[WelperHelper99]

I got in a fender bender. Both cars still work and everyone is OK but my insurance is not going to be happy come Monday. I hope I don't get dropped lol (I wanna die)

 

[Neighborhood Curmudgeon]

My girlfriend and I broke up, yet I'm indifferent. It was fun while it lasted, but I feel relieved rather than sad. I don't really want to try and find anyone else either. Having a girlfriend felt like a chore. I know that makes me an austist and all. I get that. But I don't feel like I lost or failed anything.

Now I'll just go back to how I lived before I had a girlfriend. And now I realize that I really am happier living how I want instead of jumping through hoops for other people's expectations. This is just my own personal take on it.

 

[Ibanez RG 350EX]

It was fun while it lasted, but I feel relieved rather than sad. I don't really want to try and find anyone else either. Having a girlfriend felt like a chore.

Now I'll just go back to how I lived before I had a girlfriend. And now I realize that I really am happier living how I want instead of jumping through hoops for other people's expectations.

 

[2mm and 99 others]

maybe not all is lost, but this all is so hard
Idk, i hope for the best, for a little faith left for me

i ramble a lot but im really thankful for all the responses from the kiwis
cannot articulate it well, but it means so much and never will be forgotten

You should get an electric dehumidifier, it should cost like 150-200e in the lower price range. It works on the same principle as air-condition or fridge, but it's made to condensate water from the air as its primary function. The silicagel bags are good for car, but insufficient for a flat, and the ikea thingies only cure the symptoms.
Drier air also makes the room feel warmer (if it's cold)

 

[DeutscheKatze]

You should get an electric dehumidifier, it should cost like 150-200e in the lower price range. It works on the same principle as air-condition or fridge, but it's made to condensate water from the air as its primary function. The silicagel bags are good for car, but insufficient for a flat, and the ikea thingies only cure the symptoms.
Drier air also makes the room feel warmer (if it's cold)

i was thinking of getting those, tho i had no money at the time nor do i want my electric bill to spike

in the bedroom alone i have 9 of those non electric dehumidifiers, and i frequently refill them with new packages
i think its some sort of chemical salt or so

i have them scattered around in the other rooms too 1-2 depending on placement

was the best option i had at the time money wise

if i have some money on the side i think ill switch tho
they seem more powerful

 

[2mm and 99 others]

This sounds like Vimes Boots Theory - in long run, those tabs or bags are expensive af, I mean extremely overpriced, given that it's some primitive chemical that's not exactly rocket science.
What those make in 3 weeks, the condensation thing makes in 1 day. It spikes the electric bill, yes, but the molds might spike cold medicine bills even more than that.

 

[Pierre D'Olnique]

Last Thursday my doctor called me a retard after seeing my blood test results showcasing a severe deficiency of potassium and magnesium, which matched all the slowly mounting symptoms I've been having (irritability, elevated blood pressure, constipation, leg and abdominal cramps, shaky hands, fatigue, mood swings, numbness). I haven't felt this good in ages. Nothing hurts, I'm full of energy and eager to do stuff I've been putting off. Walking with the heel lift is paying off big time, too. I can't believe how much of a difference actually walking straight can make. If everything goes to plan I might finally get out of this social hole I've dug myself into. Just gotta play the cards right. For the first time in my life I feel like real happiness is within reach.