- Joined
- Apr 9, 2019
Great. Really fucking great. I mean that's only because I just got hit with 4mg of Morphine, but I can't feel my back, or anything, so for once I'm great.
How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check
- Thread starter Milk Mage
- Start date
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🔧 At about Midnight EST I am going to completely fuck up the site trying to fix something.
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2021
Love me some morphine!
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2017
Feels like I spend half my day justifying to myself why I don't remove people that continuously both ignore and piss me off, but I've already reaped a large amount of them and had no one to replace them, so I'd only further isolate myself, but alas I'd be less bothered by strangers who quite literally need both baiting, stimulation and justification just to warrant a reply.
Feels like all I do is work but I don't do shit when I'm home so it's hard to complain. I don't even carry my phone at work and I got no messages when I'm finally done, so not much lost there either. I'm no nutty anti-tech Teddy type character but I'm growing so tired of everything. Youtube? AI and porn. Twitter? Dead. 4chan? Ragebait and porn. The fucking radio? Ads.
Feels like all I do is work but I don't do shit when I'm home so it's hard to complain. I don't even carry my phone at work and I got no messages when I'm finally done, so not much lost there either. I'm no nutty anti-tech Teddy type character but I'm growing so tired of everything. Youtube? AI and porn. Twitter? Dead. 4chan? Ragebait and porn. The fucking radio? Ads.
(((I am NOT a jew)))
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
I feel this on a painful level.
I desperately wish the world could go back to some form of normal. I do think it will happen at some point and I already kind of see it happening in small bits but by now I don't even think I'll be able to trust people all that much after seeing everyone go off the handle. Some times in history really do show you how fickle most people are.
Leading into this...
I put off leaving my town forever because I made one really amazing friend here. I hate almost everything else around me and I do want to progress in life. But I'm not going to lie it's going to hurt like a bitch leaving him behind. We both just talk a lot about missing the past and how different things felt not too long ago. It's weird to meet people who see things exactly the same in this upside down, monochrome world anymore.
I want to go off into the world but part of me wonders if what I'm looking for even exists. Sure things might be better in certain respects in other locations, but I just miss a time that felt less sterilized and gay. It's a wild world out there and I don't know if I'll meet anyone like him for a while.
It sucks when you have a friend you legitimately love in almost-gay-but-not sort of way.
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2022
I don't know if we will ever see or feel normal again.
Everything is so beige and meaningless now because we have lost all connection to our past. Everyone has forgotten what morals are, they exist only to serve themselves and to lay in the toxic slop as if it's a divine font of holy water that provides all that they need in life. To make matters worse everything around us that we are told exists is actually just an obvious cardboard cutout.
The creative hobbiest areas of the internet, games, videos etc, will never come back. It's all endless scroller ugly meaningless bullshit that hopes to take your time and energy and can never hope to be authentic.
If only our own people could see this but instead they shuffle around without noticing the prison they are in. And of course, half of the people we pass not of our blood but from places halfway across the world who have nothing in common with us.
How can anyone be happy in this cursed time? I hate every second of it. How do we get out
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- Joined
- Jan 19, 2022
I've been having a lot of nightmares recently. Usually my dreams are very abstract or fucked up but wholly unrealistic so therefore my worst dreams are the realistic ones. I've been having a lot of dreams about my foster parents being shits and I woke up from a dream about my schizo neighbor trying to extort me for 2k not dollars under threats of violence and endless harassment.
Didn't even trust the daylight at first because I was terrified it was neighbor looking through my windows with a flashlight.
Also my head fucking hurts as it always does after bad dreams.
Didn't even trust the daylight at first because I was terrified it was neighbor looking through my windows with a flashlight.
Also my head fucking hurts as it always does after bad dreams.
(((I am NOT a jew)))
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
Even though I've distinctly disagreed with you in the past, I understand where you're coming from.
Honestly i just keep myself distracted with stuff from the past. It's not healthy, but it helps sometimes.
I'm happy to live in a time when my favorite films are being released looking better than they ever have, even if almost everything else is shit.
My best advice is have some hope. Remember it didn't take too long for us to get here, it might not take that long for us to get out. You won't know if you give up. I've seen a lot of things I thought were impossible happen very recently. I talk to more and more people everyday that are tired of the bullshit. Not just weird guys like me. Just legitimately normal people don't like this shit. People are embracing the past more. People aren't exactly a fan of this world. I'd say you have to remind yourself your people are out there. They might not be in your direct contact, but there's a lot of them.
Stop looking at the noise online and try to enjoy something if only for a bit.
It's rough out there but you gotta have hope.
I remember a time before this so I can imagine a time after this.
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2017
Edited that part out and uploaded it again - got stricken for "sexualizing minors". IN A FUCKING DOCUMENTARY CONDEMNING A DECADE LONG ACTIVITY OF UNPUNISHED PEDO GROOMER. For 1.5 years it was fine and suddenly I was a villain all along, not a degenerate who told a 14 yo to moan into a mic while he humped a corner of a mattress. Good job! That will totally keep children safe!
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2022
Oh yeah, watched our song contest for Eurovision last night. I liked two songs out of eight and neither won.
A Europop song that sounds like a budget version of Swedens 2012 win did, sung by this lady.
I didn't have any booze with me but when we get to the semi finals, I'll be drunk outta my mind to endure the cringe.
Maybe that's why I had nightmares.
A Europop song that sounds like a budget version of Swedens 2012 win did, sung by this lady.
I didn't have any booze with me but when we get to the semi finals, I'll be drunk outta my mind to endure the cringe.
Maybe that's why I had nightmares.
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- Joined
- Feb 3, 2024
I think I'm becoming non verbal again. I haven't been this way since I was a small (stalker) child. I haven't spoke a single sentence to another human being in a week or so.
Nobody I know online responds to anything I say, I believe they have "grown up" and now have relationships and families and other things I'll never quite enjoy.
My thoughts grow darker, and I'm genuinely believing I cannot stop them. I cannot say how I truly feel with the people I know because I know for a fact they'll cry crocodile tears and find ways to hurt me with this vulnerability. The clock is ticking and I am stuck due to my inability to just be "human".
Some people are meant to observe life, never quite experience it themselves. Everyone I know IRL (about 2 people excluding my parents) is dating, moved out, working full time or almost complete with college. I have none of that, sure I have a bunch of knowledge with various things... But it's absolutely worthless given my inability to connect with other humans. I might as well be an invalid like my relative.
I already am dead. I haven't pulled the trigger yet and it just isn't written on paper.
Nobody I know online responds to anything I say, I believe they have "grown up" and now have relationships and families and other things I'll never quite enjoy.
My thoughts grow darker, and I'm genuinely believing I cannot stop them. I cannot say how I truly feel with the people I know because I know for a fact they'll cry crocodile tears and find ways to hurt me with this vulnerability. The clock is ticking and I am stuck due to my inability to just be "human".
Some people are meant to observe life, never quite experience it themselves. Everyone I know IRL (about 2 people excluding my parents) is dating, moved out, working full time or almost complete with college. I have none of that, sure I have a bunch of knowledge with various things... But it's absolutely worthless given my inability to connect with other humans. I might as well be an invalid like my relative.
I already am dead. I haven't pulled the trigger yet and it just isn't written on paper.
- Joined
- May 14, 2019
I feel defeated. I went on the academic job market this year. It's not a good year for it anyways, but I had a fuckup in my application process that I didn't catch until I had already sent applications out to dozens of positions. I don't remember the actual number, but it was like 30, or 60, or something in that range. Most positions.
The problem goes something like this. Professor Fuckwit is my advisor and Professor Hardass is basically our job guru. There's no formal procedure tied to it, not required to go through this as such, but Hardass checks everyone's work and okays it, and he has a very rigid procedure he insists on. He has to hear, from our advisor and not from ourselves, that we're ready. Then he approves it himself and sends that on to the secretary, who has to hear approval from Hardass before she'll provide administrative services like sending sealed letters of recommendation on our behalf to departments. There is a specific flow of information that is required (Fuckwit --> Hardass --> Secretary).
The thing is, Fuckwit can't be bothered to do this. I don't know why the hell that is (damnable laziness, some gay feud with Hardass, who knows), but when you ask him he just blows it off. He (Fuckwit is actually a composite character of two people) is perfectly fine with me going on the market, outright encourages me to give Hardass the runaround. Big thing is that he gives me (and another rule of this place: Hardass tells you to do what your advisor says) his blessing but won't do the one minute of work necessary to clear me through the proper channel.
So the problem is that I accidentally send a VERY old rough draft of a dissertation chapter in my applications. This is 100% my fault. I swear I checked it before I ever put an application out, but what it comes down to is that I just didn't check it correctly. I checked it, but I didn't skim over the whole thing, didn't realize I was looking at my old version. After I check it once, I don't check it again ever (because I'm pulling from the same folder I keep all of my application materials in).
How do I find this out? Because eventually I get to a position where a university requests the letters, and I HAVE to go through the secretary, and I go back and explain to Fuckwit that I HAVE TO HAVE THE EMAIL TO HARDASS. So he finally does it, Hardass looks at this thing that Fuckwit doesn't seem to have looked at ever (it was a third year paper for him, but I don't recall actually getting feedback on it at any point), and IMMEDIATELY tells that it's off.
I correct the problem as quickly as possible in that I build, within an hour, a mass email list and send out my apologies and correction and the up-to-date version for their consideration. Many do reply back with thanks, but the damage is done, you know? You already showed you're a dipshit and that's going to color it even if they do read it, or they may read it more intensely. So while I wouldn't say every one of those applications is burned (and it takes an average of about 100 applications, in a market with less than 200 positions, to average a job offer), they more or less are.
In the end, I get two interviews and one flyout. In academia, the job search goes like this. You have applications. In my specific field, 1-in-10 becomes an online Zoom interview on average. 1-in-3 of those becomes a flyout (a reimbursed campus visit with in-person interviews, teaching demos, stuff like that) on average. 1-in-3 flyouts becomes a job offer on average. The way job offers work is that they build a ranking of their candidates (if you have a flyout and didn't stick your cock in your mouth they'd be willing to hire you, it's just that they have multiple possibilities). They then proceed down the ranking: make an offer, set a deadline to accept. If it is rejected, proceed to the next candidate. It's strategic, because they know that if they offer to high-power candidates that likely have better prospects, they may end up losing, say, their second best because the second best takes another offer while the search committee is waiting for an answer from their first best that is unlikely to accept in the first place.
What I get is two interviews, one of which proceeds to a flyout.
Meanwhile, in a meeting with Fuckwit I raise the possibility of him looking at my application materials (like teaching statements and what not) for feedback, but he blows me off, so I'm basically running blind, ignorant, you know? So there's issues like me not realizing until after the first interview that my teaching statement is probably very misguided. Stuff where how I'm marketing myself makes sense, but in that there's a logic to it, but I'm fairly certain ONLY AFTER REFLECTION that it wasn't working.
Finally I have that flyout, an expensive boondoggle that I'm still waiting for reimbursement from and that ultimately burns half a work week. A day after it I'm rejected for the position. It was a terrible, shitty position at a terrible, shitty university anyhow (wanted to spit on the deans in the interview), but this late in the cycle I'm doubtful I'll get any other interviews.
At that point, I give up all hope. I'm deeply frustrated and angry at Fuckwit; as I reevaluate my past with him, I start to realize that he was always useless. I liked him a lot as a person - we would occasionally have long social conversations in his office, he's like-minded, stuff like that - but he ran a terrible workshop, ran a terrible class (from an actually-learning-things standpoint, he'd get off on these long rambles, literally did that once about Civil War prison attrition rates) and invested minimal time in me. I always put the blame on myself for not working harder and earning his confidence back (the reason I was working with this guy is because he had a reputation for being the dude that would tell you what to do if you have no individual drive), but at this point I have realized that there was never the proper/necessary direction in the first place. This was always going to be a mess. And when we have (before the flyout) a meeting about the general state of things, he comes across with these weird mixed signals like he's trying to both chastise me for my rightful part in the fuckup and also take some responsibility for his part, but neither comes across clearly. He mentions Hardass tearing him a new asshole about it, but if the goal is to chastise me then he fucked up royally in admitting that Hardass also thinks he's failed. If he's trying to do a mea culpa, he doesn't have the gumption to just come out and do it. I walk away from the meeting feeling vindicated but he's just burned his reputation with me to the ground.
So at this point, it seems like it's just a lost cause. I want to walk out of there, on the spot, ideally dressing him down. But the thing is, there COULD still be an interview that comes along, and if I don't have the degree I can't take that offer. This is the only thing I know to do and that I know I am happy doing. I don't think it's the only kind of work that can make me happy, but I don't know what else would. The only reason I ever went into this field was to teach, and the very thing I hate about this job, that is the reason I stagnated so badly after a spectacular early performance, is the research, but that's what you're doing if you're not in academia. It's all statistics, academia just has statistics AND teaching. I didn't maintain or build my empirical skills while here. I'm not really any more suited to do work as a data analyst than if I had stayed home the past five years. But it's all burning down around me. And I know from experience that the prospect of being a factory worker (really easy to get a job doing that) is very, very bleak. It's dehumanizing, heartbreaking work to sacrifice over half of your waking day to stand over a piece of machinery and bolt things together over and over again. What I liked in teaching was that I had a job where I could get paid to do the same thing I would do on here: ramble autistically about stuff I care about to a captive audience, plus the creative expression that goes into planning out a class and the aspect of showmanship I brought into it.
Sacrificed 10 years of my life, my happiness for five years, my physical health in the form of disordered eating and new addictions, and a free state college education on a career that is burning down. Burning down largely through choices I made and my own mistakes, but also in no small part due to mismanagement here, and a good chunk of this, arguably, is Fuckwit's refusal to take a few minutes out of his day to do his job.
So I've started eating twice as much, sleeping 12-14 hours and playing video games the rest of the time again and panic attacks have returned to my life.
The only consolation is that I've accepted that I get to leave if I want to any time that I want to. It is easy for a person to become trapped by their limited perspective. This is why those valedictorian types kill themselves, boohoo I didn't get into Harvard, only into Duke. Their whole mental world has been condensed down to one challenge to overcome and if that defeats them their reason for existence goes up in smoke. That kind of thing. It doesn't help when people in your life encourage that. My mother, for example, reacts to any mention of preparing alternative careers with hysteria. I've come to realize that I have to stop talking to my parents about basically anything of importance, because they really aren't helpful and their only priority is the narrow range of wellbeing where somebody is outwardly happy and employed, even if they're dying inside. It's liberating to understand - compared to times in the past when I have felt very trapped and desperate - that the world isn't going to end. I have an immediate problem to solve (employment) and an intermediate problem to solve (employment that feels meaningful), but there is still time in life.
Two things I think I can do are see if my friend (who quit) has any ability to help swing me a job in data analysis, understanding that I may hate it and be underdeveloped at it but very much have the potential. Or go to the local technical college and get a trade ASAP, because even though I have never been a handy person, that can be learned, and if it comes down to it it's better to be a craftsmen with something mentally stimulating than to be a poor factory drone and want to kill myself every day.
The problem goes something like this. Professor Fuckwit is my advisor and Professor Hardass is basically our job guru. There's no formal procedure tied to it, not required to go through this as such, but Hardass checks everyone's work and okays it, and he has a very rigid procedure he insists on. He has to hear, from our advisor and not from ourselves, that we're ready. Then he approves it himself and sends that on to the secretary, who has to hear approval from Hardass before she'll provide administrative services like sending sealed letters of recommendation on our behalf to departments. There is a specific flow of information that is required (Fuckwit --> Hardass --> Secretary).
The thing is, Fuckwit can't be bothered to do this. I don't know why the hell that is (damnable laziness, some gay feud with Hardass, who knows), but when you ask him he just blows it off. He (Fuckwit is actually a composite character of two people) is perfectly fine with me going on the market, outright encourages me to give Hardass the runaround. Big thing is that he gives me (and another rule of this place: Hardass tells you to do what your advisor says) his blessing but won't do the one minute of work necessary to clear me through the proper channel.
So the problem is that I accidentally send a VERY old rough draft of a dissertation chapter in my applications. This is 100% my fault. I swear I checked it before I ever put an application out, but what it comes down to is that I just didn't check it correctly. I checked it, but I didn't skim over the whole thing, didn't realize I was looking at my old version. After I check it once, I don't check it again ever (because I'm pulling from the same folder I keep all of my application materials in).
How do I find this out? Because eventually I get to a position where a university requests the letters, and I HAVE to go through the secretary, and I go back and explain to Fuckwit that I HAVE TO HAVE THE EMAIL TO HARDASS. So he finally does it, Hardass looks at this thing that Fuckwit doesn't seem to have looked at ever (it was a third year paper for him, but I don't recall actually getting feedback on it at any point), and IMMEDIATELY tells that it's off.
I correct the problem as quickly as possible in that I build, within an hour, a mass email list and send out my apologies and correction and the up-to-date version for their consideration. Many do reply back with thanks, but the damage is done, you know? You already showed you're a dipshit and that's going to color it even if they do read it, or they may read it more intensely. So while I wouldn't say every one of those applications is burned (and it takes an average of about 100 applications, in a market with less than 200 positions, to average a job offer), they more or less are.
In the end, I get two interviews and one flyout. In academia, the job search goes like this. You have applications. In my specific field, 1-in-10 becomes an online Zoom interview on average. 1-in-3 of those becomes a flyout (a reimbursed campus visit with in-person interviews, teaching demos, stuff like that) on average. 1-in-3 flyouts becomes a job offer on average. The way job offers work is that they build a ranking of their candidates (if you have a flyout and didn't stick your cock in your mouth they'd be willing to hire you, it's just that they have multiple possibilities). They then proceed down the ranking: make an offer, set a deadline to accept. If it is rejected, proceed to the next candidate. It's strategic, because they know that if they offer to high-power candidates that likely have better prospects, they may end up losing, say, their second best because the second best takes another offer while the search committee is waiting for an answer from their first best that is unlikely to accept in the first place.
What I get is two interviews, one of which proceeds to a flyout.
Meanwhile, in a meeting with Fuckwit I raise the possibility of him looking at my application materials (like teaching statements and what not) for feedback, but he blows me off, so I'm basically running blind, ignorant, you know? So there's issues like me not realizing until after the first interview that my teaching statement is probably very misguided. Stuff where how I'm marketing myself makes sense, but in that there's a logic to it, but I'm fairly certain ONLY AFTER REFLECTION that it wasn't working.
Finally I have that flyout, an expensive boondoggle that I'm still waiting for reimbursement from and that ultimately burns half a work week. A day after it I'm rejected for the position. It was a terrible, shitty position at a terrible, shitty university anyhow (wanted to spit on the deans in the interview), but this late in the cycle I'm doubtful I'll get any other interviews.
At that point, I give up all hope. I'm deeply frustrated and angry at Fuckwit; as I reevaluate my past with him, I start to realize that he was always useless. I liked him a lot as a person - we would occasionally have long social conversations in his office, he's like-minded, stuff like that - but he ran a terrible workshop, ran a terrible class (from an actually-learning-things standpoint, he'd get off on these long rambles, literally did that once about Civil War prison attrition rates) and invested minimal time in me. I always put the blame on myself for not working harder and earning his confidence back (the reason I was working with this guy is because he had a reputation for being the dude that would tell you what to do if you have no individual drive), but at this point I have realized that there was never the proper/necessary direction in the first place. This was always going to be a mess. And when we have (before the flyout) a meeting about the general state of things, he comes across with these weird mixed signals like he's trying to both chastise me for my rightful part in the fuckup and also take some responsibility for his part, but neither comes across clearly. He mentions Hardass tearing him a new asshole about it, but if the goal is to chastise me then he fucked up royally in admitting that Hardass also thinks he's failed. If he's trying to do a mea culpa, he doesn't have the gumption to just come out and do it. I walk away from the meeting feeling vindicated but he's just burned his reputation with me to the ground.
So at this point, it seems like it's just a lost cause. I want to walk out of there, on the spot, ideally dressing him down. But the thing is, there COULD still be an interview that comes along, and if I don't have the degree I can't take that offer. This is the only thing I know to do and that I know I am happy doing. I don't think it's the only kind of work that can make me happy, but I don't know what else would. The only reason I ever went into this field was to teach, and the very thing I hate about this job, that is the reason I stagnated so badly after a spectacular early performance, is the research, but that's what you're doing if you're not in academia. It's all statistics, academia just has statistics AND teaching. I didn't maintain or build my empirical skills while here. I'm not really any more suited to do work as a data analyst than if I had stayed home the past five years. But it's all burning down around me. And I know from experience that the prospect of being a factory worker (really easy to get a job doing that) is very, very bleak. It's dehumanizing, heartbreaking work to sacrifice over half of your waking day to stand over a piece of machinery and bolt things together over and over again. What I liked in teaching was that I had a job where I could get paid to do the same thing I would do on here: ramble autistically about stuff I care about to a captive audience, plus the creative expression that goes into planning out a class and the aspect of showmanship I brought into it.
Sacrificed 10 years of my life, my happiness for five years, my physical health in the form of disordered eating and new addictions, and a free state college education on a career that is burning down. Burning down largely through choices I made and my own mistakes, but also in no small part due to mismanagement here, and a good chunk of this, arguably, is Fuckwit's refusal to take a few minutes out of his day to do his job.
So I've started eating twice as much, sleeping 12-14 hours and playing video games the rest of the time again and panic attacks have returned to my life.
The only consolation is that I've accepted that I get to leave if I want to any time that I want to. It is easy for a person to become trapped by their limited perspective. This is why those valedictorian types kill themselves, boohoo I didn't get into Harvard, only into Duke. Their whole mental world has been condensed down to one challenge to overcome and if that defeats them their reason for existence goes up in smoke. That kind of thing. It doesn't help when people in your life encourage that. My mother, for example, reacts to any mention of preparing alternative careers with hysteria. I've come to realize that I have to stop talking to my parents about basically anything of importance, because they really aren't helpful and their only priority is the narrow range of wellbeing where somebody is outwardly happy and employed, even if they're dying inside. It's liberating to understand - compared to times in the past when I have felt very trapped and desperate - that the world isn't going to end. I have an immediate problem to solve (employment) and an intermediate problem to solve (employment that feels meaningful), but there is still time in life.
Two things I think I can do are see if my friend (who quit) has any ability to help swing me a job in data analysis, understanding that I may hate it and be underdeveloped at it but very much have the potential. Or go to the local technical college and get a trade ASAP, because even though I have never been a handy person, that can be learned, and if it comes down to it it's better to be a craftsmen with something mentally stimulating than to be a poor factory drone and want to kill myself every day.
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2022
So much has to happen before things can change for the better, there is just no way we will see the light in our lifetimes.
People ignore how much the environment can cause negative emotions and wave away the obviously increasing forlorn hopelessness that is creeping into all of our souls.
The day I can walk down my street and not run into an Indian, the day I can go on the internet and it isn't an ugly minimalist slop machine, the day that any good media is created, the day my people find the ability to have common sense again, the day I can escape the wage cage and have a chance to live, maybe then I'll find a moment of happiness.
From what I've seen they are censoring old movies and ruining the color grading.
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2024
(((I am NOT a jew)))
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
Please dear fucking god don't repeat this sentence in the thread every day for the next two weeks.
Perhaps that is a sign you should try to aim for something similar. If you feel you're just a failure while other people move, prove to yourself that you're not. Get a job. Even if it's small and dumb and isn't super respectable. Move out. Go places. Try things. In order for things to change you have to change them. My guy you say you can't connect with people but you haven't even tried in a while. You're not engaging in any of the paths to get to even try conversing better with people. Get out of the house and try to do small things. Join a club or something. Think about what your interests are and see if the other people into it are as socially awkward as you say you are. But you have to try to get out there instead of just admitting defeat before the fight.
No they're not. Maybe some shitty streaming services, but 4ks/blu rays rarely do.
Then I guess you're just gonna have to kill yourself.
Okay, don't do that but bro what is this shit. I get it. I really do. But I think you're also not even giving yourself a chance to try. You're so set in this idea because of all the noise that you're not even trying to improve your immediate life. Okay, so you see a pajeet on the street once a day. Honestly, does that really honestly have to ruin your day? If they're harassing you or shitting on your lawn, okay. But you don't have to have existential angst over seeing a brown person all the time.
It just seems like a pointless charade. If you hate the job you're at, apply for one you might like. If you hate the system, rebel from it. Drop out of it. Find a way to move to a better country/state/province.
I'm not saying the world isn't shit and can't bring you down but you have to find something other than despair to occupy your time. You have to engage with the world in some way that isn't through hatred. Or just don't engage. Whichever.
But it just seems like there's only one answer when you get to a point where you think the world is fucked and nothing you do matters or will make you happy and it's not a happy one. So don't fester in that, even if the world sometimes wants you to,
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2022
Had another lovely dream about a home invasion because a bunch of gangbangers decided my tiny ass apartment was a great place for their battlefield.
*Cue scene of a bunch of retards waving guns and pitbulls around, killing each other.
Someone brought a Rottweiler though and I was allowed to pet it.
*Cue scene of a bunch of retards waving guns and pitbulls around, killing each other.
Someone brought a Rottweiler though and I was allowed to pet it.
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2017
It's okay brother. While we're out here stressing over commas and disclosure, they already rejected you because you're not 9 years into your third PhD project. I wish I was kidding, but I've seen this issue arise in so many contexts from different people of bad to great careers. You'll think this one issue may be the root of all evil, only to realize you've simply been passed up in favor of cheaper pajeet labor or someone who was suggested by an existing employee. "Hey I know this guy-" is enough to put someone ahead of someone who wrote a thesis specifically about this field of knowledge.
Speaking of job woes: I've had this comment live rent free in my head for months. "You can't just keep applying for work and hope you eventually get a shot. If you're not getting interviews you're missing something". I got a master's degree, I'm applying for general data input tier jobs in the public sector already rampant with 50-year old mothers. I'm young(er), IT-savy and a man which is generally appreciated in those areas to deflate the all-female drama. But that's also exactly why I don't get interviewed: I'm not a carbon copy of whoever just quit the job.
So on a good day like today, the sun is up, spring is rolling in, I'm hopeful for my future, and I apply to jobs I find fitting. But 2 a week or less just doesn't feel like it'll get me anywhere. "Of course I have to find some entry assistance type job where I suck cock for minimum wage", then I realize I shouldn't stoop, especially cause I like my current gig, but who says I'll actually just find a new job like this? Working and applying? If I could just get a hint from the future saying "it'll pan out", I'd be calm and fine. I already am, but it feels like these applications are a waste of time. And I'm not pursuing an alternative. I am done studying. I'm ready to grind. Shit I'd love a little cubicle of my own where I pretend to work all day, but that alone is practically a pipedream yet also something you see described as the easy goal to achieve in just about any part of life, except my own I guess.
And money and job won't fix any of my issues. I just got a 70% rent cut this month cause of excess payment of power and water. What do I do with this money? Into savings. Continue to seethe cope and dilate about my life.
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2021
My cat is getting old. The last few weeks he's been moving more stiffly, sleeping more and foregoing the garden and anything but the tastiest food. The vet confirmed he's not sick, just old, and I think his time is coming.
I've never had a cat go from old age, such as it exists, as all our cats have been working cats and have to be put down or die naturally in the circle of life that is a farm cat's existence. They don't get old. But this furry bastard, he's special in every way I won't get into, and has house (and sleeping on the bed) privileges. For some reason, I feel utterly unprepared for his passing.
I've never had a cat go from old age, such as it exists, as all our cats have been working cats and have to be put down or die naturally in the circle of life that is a farm cat's existence. They don't get old. But this furry bastard, he's special in every way I won't get into, and has house (and sleeping on the bed) privileges. For some reason, I feel utterly unprepared for his passing.
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2024
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2024
Normies are actually better than they're chronically claimed to be. Normies are mostly nice people and I just don't see anything bad about being a normie.