How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Ratboy Genius]

Went to therapy today. We discussed a dominos pizza metaphor and a grocery bag metaphor and now i want pizza...

Spoiler: nice uplifting images (unrelated to previous sentences)

These go out to anybody like me who feels like a burden, pressures themselves to change, compares themselves to others, believes their worth is achievement based, beats themselves up, struggles with social anxiety, feels empty or lost in life, etc......

These may seem autistic or dumb but pics like these have been more or less life changing for me personally. I have a widget on my phone that shows a little slideshow of these things, so I have encouragement throughout the day. Helping me have more compassion for myself. It's like how people write a positive mantra on a sticky note and put it in their car or whatever. Just more visual, like a meme lol

 

[missnaptime]

irony of the hour: missnaptime has not, in fact, been napping. in fact, i havent been sleeping or eating at all properly, recently.

flight home from mrnaptime was hell. some fucking black baby screaming hell the entire way home as her mother did absolutely nothing to stop her. going back to long distance is a pain i don't wish on anyone. it feels like i've left part of my soul behind.

i know logically, that the time will pass either way. he's started a 9-5 full time now as opposed to his other work (i'm so proud of him); and he was worried he wouldnt be able to give me a lot of his time. this doesnt bother me much.

i'll take what i can get; its not like we're not going to talk or hang out, we're only one phone call away from one another, but i understood his anxiety. mainly, its the fear of the unknown: i'm at university, so i have a very flexible schedule, and he's at work now, so the massive change and the long wait to see one another is. something to adjust to.

i've been crying a lot, and missing him. and he's not doing well by what i can tell, his friends are worried about him. he's throwing himself into his work to distract himself, from what i know. with him, i don't really get much of a response other than 'chillin' or 'it'll be aight'; which tends to be mrnaptime-ese for 'fuck it, we ball, things suck right now.' when i called him when i touched down, he sounded dead inside. when i was on the phone to him yesterday, he was so quiet and just incredibly off. i'm trying to give him his space but also tell him i love and care and that i'm here for him. its a delicate balancing act; i don't want to come off too strong, and i dont want to be clingy. he deserves his own autonomy etc etc insert healthy basic relationship expectation here.

it takes a lot of mettle to make a ldr work, and i'm doing my best, and everyone says i'm doing awesome, but fuck me, these past 2 days or so have been nothing but exhausting, and i just dont even feel tired enough to sleep. eaten just now though, just some little tuna mayo sweet chili wraps w some salad thrown in (trust me, it actually tastes good);; and i may have a cup ramen in a bit if i'm still hungry. little wins!

 

[Uncle_Teds_Cabin25]

Went to my uncle's funeral today. He married my mothers sister in the 70's.
She flaked out, and he raised my three cousins as a single father.
He was a good man. I wish I'd seen him before he'd passed away.
Treasure your time with your loved ones.
The years run fast the older you get.

 

[Nick Obre]

The living nightmare extends its dark tendrils.

The allure of doom beckons.

 

[Lovely Kin]

Found a song that I didn't listen to for a long time. Felt nice to hear it again.

 

[Dysnomia]

I don't think I can take Sumatriptan for migraines anymore. It causes anxiety. I looked it up and some other people had the same problem. And since I'm currently having premenstrual symptoms as well I really don't want to take this stuff right now. But I'm gonna have to. I could try more Midol since it isn't much different from Excedrin Migraine save for the aspirin. But we don't have any aspirin around that I could add to it. The doctor I was seeing for migraines left the practice. I really liked her. I got a new doctor but I don't see him until August and this office is really hard to secure an appointment for.

It's just that my eye was twitching earlier and I saw blue lights. So I guess I better take the Sumatriptan this time.

 

[Mordecai "3 Finger" Brown]

I don't think I can take Sumatriptan for migraines anymore. It causes anxiety.

I've never heard of the triptan migraine drugs being linked to anxiety, but I guess anything is possible.

It's hard to prove if a side effect like anxiety is organically linked to a drug because its measurement and reporting is completely subjective.

There aren't really that great options for as-needed abortive therapy for migraines outside of the triptan class.

You might want to ask to try a different brand of triptan drug to see if it doesn't have the same side effect. It in theory could, but most of the similar drugs are all like Coke or Pepsi anyhow.

If you end up having to ditch the drug altogether, you could ask your new doc for a trial of Indomethacin if you wanted to go outside the box.

It's a NSAID like Midol or Excedrin, but only available by prescription. Mostly an anti-inflammatory used for gout.

There are some rare headache types that respond specifically well to Indomethacin for reasons unknown, though it isn't typically used for basic bitch migraines.

Not addictive. Downsides include probably amplified side effects of NSAIDs compared to the OTC stuff (bleeding, kidney injury, stomach ulcers, high blood pressure, cardiac risk, etc) for unproven superiority to the stuff you are already taking.

Also can't mix the prescription NSAIDs with the OTC stuff.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

feel like I just rapidly degenerate, becoming dumber and that feeling doesn't let me out from it's grasp. I don't know if that's the fact that every day is the same day or it's just years of negligence and low self-esteem, years of failings worth of good fucking luck that I seethe about again and every wrong decision made then and now

That's depression, my friend. Your brain is overwhelmed.

 

[Jason Wynn]

Doing damn good. My sister and I just closed a deal two days ago and are now the co-owners of a brand new two-story home. We move in by July. We can finally get the fuck out of the hellscape that is Portland, we have a place for my mom (who’s health is extremely poor) to live out her final days with minimal stress and worry. My sister is over the moon and it makes me happy seeing her this elated after so many years of us having to sacrifice. My two shithead brothers can’t be happy for us because they’re the sort who have a meltdown if anyone is perceived as having something “better” than they have, but their poor attitude can’t dampen the fact the hard work my sister and I have went through for most of our adult lives has now paid off. It’s been a great week so far!

 

[Crunkle]

And I think, better to minimize if not downright cease my activity on everywhere and completely turn my already shitty focus and attention on irl completely for now. That includes KF and my hobbies.

Yeah, sounds like you're depressed. Shutting down and disappearing from what you enjoy is one of the worst things to do in depression. Try some new things, sure, but to cut off completely is begging for a very fast spiral down into something worse. Things change when you're not observing them.

Keep your head above water, friend.

 

[Bruce LaLiLuLeLo]

For the first time in a long time things are looking up for me. I got into couple universities and I'm having a hard time choosing. I no longer have to struggle looking for a job for the forseeable future and am at a stable place. Even if I feel like I'm struggling, for the first time, I am relieved.

 

[Glory To Arztotska]

3.3 cowtegen, not great not terrible.

 

[Nick Obre]

Strange day.

Hung out with the nightmare made flesh, and she's a lot more chill and nice than I thought.
I mean, I'm being an asshole in writing here to entertain myself and hopefully you, but I knew her only superficially and all I had to go by was the sheer rush I got from just looking at her, and the warning sirens blaring inside my head.
This girl is really the whole package of what I like (and therefore my judgement is thoroughly compromised), but now that I got to know her a little better, I see she's also very down to Earth and genuinely one of the easiest people to talk to I've ever met. I straight out told her how stunned I am by her everything, and she took it with a lot of class and good nature, and admitted she's interested in me as well, though not as much as I on her. Plus she seems sharp as an arrow, and has a similar life situation to mine.

On the other hand, I also hung out with not-dream-woman, and things are moving. The more I get to know her, the more yes-dream-woman she gets. She doesn't drop my jaw on sight like nightmare does, but she's worming her way into my heart (and other body parts) at an alarming pace. I don't want to say much, but it's becoming a thing, and we're both losing sleep over each other.
And we aren't even fucking yet.

I feel like a right wanker for pursuing both women like this at the same time, but I've been transparent with them and they both know I'm talking to other people (nightmare is, too; maybe-dream isn't currently), and in both cases we're aware things may not work out, regardless of how promising they may feel now.

But if a line is crossed with either, I swear I'll do the right thing. I'm an asshole, but not a fucking asshole.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

The living nightmare extends its dark tendrils.

The allure of doom beckons.

Spoiler: Unrequested commentary

Note - I wrote the below before reading your last installment. But it’s still mostly applies so here you go-

Part of me wants to, in KF fashion, shit on you for probably wasting the time of a woman you described as “not your dream girl” but with a good heart, while sounding about as sincerely distressed as Willie Wonka (“No. Stop. Don’t.”) about your march toward your kryptonitic jezebel. But then I realize that the fucked-up-ness of it is one of the most normal-sounding young* [and/or foolish] dumb moves I’ve read on here in a long time, and there’s a charm to that.
*I have no idea if you’re young.


Just don’t use it or anything about it as an excuse to be sour and hateful after it all blows to bits (or sucks months or a year of your life, whichever!).

And by all means, enjoy the rush of the chaos and predicament. But for God’s sake don’t lead someone on you don’t respect or know you don’t have a sincere interest in. Minimum standard is to be at least kind.

*I have no idea if you’re young.

 

[Lukie]

Strange day.

Hung out with the nightmare made flesh, and she's a lot more chill and nice than I thought.
I mean, I'm being an asshole in writing here to entertain myself and hopefully you, but I knew her only superficially and all I had to go by was the sheer rush I got from just looking at her, and the warning sirens blaring inside my head.
This girl is really the whole package of what I like (and therefore my judgement is thoroughly compromised), but now that I got to know her a little better, I see she's also very down to Earth and genuinely one of the easiest people to talk to I've ever met. I straight out told her how stunned I am by her everything, and she took it with a lot of class and good nature, and admitted she's interested in me as well, though not as much as I on her. Plus she seems sharp as an arrow, and has a similar life situation to mine.

On the other hand, I also hung out with not-dream-woman, and things are moving. The more I get to know her, the more yes-dream-woman she gets. She doesn't drop my jaw on sight like nightmare does, but she's worming her way into my heart (and other body parts) at an alarming pace. I don't want to say much, but it's becoming a thing, and we're both losing sleep over each other.
And we aren't even fucking yet.

I feel like a right wanker for pursuing both women like this at the same time, but I've been transparent with them and they both know I'm talking to other people (nightmare is, too; maybe-dream isn't currently), and in both cases we're aware things may not work out, regardless of how promising they may feel now.

But if a line is crossed with either, I swear I'll do the right thing. I'm an asshole, but not a fucking asshole.

You sound like a nigger frankly. I hope it all blows up in your face.

 

[Nick Obre]

You sound like a nigger frankly. I hope it all blows up in your face.

Probably will

It's wömen, after all

Spoiler: Unrequested commentary

Note - I wrote the below before reading your last installment. But it’s still mostly applies so here you go-

Part of me wants to, in KF fashion, shit on you for probably wasting the time of a woman you described as “not your dream girl” but with a good heart, while sounding about as sincerely distressed as Willie Wonka (“No. Stop. Don’t.”) about your march toward your kryptonitic jezebel. But then I realize that the fucked-up-ness of it is one of the most normal-sounding young* [and/or foolish] dumb moves I’ve read on here in a long time, and there’s a charm to that.
*I have no idea if you’re young.


Just don’t use it or anything about it as an excuse to be sour and hateful after it all blows to bits (or sucks months or a year of your life, whichever!).

And by all means, enjoy the rush of the chaos and predicament. But for God’s sake don’t lead someone on you don’t respect or know you don’t have a sincere interest in. Minimum standard is to be at least kind.

*I have no idea if you’re young.

It's my opinion that if something is posted here, the commentary is officially requested, and I appreciate the honesty.

And no, you're right. Like I said in the later post, things with Maybe-Dream are getting pretty personal.
If anything, I'm wasting Nightmare's time. Which sure is still a dick thing to do, but I've been transparent about it with both.

I'm not young (foolish, though, I'll let you be the judge), and even though I post all this stuff and exaggerate for effect, I don't actually think there's even a choice, it's clear what my heart wants.

I'll say tho, now without hyperbole or trying to be funny, it is a bit unnerving opening up to someone again.

 

[Dizzyuntildeath]

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Probably will

It's wömen, after all


It's my opinion that if something is posted here, the commentary is officially requested, and I appreciate the honesty.

And no, you're right. Like I said in the later post, things with Maybe-Dream are getting pretty personal.
If anything, I'm wasting Nightmare's time. Which sure is still a dick thing to do, but I've been transparent about it with both.

Ok, but describing someone as “not my Dream Girl” is kind of shitty. Maybe it’s candid/realistic and fine and done for the purpose of constructing some foils in your dilemma, but just be aware of whether, if you go forward, you’re really in it, or whether you’ll always kind of think you “deserve” something different.

I'm not young (foolish, though, I'll let you be the judge), and even though I post all this stuff and exaggerate for effect, I don't actually think there's even a choice, it's clear what my heart wants.

If that’s the case, and it’s good, don’t screw it up .

I'll say tho, now without hyperbole or trying to be funny, it is a bit unnerving opening up to someone again.

I get that. Go at a thoughtful pace. Or not! But either way, enjoy. And don’t be a dick.

 

[Betonhaus]

I really need a nap. Not a good thing when working with heavy machinery.

 

[Nick Obre]

Ok, but describing someone as “not my Dream Girl” is kind of shitty.

I know it's a matter of my wording, but have you never had someone who's not exactly your type, but the more you get to know them, the fonder and more attracted you get to them? That's what I'm going for.