How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[missnaptime]

I might have fucking skin cancer and I have to wait several months for a fucking appointment with *just* a GP.

I am not Canadian. I am a fucking United States Citizen.

I hope orange Cheeto Hitler deports every last fucking illegal.

you me both.

 

[FILTH Tourist]

She reached out first? That's good news!

Yep! She even asked for my number too!

So yes, either ask her if she'd like to go get a drink (or coffee or dinner, or whatever is standard in your world) [this week or next weekend or whatever], and if she's receptive have a place/time in mind and suggest it, but be flexible. Or if that feels too much, just say (even if repetitive) you really enjoyed chatting and ask her something minor like has she been working there long or whatever - just chitchat.

Yeah, she goes to a university nearby so I was going to ask if she knows any good tea shops. We talked on Sunday, I'm thinking of leaving Monday alone and texting Tuesday. Or should I just get right on it?

And I'll disagree with @Señora Airi a bit - "hang out sometime" is wishy-washy if you're interested. I appreciate low key, and it could be fine, but if you're interested, ask her out.

Absolutely this. I find suggesting something specific but leaving it open if she wants to do something else works a lot better.

 

[Lukie]

Slept for a couple of hours now it's 4am and can't crash out. Working nights sucks it's ruins your sleeping pattern.

you me both.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Yep! She even asked for my number too!

Yay!

Yeah, she goes to a university nearby so I was going to ask if she knows any good tea shops. We talked on Sunday, I'm thinking of leaving Monday alone and texting Tuesday. Or should I just get right on it?

Monday afternoon/early eve.

 

[Lukie]

Damn I just watched the newest EWU and it left me feeling very unsettled. I had a really nasty experience a few years ago. Very similar behaviour, just less stabby. Same type of emotional and mental abuse, screaming, cruelty and drama.

Seriously lads don't date the hot BPD egirl. You may think that you have the fortitude to handle them and help them - but you don't they will try and break you too and leave scars.

You'll find much more happiness and stability with a kind, mellow natured woman whose attractiveness isn't their greatest feature.

 

[Dawdler]

There's more... She went under the knife no fewer than three times this month. We have a supporting family, she already beat cancer 6 years ago, but my sister refuses to visit. She loves me so, so much, but I can't help but think I could've been a better son. She had to endure so much hardship. How she left home at 14, got a higher education and escaped poverty... She didn't deserve the man my father is. She did her best for me. I could never thank her enough. And she's dying. She wants to spend the last of her days with me. But I will never be a tenth of the person she is. I should carry on her torch, her legacy, and let her inspire me to be the best man (and hopefully future father) I can be. But my nigger brain still has the audacity to tell me to end it. I must overcome this grief and shame.

Sadly, I understand how this ends. Just be there, It's gonna be over in a blink of an eye. Bring her some home made food bc. hospital one sucks.
Record her voice, smile and if she has the strength to write you a note. Those are the last things that remain. After that there's just emptiness.

 

[Jaws Of Hell]

Family issues turned up to 11 this week and my career is in the shitter. I know it's just a bad moment, I've been through worse and grew from it, but it really fucking sucks when everything is terrible at the same time.

 

[Jason Wynn]

Got a new person on my crew at work. Supposed to show him the ropes for the next couple of nights. Introduced myself, everything seemed good, asked him after awhile if he had any questions and the first thing out of this kid’s mouth is “I just want to make sure your pronouns are he/him, right?”

Really, dude? Just flatly told him “yeah, sure.” to which he happily responded “you can just call me whatever! I go by any pronoun!”

I am too sober to deal with any xirs tonight. Goody goody…

 

[C. G. B. Spender]

I have a kid on the way and just today learned that "my" government hands out books in school to boys about how to deep throat dicks and dry humping. I wish i was joking around but im not, its a highest possible red alert if there ever was one. Turbocucked european school system bullshit where this rainbow grooming has gone clearly too far. Put this article through a translator if u dont believe me.

https://www.iltalehti.fi/kotimaa/a/ee7e74fe-b0ea-455e-9a9c-bdfb0059b947

 

[Betonhaus]

I haven't been sleeping properly the last few days, and when I don't my ear starts to ring. It's been ringing pretty bad all day today.

 

[Mayor Cody Travers]

Spoiler: Far, far too much PL'ing I KNOW I'll regret posting but here goes nothing.

I am really feeling it all across my life, big and small, lately.

The job hunt is making me want to tear my hair out. I want to find decent work soon but going through the motions of hunting, again, is already getting to me. And I need to widen my hunt's area because...

....I can't spend too much more time living here. Work feels like it's drying up here. There's nothing here to do I can find interesting even when I had it, it's cold and lifeless far too long for most of the year, and to have to drive everywhere just to get to anywhere in the slightest is killing me. I've at least been in walkable areas before both in areas I liked and disliked and I'm learning I vastly prefer those to places where I have to use a car for every single spot. But also because I think if I want to make something of and live life for myself again I need to push out from family, prohibitively expensive as it will be. I quite like my (maternal) aunt and uncle and respect them heavily, but they are (justly) focusing on my idiot cousin moving back in with her kids because she kept clinging to a dumbass guy. And living with them is in this very region I speak of and their promise to help me learn to figure life out is understandably put on hold, since they wanted to due to the below issue in my life.

------

I am also maddened by my visit to my paternal aunt to reconcile with her and learning 100% that everything my maternal aunt bitched on about my parents is not only corroborated, but new shitty little details my paternal aunt revealed actually line up with some guesswork I had of them. I've always despised my father for being a physically abusive twat, but realizing my mom happily kept us bumfuck isolated so she could keep me and my brother as her eternal comfort toys or baby dolls to play with even though we're goddamn people and clearly suffered socially for it is maddening, as is once again being reminded that she happily egged my dad on - deserved or not - because I was the "heavy" who would split up the inevitable physical fight even if I could nominally finally get smacked around myself. And my aunts alike admit they know I'm a social dumbass because it was just me and my family growing up in the boonies, and that mom was more than happy to cry to me on how divorce is tooooootally happening this time I'm so sorry Cody, only to never actually do...

...it reminds me how she texted me the weekend before her stroke she wanted me to have power of attorney, and when my maternal aunt and I pulled up a notary to do it behind dad's back with a ton of stressful planning and cost to do so she fucking rejected signing the papers, then later on in front of dad asked not to worry on that yet for anyone, and. Going through all that stress and pain to do my best to keep her safe and happy for what she says she wants, and to ensure her claim we'd get something since dad would totally leave us nothing, only to then later on have dad call me up to look over HIS will he's made post-stroke where he's leaving everything to my brother and I... I'm disgusted by her too, okay? I'm disgusted by both of them. So much of my life wrapped up trying to do right by mom and to be a decent person overall in the family, to have to realize I'm just a fucking doll to mom yet also her convenient way to piss off my dad, dealing with my dad being an abusive ass who only backed off when he realized I was stronger AND in righteous fury over him, and. Fuck man. I'm maddened thinking on it.

I think on my solo days post-navy when I adopted my wonderful cat and I vowed to do everything for her. Even for sake of her stability going back home to give her a good one, since the one good thing my family does is loving pets unconditionally but it was at the cost of my own life again. And it's funny because when she came to me at death's door when I'm considering goddamn killing myself, I had to think on who I was as a person and I need to remember I DID change, for the better, and stopped trying to "think of others" but for MYSELF and who mattered to ME and suddenly for sake of making sure I could provide for her... I was having a job for the time since getting out of the navy, made a social network of neighbors and acquaintances around the city, actually exploring it and finding things to do and haunts I liked, and...going back home, even if it was for her sake when my job went bust, went back into the role of that family toy and peacekeeper and. Ugh.

The only time in my life I ever lived for myself without being beholden to anything was those couple years, maybe even in today's shit economy I need to throw caution to the wind. And I hate sounding like that because for all their extreme flaws mom and dad do genuinely love me in a way I know most parents don't and I'm lucky in that regard, but having to be the comforting one or peacekeeper and all that has wasted so much of my life, and I think deep down even with the stroke and their old age they know I have every right to live life and have to deal with me willing to say it out loud. Part of my issue was knowing in younger times they would both flip the hell out when I couldn't keep the calm facade up and both sides of the family had disgust for them having me be the adult in the room to their immaturity in that sense, but with everything changed I can't waste my life anymore being the mature one to them.

------

In turn from all that I can barely handle the social and especially internet's culture right now. I can't handle all the political sperging. I can't handle all the gender wars crap, it feels like it's lashing out at me every which way on the Farms. Even trying to just find media I enjoy or the latest episode of (X) is bringing forth endless misery bitching or culture wars crap and I can't handle it. But going back to the beginning part of my spergout, trying to find stuff in this area to distract myself with is hard, very hard, and it's too miserably cold and bitter to do much of anything outside when being cooped up is the worst for me. It's like, hell. Maybe it's time to go find somewhere livable for me and see what happens. I just hate the voice in the back of my head reminding me mom could croak at any time at this rate and I don't want to not be there when it happens, or that I'll be far away from my cat and family pets and visiting will become a luxury. It's like feeling like I'm in a shitty timeline and KNOWING there's a much better one out there, the one that SHOULD'VE been, and I hate how life turned out. I hate being almost totally devoid of people outside family and relatives. I hate feeling unstable and unconfident in holding work even when I THINK I'm finally making it. Just. Christ. I just want to feel relaxed right now if nothing else. I think I'm going to put in some extra time at the shelter since helping cats always make me feel like myself.

I just hope to God I can turn my life around before it's too late.

 

[✨Tard-Star✨]

Played d&d with friends, it's finally fun for me again.
It does wonders when you play with the right people.

I started my meal prep for thanksgiving, the turkey is thawed out and currently dry brining in my fridge with a sugar salt mixture rubbed all over it.

I also found the missing components to my food processor, and my missing hand mixer.
That was pretty awesome

 

[Betonhaus]

Generally i don't expect to find a job until January or shortly after, as most companies hold on hiring during the winter months. I think next year should be a lot better, but we still have to get through this year.

 

[Cemetery Support]

(yt)(a)

I'm down to two a day.

 

[Lukie]

I'm down to two a day.

Great job! I've been smoke free for 9 weeks now using nicotine pouches.

What finally put me over the edge was cleaning out a relatives house who was a heavy smoker all their life. I was washing down the walls which started bleeding nicotine and tar that got all over me and I overdosed and stank!

 

[UKPatriot]

Overall, not too bad, it's a nice and sunny day outside and I'm enjoying an afternoon off.

A bit concerned (as I mentioned in a post) about potential false flag psyop attacks in the UK, but ultimately not much I can do about it.

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

just hope to God I can turn my life around before it's too late.

Unsolicited recommendation- an openly Christian workplace. I know I have made this recommendation probably a couple times, but working in a Christian food bank (NOT a soup kitchen- a giant warehouse distribution situation full of semis and pallet jacks) was probably the best job I've had. If you enjoy what you get out of volunteering, there are lots of jobs that simply cannot be given to volunteers because of the liability or responsibilities involved.

I also worked for a seasonal festival place that was family-run and the family was religious/built Bible-based learnings into all of the activities and modeled themselves after Chik-fil-a. I was dealing with a lot of family issues and the woman who signs my checks actually prayed with me about it. They had their family dogs running around and all the employees were treated well with lots of surprise treats (pizzas, cookies, homegrown tomatoes) and bonuses, and all the management was so salt-of-the-earth, even if the work was hard at times and the pay was pretty shit, it was a great job.

Besides family or roommates, most people get most of their social interaction from work. We can't really control our family situations, so when it's very troubling, I think it's extremely important to have a job that "builds you up" and to be around people and an environment that puts you in a healthy mood.
An org like the Salvation Army would bend over backwards to hire a vet to work in one of their food banks, and most Christian orgs in general are going to give points in an application towards someone with military service. Even if you only do it part-time while you continue to job-hunt in your actual field, especially if you're trained as like, an engineer or something that pays much higher, working at charitable places like this is often also a networking thing. Lots of big local employers tend to volunteer in groups- I met several job leads this way. And no one is going to look down on someone working at the food bank on their resume.

---

My family member comes and says, "Those cookies were okay, but they aren't very sweet- are you going to ice them?"
No, I'm not going to ice them, because those are applesauce dog treats. They also have melatonin in them but it's such a small amount for a human I said nothing, because he would have freaked out about "having been drugged."

 

[DenseDeerFather]

Erhm mixed.

Was feeling okay up until an hour ago.

Spoiler: PL ramblings

Had a phonecall with foster brother and it was pleasant on the outside but I'm sat with the feeling of being a burden who invaded his life. The feeling has gotten kind of worse since I cut contact with my foster parents.

Now objectively, this is just my mental illness acting up. The man has a wife, three kids, a dog, just bought a house that needs renovations, he works a full-time job, wife works a full-time job, kids do sports and girl/boy scouting in their passtime. By his own admission, he's busy as fuck.

It's very easy to forget a certain deer.

On the irrational side, I get a horrible dose of anxiety whenever I call him. That and an awful sense of guilt like I'm invading his life by the very act of letting my existence known. I feel a bit like I'm supposed to fade out of everyone's life because I stood up to the matriarch, beloved by all. How dare I protect myself. There comes a time when she and her husband die and then I could be like "Hey, remember me?" but somehow that just feels wrong. Like I'm some kind of vulture that waited for some old boomers to die.

Childishly, there probably was a part of me that hoped he'd invite me over for Christmas. I spend it alone which is fine all things considered. I don't like Chrimast very much so it's basically just a lazy Sunday for me but with Chrimsat cookies and candied almonds. But idk, I guess I just wanted to feel that I was wanted and not an afterthought but at the same time, I feel as if I deserve that and worse.

Goddamn, I wish interpersonal relationships weren't such a mental nightmare to navigate. Full disclosure, I am bit of a lone wolf. I socialize and engage with people and can hold a conversation and have lots of acquaintances but I don't have traditional close friends and I spend most of my time alone. In a sense, I feel secure in that because people don't get too close and I don't get shackled with the feeling of being a needy burden. I do feel very off if I haven't had a conversation with someone after a few days so I'm not completely broken.

But all my connections are kept at a safe distance because I panic if anyone comes too close. Blame it on people who didn't actually take it seriously and just steamrolled me.

Ugh, humans are so tiresome. I need to move so I can get a cat.

Oh and the snow melted so the snowman army died in less than two days.

Edit: Actually this stupid mess has sent me spiraling in a way I don't appreciate. Curse me for being okay mentally over the weekend. Am considering if I should ask my therapist for CBT (no, not that CBT) so I can stop going to my worst mental distortions on auto-pilot, then spend half a week trying to get over it.

So weird that interactions with close ones make me miserable, but talking with acquaintances, even of the difficult things, makes me feel better.

Shit, I feel even better just powerleveling here because then I can get it out of my system and forget about it after a while.

 

[56 others]

I might have fucking skin cancer and I have to wait several months for a fucking appointment with *just* a GP.

I am not Canadian. I am a fucking United States Citizen.

I hope orange Cheeto Hitler deports every last fucking illegal.

my coworker has a thyroid cancer that you can see growing through his skin and the fucking docs keep dicking him around.

my work partner today is sick and if I get sick and miss thanksgiving im gonna be fucking pissed

 

[Ndnd]

I'm super bummed

I've been feeding this kitty for the past couple of weeks, after she started hanging out on my front porch. Finally managed to trap her last night and take her to the vet this morning. Turns out she ended up having multiple cancerous tumours and internal bleeding, so they had to put her down. RIP little one.