How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

At the risk of not going too much into personal details, last day and a half has been pretty disappointing for me. Both parents have unfortunately had health issues that now has one of them currently in the hospital, and plus most of my day has been scrapped for taking care of them.

It’s not a problem for me, but things were almost on the verge of going bad to worse, and the cold weather is also not helping the case too much.
 
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I have a job where on shift I'm with just one other co-worker, and I only see him two days out of the week, and we're close; we didn't used to be - we had our crucible and we gained each other's respect from thereon out. This entire week he hasn't been to work, and his shifts with me were split up with my dipshit shift lead, and the other was split between the mid & morning shifts. My shift lead is a certified sperg that has to interject his opinion on the topic, or add the flim-flam fat to a perfectly good steak of a conversation, then he'll stare at you for approval when you don't respond. I don't ever work with the other shifts, so there's no telling what their personalities are like & or how they'll handle the duties or respond to incidents. It's just rubbed me wrong this week. The reason why he wasn't at work, though, is because his father passed away.

Had a small claims case that I paid off well over 10 grand four months ago, and the opposing council still filed an asset hearing summons & a garnishment affidavit when there was no need to. I had to call that faggot & explain that we spoke four months ago and I paid this in full, and I even called him after I concluded business with my bank and his accountant. He calls me back and explains the accountant misspelled my name - which has been a common occurrence all throughout my life. Just dumb shit over a clerical error.

I've had other wrenches this week I had to work out, but I would rather go through these discomforts than go through my parents dying again. Overall I'm doing okay, I can live with a bad week so my friend can grieve in peace, away from work.
 
Not great. Here's some power levels.

I haven't had a full night's sleep since 1995. I haven't killed, raped, or touched anyone. Everynight I have night terrors (where I'm thrashing or literally moaning in my sleep so much so it wakes me up). The only thing, as of recently, that's saved me has been my idiot stray cat who wakes me up during nightmares, but it has to be a chore for her (you can see her pictures in the "Dox Your Cats" thread. This has come to a head where I haven't been able to fall "properly" asleep for about two weeks. I'm fukken burnt.

Wish me luck tonight, kiwis.
 
If I suddenly stop posting just know I died from an infected tooth. Please don't laugh too hard.
Decided to let it go through the weekend. My regular dentist got me in this afternoon and was like, "Yeah, that needs to come out immediately" and got me in to the oral surgeon's office as an emergency patient. He drained the abscess and pulled the tooth with just a couple shots of Novocain. Very little pain because of the root canal I had in the area.

I live to shitpost another day.
 
Going to go ahead and give out the "bad news" first; my current job contract is running out soon, so that means I'll be looking for more jobs soon enough. I would prefer not to have another retail position, but that might be all I can find, assuming I'm not hired full time at the job I have currently. Doesn't help that my boss is... a little difficult to work with, and that the holidays are driving me a bit up the wall.

Now, for the VERY good news:

Past few days have been interesting; finally got to go on that trip that's been literally a decade in the making, and without going into TMI territory, it was very much worth it. For whatever reason, the trip seems to have had some very positive effects on my health, even though it wasn't nearly as long as it was originally supposed to be. Got in a nice chunk of exercise, and I also got a lot of fun things while I was there; to say nothing of having some much-needed quality time with my family.

On a related note, said trip allowed me to make some MAJOR progress in my writing; got a character concept more-or-less nailed down, and while it's a bit similar to another idea a guy in my group had, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to do something fun with this one. Right now, my only issue is figuring out the associated story; I was kinda going for an urban fantasy plot that's dark enough to touch upon some heavy topics, but light enough to where engaging in some genuinely goofy shit won't be OOC.

I keep getting ideas about making a bunch of plots based on old WW2 battles and such - albeit taking place in a modern/fantasy setting - but at the same time the extremely goofy and sometimes bizarre shit that the plot will detail makes it feel... disrespectful, somehow. Anyone got advice?
 
I tripped on personal problems I needed to be getting through for the last ten years but I wasn't. Now I feel like I either get through these despite my frustrations or endure them, come to terms with them delaying these problems for the next ten years which will certainly make me grumpier, more somber, unsatisfied with life and less of a decent man I should be.
 
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I went over yesterday and she's doing much worse. She hardly reacts to anyone. Just a pitiful tail wag and then she goes back to sleep. Even earlier this week she still ran up to me, but this time she stayed asleep. I laid down next to her and her shaking and breathing was worse than it had been. They took her into the vet on Friday to start the first round of treatments, but it looks like they aren't going to work. My dad is going to be devastated. Their home will be a lot emptier without her. I couldn't help but tear up knowing that she's gone even if she's still physically here.
Last update. She hasn't eaten in almost a week. She's become very weak and isn't aware of her surroundings most of the time. My parents have decided to put her down today. I was able to work in my parents' house today and I spent time sitting with her on the deck. She wagged her tail a bit, but otherwise just sat staring into space shaking pretty violently. I couldn't help but cry. She was one of the best dogs I ever knew. It's hard to believe she's gone. Her health deteriorated so quick, so fast. I ended up making a wooden ornament in her likeness for my dad. He appreciated it.
 
Last month I felt optimistic. Now I just feel like nothing really matters. No matter what I do it fails. Tried losing weight and completely collapsed. Failure, loser, not even worth it because what's the point anyway I'm gonna die someday. Work is just the same shit. Being treated like some autistic charity case who's work is meaningless. I go to work then come back to my condo where I sit at the computer doing nothing until I pass out, probably eating slop garbage like pizza and smoking weed to cope.

Anytime I've tried to do anything it's overshadowed by someone or something else. I've never been better than my sister or my cousin's or any of the "friends" I used to have. Always a nobody who was pitied, kept in line. So what's the fucking point. Rate me whatever I know this post is bitch made.
 
Wife and I were supposed to go on holiday, ran into visa complications on the way out. Couldn't go. Too late to reclaim/cancel, lost out on everything.

We're bummed out, but the feeling is... deeper and more disappointing. We've been out for dinner and some shopping since, but it's a shitty feeling knowing that some arbitrary and unknowable rules (in retrospect) fucked us up like that.

In other news, we're to spend the week driving around visiting family. It should be a nice week to drop in on some of the old folks and catch up.

Spend time with your families fellow kiwis, unless they're abusive niggers.
 
Just spent about 30 hours driving over the course of like 5 days. Surprisingly feel pretty good. Chugged way too much coffee and pre workout on the first part of the drive and when I laid down finally I felt like I was about to fall off the edge of the world and so insanely anxious.
Feeling pretty happy and good about life but also burned out. I want to go live in a fallout shelter without my phone or any human contact for 6 months.
 
My oldest cat was put down today at 9:20. She was 18-19 years old (not entirely sure) and was born from an outside cat. She had developed arthritis and up until this year was doing OKAY, then she went downhill fast. Went from around 10 pounds down to 4 pounds 10 oz, developed breathing issues and was refusing to eat anything, needing to be fed with a syringe.
She was the sassiest diva in my life, and my oldest friend. I'm a fucking wreck.
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